Ok, I always have these fear that I'll sit in a chair and break it, which is why I stay away from those cheap, white lawn ones. I was at a local restaraunt Friday evening with the family and was stuck at a table instead of a booth (which isn't great when you have a 2 and 5 yr old that WONT STAY IN THEIR SEAT as it is). I went to sit down and could barely squeeze my thighs in the chair to sit down. I was mortified! I could not believe it. I know I'm big, I'm not delusional but...I wanted to cry. I had to scoot to the end of it and tried to make it look causual.
To make it worse, I just started my period so I am super-hormonal as always and that just topped it. Instead of vowing to diet harder, I did the opposite and had a bad weekend. I ate and ate and ate and tried to justify it. So today, I feel like...well you can guess.
But, I think this may have been the push I needed to face a reality I always want to ignore. (Same reason why I banished the full legnth mirror to the basement). I mean, what will happen when I can't get into the chair at all? What would I do?
No more. I am done being that fat person. I went through my very old exercise books that kept me in shape back in the day and made a program. I am going to be the tough, strong chick I used to be. But, damn I wanna be sexy too. All in good time.
We all have moments like that as fat people that we would rather forget. I actually broke a chair once with my 112 pound MIL in tow!
You just jump back on the wagon here and now. Changing habits and how we react to triggers (like what happened Friday night) is one of the trickiest parts of this thing.
I can certainly relate to that. I sat in a chair once, in high school, that ended up breaking. It turned out to have been missing a screw but it didn't change the fact that I knew what everyone thought.
Those kinds of things are so disheartening. Today I was at a restaurant with my mom, she weighs about 200 I weigh 330. And they put us in this booth which we usual like but the table moved and their wasn't enough room. So she sat towards the wall and I sat towards the front and the table was slanted in the middle. It was so humiliating. Honestly, I don't think anyone else in the place noticed but it crushed me.
I think you are doing the best thing, letting it out. Keeping those feelings inside is the worst thing.
Sorry guys for your public humiliation.Use it as motivation!!!You all sound like amazing people.Hang in there, one day you will be telling those stories and laughing about them.Trust me ,I have many stories of my own!!
I so hate those fixed bench seats in eateries, I totally understand how you felt - and why you went for the ' XX it! I'm going to eat anyway'.
Glad you spotted that trigger though and well done for resolving to find another solution.
You can do this!
My "a-ha" moment was sitting down in a movie theater restroom stall and cutting the my left outer thigh on a sharp-edged metal trash bin. I realized that a "normal" person would have fit just fine, but because my thighs were really big, I cut myself. I bled and I cried and I knew I had to make a change.
But I noticed the great thing about your post. You admitted to how uncomfortable you were & acknowledged that unless you make some serious lifestyle changes its just going to get worse & there is going to come a day when you can’t fit into that chair at all.
People like us w/ eating addictions, eat for comfort or are emotional eaters don’t have a “top” weight. We’ll just keep getting bigger & bigger.
The whole restaurant chair issue was a huge reality check for me too. I started a new job in 2007 & my coworkers regularly went out for “team” lunches. As the new girl, I wasn’t comfortable making restaurant recommendations, but it almost drove me to psychosis every time. I’d try to find out where we were planning on going, research the restaurant on the web to hopefully find pics of it w/ tables & chairs. My worst fear is ending up in some kind of place that is booth only. I simply don’t fit.
It’s just something I don’t want to have to worry about anymore. When someone wants to go to lunch I want to be able to say “I’m in!” without getting all panicky about the seating situation.
My triggers are absolutely emotional too. Happy, sad, angry, lonely…….you name it – I’ll eat them all. One word: therapy. Not saying you need it or anything, that’s a choice you have to make, but it has made a world of difference in my weight loss & staying on plan when things get rough.
I can completely relate. One of the best days on this weight loss journey will be when I can fit comfortably in a booth again. I can’t wait.
Chefsgirl: It's interesting that you are suggesting therapy...I never thought of it. I have a ton of unresolves eating/body issues that have haunted me forever. Maybe if I ever get insurence thru my job, I may look into it. Thanks.
I did take the kids to McDonalds today since it was raining to play in the indoor gym. We rarely go out for fast food (as in I can count on 1 hand how many times a yr) but this was their treat. I had a parfait and side salad with low cal dressing. Whoo hoo. I can't say anything though since I don't eat meat and gave up MCD even before that but it made me feel like I had some control since I didn't have that large iced coffee that calls my name.
You are all so motivating! I am using your experiences and holding them up as an examples as positives on change.
My triggers are the same as yours and they are so hard to control then add in my wine and it is a deadly combination. But like you chelly I need to have insurance to cover the therapy so until I do I just have to sound off, get support form DH and try to maintain.
Im sorry you had that experience. Ive had some of those types situations myself, and I know, its not fun. one time I was a cookout at my mother in laws house, and I was always scared of sitting in their cheap plastic, yes plastic lawn chairs. Well I was sitting there and the back of it cracked....and of course that was horrible. Theres a cookout there again this easter and I am fearing the same thing.............guess I could bring my own chair but that in itself is embarrasing when you're the only one doing it.
My point is you are not alone. I hope your motivation can guide you through this weight loss process....we're all here together! You CAN do it.
Hey Mug - I always bring my own chair to outdoor activities. And we have lots of cookouts at our house & some of my skinny friends bring their own too
My booth phobia got the best of me last nite at the bar. My friend kept saying "c'mon, come sit by me!" and I said I was fine where I was......sitting on the very edge of the bench like a big dork.
You know, I might've even fit in there......they were big booths. But the fear of not fitting & being squished & embarrassed was too much.
Mortifying Moment
