[Jinkies]

I admit I do this. Sometimes I am so embarrassed about how much I weigh that I avoid seeing people that I haven't for a long time.

I just can't stand seeing the look of surprise on their face when they realize it's me. I know I've gained weight. My weight shocks me as well but I just don't want to see the shock on other people's faces. Sad but true.

I've avoided visting some family out of state for several years because I weigh more now than when they saw me last.

I know I shouldn't let my weight get in the way of seeing old friends but in reality it does. And I know with family it shouldn't matter how much I weigh but realistically, it does bother them.

How do you get the strength to see people you haven't seen for a long time?

[Jennelle]

Ooohhh, Jinkies. Tough subject.

I, too, have purposely avoided people because I've gotten so fat. I especially do it when I go home - I try very hard not to frequent places where I might run into people I knew in high school. (Isn't that pitiful?) I also have a friend here that I haven't seen in about a year because I have gained about 50 pounds since the last time we saw each other. Unfortunately, it's too easy to use the excuse of "too busy."

The only advice I could offer with your family (and it's so much different with family that it is with friends) is to beat them to the punch. Make a funny, self-deprecating comment before they get a chance to look shocked or surprised. (For example, a couple of years ago I'd gone home about 30 lbs. heavier, and my aunt and I were doing dishes in the kitchen after a family dinner. We kept bumping into each other, so I said something to the effect of "I think my hips are just two too many!")

Another suggestion? Look your very best. Dress to the nines. (Unless you're like me and can really only afford to dress to the eights... ) Be meticulous. Get your hair and nails done before you go. If you feel better about yourself, you will carry yourself with more confidence and others will pick up on it.

I wish you the very best of luck. I truly know how you feel.

[lorelei1]

Oh, I can relate to this! I have a guy friend (who really is a friend but I had a mad crush on him in high school, I will admit...) he hadnt seen me in ten years and just shows up on my doorstep last year. I had to be 100 pounds more than when I last saw him. He was the best about it, didnt even mention it, but I did. I told him I was dieting and lost ten pounds at that time. He hasnt seen me since then but we do talk on the phone. I cant wait to see him and watch his reaction when he sees how much I have lost in a year!

I do avoid people who I recognize in a store or something by turning in another direction because it is too embarrasing --unless they are big now too!!

I do also try to always look good even if it means makeup and nails done all the time. That way it looks like you havent given up on yourself.
great topic!
laura

[gbo]

Boy can I relate!!! I have avoided seeing my Husbands family for a number of years. I adore them but well, I really wanted no one to see me so huge. For so long I avoided going out the door period and my health gave me such easy excuses. I do it far less now but I sure understand. In fact My Mother in Law ( whom I adore) and Hubbys brother and wife will be here for Thanksgiving and I can't wait. Of course I would love to be about 250 but well we shall see. I am lighter now than when they first saw me and far less than the last time they saw me so whatever.
Pam

[muelledk]

Wow, I didn't realize that so many people did this! I, too, have avoided people that I haven't seen in a while. I actually didn't go to my high school reunion because I was too embarrased.
But then again, as Joan Cusack pointed out in Gross Pointe Blank,
"Everyone from high school looks exactly the same, they just swelled."
For those people that I have run into, they are usually bigger than I remember them as well. That makes me feel better about myself.

[Goddess Jessica]

Just before I set out on my trip cross country to move to Southern California, I stopped by Sears to pick up some car waxing doohickie. I had been waxing my car all day, so I had my hair pulled back in a pony tail, a tie-dyed shirt on and some jean shorts. One of the Sears guys was running to storage to get a part of me, so I was just wandering through the department and this other Sears guy comes up and I wave him away smiling, "Thanks but I'm already being helped." And the guy looks at me and says, "No, it's me. Dan S___." Dan had always been a good friend of mine through high school. I was amazed! This scrawy (but awesome) guy from high school had filled out to be this handsome hunk of a man. I gave him a huge hug and said, "I didn't even recognize you. You look great. blahblah blah." He said, "You look EXACTLY the same."

Now I had gained a hundred pounds since he saw me last. BUT all through high school, I wore my hair pulled back in a pony tail and a tie-dyed shirt, it was like my uniform. All he saw was his good friend from high school that was wearing the same thing.

Now the reverse has happen to a girl I work with. She lost 30 pounds and people keep asking if she got her hair cut. HA!

Moral of the story: Not everyone notices.

[ANNE D]

Man Oh Man,
Do I know how you feel! I feel like a chameleon with the
way my weight can fluctuate up fifty down fifty. I hate seeing
the relatives at Christmas when I've put on. I can read
exactly what they are thinking.
Anne.