I live with my mom and brother who are also "trying" to lose weight. My mom is about 150 pounds overweight and my brother is about 200 pounds overweight. I am trying to lose 100 pounds. They started their diet at the same time as I did, in the beginning of this year. I was doing really well, and have lose a total of 15 pounds but in the last couple of weeks I haven't lost an ounce. I haven't been sticking to my calorie counting like I should (my excuses are being in pain and being busy)... But what is really having a bad effect on me is my MOM! She and my brother have barely lost any weight is at all because they only stuck to their plan for a week, since then my mom has continuous junk food cravings and she actually gets all the food she is craving on the premise that she will start back up tomorrow (i.e. Chinese, Krispy Kreme, Burger King, even junk food she can cook). The worst part is that she BUYS ME whatever she is craving and kind of pushes the food onto me. She'll ask me like 10 times if I want some of whatever delicious food she has given into and bought until I cave and then I eat over my 1500 calorie allotment... I am really struggling with this. Eating the things that she buys has caused me to crave even more and eat more than I should. How do I deal with this? My willpower is obviously too weak for her temptations, how do I ask her not to bring the stuff into the house? I have mentioned it to her before but she always says "Oh we aren't doing too bad."... My mom's temptations are what sabotaged my diet last time. I can't move, so I need other options.
Learn to say NO! I doubt if she will change so it is all up to you. If all else fails take what she is insisting you must eat, to the trash, you might even pour clorox on it first. She will get the idea that you are serious.
I hope you don't mind my saying so, but your mother is really selfish. I mean, really selfish. As for solving your problem, is there a way that whenever she buys these things, you leave the house? Like, go on a walk until you're sure the food is all eaten?
She'll get the message and maybe even be ashamed of what she's doing and try to get on the ball. But I'm an optimist on that front.
Take a look at your mom, and ask yourself if you want to look like her, and be as quick to give into weakness as her -- at her age. Or do you want to surpass that and be better. Take pride in the fact that you don't have to fall into that trap, and seal your fate, ending up like her. Turn down the offerings of foods that will keep you down.
I dealt with this when I was younger and living with my parents to an extent too. But the idea of becoming like them revolted me. They would prepare some fatty starchy meal with added carb, knowing they were overweight. I would turn it down and if all there was to eat in that house was a can of green beans for dinner as an alternative, then that is what I would eat. My mom was worried about my eating and would ask me to make a list of foods I would eat next time she went grocery shopping, at some point, to make sure I was eating. Because I simply would not give into their bad eating habits.
Misery loves company, and they might not want to see you strong and proud, sticking to your diet because they cannot. But at the end of the day, after you have given into the bad foods, how do you feel about your pride, and how do you feel when you look in the mirror. Its not worth it. Stick to your guns on this one and stop letting them sabotage your diet. You can make your own decisions next time you are faced with these foods, and think about how you're going to feel later if you mess up for those couple of minutes it takes to munch on something you know is unhealthy.
You can't blame outside forces for your issues. Just because we choose to change our diets does not mean everyone else has too. My husband would die if I told him he wasn't allowed to bring home cookies, each nachos everyday, bring home taco bell after work. There will ALWAYS be outside forces going against you. You chose to eat the burger king, so its not your moms fault.
When she brings home unhealthy food, go eat something healthy. Or, if you are full but you know the temptation will win, go brush your teeth or go for a walk! Your mother and brother are clearly not as dedicated as they think they are, but that is not your problem. You have to do this without them! If you have asked her to not bring certain foods into the house and she hasn't listened, than there is nothing you can do. She can eat whatever she wants. You just need to learn to say NO and walk away. So yeah, try the brushing the teeth method or going for a walk.
I live with 4 other adults, 3 of which are men. Chinese, pizza, all different types of fast food are a daily thing that gets brought into my house, but I have just learned to not touch it.
Been in that boat for a long time, Many times a "Family decision to lose weight" would end with take away pizza for dinner that same night.
I managed to lose all my weight previously by eating separately but it came back on as soon as I started eating with them again.
family started singing the same old tune last september and I thought "yeah... we'll see how long it lasts this time".
So far.... it has, longer and with far greater results than any previous effort.
The only differences this time is
A scheduled "cheat day" (one day a fortnight) willpower to say "no" for a week or two is easier than willpower to say no forever.
I'm actively involved in the cooking process (down to choosing ingredients, quantities and preparation). all the better if you can make healthier home made versions of things that would usually be a takeaway treat.
(I regularly cook up replacements for chinese, burgers, curry and chilli)
and bulk meals out with vegetables (not been big vegetable eaters, but given the choice between a meager meal without or a filling one with and it's no contest)
As part of choosing ingredients I try to educate my family on choice comparing calories and macronutrients for products while shopping. not all of it sticks (and they still buy stuff in the full knowledge they can't have it without blowing their allowance... some people like to torture themselves).
Doesn't sound like Mom and Brother are ready to really commit. They are still in "testing the waters" phase where they just try it on a bit for short while.
If you are ready to commit... best to commit then.
You already tried to tell mom not to buy and she won't listen.
Ok. You don't have to eat the food. Do something else with it. Trash? Freeze and donate to church food freezer for needy? I guess it depends on what the food actually IS on how to best deal with it.
Make healthy food that on your plan so you aren't caught by hunger unawares.
And you basically said it.
Quote:
I am really struggling with this. Eating the things that she buys has caused me to crave even more and eat more than I should.
I am insulin resistant. Eating things like white bread, white rice, crackers, cereal -- it doesn't even have to be cake or cookies -- will set my blood sugar spiking. And then it takes a while to get that back in balance as well as clean up the kitchen and get the cravings to chill. Best just NOT to eat it in the first place. That's not always possible -- we had a church potluck thing and the least greasy thing was more in starches than I'd like... so it was making the best of the situation.
But I'm home now jonesin' for bread and I can't allow that. Then instead of a one meal hiccup it can become a several day binge. But I knew that going in, so I also know my next meal will be heavier on the protein to swing it back to balance. The BEST thing would have been for me to bring a safe dish to share.
But learning to roll with situations is part of all this too. Hang in there.
Given that both mom and brother are also overweight you might want to bring that up at your next check up. How's YOUR blood sugar doing? Are you on the road to IR (prediabetes?)
You can't blame outside forces for your issues. Just because we choose to change our diets does not mean everyone else has too. My husband would die if I told him he wasn't allowed to bring home cookies, each nachos everyday, bring home taco bell after work. There will ALWAYS be outside forces going against you. You chose to eat the burger king, so its not your moms fault.
She don't seem to be asking them to change their diet, more so she wants her mother to stop pushing food on her. I can relate to this. My Mom won't just buy enough junk for herself or my brother, she'll buy enough for me as well or even try to give me her food. Like she'll buy a little packet of cakes and ask if I want half. Or she'll buy candy for us all and my candy bar will sit on the kitchen counter until I either give in or, thankfully, it disappears. It's kind of cruel, even if inadvertently so. I can go out and refuse unhealthy food, I can shop and refuse unhealthy food, but once someone has bought it and brought it into the house it becomes 50 times harder to resist it.
But you're right that she'll have to learn to say no because obviously her mother isn't going to listen. It's just so rough once that food is sitting around and they're telling you to eat almost nonstop. I sometimes feel like I'm being stuffed for dinner like a turkey.
She isn't asking them to change their diet, she's asking her mother to stop pushing food on her. I can relate to this. My Mom won't just buy enough junk for herself or my brother, she'll buy enough for me as well or even try to give me her food. Like she'll buy a little packet of cakes and ask if I want half. Or she'll buy candy for us all and my candy bar will sit on the kitchen counter until I either give in or, thankfully, it disappears. It's kind of cruel, even if inadvertently so. I can go out and refuse unhealthy food, I can shop and refuse unhealthy food, but once someone has bought it and brought it into the house it becomes 50 times harder to resist it.
I can understand being frustrated with being asked "would you like some?" over and over again. Her mother should at least stop asking. It's not fair to demand that all unhealthy food stay outside the front door, but it is completely fair to ask that whenever they eat something unhealthy, to please not ask her if she wants any. That's the respectful thing to do.
As others have suggested, if your mom keeps buying YOU unhealthy foods (not her shares of it of course though)... than just dump it in the trash and make it to the point where you can't go digging through the bag to get any (loving the Clorox idea from another poster). Weight loss is simple, not easy.
You can't really make others jump on board with what you are doing. Just keep saying no to temptations and when you can, have what you want in moderation. For instance, I had pizza this week, steak, and will have Chinese tonight and am still showing a loss because I am utilizing portion control.
Ditto, ditto. You can't control what your mom brings into the house or puts into her mouth, but you CAN control what you will accept from her or put into YOUR mouth.
If she insists on "oh, look, I got you a candy bar too, you deserve it," I vote for putting it in the trash IMMEDIATELY, if it's not on your plan. If your mom protests about "wasting food," point out that it would be "wasted" sitting on your hips, too.
This is hard, but if others won't respect your decisions (while pursuing their own unhealthy decisions), you have to be really firm. You can set the good health example! In another year, maybe Mom and Bro will be ready to follow that example. For now, take care of YOU. Good luck!
May be your mother's take on relationships is based on food. You both feel like you don't want to break that up, or just say no. This has been the situation with my mother. Is it possible you try what she offers you, but don't eat a full serving? I can understand if you live in a household that your mother takes charge of the food everyone eats, maybe walk around the block or a school track to make up for the intake of calories. I think choosemyplate/ myfoodpyramid is a great resource
My mother is the cook for the household, my father had developed diabetes and now he cannot eat heavy carbs or anything he once loved to eat. this had to happen before anyone realized something needed to change, don't wait until it is too late
This sounds so familiar to me. While my situation wasn't as extreme as yours, I know what it feels like to have someone around who is an enabler.
My dad would sometimes go on a diet with me or be supportive at first when I went on a diet by myself. After a week or two though, he would get upset if I didn't want to go out for dinner or when I said I couldn't eat a certain food. He would say that I could have just a little of whatever food he was offering.
I really didn't do well on diets long-term until I left home.
Since I assume you are not in a position where you can move out, you will have to be strong and make the scale and tape measures your support system. Your mom may be scared that you will lose weight and she won't. You are a convenient excuse if you fail - she can then say "see? It's impossible to lose weight. Nobody in our family can do it.". If you succeed though, then she can't hide or use excuses for her failure to lose weight.
If you do what your mom tells you to do, you are risking your health. Now is the time to get earthy, not when you're old and already have permanent health problems. Stay strong, eat healthy and exercise regularly. Exercise will do wonders for you, even if you go above your calorie limit. Good luck.
I live in a similar situation. I can move now when I couldn't before, but since I've learned to manage the situation so it's not imperative that I do. I want to save money before I take the plunge anyway.
You need to learn to say no. It's frustrating when your family is pushing food at you, but you must stand your ground and stop blaming them for your diet failures. You alone are responsible for what goes into your body. My mom buys food for me all the time but I don't eat it because I don't want it and it's taken a long time but she's learned that just because she says "I bought this for you" or shoves food at me doesn't mean that I'm going to cave and eat it.
If you can buy your own food or contribute to the food budget so you have a bit more of a say what is bought. I give my mom money each month so I don't feel terrible asking if she can buy certain things, and I've bought my own food before because the food in the house didn't satisfy what I want.
If you succeed your family may be motivated to change. My success has inspired my family to start eating healthier and I didn't even point anything out to them. This, in turn, has made it easier for me since there is more food I would like to eat in the house.
My family member is sabotaging my diet!!
