I wasn't too sure where this was supposed to go, and i figured this might be the best spot. I was on a friend of mine's weight loss "support" group on Facebook and after 4 months, i had to leave it. I was getting super annoyed with the few who were actually posting. It really wasn't much of a support group, All i had seen were people making excuses and crying and complaining about why they weren't losing any kind of weight. When I would post about updates there would be people who asked how i did it. I would explain that i was exercising and eating mostly clean with indulging once in a while. As these few months have gone by, it's been nothing but complaining and whining and it's driven me completely nuts !! I left a bit of a long message (though i don't know if that would have actually stayed) before i left the group, basically telling them why i was leaving. Thankfully i'm now less annoyed but omigod, these people better take "can't" out of their vocabulary or else they wont lose anything !!
*sigh* yes i've been part of groups like that as well....always one excuse after another....im still trying to find a balance between groups who whine/complain and groups whose fitness level is WAYYYY beyond what i can do...i always find the groups who say "i couldnt work out because ____" and the ones who say "today i ran 10 miles and tomorrow i plan to do it again"...no way can i do that much LOL
O.O I'm glad that I found this forum first...Wow...In the past if I'd been dieting, I'd keep it to myself because I was embarrassed of how fat I was, but if I encountered a group full of whiners, they probably would have convinced me to ruin everything...and if I'd found the over-achievers, I would feel pathetic and resentful and probably give up there too. I know that some people on this site DO do the 10 mile runs and such, but at least they're tactful enough to not brag about it.
Good on you for realizing that it was a negative influence on you and cutting ties before falling into the same habits.
the situations i've been in are reverse. instead of having friends who say they "can't", i've had some always trying to 1-up me in EVERYTHING. if i ran a mile, they HAD to run two. if i did 30 minutes of insanity, they HAD to do 60 minutes.
it went from the point of trying to encourage and support each other, to always trying to out-do each other, and i can't handle my weight loss journey like that.
but anyways, good for you for getting out of there. i watch too much of Jillian Michaels to know that "can't" simply does not exist.
Is anyone owning up to their lack of weight loss? -- I feel like I have to whine when I mess up.... I have been on a downward spiral with my weight loss now for awhile and I have whined a lot...lol...but all I was looking for was motivation.
:/ That sucks I am sorry. Ive seen a lot of groups that are more "complain and whine" then support or anything.
The best one I had ever had was when my roommate and I decided to do it together. We went grocery shopping together, made healthy meals together, and worked-out (?) together. While working out we sort of tried to out do each other...like we wouldnt stop until the other did. Which was good because if I had done it on my own I probably would have quit after 10 minutes! (sadly they stopped when they started having issues at work )
Maybe you could try to find 1 or 2 friends who will do it with you?
I was a member of one of those groups on FB too and they would have a competition every month for the "Biggest Loser" with prizes etc and I won like 4 out of 5 months.
And I never received my prizes!! I was actually invited to join the group by a friend whose sister was the one in charge. I have asked a couple of times about my prizes (this was like a year ago) and nothing has happened.
Since i left the group i feel like i'm less stressed, and my weight loss has actually increased by a 1/2 a pound this last week instead of just a pound a week like it has been the few weeks.
Sum38- No one was owning up to anything, except a couple of people i know, and one wasn't even in the group. It was all "I can't do this, or i "can't" eat as clean as you do, or I can't say no to bad food and "tomorrow is another day". I've been known to whine occasionally if I have a pretty off week, but i always own up to why i haven't doing as well as the week before.
A friend of mine who left the FB group just shortly after i did, sent me a message saying how a couple of people were all like "if you didn't know, this is for support only and not for negativity". Theres a way to support someone if their actually doing what they said they were going to do and then there's this group who do nothing at all but enable each other. Tomorrow may be another day, but if you keep saying that every single day, that's not exactly going to get you anywheres. Now i've heard the owner of the group (another friend of mine who is a chronic complainer about everything and anything) is thinking about shutting the group down. It's sad that I've lost more weight in the last 4 months then they had combined.
Rye- I'd love to get together with a couple of girlfriends of mine for even more motivation then i have now, but i live outside of the city in the country right now, so it's a bit harder to get together with anybody. Which doesn't mean I can stop and be all like "well, i'll just do it when i move into town". I have lots of motivation already, but once my son and I do move back into town, then i know i'll be able to step it up even more by going to the gym a couple of times a week with a couple of girlfriends of mine on top of what i already do here at home. The gym i want to go to is pretty large and they have a pool too, So i'll be able to get some aquatic exercise on top of everything else.
I've been thinking of starting my own FB group for friends of mine, and friends of friends who are actually committed to a lifestyle change and not just a "diet" to lose weight to just go back to bad habits once goal is reached. Though i really love this site, you guy's are nothing but supportive
Ciao- that's pretty hard, I like challenges, but getting to the point of trying to out do everybody else is beyond being supportive and leans more towards the mentality of "I'm better then you are", and that really takes out the fun of things.
Hotaruchan- I really did have to cut ties with that particular group because i found myself getting back into old bad habits of binging on processed junk food. It's one of the reasons why i had to step back and re-evaluate what i was doing to myself and what kind of "support" they were really giving.
Still, good for you for being able to remove yourself from a situation that would just reverse all you had done! I cannot honestly say I'd be able to do the same AND do it on my own. I might have left the group but I might have also lost motivation. Thats why I like to surround myself with other people who have motivation as well.
Thanks Rye, it definitely wasn't easy because it was such a comfortable mindset, but it definitely wasn't a healthy mindset lol.
And i did end up starting my own group, only 4 members so far with myself included, but in the description i made a point in saying that there will be no excuses, and small changes via scale or non scale are still changes none the less and will help their health in the long run. That it was about making the choice to change their lifestyle and not just about "dieting".
It was a fairly long description, but i'm hoping that this will help others to keep up with what their doing or help to make changes with their dietary habits/exercise habits, help with motivation and give a place to not only share success but to share the struggles that we'll have along the way so that we own up to why we didn't reach our goals and how to change that so that they/I will reach them and getting out of the mentality of "I can't". At the end of it, I told them that today was the day they start their journey and make the choice to say I can and I will.
I have my fingers crossed that my story will motivate them enough to either start or keep on pushing onwards until the time comes to go into maintenance.
wow, These girls never let anything rest(well one particular girl) !! I started my group a few days ago, and a lot of the members have been really active so far , which is great, we set small goals for the week(things that are healthy and obtainable), and i set up a 31 day challenge today to lose like 5 lbs, then went on to post about how to achieve a calorie deficit if your aiming to have a deficit of like 500 calories a day to reach one lb a week. I sited the article where i got the information if people needed to read up on it any further if they didn't really understand how it worked.
So this chick i had i on FB (had being past tense since i got fed up and took her off) went on to message me saying that only eating 500 calories a day was really unhealthy. uh, DUH. So she obviously read it wrong, and i told her so, and of course she started going on about how "when" i crash, that she "hopes i don't crash hard", says she who was admitting to her dietary habits were complete crap. Sorry honey, Since i eat pretty damn healthy and exercise, I wont "crash". So anyways i took her off because i wont tolerate anyone who's negative on FB and she got offended, but i don't care. I may not know everything about losing weight, but it's a bit obvious that I know more then she does. My loss so far proves it.
I probably sound just as bad right now, but seriously, WTF. I don't understand the need for some women like that to start drama. My theory, is that if you like it, then don't read it ? it's not really hard lol
I think its all relevant. Learning how every person reacts to their own ups and downs and being patient with that is one thing, but if you find people who are constantly b******g then thats another story. You will find some of that on this site too but the good thing is you get to pick and choose what forums to be part of. You can stick with the ones whose personalities, goals and way of "venting" fits you best. As "Sum" said some people relate better or get more out of being able to "vent" while others wanna say suck it up and move on. There is a balance and I think you will find it here. There is no reason to be involved in outside drama (or be stressed about something like FB) when you are battleing your own weightloss and journey. Keep looking around the forums here. I think you will be much more satisfied with a place that has so many options regarding weightloss, being healty, getting fit, challenges and so on than you would on FB anyway. Afterall isn't FB a constant b**ch fest anyway? Not really a good place to find motivation! JMO!!!
I had to leave a similar group too!!! That and there were a lot of fat pride girls who kept saying they were healthy fat and talking about maintaining really unhealthy weights.
I left Facebook earlier this year and don't miss it one bit. I also don't belong to any Biggest Loser type contests or have weight loss buddies. I think the reason for this is that these groups put me in the mindset of being accountable to the group (or coach/buddy/etc.). I only want to be accountable to myself. I certainly need days to vent and whine and ask for support when I am finding it hard to stay on plan. However, when I fall off the wagon, I am only disappointing myself - I don't need other people being disappointed in me too! Maybe that's why I like 3FC, because I can boast, whine, complain, and people get that it's just the daily ups and downs of long term weight loss. There is no contest or prize to be won by losing the most weight the fastest here - the prize is regaining our own health and self-confidence - and the truth is, I have already won that prize, even if I am not yet at my ideal weight. It's the journey that reaps the rewards, not the just the end result.
Needed to vent a little...
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