I need some advice and input. How do you deal with people who don't care? I mean people who eat whatever they want, whenever they want, as MUCH as they want? People who want to eat at all the most unhealthy places, all the time. People who know already that you DON'T want to eat at these places but still take you there. People who roll their eyes and try to make you feel bad about your lifestyle choices.
Aside from just avoiding people like this (no way to completely avoid mine) how do you deal with them? Without stressing to the point of breakdown like I do? I really need to know. Whenever I have to be around this 'type' that I have in my life I can hardly stand the stress over it, worrying about where they are going to drag me to eat, what I will do if there is NOTHING healthy, aside from just not eating I guess. What if there is nothing healthy to offer my daughter, that one is the hardest since I can't just starve her like I would myself (until I could get somewhere with something acceptable to eat of course), but I refuse to feed her crap.
Anyways, thanks so much for any help with this one. This one really is one of my toughest areas.
Well, for one thing, people can't take you to a restaurant you refuse to go to. Sometimes my husband wants to eat at places that I know have nothing I can eat. Those times I just say "Cool - you go get what you want there, I'll find something else somewhere else, and we'll meet up after." This weight loss thing is MY thing, and I have to take responsibility for myself in it. Those people who don't want to eat the way you do don't have to - and you certainly don't have to eat the way they do. Just say "No thanks" when they try to take you some place you know isn't good for you.
They probably aren't doing it on purpose. And who says you have to let them drag you anywhere. You DO have the right to choose where to eat, to voice your opinion and to say, "thanks but no thanks." If you speak up and they don't budge...is it worth it to you to go anyhow? They can only choose for you if you let them. And you have to decide if your weight/health are more important than being around folks who don't consider. If it's more important to hang out, then by all means, just go alon and do what they do. If not, then it is up to you to change it. Or find a compromise.
I have a business meeting, potluck thingy tonight. I am taking my dish for sharing. I am also taking my pre-measured food along that works into my own plan because it is more important to me to get to a weight I feeo healthy at being. And the last time I took my own, they all wanted my salad, LOL! Tonight they are having soup, salad, bread and dessert. I dunno what all the counts are. I am having a chicken boudine casserole, with noodles and spinach and chicken chunk in it and awesome black beans w/ salsa and a tortilla. I won't feel deprived and I can still hang with my friends and enjoy dinner. And they don't try to force me to make bad choices or I wouldn't go at all to the potluck part.
It's MY choice. And if you want, you can make it YOUR choice.
I bring food. Or I eat before, so all I want is a diet coke/coffee/water. Bring food for your daughter as well. It takes a bit more time, but its so worth it.
Don't let people make you feel bad about your choices. You know you're doing the right thing.
I find that the phrase, "No, thank you" gets me through many situations. And so far no one has forced me at gunpoint to eat the foods I don't want to eat.
Stand up for yourself, no one can make you do anything you don't want to do. If you lose a friend or two in the process, were they really your friends?
I lost a couple of friends on my weight-loss journey. Guess they weren't really my friends in the first place.
I've stopped going- and the friend of my hubby who kept coming over with food or wanting to go eat at bad places I honestly asked him to eat before he comes over or not come over at all OR join us for dinner. He's chosen to not come over at all which is fine by me.
You have to put yourself first and that may just mean putting some distance between you and the people who are detrimental to your weight loss.
I have this exact same problem!! Even the daughter part!
I have started bringing my daughter food along, and just saying politely that I'm not hungry. I will sit and chat with them and drink water.
I feel like my friends and family do this on purpose.
It would be nice if, these people that you obviously want to/have to interact with, had some respect for your choices. But they don't and probably never will. So I would try to pre-empt their choice by choosing first, or eat before I went, or meet them after dinner, or not go at all.
I would politely decline the invatation to go to places where you know there is nothing you can eat. If they pressure you, or look dissappointed, be frank with them. Tell them the health choices you are making for you and your daughter are really important to you. They are more than welcome to go where they want, but they need to respect your decisions as well. If they really want to spend time with you, make a few suggestions of places you can go. If they won't change, go back to your original "no thank".As friends, or family, they should respect you enough to not pressure you into doing things you don't want to do.
Like some already said, eat beforehand and feed your daughter too. If you "MUST" order something, order coffee, or diet soda or water so that they dont feel disrespected. I'm assuming they're people who are important to you or you wouldnt put up with it. Good Luck and be assertive.
hmm... i know it is not always possible, but how about you just don't let them take you and do your best to take them to a restaurant of your choice? of course, it would be best to make it a restaurant which offers meals they will like but also give you a healthy option (i usually go for some sort of meat and salad, no desert, but i live in europe and it is very hard to find a restaurant that has none of those things).
so, although i know there is no real help on the topic, sometimes other people really are the problem and only they can fix that, basically - you be the one to decide on the restaurant before they do. hope it helps some!
(as far as how irritating it is to eat with someone who just doesn't care and finds our healthy eating ridiculous... never found a way cope with that. )
I agree with quince that there are not that many restaurants that don't have ANY good choices at all. They may not be as interesting or tasty as the specialities, but a place that serves fried chicken probably offers some broiled chicken too, or a Chinese restaurant will have steamed fish and veggies, etc.
I pick those options when I can, otherwise I eat before or after.
And I will also insist on getting to be the one to pick a place at least some of the time, so I can choose restaurants that I know have options I'll be happy with, but still offer less calorie-conscious items for the people who aren't tracking that.
I think it's important to not be a zealot about weight loss. Yes, a lot of the people in my life should be losing weight, but that is their choice and I have to let them come to that decision in their own time and way, just like I did.
I'd like to add that I really don't tolerate the eye rolling and snide comment making. Don't tolerate it! Lay down the law! They have the right to eat however they want, but they don't have the right to get on your case about how you eat. Tell them, either politely or not so politely, that they need to knock it off, or they won't have the pleasure of your company. Then, if they start being immature, you get up and leave. Every. Single. Time. They'll either learn really fast, or you'll find out who your true friends and loved ones are.
I try to focus on myself, own my own choices and take responsibility for my decisions. If others are making unhealthy choices or don't care, I cannot change that or let it affect me. I politely decline offers of unhealthy foods, but it does get a bit annoying when people are doing it to mock me. Last week, someone was trying to push a jumbo cookie on me, in front of a group of people. After declining the offer, he said, "Oh come on, have a damn cookie, look at all the weight you've lost already." I simply said, "Not by eating that," and the group laughed and he dropped it. Focus on yourself...
My husband and I eat out frequently with friends and family, and I can usually find something that fits into my plan. I'm losing slow and am ok with that, but it's usually not my restaurant meal that's the problem (I wish I always ate as carefully at home as I do in restaurants).
I've learned to be VERY persuasive with friends and family - it's not impossible, it's a skill that can be learned (though I do have some natural talent I think, because I've always been somewhat strongwilled). Yes, some people will want to drag you to the restaurant they like - so why aren't you able to drag them to the restaurant that YOU want?
Some people are more persuasive than others, and it's easy to give in to strong personalities. You think "fine, it's not worth a fight."
I will tell you though, I have a LOT more luck convincing people to go to my restaurant choice if I say something like "Let's go to Syam Garden. It's my favorite thai restaurant, and the food is awesome. Even if you don't like thai food the eggrolls are amazing and their Pho is a chicken noodle soup that is the best soup in the wolrd You'd never think a chicken soup could taste so good that you want to order it in a restaurant, but it's awesome. And if you like salads, their papaya salad is really yummy, it's like a garlicky coleslaw - almost a meal in itself.
Than if I say "I want to go to Syam Garden, because I'm dieting."
It's sometimes unfortunate, but people are more swayed by arguments that appeal to their needs and desires. "I want to go somewhere that I can find something I can eat," is a whole lot less compelling than, "I know this really great place we can go."
I follow an 1800 calorie moderately low carb exchange plan (controls calories, carbs and reminds me to get in food groups I'd neglect otherwise like dairy).
As with straight calorie counting, it means I can eat almost anything, anywhere and fit it into my food plan.
How to be around people who just don't care?
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