30-Somethings - OT online dating




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kaebea
05-09-2009, 10:02 PM
going along the lines of making new friends, i was also wondering about meeting men.
I have a profile on one of the online dating sites, but i'm not real sure about the whole on-line dating scene. I don't currently subscribe, so i can't contact anyone, and i'm hesitant to spend the money at the same time because i dont' know if it's worth it. I know a few couples that met on line, so i know good things can happen. but i'm still wary of it.
I met one guy on line , we went out 2 or 3 times, but we weren't really a match i guess---too much alike :)

there are one or 2 men that have sent me messages, and i'm kind of interested in talking more, but i've never had anything really happen from an online dating contact. but i can't respond to them unless i pay the monthy fee...

anyone have any other experience with online dating sites?


grneyedmustang
05-09-2009, 10:47 PM
Have you tried plentyoffish.com? It's totally free (even to contact people who are interested in you), and one of the things I like about the site is that you can screen who contacts you...

canadianangel
05-10-2009, 12:52 AM
i met my hubby threw a online dating site..it worked for us. Plentyoffish.com, is absolutly free. just be careful, dont give out presonal information, and take your time.

ang


CelticHarpie
05-10-2009, 04:00 AM
My boyfriend (of 3 years) and I met on Yahoo personals. Like everyone else said, just take your time and make sure that you're comfortable with the person.

LBH
05-10-2009, 10:17 AM
Kae, DH & I met online through matchmakers.com. We both did a free 2 wk. trial. :D Go for it, just be sensible.

nonabee
05-10-2009, 04:02 PM
I know people who have found love online. As with any relationship, take your time & don't give out personal info too far in advance.

SunshineCA
06-10-2009, 03:04 PM
Online relationships can be successful BUT you really have to get to the know the person inside and out away from the computer. Many people fluff their profiles and tend to really believe it themselves. I learned the hard way as I recently woke up and smelled the coffee to end a 3.5 year "relationship" with my ex-fiance. There are many imposters out there so please be very careful and sensible. As with any relationship, take your time. As my Dad would say, "Look before you leap!" Good luck! :)

rocketbunny
06-10-2009, 03:12 PM
Have you tried plentyoffish.com? It's totally free (even to contact people who are interested in you), and one of the things I like about the site is that you can screen who contacts you...

+1. I met my current BF (now 1.5 years) on PlentyofFish. It's completely free and HUGE! The forums there are also great when you're bored.

I second SunshineCA's recommendation of getting to know the person away from the computer. My BF is 40 minutes away, but I met him in person within 2 weeks of first contact and now see him at least 4 days a week.

I've had Long Distance Relationships in the past. You never *really* get to know the person without spending significant amounts of time together in the flesh. I wasted a year on a guy who was too far away to be with more than twice a month or so. If I'd spent more time with him, I'd have ditched him within the first month or two.

Thighs Be Gone
06-10-2009, 03:13 PM
I'm married but I am alllll about free. Good idea Ladies!

NorCal Jen
06-10-2009, 03:16 PM
I met my boyfriend of 2+ years on craigslist. Just be open and honest and careful. As long as you are true to yourself and the other person you can find the right one.

Good luck!

SamanthaJubilee
06-10-2009, 05:53 PM
I met my boyfriend (now live in) via match.com

So far we have been together (as a couple) for 1 year. Things are great. I met a lot of really cool guys on there & I also met a few jerks who lied about wanting a relationship when they only wanted to "hook up".
My friend recently used match.com and met a great guy...who decided 2 months into a "relationship" that he wasn't ready. Um...then why the heck did you create a dating profile? Idiot! Anyway, just be careful & take it slow. I have found that you get to many "dead ends" on the free websites. I would suggest signing up for a free one and also something like match.com or eharmony. That way you have more options. Just do it for 3 months & see how you feel. You can always cancel if you find it isn't working.

ringmaster
06-10-2009, 06:20 PM
I also met a few jerks who lied about wanting a relationship when they only wanted to "hook up".



Any tips or red flags to avoid these types? I've chatted with a lot of guys (that said on their profile they were looking to date or for a longtermr) and thinking they were nice enough to try and meet in person only to find out they are just looking for "fun". It really made me leery of online dating now because it's so easy for guys to pretend online just to get what they want. It seems like meeting people off online you have to take it even slower than you would if you just met someone in real life.

SamanthaJubilee
06-10-2009, 06:27 PM
Ringmaster...honesly, you just have to listen with your head and not let your heart run with all the BS they are spitting at you. One of the only ways I know to tell if they are full of sh*t...let them take you on a date. Do not kiss them or allow them to touch you inappropriately. If after the first date they call you again...go on the second date & only kiss them goodnite - if you want to. Then if they are still interested and ask you out again you can drop the wall a little, but I wouldn't "make out" with a guy I met online until I have spent a good amount of time with him...unless you are into being used.

SamanthaJubilee
06-10-2009, 06:30 PM
I just want to say that not all guys are jerks and not all the guys you meet on there are only after a "little fun". So I don't want it to seem like I'm bashing. Just trying to help a "friend" out...

SunshineCA
06-10-2009, 10:21 PM
Here Here! :)

All wonderful advice! Especially regarding taking your time. Please take heed whether you meet someone face-to-face or online. Especially online!

Good careful luck to all of you!

Devsmama
06-11-2009, 09:10 AM
I did meet someone online and he "seemed" to be a really cool guy we dated for like 6 months and then it got kind of weird, so that was my one and only experience and I don't want to keep doing that. I like to look people in the eyes and get a sense of who they are. Maybe I will try it again, but right now, I'm good. So, good luck to you, take a chance, its worth it, even if things don't turn out well...

oksoonergirl
06-19-2009, 08:32 AM
Meeting people online is just like meeting people anywhere else. There are going to be freaks online just like there would be if you met someone at a bar or at church. The advice in this thread is wise. There are some gems out there!

For me it has always been easier to meet guys to date that I've met online. I am very outgoing and have a lot of friends who are guys. However, my weight has caused confidence issues so I think there is comfort in the person getting to know me before they can pass judgment on my appearance.

Lissus
06-19-2009, 03:51 PM
I've been online dating for many years, and have met many wonderful people which have turned into long term relationships/friendships (and also my share of jerks). You tend to get a "feel" for who's BS'ing after a while. Listen to your own emotions and if someone sends up a "red flag" for you take it to heed, even if you dont know why. If something feels "off", it usually is. Keep your own emotions in check for a while as well as it's FAR too easy to get swept up in online romances that never make it off the computer screen. Good thing about those sites is you can block people that stress you out. So much easier to just block someone you dont like than trying to deal with a pushy admirer in person. LOL.

And when meeting someone for the first time, always keep a level head and some street smarts. If I'm going in their car I ALWAYS snap a pic of their licence plate and send it to my roomies, and give them a call or text a little bit into the date (even if I have my own car). If someone hesitates about you taking any type precautionary measures then that should be a big ole red flag warning.

There's some wonderful people in the online dating world, and one of the good things about it is even shy people can open up a bit about themselves online, and break the ice a bit before that initial nervewracking first date, but we do live in a crazy world with crazy people, so just stay smart and you'll do fine.

Using the more tame dating sites you should be fine anyways. I, personally, frequent some of the more specific sites for my particular interests (ok I'll admit it.. I like my guys kinky :devil:) and haven't had any problems on those sites even meeting people with more extreme tastes. So on the vanilla, more Care Bear type sites... you should be golden :)

Happy dating!

crazymary
07-09-2009, 10:24 PM
I am in this boat right now, I am getting ready to meet a guy that I have been chatting online/phone with for...8 years!! He lives on the other side of the country and that's why we have never met, among personal issues on both sides. I am freaking out a little bit, because I feel I know him so well, we talk about everything and I could say he is my best friend, which is odd considering we have never met face to face. It scares me to think that I am putting so much trust in him and it turn out bad. But, I just decided that it was time and I wanted this. My family all think I am insane and I don't get much support from them. My biggest fear is that he wont like me physically, he tells me that is silly and not to worry about it, but I can't help it. I also don't want this to be the biggest mistake of my life either. I am trying to be positive but it's hard when I have so much self doubt. I just hope it works out because I really feel we could make a go of it, we get along so great but I know in person, it could be totally different.

akacutie
07-09-2009, 10:33 PM
I just wanted to sing praises for plentyoffish.com- I tried the site after a hard break up on advice from my sister- I went out on a few dates with a friendly guy but there wasn't much spark I then started to date my DBF and it was a match. We have been together 1.5 years now and there is talk of a ring... :)

There were many guys who contacted me that I rejected because of some weird feeling while chatting etc- don't be afraid to say no thanks if your not feeling it for whatever reason! also don't be afraid to meet if your interested-

I also loved the forums on POF- I canceled my account a while ago but I like the site while I used it!

Lissus
07-10-2009, 02:17 AM
I am in this boat right now, I am getting ready to meet a guy that I have been chatting online/phone with for...8 years!! He lives on the other side of the country and that's why we have never met, among personal issues on both sides. I am freaking out a little bit, because I feel I know him so well, we talk about everything and I could say he is my best friend, which is odd considering we have never met face to face. It scares me to think that I am putting so much trust in him and it turn out bad. But, I just decided that it was time and I wanted this. My family all think I am insane and I don't get much support from them. My biggest fear is that he wont like me physically, he tells me that is silly and not to worry about it, but I can't help it. I also don't want this to be the biggest mistake of my life either. I am trying to be positive but it's hard when I have so much self doubt. I just hope it works out because I really feel we could make a go of it, we get along so great but I know in person, it could be totally different.


I went through almost this same thing years ago. I was from Boston, and came out to California to meet a friend I'd been talking to online for a few years. We met at the airport and fell into each others arms like something from a fairy tale. After that we scheduled a few trips to spend together and I eventually moved out here.

After a couple years we decided to make a break as a couple, and start seeing other people, but we still live together and we are still best friends.

My suggestion is just take it slow, but don't be afraid to meet. I've never regretted getting on that plane, even though all my family and friends thought I was insane. And when I decided to move out here? OH boy.. the negativity from them was astounding, but I followed my heart, and proved them all wrong.

Don't be afraid to try. Some of the best relationships I've ever had were with people I've met online.

Onederchic
07-10-2009, 09:44 AM
I met my boyfriend of now 5 and a half years online. Albeit not a dating or social site but the internet nonetheless. We are very happy and I don't see that changing.

Be safe and take your time with it all. Good luck :D :hug:

crazymary
07-11-2009, 08:28 AM
I went through almost this same thing years ago. I was from Boston, and came out to California to meet a friend I'd been talking to online for a few years. We met at the airport and fell into each others arms like something from a fairy tale. After that we scheduled a few trips to spend together and I eventually moved out here.

After a couple years we decided to make a break as a couple, and start seeing other people, but we still live together and we are still best friends.

My suggestion is just take it slow, but don't be afraid to meet. I've never regretted getting on that plane, even though all my family and friends thought I was insane. And when I decided to move out here? OH boy.. the negativity from them was astounding, but I followed my heart, and proved them all wrong.

Don't be afraid to try. Some of the best relationships I've ever had were with people I've met online.

Thank you so much for sharing this story! I have been so nervous but so excited to go meet him, I hope that even if it doesnt work out romantically that we can stay friends, that's what I want more than anything. We are talking about me moving out there, if we get along good, so only time will tell. Again thank you this is just the sort of thing I needed to hear, a positive rather than all the negativity my family/friends are giving me. :hug:

TracyB73
08-14-2009, 10:49 AM
I met my BF in a chat room and we have been together six years now. We are both open and honest with each other. I met him for the first time a few years ago and it was like we hadn't been apart at all. I am going back in March to see him and so yes it's possible to meet someone online , just be careful though I know a lot of guys like to hide things or are not what they say they are.

luvja
08-14-2009, 11:03 AM
I've met some pretty cool guys off Plentyoffish.com :) None have been serious, because I'm too picky, but I did meet a really great male friend :)