Weight Loss Support - One stupid cookie

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04-03-2009, 08:51 AM
A few days ago at work, the girl in the cubicle across the aisle notices that I have carrots with me. She says very loudly, ohhh are you trying to eat healthy? Honestly I don't remember what I said, but I had had a very rough emotional day and it probably wasnt very nice. She's a very sensitive girl and so the next day I emailed her to tell her that yes, I was dieting but I didn't want other people to know. So I thought we understood each other.

So, yesterday, she comes to work with a bag of cookies that she made. She gives one to the woman in front of me, ask me if I want one and I said no, then gives one to the girl behind me and comes back to my desk and says I'm just gonna put one here, and leaves it on my desk. I tell her again, I don't want one. She then says that my desk has germs and she can't take it back now.

My first thought, which out of kindness I didn't do, was to throw it away. So that it sat on my desk for an hour or so before I finally ate it. I know that one cookie didnt kill me and I wasn't really worried about that. I just can't believe that she forced it on me. Kinda Pi****ed me off.

04-03-2009, 08:57 AM
wow. talk about passive/aggressive behavior!! Watch out for her!

I don't mind every now and again eating something special, but I really detest being "forced" to.

I wouldn't have known what to do, either. Don't beat yourself up about the cookie, but now you can have your radar up about her.

Thighs Be Gone
04-03-2009, 09:04 AM
before, I agree to have your radar on that one..

I have written this story here before. When I was just starting last summer I had someone that tried to sabotage me--a friend actually. When I was at my highest weight she would give me unwanted and unsolicited dieting advice almost daily. Once I began losing weight she would bring gigantic cookies with frosting for my kids, fat laden meals, etc to my house...I sent her away again and again..I stood my ground and wouldn't allow junk at my house..

Well, now she is heavier than ever and is now saying to me, "don't lose anymore weight..you shouldn't run because it is bad for your body.." and blah, blah, blah.....I also discovered that at the one and only WW meeting I have ever been to, she showed up before me and told the women running the place that I was some crazed diet fanatic ...No wonder I didn't like the meeting and felt so attacked! she always must feel she is superior regardless of anything..

stand your ground, dump the cookie, do what you must..and thumbs up on the carrots..they really help me too!

04-03-2009, 09:18 AM
I would have thrown it away and smiled at her, 'cause I'm mean like that. I grew up with 6 brothers and 0 sisters, so I don't know how to do that passive/aggressive nonsense. I just do what I want and say what I mean. People like that irritate me..

04-03-2009, 09:30 AM
She BLATANTLY tried to violate your clearly expressed wishes, and you didn't want to be mean to her?? I'd have looked her in the eye, pitched it in the trash, and said a very sweet thank you. This woman is someone you have to stand your ground with. You didn't ask for it, you don't want it, don't eat it!

ETA: Oh, and if she objects, just say very innocently, "You gave it to me. Didn't you mean I could do whatever I wanted with it?" and smile sweetly again. She'll stop. :D

04-03-2009, 09:32 AM
I have people I know like that!! Watch out for her!!! She will have negative comments and try to mess with your head!! BEWARE!!!
People can be so cruel...like once a so called friend told me she could tell I was losing weight but my butt was still huge!!! Its not like I didnt know that already!!!

04-03-2009, 09:33 AM
Next time throw it away. Do it discreetly if you like, but toss it.

Keep things only businesslike with this person.


04-03-2009, 09:40 AM
I would have thrown it out (while she was watching) and said that it was her fault for mentioning my desk germs, now I'm afraid of what's on the cookie. :lol:

04-03-2009, 09:47 AM
I would've tossed it, too. Now she'll just do this again and again and again. You'll have to be stern with this one to get her to stop....

04-03-2009, 09:59 AM
Would've tossed the cookie too. Subtly if I was in the mood. Obviously if I was in the mood. And if there were comments on the tossing of the cookie, I would have used the germ reference like Mayness.

Control of what you put into your body is a basic human right....don't be coerced by this woman! I think you are kinder than I am, perhaps, but don't be afraid to stick to your guns.

04-03-2009, 10:02 AM
and she didn't force you to eat the cookie, you allowed her to control you by you eating it. Toss it next time.

04-03-2009, 10:09 AM
Yup, watch out for that one. That 'germs' remark was just WTFckery anyway.

(That said, it's not so far from truth, an office desk being one of the most germs-laden places... If she does that again, maybe you can use that to 'trick' yourself into being disgusted and not eating the cookie?)

04-03-2009, 10:19 AM
sigh, isn't it hard enough to deal with ourselves, and then have to deal with crap like that!?!

I think I would have *flicked* it off the desk with my thumb and forefinger :devil: but I'm also mean sometimes if I think the person deserves it.

well I sure hope she backs off from you, and congrats to you for doing your part by having carrots :carrot:

People are just insane sometimes. A couple months ago someone came into work and offered me a piece of a bar/cookie thing. I said 'no thank you' with a smile. He said, come on, it's small. And I said politely again, 'no thank you'. Again he said, what's the problem, you can have a tiny piece. And a third time I said no thank you. AND a fourth time he pressed it on me again! I finally gripped his upper arm, got right in his face, and said, 'why are you forcing me?' and he says because when you deny your self any treats you make youself crazy. Yeah, I'm crazy, LOL

04-03-2009, 10:26 AM
If it'd happened to me yesterday, with the mood I was in, I might've thrown the cookie AT her....see if you come to MY cubicle again, missy!!!

04-03-2009, 10:29 AM
Had I thought about the too many germs on my desk comment at the time, I definately would've used. Darn cookie wasn't even very good.

04-03-2009, 10:42 AM
She's nasty.

Me, I'd have dumped the cookie back on her desk with a loud no thankyou.

but I really worry about her behaviour, what a dangerous bully, look out for her.

I have a friend kind of like that, and really I'm very fond of him but he has a cruel streak. At lunch a few months ago he ordered a chocolate gateau for himself. I said I'd just have coffee. For a good 20 mins he went on and on, as he savoured his cake how he was sure I'd really wanted some, how he could just see by the look on my face I was desperate for a bit of his. The truly annoying thing was that I really, honestly wasn't interested. I maintained a polite smile, didn't argue, drank my coffee. He hasn't done it again.
passive aggressive bullies are hard to deal with though.

ps you're right, one cookie won't kill ya
woohoo! you've lost over half a stone. don't let an unpleasant amoeba like here spoil it.

04-03-2009, 12:52 PM
I have a coworker like that too. She gets jealous that I'm losing weight and might potentially be prettier than her someday, I guess (this is the only option I can come up with for her behavior), so she sometimes makes mean comments about my diet restrictions. If she pulled that cookie nonsense with me I would have been able to find someone else to eat it in about ten seconds flat around here, but I would've had no qualms about tossing it, either.

That girl in your office sounds pretty weird. Definitely watch your back with her.

04-03-2009, 01:03 PM
That ... creature. How annoying. She forced you to settle for an uninteresting cookie. If you were to permit yourself to eat a cookie, I am sure it would not be the mediocre object she presented you with.

I'd have thrown it away, smiled sweetly and said, "Sorry, when I treat myself, I really do treat myself. This just wouldn't be worth it."

Of course, then I'd have to work alongside a sworn enemy for an indefinite time.

Why do women pull this passive/agressive stuff? When I hear this, I'm so glad I work in a department that's primarily male. Granted, they are going on too much about basketball, and on one memorable occasion, they had a farting contest after lunch, but no one's ever given me a hard time about what I eat & they have been all full of "way to go" about my exercising & have become rather protective of me in a very nice, brotherly way when other guys at the office show an interest in me.

Sorry you're subjected to these kind of mind games at work.

04-03-2009, 01:16 PM
I laughed when you said the cookie wasn't very good - that gives you the perfect "out" for the next time (and it's virtually certain there will be a next time with this witch). When she shoves a cookie on you, you can calmly tell her that you tried one last time, and it didn't taste good enough to waste the calories on. Tell her the carrots tasted a lot better. :D

04-03-2009, 01:17 PM
This person doesn't seem to respect you, or that you're trying to eat well. It's one thing to offer someone a treat - that's being nice, really - but when you say "Oh, no thanks. No cookies for me." and she leaves it there for you anyway? that's just malicious.

What a jerk.

Lori Bell
04-03-2009, 01:36 PM
I laughed when you said the cookie wasn't very good - that gives you the perfect "out" for the next time (and it's virtually certain there will be a next time with this witch). When she shoves a cookie on you, you can calmly tell her that you tried one last time, and it didn't taste good enough to waste the calories on. Tell her the carrots tasted a lot better. :D

I have to totally agree with this...there WILL be a next time because she won. Granted you LET her win...and EVERYONE LOVES to win. She'll keep playing the game as long as she wins.

I love ICU's idea! NEXT TIME...just a simple..."yuck, no thank you, that last cookie you gave me sucked...I'm saving my calories for a delicious piece of cheesecake my best friend made for me...:devil:

04-03-2009, 02:46 PM
Man, people are so weird about weight loss. This is why I treat the fact that I'm changing my eating like top secret information. Next time toss the cookie, and don't feel badly. Throwing away food you don't want is NOT rude.

04-03-2009, 02:46 PM
Remember, though, that you will have to work with this person. It's tempting to be nasty in return, but probably not the smartest move.


04-03-2009, 02:59 PM
It's like WHY is it if you have carrots or something else healthy people automatically assume you are dieting? I LIKE yogurt- I want more fiber in my diet- so I started eating those fiber yogurts a few times a week and one day a girl I know said "why are you eating yogurt, are you dieting?" I said yes I am dieting BUT I LIKE yogurt and eat it almost everyday! SHEESH.

Yeah next time say no and if she tries to put it on your desk scream "NO GERMS GERMS!!" then fall to the ground and twitch uncontrollably ;)

lol sorry can't help myself :p

04-03-2009, 03:18 PM
I wouldn't be rude or nasty because in the end you have to see this girl everyday you are at work. Next time I'd politely refuse and if she drops it on your desk, when she walked away I would pitch it, or give it to someone else. There are often times that people leave things on my desk. Monday I came in and there was a HUGE piece of cake with all kinds of icing on it. So I gave it to two of my co workers. I didn't even have a taste. I thanked the person for giving it to me. If you are rude and nasty to her you, or you eat the cookie then you are letting her win. Be nice and kill her with kindness. That usually drives them crazy...

04-03-2009, 03:25 PM
I would have (and have done in the past) thrown the cookie away. Discreetly, because as Jay said, you have to work with this person. Nobody is going to "force" me to eat something I don't want, I make that choice myself.

04-03-2009, 03:34 PM
That was very disrespectful of her to force a cookie on you. There will always be friends/co-workers like that. i think from the aforementioned post we all no someone who fits in that category.

Today a co-worker offered me some chicken wings, I told her I was dieting but thank you anyway. She dug in the bag and I was thinking oh no please dont make me take them and she pulle dout a box of celery and asked me if i wanted it.

04-03-2009, 03:48 PM
Buy yourself a little stuffed Cookie Monster, and keep him on your desk. ;) He never ATE the cookies anyway...

Some people just don't know how to react to others on a diet. Maybe she was just afraid of you feeling left out, who knows. Granted, one cookie isn't going to do you any harm, but the feelings you had after the incident, that's what is sticking with you.

Let it go... You can't control another's actions, but you can control how you react to them. Thank her for the cookie, put it in a drawer, and throw it away when you have a chance.

04-03-2009, 03:53 PM
Buy yourself a little stuffed Cookie Monster, and keep him on your desk. ;) He never ATE the cookies anyway...

That is a cute idea. He could be her 'diet buddy'. :)

04-03-2009, 03:56 PM
That is a cute idea. He could be her 'diet buddy'. :)

I was originally going to call the co-worker the Cookie Monster...;)

04-03-2009, 03:58 PM
I would have said "Thanks but I said that I didn't want it" and when she said the germs thing I would have dropped it into the garbage can ;) but hey that's just me.

I do not let others dictate to me what is or is not going into MY body.

As Ever

04-03-2009, 04:13 PM
I would have just brought it to the kitchen and tossed it. What a jerk!

04-03-2009, 04:17 PM
I would have just tossed it. And made sure she was looking when I did it. You told her straight forward you didn't want it, and she wouldn't take it back. That made the cookie garbage.

I lost most of the weight I have lost so far at my previous job, and my co workers were VERY supportive. They never tried to force food on me once I had denied it once or twice (just because they ask you twice doesn't mean it's sabotage. People like to share food, its a social thing). If someone's gonna pull crap like that, they deserve whatever bit of reciprocal malice you can throw back at them. Passive aggressive actions don't aren't just to torment others, but can be used as ways to expose what a jerk they are being. A little public humiliation, when done appropriately, is often needed to teach humility and civility, and I don't think enough people experience it.

04-03-2009, 04:17 PM
I was originally going to call the co-worker the Cookie Monster...;)

But then you'd be insulting Cookie Monster!;)

Call her The Cookie Terrorist. :D

04-03-2009, 04:20 PM
But then you'd be insulting Cookie Monster!;)

Call her The Cookie Terrorist. :D

LOL...AND using "germ" warfare! ;)

04-03-2009, 05:34 PM
ouch...that's tough to handle when it's a bully at work, because you don't want to do anything out of line since you gotta work with her and you don't want to get yourself in trouble. It's better not to feed negative people with more negativity, because then she is getting the reaction she wants from you.

If it happens again where she forces it on you, throw it out. If she does it yet again, throw it out in front of her,but in a nice way... hopefully then she'll get the hint.

04-04-2009, 02:35 AM
Dump The Cookie!

Just wait until she's gone then toss it in the garbage.

You still did good! Better than binging after that one cookie!! :)

~ tea

04-04-2009, 08:27 AM
I have to giggle some after reading these posts. I guess maybe I should have mentioned that this is like the sweetest girl ever! I am more inclined to think that she was very proud of her cookies as she's been married for about two weeks.

I don't know why she did it, and I'm over it already, but it did upset me at first. I couldn't possibly hold a grudge when this girl apologizes immensly if she even thinks that she has upset someone. If I mentioned how upset that cookie had made me she would keep apologizing all day. In fact, our office has to move to another building in two weeks and, since she wasn't there yesterday, I joked how we should make it looked like all her stuff was packed up so that when she came in on Monday we could tell her she was supposed to be at the other building. I said she would totally fall for it and the woman next to me said, no she would say, oh I am so sorry and feel bad that she hadn't known.

I know that there are some actual saboteurs but I really don't think that was her intent.

04-04-2009, 09:28 AM
heh. Just goes to show you how quick WE are to make judgements (and I think I was the first)!

I feel embarrassed now! :o

04-05-2009, 12:36 PM
Well.. for the cookie... yeah, it's one stupid cookie. Just walk a little more that day and no more cookies for the week. It is nothing to obsess over.

You can't do this all the time though..eat to make other people happy. I gained 15 pounds in 3 months doing that. It's so important to set boundaries, and if I tell someone no, I want to them to respect that, not pile more food on my plate.

Sometimes it's totally impolite to refuse food - who goes to a dinner party their friends worked so hard on, and eats rice cakes brought from home? But it's so easy to let the pendulum swing in that direction too - "I have to take something or else they'll be offended." and then you're - well I - am 15 pounds heavier.

I have coworkers who do this too- make awesome desserts and cookies and bring them to the office, cube by cube. It doesn't happen every day, so I don't turn it down. I take ONE (cookie, praline, brownie, whatever.) And then, I have 1-2 bites. The rest goes surreptitiously into the trash later. And I let them know I liked it, but I haven't totally upset my diet. I usually also drink a lot of water so the sweet cravings don't come after that. But this is like.. once every 2-3 months.

Christmas is tougher, but people usually don't come cube to cube sharing their food then - they leave it on top of their cabinet and you can come by and munch as you like. I keep my water glass FULL and use a lot of e-mail then ;)