Weight Loss Support - How to tell someone off who won't STOP with the comments

Okay, so you'd think I'd be immune by now. I've heard just about every weight loss comment, (good and bad) known to man, and usually I let them slide, but sometimes it gets SO annoying. I just needed to vent a little.

So last night we were at Church, and during Lent there is always a big "lunch" after the evening service. It's basically a buffet of salad style sandwiches and sweets. I dieters nightmare. When I'm called to bring something I always bring a big bowl of berries, or other fruit and a veggie try, but usually that is the only time there is anything healthy there. I always eat before we go, and if there is something I can have I'll have it. Last night was not my night to bring stuff, but there were carrot sticks and pickle spears, so I loaded several on a small plate and grabbed a cup of coffee. Then it happened AGAIN. A particular (overweight) woman who has asked me on several occasions how I have lost my weight is standing there and says loudly, "See, I just couldn't do that. No way. I would never just settle for carrots and pickles."

I told her I ate before I came and I didn't want anymore, (lie...I was drooling over all the chocolate treats). She then starts in again..."Denying yourself will only backfire on you." I just couldn't take it another minute, and Jesus would have NOT been happy with me, (especially saying this at church), but I just looked at her and said, "Well, I hope you never do deny yourself, because this way I get all the attention!" :devil:

The look on her face was priceless, but I got chewed out on the way home by my dh. It was mean, and feel like an idiot, but darn it. Just because a person doesn't want to get healthy doesn't make ME the dummy for trying to maintain my weight loss. gurr.

Uh...:rofl: That so should not make me laugh. :o

People are so wrong when they say they can't do that, but they don't know that. God didn't give me any more will power than he gave anyone else. What people don't understand is that it takes a good chunk of will power for a couple weeks, but after that, it's not so bad. And the benefits so outweigh the initial discomfort!!

Because not denying works so well, right? ;) LOL!

I'm sorry that happened! :hug: I am also so glad that we have a place like this to come and vent.

She clearly was looking for some sort of group validation that it was okay to stay overweight and unfortunately you were the casualty of that. I really think that what people say is a reflection on thier own issues and has little to do with us. But, still, hearing it day after day gets old. It's human to snap at some point. We all do it. While it's not optimal to be snarky, I bet she thinks twice before saying something to you again. :D

P.S. - I like carrots and pickles!

I likes that one Lori Bell :)
Yeah, ok, next time you'll keep that one to yourself, but this time it had to be said!!!

She clearly was looking for some sort of group validation that it was okay to stay overweight and unfortunately you were the casualty of that.

Exactly. What BeachBreeze just said. This not at all about you. It's about her.

This is the behavior of someone who belongs within a particular social group, which you happen to share with her, and who for some reason feels insecure about her place within this group. Her place in the hierarchy, wherever that is, seems to be in jeopardy. You appear to be a threat to her in maintaining whatever turf she's got, or else there's a bigger threat than you, but she is momentarily projecting onto you. Basically, she is trying to get in good with the larger group, which is why she wants to be overheard & is playing to an audience, rather than taking you aside & talking to you factually about how you do it, whether it works, whether she could learn something from it, or whether she's concerned about you. One-on-one is how adults relate in an equal transaction. But she is trying to dominate here by dissing you before the others.

Whenever we change ourselves, our place in the social groups we belong to changes a bit. There's a shift. And the others alongside us are affected by the shift, and they sometimes "act out" childishly to keep their places.

We see members bringing these stories to us all the time. It's always within a group context, too. Whether it's the workplace, at a party, at a church gathering, or even within the confines of a family, when there is someone who silently (and often inadvertently) challenges the existing hierarchy by losing her weight & working on self-improvement, some others are affected, and the insecure ones respond with a show of power, by trying to take out that person in a one-on-one duel in front of the rest of the group members.

Think of mares in a herd suddenly squealing, pinning back their ears & kicking each other, and the herd looking on in mild interest till the little squabble to establish dominance ends.

I'm afraid that I am not very good at telling people what the Christian thing to do is, though. How you respond to your attacker -- that's another issue.

I think you did great! I am still thinking of all the nasty things I would have said to her. Like, "No, clearly you couldn't manage just carrots and pickles. That much is obvious" with a blantant look at her figure. You did very well to keep it to one fairly tame comment.

That is so, so frustrating that she feels she has to say stuff. She must be jealous of your success, and feel insecure about her own body. The nice girl part of me would want to be all "Oh no, it's not bad," and explain about eating before the service, but the mean girl in me would just want to stick my tongue out. Seriously, I think you handled it just fine. Jesus would totally understand.

Sometimes, the polite smile-and-nod just doesn't cut it when confronted with blatant delusions.

Okay, so a church related function maybe wasn't the best venue for speaking your mind *that* clearly. All things considered, I think you showed some restraint. You chose not to be as rude as you could have been, and you certainly needed to address what she said to you.

Whoa, you've maintained for 8 months?! Excellent work!

ya i love pickles and carrots! you just have a willpower! shame on her for saying that. your proof that resisting those tuff moments causes lifetime happiness!! good for you for sticking to your guns.

Hey, the woman opened herself up for that one. She was being mean and she needed that "thump on the head."

haha reason #274 I'm glad I'm not a girl...

While I do believe there are plenty of occassions where an idiot needs to be shocked into realization that they are an idiot, this doesn't sound like one of them. Especially because she's probably hurting about her own weight and letting that come out in inappropriate ways. Doesn't make it right for you to respond in kind.

But :) since you did it, and I've done the same thing a bunch, go ahead and enjoy the look framed in your memory;)

Personally, I'd give it a week and find a chance to apologize privately and say something like, "hey, this whole thing is a daily challenge for me even though I've had a lot of success and sometimes little comments that you might think are innocent are tough for me. But it caused me to lash out at you and I didn't mean to hurt your feelings"

Should she apologize to you, absolutely. But you have no control over that. Instead you have the chance (like you do here every day!) to continue to plant healthy seeds in the life of someone else (who in all honesty probably really looks up to your success) regardless of whether or not they deserve it.


This does bring up an interesting point that I find it much harder to respond to weight loss/diet comments from someone who is really overweight than I do someone who is skinny. Haven't really figured that one out yet.

Ummm. I see an "amends" coming... ;)

Yes, she was clearly defending herself from your carrots and pickles. And clearly the idea of "denying" herself scares her. And the comments do get so, so, SO annoying! But I think it wouldn't have been quite so annoying to you if you hadn't been drooling over the chocolate treats...

So in a way, she was telling you something.

:chin:

Jay

I have to applaud not only your amazing weight loss, but also your restraint in your reply. it was much gentler than I would have been, I'm afraid.

That having been said, maybe she is really looking for attention from YOU and would honestly like to know how you lost 190 pounds. People don't always understand how hard it is, especially when they forget about the "before" and only see the "after". I know I never had compassion for the overweight among us until I became a fat chick!

Barb

Kudos

Are you a methodist? We have a lenten service on Sunday nights and always have the same spread it seems! I cannot wait to get that comment, next year! And one thing my daughter said when I quit eating white flour-its not that I can't have it, I choose not to!
I am so glad I saw your post! you are truly and inspiration!
Pam

If it happens again in a church setting, I'd be tempted to say something like "I pray a whole lot, and I think that helps". This is actually a crabbier thing to say, because there's a clear implication that if she prayed harder, if she were more devout, maybe god would have helped her too, but it sounds like a humble, self-deprecating comment.

I'm going with the she opened herself up for it group. I don't know WHY people feel like they have to force themselves into your life like that... she certainly didn't appreciate it when you returned the favor, huh?:hug:

I think it was a pretty restrained remark too - as far as I'm concerned, if someone starts the conversation, then they shouldn't be surprised at the answer. It's not like you are going around telling overweight people that they need to change their lives and their food choices - why on earth should it be considered acceptable the other way around???

I have gotten a LOT of comments, and I've never snapped...maybe it's on it's way! But I really, really try not to tell people off in general.

I might have said in response to her "I could never do that" comment, "Well, luckily, I have no problems doing this, and even if it is hard sometimes, the benefits way outweigh the negatives for me." BIG SMILE AND REPEAT.

"Denying yourself will only backfire"

"Well, luckily, eating this way isn't an issue for me, and the benefits way outweigh any negatives".

Etc.

Need to add more detail. By snapping, you're giving her ammo ("Oh, that Lori is just SO CRANKY only eating carrots and pickles", or even just "Well, Lori may have lost weight, but she gained an attitude" or etc...more negative ammo for her to throw). And since your snapping (though understandable) provided her with a possible additional reason to believe you're not happy or losing weight just for attention or etc (it's not true, but it might be where her head goes), you may have merely fueled the fire more for future comments.

By responding with something calm and repetitive, you're saying "Really? You think this is a big deal? Hmm, interesting", you don't escalate the problem, but you can still get your point across.

I'm with Mandalinn. I would have taken the "kill her with kindness" route and said something along the lines of "really? I think they're delicious!" to the pickle and carrots comment and "So far it hasn't caused any problems!" to the backfiring comment.

I can't help but wonder what the reactions on this board would be if we read this post from the overweight woman's perspective. I would have been very empathetic and suggested she say something snarky in response to Lori's comment. I don't mean to guilt-trip you Lori - sometimes things just get to us and we can't help the way we feel. However, if I were in that situation, I would apologize to her. To me, nothing she said sounded mean and disparaging. It was mostly incredulous and opinion-based.

Laurie ~ I actually think you exercised restraint, BUT I also think that she was asking for help in a way. She obviously admires what you have achieved or she wouldn't be approaching you so often, and asking you so many questions about it.

Also, in her comment, she said "I" wouldn't be able to do that ... just pick carrots and pickles ... this was more about her than you! I don't know any overweight person who likes to be that way and who wouldn't want to know how you succeeded; and still manage to turn down all those goodies staring you in the face.

Next time, I would definitely bring some healthy stuff whether it is my turn or not; that will help you and others too. Consider it your good deed during the lent season; lent doesn't just have to be about doing without, but what about doing good for others too? Mercy instead of sacrifice: as in, mercy for others too ... ;)

I think that saying that you just ate before you came so you aren't that hungry was fine; OR, you could just say that there aren't too many healthy choices there, or ones that would fit into your new healthy way of living ... and leave it at that ... :hug:

I agree that when we lose weight, it can feel threatening to some of those around us. Many people base their self worth on where they stand in relation to others - unfortunately, we women tend to be the worst about this. When someone goes from heavy to thin and shapely, it can bring out some really strange reactions. Most people are happy for you, but there is usually some underlying jealousy, because losing large amounts of weight is something that everyone knows is HARD. And if you've been succesful at it, that says something really good about you. And for those that haven't had that success yet, it can be a reminder of where they failed. Sometimes that can be the reasoning behind snarky comments. I've had a few of those myself, and I try not to let them get to me.

I feel sorry for that woman. I’m obese according to my BMI and a month before I would answer like her that “I can’t live denying food”. However, this last month eating healthier made me understand how “delicious” food affected my mood and health, and now I feel happier without chocolates, sugar, and other “delicious” stuff. She acted like that because she is ignoring how great eating right can make us feel and because she is still a food slave (like I was before starting this journey).

To me, where the women's comments went over the line was "'Denying yourself will only backfire on you.'" Unsolicited advice is annoying under the best of circumstances. Unsolicited advice from someone you don't know well is even more annoying. Unsolicited advice from someone who self-evidently has less credibility than you on this particular issue is beyond annoying, and unsolicited advice from someone who is actively encouraging you to give into a temptation that you are fighting in order to make themselves feel better is enough to push a saint to swear.

Mind you, I probably wouldn't have said anything because personal comments make me so uncomfortable that I just totally freeze. But I can certainly understand the impulse.

Aww... she is OBVIOUSLY jelous of your self-control and wanted to rally up people against you as in "who on earth wants to choose carrots over cake?" But it backfired on her, LOL! But I still feel bad for her for some reason. She must've been so embarrased and hurt.

I have to say that people really get a limited view of what I eat, especially in potluck/shared food situations.

Since I eat a vegan diet, there is hardly anything I am willing to eat in shared food situations. So people will see my husband and I eat things like plain veggies (carrot sticks) and their limited view is that we are eating an unbalanced diet.

It'll also happen sometimes if we go to a restaurant that has very limited options as well so they may see us eat some steamed veggies and a baked potato and think 'poor us' or what not.

Of course at home, we make full meals and when we go to veg friendly restaurants, we have tons of options. Their view of what we eat and what we actually eat is just so limited that they don't quite understand.

Anyway, if that lady saw what you ate as a meal, maybe she'd get a better understanding that you aren't 'deprived' but with her limited view, she doesn't understand that you can have filling, nutritious meals that are also low in calorie.

Thanks everyone. I will apologise to her, for sure, because I do feel like a jerk for being a jerk. It is just so frustrating, because like I said in my original post, she has asked me SEVERAL times how I have lost it. I give her the same answer every time. Counting calories, moving a lot more, and a lot of prayer. (That is my standard quick version...I go into more detail if the person wants more detail). Each and every time she has asked me, I give her basically the same answer, and each and every time she kind of walks off as I'm telling her. I don't know if she thinks I'm going to slip up sometime and give her the super-duper secret version, (ha!) or what.

I guess I feel like (some) people don't think losing 190 pounds by diet and excercise alone is possible. Oh well...I need to get over it. It's a part of maintaince I guess I never realized existed. I've never known anyone in real life who has ever maintained a large weight loss, and I sometimes think other people (in real life) are just waiting, (and maybe secretly wanting) the weight to pile back on me.

I guess I feel like (some) people don't think losing 190 pounds by diet and excercise alone is possible. Oh well...I need to get over it. It's a part of maintaince I guess I never realized existed. I've never known anyone in real life who has ever maintained a large weight loss, and I sometimes think other people (in real life) are just waiting, (and maybe secretly wanting) the weight to pile back on me.

I was guilty of this same thing the other day... a friend of mine mentioned that her brother had lost 90 some pounds over the winter with phentermine and some sort of vitamin shots and an EXTREMELY low calorie range(700'ish??) that sounded WAY off the wall to me. I said something like "He'll never be able to keep that off".

I felt completely sorry. Maybe *I* couldn't... but who am I to say someone else couldn't?? :( I felt like a huge jerk.

I do not think you need to apologize. She made the first comment; then even after you gave a perfectly reasonable explanation (as if you NEED to explain!) that you ate ahead of time, she still pushed on.

Just because a person doesn't want to get healthy doesn't make ME the dummy for trying to maintain my weight loss. gurr.

Actually THAT would have been a great thing to say too, I think.

If it happens again in a church setting, I'd be tempted to say something like "I pray a whole lot, and I think that helps". This is actually a crabbier thing to say, because there's a clear implication that if she prayed harder, if she were more devout, maybe god would have helped her too, but it sounds like a humble, self-deprecating comment.

LOL!! that's pretty funny and clever :D

"OK" with a smile works really well, and you don't have to try to come up with something clever on the spot:

"See, I just couldn't do that. No way. I would never just settle for carrots and pickles."

"OK," smiling happily

"Denying yourself will only backfire on you."

"OK," smiling happily.

Gosh, you guys are so nice.

My boss used to do that, I told him to F off.

It sure shut him up good :D Yes, I work in an environment where I can say that too my boss :o Maybe not recommended at church. Then again, some people need a bit more direct shaming.

The odd thing to me is how people at church think it's okay to say or do anything in the walls that may hurt someone and keep moving.

Me being quick on my feet would probably would have said so how's that working for ya? Then flashed my friendly loving smile. I have decided what to tell people that aren't really wanting to hear the truth about how I lost weight.

This chick used to always touch my hair to see if I had a weave, wig or some other contraption in the lobby of the church. I asked her not to do that, all she had to do is ask me. Well she did it again. So I reached into her hair and fluffed it all around. She looked at me in shock and I smiled and said that was a quick harvest huh? She never touched my hair again.:devil:

"See, I just couldn't do that. No way. I would never just settle for carrots and pickles." "Denying yourself will only backfire on you.


Toughie. I don't think I could let this one go. But.... not quite sure I could have said what you did, though I understand your frustration and quite frankly, you couldv'e said a LOT worse!!

The closest I've come to letting someone have it - they said something like "Come on, you've gotta live!!" And I said, "why yes I do!, hence that's why I eat like this!" Nuf' said.

To Lori Bell's pester-er, I may have said, "deny myself? Oh no, no, no. I stopped denying myself when I began to lose the weight - of the best life possible" Of course it's easy to sit here and have a minute or two to think about it and come up with a response.

I feel just as Nelie does. People don't/can't get a clear picture of my lifestyle and eating habits at a social function. They only see what I'm eating right there and now. Not the enormous amounts of delicious foods that I eat every day. Although, my planned splurges are almost always in front of people and you should see the looks (& comments) about THAT. "OMG, how do you stay so thin eating like THAT?" Well they don't realize that that splurge is a once in a while thing.

On the other end of the spectrum, I've gotten SO many times, "no wonder you stay so thin, you barely eat". But of course they're not seeing that I don't STOP eating - just very healthy, lower calorie foods.

So again, like Nelie said, they don't not get a clear picture of how I really eat.

But I think it wouldn't have been quite so annoying to you if you hadn't been drooling over the chocolate treats...

So in a way, she was telling you something.

I don't know. What was she telling Lori Bell??? And why??? Nothing wrong with looking at the merchandise as long as you don't touch. I've been known to drool quite a bit over George Clooney and Brad Pitt ;). No harm in looking. Just because you *want* it doesn't mean you have to have it. One has to know their limitations....

Gosh, you guys are so nice.

My boss used to do that, I told him to F off.

It sure shut him up good :D Yes, I work in an environment where I can say that too my boss :o Maybe not recommended at church. Then again, some people need a bit more direct shaming.

HAHAHAHAHAHA.

You are bold, ma'am. Very bold.

What a crappy situation to be in Lori. I'm really sorry. I don't have any advice because I suck hardcore at situations like that. I either snap rudely, and feel like a bad person for it, or I just smile and say OK because I can't think of anything else (like Julie said.)

You did fine. Don't worry about it.

If it ever happens again, do the same. Or just say "Ok" like suggested. Or

"Denying yourself will only backfire on you."

"That's why I'm not denying myself good health."

A.

Honestly... I'm :rofl:ing about this.

If it were me, when she said "Denying yourself will only backfire on you", I'd have turned to her, smiled and said "I'm not denying myself the right to live how I see fit" with emphasis on the "fit" then turned and walked away. But you delivered your response with perfect timing, Lori... Snide comments are the only way someone who isn't happy with themselves can handle someone who's doing what they can't (or won't) do and they use those remarks in a vain attempt to bring who they perceive as a threat crashing down to earth.

My hat is off to you, dear lady. ;)

I always say you know I have free guest passes at my gym how about next Wednesday?

But I think it wouldn't have been quite so annoying to you if you hadn't been drooling over the chocolate treats...

So in a way, she was telling you something.

I don't know. What was she telling Lori Bell??? And why??? Nothing wrong with looking at the merchandise as long as you don't touch. I've been known to drool quite a bit over George Clooney and Brad Pitt . No harm in looking. Just because you *want* it doesn't mean you have to have it. One has to know their limitations....


I didn't mean she was literally telling her something. I'm saying that the reaction the OP had might have been not so severe had she not been longing for the chocolate. So the incident might have shown Lori Bell that she was "denying herself." Note that I'm not saying that was a bad thing.

I have not drunk alcohol in over 20 years. Some drinkers will VERY rarely try to encourage me to drink with the "Oh c'mon one won't hurt" sort of approach. It's ridiculous to me and I laugh it off! Except for the times when the wine smells really, really good, and then I feel more like taking their head right off their shoulders. My mood isn't about them, it's about me...

Jay

whatever. Jesus was probably mentally high-fiving you.

way to go :)

This chick used to always touch my hair to see if I had a weave, wig or some other contraption in the lobby of the church. I asked her not to do that, all she had to do is ask me. Well she did it again. So I reached into her hair and fluffed it all around. She looked at me in shock and I smiled and said that was a quick harvest huh? She never touched my hair again.:devil:

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Jigglefree, you just gave me a big laugh. I love that!

Loribell, I'd have probably said something worse on one of my bad days. (I'd feel guilty afterward, tho. :o). Don't beat yourself up too much, hun.

Some guy today kept looking at my body while saying to me "I just can't picture you 60 pounds heavier. Do you have pictures?".

"Shut up, moron" was running through my mind. It didn't come out, though.

:D

whatever. Jesus was probably mentally high-fiving you.


Wow!

You've had some great advice here, and sometimes we all snap (even at church). Obviously taking the ignoring/kind approach is better than exchanging a harsh word or sentiment (lots of verses in Proverbs on that particular subject, I tend to need to memorize them myself!), but accidents happen. Apologizing and explaining your position clearly ("It makes me uncomfortable when you judge what I am eating and offer unsolicited advice", "It is not very loving of you to make predictions about my success or failure in something as personal as my diet") would go a long way. I definitely agree with the other posters that she probably feels her own conscience/struggle on this subject and that makes her uncomfortable, but her discomfort is not YOUR truth.

Be kind and loving, and bask in your good health while praying she uncovers the same 'secret' of buckling down and working hard. That's about all you CAN do!

I think when people continuously push a subject, there is a point in which you just can't take it any longer. Honestly, I feel like sometimes, people need to know where that boundary is. Your response may have been slightly catty, but better that than utterly exploding at the poor woman.

I'm extremely sarcastic, so your response is about 10X nicer than the dozen I've been rolling around my own head

Cali, next time someone asks you for pitcher of you 60 lbs. heavier, tell him that yes, you have them and yes you can show them, but you're nekkid, so you'll have to charge him to look.

Couldn't help myself. Had to say it!

Barb

That person was probably starting to feel you're a threat to her. You're probably a reflection of what she secretly dreams to be but refuses to take any action on.

I've never had any such comments from overweight people, probably because my school's just filled with thin people. I'm from one of the top schools here (really not trying to sound superior!) but I'm starting to think that smart people are usually the thin ones because they're healthy and thus have so much spare time to think and to enjoy life. Not saying us overweight ones aren't! We just probably need to get our weight out of the way to truly start doing anything and everything in life. No kidding. In my cohort of perhaps 300, there're probably 20 or less people who're overweight.

Anyway, but I've definitely received comments from thin people about me losing weight. There was once a classmate of mine just yelled across the room "ARE YOU LOSING WEIGHT? YOU DON'T HAVE TO YOU'RE FINE LIKE THAT! DON'T LOSE WEIGHT!" and obviously i wasn't fine like that, since I was becoming almost obese and I could practically hear everyone mentally go like no way she's still fat we're just being nice by telling her otherwise.

i think i cringed and rolled myself into a tight ball mentally when i heard that.

There is nothing wrong with what you said. You don't go broadcasting everything she puts in her mouth, she shouldn't go on about everything you don't put in yours. You put her back in her place and I'm sure she'll think twice before she throws her opinions your way.

I laughed out loud, and probably would have felt equally guilty for speaking up. Nonetheless, I don't think Jesus or anyone else is going to blame you for being tried past your patience!

Mrs. Nebraska,
U always make me smile girl~But that made me nearly pee my pants & a person can only take so much! Jesus Would be proud of ya!! I know I am!!
HUGS,
The Mrs OHIO WANNABE!(LOL)

Cali, next time someone asks you for pitcher of you 60 lbs. heavier, tell him that yes, you have them and yes you can show them, but you're nekkid, so you'll have to charge him to look.

Couldn't help myself. Had to say it!

Barb

haha! Love it!

Lori, I feel like you did the best that you could under the circumstances. People say stupid stuff. I would probably just have stood there with my mouth hanging open and been unable to come up with any response at all. A good friend once told me that when others say things like that to us that it says more about them than us. My advice is to forgive yourself and move on. The next time you run into this "lady", kill her with kindness.

Lori, this cracked me up! I had to read it out loud to DH.

I read your posts a lot and can tell you are a very patient and giving person. Some people just push us all past our limits.

The ones that drive me crazy are the people who, when I explain how I'm losing(or maintaining) my weight(4-6 small meals a day, bring breakfast and lunch from home, go to the gym a minimum of 5X/week), say, "Oh, I could never do that. I don't have time to pack a lunch or go to the gym."

Hello? I have a full-time job, a husband, a teen-age stepdaughter and a 7-year-old son. It just takes organization and REALLY wanting it badly. You have to be ready to make it a priority, and then you'll find a way to make it happen.

L
The ones that drive me crazy are the people who, when I explain how I'm losing(or maintaining) my weight(4-6 small meals a day, bring breakfast and lunch from home, go to the gym a minimum of 5X/week), say, "Oh, I could never do that. I don't have time to pack a lunch or go to the gym."
.

This drives me insane too. Insane!!!

And the next one that says it to me, I'm gonna let em' have it. ;)

No time? As if this eating well, taking care of ones body, maintaining a healthy weight is some "frivolous" LUXURY. Ummm - no. It's vital. IT MATTERS. It's worthy of the attention, care and time. No time. Make the darn time.

Don't they realize the more time you spend on this, the better you feel, the more energetic and productive you are, the higher your quality of life - that it frees you up to actually have more time. On this earth hopefully. And that time spent here is of a MUCH higher quality?

I guess they don't.

It's sad actually.

:hug: Lori Bell, I know your remark back to her bothers you..all of your prior posts have shown the type of person you are.

We all say stupid stuff from time to time...I am the KING of Stupid Stuff saying!

None of us are perfect and I know you know that.....I am sure it is very irritating that she continues to say/do/ask the same things....

but that is where she is in her life right now....she still looks at things like "denying herself"....and because of where she is at in her life she is putting the hurt she carries back on you....

we all grow in different ways and different times....

or UN-GROW :) as you have done so very-very well :carrot:

I am happy that you are in a place that, in time, both of you can get past this in your walk....you know you can't change her....but you can change you and how you react to her...

it isn't always easy but I have faith that you will find the way to turn this into a good thing...with a little help of course from above.....;)

No time? As if this eating well, taking care of ones body, maintaining a healthy weight is some "frivolous" LUXURY. Ummm - no. It's vital. IT MATTERS. It's worthy of the attention, care and time. No time. Make the darn time.


Yeah, I sometimes tell myself that I don't have the time to do the things I should (eat well, exercise, sleep enough, etc). But I have time to sit on my butt in front of the computer, don't I? I have time to watch American Idol.

We all have the same 24-hours in a day. How we choose to spend most of that time (especially the free time) is up to us. It's not like Robin is somehow magically allocated an extra hour more than me per day to prepare her healthy lunches! So me telling myself that I "don't have time" is simply an excuse and nothing more.

Like LoriBell, I probably would have snapped out a snippy response and then felt bad afterwards. For me, I would probably feel better offering an apology even though the other lady did really start it by her judging, critical comments. Hopefully the church lady won't feel quite as free to offer up her criticism in public again.

Okay, I laughed. I think we all have our limits, so don't feel too bad for what you said. Maybe she'll realize it's inappropriate to make such comments to someone.

Although, really, I think it's just a manifestation of her jealousy toward you. She probably wishes she could do what you've done and can't handle it.

We all have the same 24-hours in a day. How we choose to spend most of that time (especially the free time) is up to us. It's not like Robin is somehow magically allocated an extra hour more than me per day to prepare her healthy lunches! So me telling myself that I "don't have time" is simply an excuse and nothing more.


Even the amount of free time you have is largely under one's control. There is a certain type of person who loves to take on 17,000 obligations so that they can then complain about how they never have time for themselves and how someone else always needs a piece of them and boo-hoo-hoo.

Although, really, I think it's just a manifestation of her jealousy toward you. She probably wishes she could do what you've done and can't handle it.

Yes. There is no doubt in my mind that this woman was jealous. And all the women like her that know better. That make comments, etc.

And it is sad. BUT - it is hard to remember the sadness when you are the target of their jealousy, anger and resentment.

Even the amount of free time you have is largely under one's control. There is a certain type of person who loves to take on 17,000 obligations so that they can then complain about how they never have time for themselves and how someone else always needs a piece of them and boo-hoo-hoo.

As the parent of a severely disabled child I don't agree with this 100%. :D I've got nothing to say boo-hoo about though. Love every minute I spend with my precious boy.

As the parent of a severely disabled child I don't agree with this 100%. :D I've got nothing to say boo-hoo about though. Love every minute I spend with my precious boy.

Of course there are things outside of our control--but because of that huge time commitment, I assume you've altered other commitments: for example, not volunteered to be PTA president, elected to pursue a less time-intensive career, avoided getting a dog or taking in an exchange student or putting in a two acre vegetable garden.

I am not saying that life is fair, or easy. I am saying that some people willingly take on more than they can handle, out of pride or a reluctance to make other people unhappy, and then complain about how lucky others are.

Of course there are things outside of our control--but because of that huge time commitment, I assume you've altered other commitments: for example, not volunteered to be PTA president, elected to pursue a less time-intensive career, avoided getting a dog or taking in an exchange student or putting in a two acre vegetable garden.

I am not saying that life is fair, or easy. I am saying that some people willingly take on more than they can handle, out of pride or a reluctance to make other people unhappy, and then complain about how lucky others are.

I don't take on any other commitments. Thanks to my husband's very hard work I am a stay at home mom and so I do have some free time (obviously since I post here :) ). I do know what you mean about those people. It is a little like hitting your head against a wall and then asking for sympathy because you have a headache! :dizzy:

I know a lady that gets a break only when her disabled daughter goes off to school...she has lived this life for 18 years now...she does get a break every now and then from friends or family...but in the big picture it ain't much....

she does find time to take in a yoga class my wife teaches at our church...

somehow she finds time to keep her sanity...

I ***** and moan from time to time (now that the kids are all gone) that I have no time since I have dogs...which I wouldn't trade for the world...

different people....different strokes....

Thank God for those blessed to care for those in need!