So I work in a very male dominant profession (besides our secretary I'm the only women in our office, and the other day my boss told me he should take care of something because he wasn't sure if they'd take me as seriously (don't know if that was age or gender related)) and I've found myself being *maybe* just slightly more flirtatious than before. This could actually just be new found confidence, but I always think about the stereotype of women having no brains and just being eye candy or whatever. Obviously I want to be taken seriously as a professional, but is there anything wrong with being nice and chatty to get your way. I don't know if that came out the way I meant it, but I'm wondering if anyone has experienced a similar situation. Do you act differently professionally now that you're thinner? I know I'm dressing differently too, but that I suppose goes without saying. My clothes are certainly tighter fitting than before (pretty much can't stand anything baggy these days, way too many years trying cover it all up) and I wear tank tops like crazy (I worked hard for these arms ). Anyway - thoughts?
Ok I'll confess, I sometimes use my "charm" to get my way, and I sometimes just sit down somewhere and check out men that walk by, and I'll give an occasional friendly smile to them if we make eye contact. Women have been "eye candy" for way too long, it's our turn to dominate! I say use your confidence! I don't see anything wrong with it, especially b/c you know you are getting checked out too, and having nice things done for vanity reasons as some people would call it. But we've worked really hard!
Yes, now I plan to sleep my way into upper management.
I'm not sure if I understand exactly what you are asking, Ncuneo.
But I'll give this a try.
When I lost weight, I no longer felt invisible & vaguely apologetic to the world for my appearance. I regained my femininity and in taking my place in the world more assertively, I also gained power.
Female managers in positions of power in my company -- it's a consulting firm -- are relatively thin & fit, & noticeably well-groomed. (There is one exception, in quite a powerful position, too, but the exception has proved the rule.) They have a definite look. It is expensive & upper-middle-class. It is very much different from the cashier in the company's cafeteria, with her long fingernails with flames painted on them. When I lost weight, and started wearing some clothes they wear, I started getting more eye contact from these female managers, and more small talk in the common areas like the hallways & cafeteria & other transitional areas, when they weren't "on" during a meeting or something. I could "pass" for one of them now & they were acknowledging that.
Also, I've joked elsewhere that this weight loss thing ought to be on my resume because I was a successful project manager. I think that, strangely enough, they do somewhat see it in that way. Here is someone who set out to get something done & who did it. They respect that sort of drive. And want to exploit it for the company's benefit.
With male managers, my changed appearance has become a different kind of issue. There was one guy who talked with me frequently & confided in me all the time, all kinds of stuff about his increasingly messy personal life, which ended in divorce. When he saw me at a companywide meeting, he picked me up in the air as he congratulated me on my weight loss. We had a talk outside, in the Nevada sunset. And then, a week later, he nearly cut off all contact with me. Yeah, I scared that one off, but good.
I'm another one who works in a department that is predominantly male. They act like protective brothers now, more or less growling & sizing up strange men that seem to be eyeing me at company meetings. After work, I'm in the gym with some of these guys (we have a gym at the office) and there's just this camaraderie. They've showed me stuff with the weights. They're good guys, good coworkers.
And there's another part of the picture, too. My job requires me to collaborate with people who are in other states & other countries, and thus many times, I hardly ever see them face-to-face. Our talk about pieces we write together is all done on the phone & through e-mails & IMs. With them, the relationship remains unchanged. Most of them have never seen me, and never will, unless the company goes back to its big expensive yearly meetings -- which it has cancelled two years running now because of the economy. With them, there's not a single frisson, no tension whatsoever. I'm bodiless to them. And that's okay, too.
I have wondered, probably more often than necessary, how my weight loss affected my career path.
On the one hand, whether caused by newfound confidence or different perceptions of me as a person, it has opened a lot of doors. For one thing, it's that "this girl has DRIVE and DETERMINATION" thing that I think really changed the way people thought about me. And perhaps a little bit of completely inadvertent friendliness interpreted as flirting (I'm NOT intentionally flirtatious with work folks EVER. That said, I can see how my increased smiles and friendliness might come across that way).
I believe female executives DO sort of have a standard look, and I fit that mold much more now. But also, I've got that increased confidence, meaning I'm going to speak up in meetings, I'm going to make myself visible, I'm going to put myself out there...which means I'll get noticed by people in power more. And when they DO notice, I have the look they expect to see tied to a confident, competent business person, so those two together probably have made a big difference.
I'm also much more likely to make interpersonal connections now. Before, I'd hide. Now I put myself out there. I tell the odd joke in a meeting. I ask people about their kids and wives, and start conversations. I am much better at interjecting a bit of small talk. I think its a confidence thing. But that has REALLY helped relationships at work all around, especially because I work remotely and don't get that one-on-one water cooler interaction that forms workplace alliances.
But I also lost workplace allies with the weight loss. It hurt my relationship with every single one of my heavier female coworkers. Some people I'd been very friendly with just stopped talking to me. Contrast with the heavier male coworkers (including the CEO) who sought me out to talk about how I'd done it.
Saef - I work from home, so am also often "body-less" to coworkers until I make a trip into the office. I often wonder what I look like in their heads.
Since losing weight, I definately wear fitter clothes to work and especially tops that show off my biceps because I feel more confident in myself. However, as a manager, I still maintain a professional look (i.e. no low cut blouses or very short skirts). In addition, I work in a very small office with most of the same old timers for the past 10 years so I don't feel like I act differently. That said, I have used my looks to get out of a few motor vehicle tickets (but officer, I didn't know I couldn't make a left turn here during rush hour traffic...)
During my weight loss process, my male collegues congratulated me especially when they noticed I lost a lot of weight. My female collegues supported me...to a point until I got really fit & they started getting jealous. Power lunches were not the same anymore because I didn't participate in eating the same greasy foods they used to order at the restaurant. Thankfully, our professional relationship didn't change & they've gotten used to me & my healthy choices.
Yes, now I plan to sleep my way into upper management.
Ha ha! I knew my post might be taken this way! Too funny. But no, this isn't what I meant. I guess I just meant that I feel like maybe I'm taken a little more seriously at time because I know have "the look" as you all put it. And I feel like other times I use my "charm" to get things done more smoothly. I guess it all goes back to what we've always said, after weight loss, people don't necessarily treat you differently but you have more confidence and treat others differently.
I've definitely found myself to be more confident, but I don't think overly confident. I'm also in a male dominated profession and we work hand-in-hand w/law enforcement which is also mostly men. My clothes do fit better now, but are not revealing (we must wear dress pants & polos). But I've noticed I get more people wanting to talk more...some even flirt more. It's very weird, and I actually never really thought about it until I read your post. Thanks for making me realize and to see that others are experiencing it also!
Using your new looks...
). Anyway - thoughts?
