I've been lurking on these boards for a couple months now, and this seems to be a pretty common theme.... as some people approach their goal, they start to sabotage themselves, although the reasons seem to range across the board. You've done an incredible job and should be proud of your success
Someone on these boards once advised that "You're the only person that can stop yourself." You know how to do what needs to be done to reach your goal; you've found a plan that works for you, and that can be very hard to do in the first place. You're also the only person who can figure out why you're sabotaging yourself - journals are a great way to figure out what's really going on inside your head. Best of luck to you on continuing your success and reaching your goal