I want to start this off by first saying that i love my husband deeply, and i know that he loves me. I think that my plan to lose weight has got him thinking that i am going to turn into cinderella and leave him. Today we had a huge argument in which he told me that he does not support my decision to try to reach my goal weight of 150 pounds. He told me that if he had wanted to marry a skinny girl he would have and that if i loose my ddd boobs, he's not sure if he'll be attracted to me anymore. In fact he said that he feels he will be revolted by me if i weight 150 pounds. I am so upset. I'm sure my boobs are gonna be the first to go since they are made up of fat. He was telling me that i'm gonna like all the attention that i am gonna get and pretty soon i will feel to fat at 150 and lose more weight. I don't know what to do. I need to loose this weight. I am so depressed with the way i look. When i told him none of my clothes fit, he told me to buy bigger clothes. I don't want to buy bigger clothes. I want to fit into the clothes i own, or buy smaller clothes. I am not loosing weight so other people will look at me, i am doing it so i can look at myself and not cringe. I am ashamed that i have let myself get this heavy. What makes this harder is that i am bipolar. I am an emotional eater. I told my husband today that i thought he was just trying to sabotage my efforts at loosing weight.He knows that i am an emotional eater. But i refuse to let this discourage me. I AM GOING TO LOOSE THIS WEIGHT!!! If he isn't attracted to me any more then that will be his loss.Thanks for letting me rant. I feel better.
Sounds like he's talking from fear. But also a lot of selfishness. Being the weight you are must be very hard on your body and your health. I would ask him to go to counseling with you and maybe have him do some work on why he is so insecure. Hopefully he is not just trying to keep you "trapped" with him by keeping you heavy and unhealthy.
What a shame. But don't let it deter you from getting healthy!!
With all due respect, 150 pounds at 5'3" is not skinny. Maybe if you showed him some pictures of real women at your height and goal weight, he'd realize that you're not going to turn into a stick figure? Try mybodygallery.com.
Regardless, it sounds like he's resorting to emotional blackmail. If it were me (and I know it isn't!), I'd be just as concerned by the fact that he's willing to pull this c**p as I'd be with his "do's" and "don'ts".
Men seem to really be threatened by weight loss, for some reason. My husband was threatened when I started this and lamented the loss of my boobs. He made me feel awful there for a while. We finally had it out and I got him to understand why I was losing weight and that I needed support and not constant criticism. Unfortunately, I AM leaving my husband now and it has NOTHING to do with weight loss, but guess how the rest of the world perceives me. It certainly appears as though I lost all this weight, gained all this confidence, and look...now I'm leaving him. Whatever. They can all believe what they want. Being morbidly obese is terrible and makes everything about life so much more difficult.
Stay strong. Please ignore his behavior. He is scared of losing you, obviously, but just remind him that right now he risks losing you in a much more serious way. Your health should be his number one concern for you. What if you had breast cancer and had to lose both breasts? Ya know? We are not our bodies.
You buy clothing that fits your body. Your breasts may go down a bit but, those who have it will never be an A cup unless you go under the knife. I have E cup and weigh 166 or so. Not a darn thing skinny about me. And the girls have always been ther.
Just get yourself healthier and he has to realize, smaller breast could mean leads chance of BC.
Keep your goal in mind, and ignore his emotional black mail. It's not like you are 120lbs and you want to be 80lbs. I would understand a husband not supporting his wife in that instance. You are not a healthy weight to begin with, and your health and self-esteem is what's important. Ask your husband why he married you in the first place. It wasn't soley for his sexual pleasure, hopefully. He needs to looks passed your ddd boobs and see the bigger picture!
Gosh, I don't even know what to say about this...that he would say something like that is very very concerning to me. All I will say is that your girls won't necessarily be the first thing to go. For me, they hung around for quite a while, I was DD for a long time, then I dropped to a D around 180 and didn't hit a small C until the last 10 lbs.
That aside, I must second/third at this point that you may want to consider counseling, or just a very long heart to heart. I just can't imagine how I'd feel if my DH had ever said such things to me. It's still always a wonder to me that he stuck it out through my "heavy" stage with never even a mutter of you should lose weight or anything. And he is very much a boob guy and has only joked about my current size, but always reassured me that I could be in a training bra and he'd love me anyway. I mean, seriously, your health should be the number one priorty here.
I went through it at my house too. I have an incredible husband and even so, wow. He was so uneasy once I started getting pretty close to goal. He couldn't handle other men looking at me. It made him very uneasy and yes, jealous. It infuriated me.
ME. ME. ME. ME running in sleet, snow, rain. ME foregoing so many things my palette had been accustomed to over the years. ME revamping my entire life and routine to finally gain my health. What I decided (and quickly) was that MY weightloss and MY OWN. MY decision to be healthy was MY OWN. It had nothing to do with anyone other than ME.
Honestly, if my husband wouldn't have come aboard, I would have left him for it. It was and IS just that important to ME. He has decided that my smaller boobs and butt are A-Okay. I also know he has come to enjoy having other men look at me. He knows now I am not going anywhere.
Girl, hugs. Seriously. The best advice I can give is for you to just DO YOU. Make yourself feel good because until you do that you cant help him accept the new you.
My boyfriend like to joke about this subject to...but not to this extent. My boyfriend also says he can see that im unhappy with myself and he loves me regardless but if losing weight will make ME feel better then ok. If he really loved you then seeing you happy should make him happy. He's obviously very insecure and might even see your weight issue as a control thing. I say if he's not happy to have a hot chick on his arm once you lose the weight, lose the dude! Do what makes YOU happy!
I'm sorry you're going thru this. But I think you should try to reassure him you're not out to leave him, and that you're doing this for your own health and happiness. It may even be fun to go on this journey together, the two of you. However, I'm single and my biggest problem...is me.
I am sorry you're dealing with this, but this isn't about vanity and looks. This is about your health, your LIFE. Anyone who loves you will want you around and healthy. Talk to him about that.
My husband told me when I had lost some weight from 278 pounds, "I am not attracted to skinny women." My response was "are you attracted to women hooked up to cardio machines in the ER? How about DEAD woman, are you attracted to those? Because that will be ME if I do not lose the weight."
Counseling might be a good option as well. I wish you the best.
If he loves you, he'd want you to do anything that will extend your time on this earth. He probably does love you a lot but is terrified of losing you, as everyone here has stated. You have a lot to think about in terms of your relationship and where it's going, but one thing for sure; regardless of what he thinks or says, you should do what is best for you. We only get one body in this lifetime and it is our right to take good care of it. I'm sorry you're going through this.....I feel your pain. Btw, my husband is a boob man but he would never want me to sacrifice my health for bigger ones, nor would he ever want me to get implants because he wouldn't want me to have elective surgery. I would talk to my husband if he said those things to me and question why he feels it's alright to withdraw support and affection based on physical attributes.
Last edited by luckymommy; 12-26-2010 at 08:14 PM.
So Upset
It certainly appears as though I lost all this weight, gained all this confidence, and look...now I'm leaving him. Whatever. They can all believe what they want. Being morbidly obese is terrible and makes everything about life so much more difficult. 
But I think you should try to reassure him you're not out to leave him, and that you're doing this for your own health and happiness. It may even be fun to go on this journey together, the two of you. However, I'm single and my biggest problem...is me.
