100 lb. Club - why can i still not do it?




View Full Version : why can i still not do it?


avi0903
09-15-2008, 02:55 PM
I don't understand me, and I am begging, begging for help. I look at you all, and read all your posts, and admire you all. And I have been coming here every day, several times a day, but I've been feeling to embarassed to post.

So firstly, I want you all to know that even though I haven't been posting, I share all your triumphs and feel for you when you're down.

And if you have the time, I could use some advice.

How do I lose weight?

As I have posted from time to time, I have done OA, been inspired, and dropped it. I start exercising, then stop. Done South Beach, WW, etc., but never get far.

I am 100 pounds overweight, a single parent, my kids worry about my health, friends and family comment (in a good way, usually). I'm on blood pressure medication which recently my doctor had to add to because I needed a higher dosage.

What will it take to get me to just do it? I'm afraid to find out what it will take.

Any help out there?


JulieJ08
09-15-2008, 03:05 PM
What will it take to get me to just do it? I'm afraid to find out what it will take.



I think the problem is you're depending on outside motivation. But you have to find it inside of you. That can happen right now, without any health disasters having to happen first.

You have to give some real thought to why you want to lose weight, what works and doesn't work for you, what obstacles do you know you come up against and how can you plan for them? Even think about what you gain from not losing weight. And what you might lose or find scary when you are successful at losing weight.

But in the end, you have to find it inside of you, that feeling that you are worth it, that your health is worth the cost to you.

Lovely
09-15-2008, 03:13 PM
:hug:

Why did you quit? Why did you end up dropping OA? Why did you end up stopping the exercise?

We have to be honest with ourselves to move past this point. So many of us have started only to stop sometime after. When we can figure out why we stopped, it makes it a little easier to change the behavior and move past it.

Are you expecting too much of yourself from the beginning? Do you believe you need to be 100% all the time? I'm going to say something next that my college English essay professor would beat me with a ruler over. NO ONE ON 3FC IS 100% ALL THE TIME. No one. We stop, we stall, we stutter. But, we also pick up and move forward. It begins by accepting that we aren't perfect. The OA, did you have a slip-up and not go back? The exercise, did you begin too much too fast? My leader at a meeting recently said, it was better for us to begin to committing to 5 minutes of walking 3 times a week and sticking with it week after week than to take only one 30 minute walk. The point is to slowly build a habit over our lifetime.

Want to do this? Not try, but really do this? Then change one thing. One. For one day, focus on that one thing. For one week, get that one thing that you've changed done each day. Don't even wait until tomorrow! Dinner tonight, drink water instead of the usual drink. Or have steamed vegetables to compliment your meal.

Don't be afraid of what it will take. Because whatever it takes, I promise you losing weight gives back more!

Don't be afraid to post about the hard times, and don't be afraid to immediately jump back to the right track. Even if you start by drinking water today, but then tonight have a soda. That's not a failure. It means that today you succeeded in drinking mostly water.

Commitment, and habit building.

And the analogy that you've probably read a million times before on 3FC... weight management can be like paying bills. We don't always want to do it, in fact, given the choice if nothing bad happened by not paying our bills most people probably wouldn't! But, we have to, it's part of being an adult and taking care of things that need to be taken care of.

Just always remember that you can do this. It is 100% possible. Keep taking steps forward.


PhotoChick
09-15-2008, 03:16 PM
Honestly and truly the only thing that will make it happen is when YOU decide that you are ready to commit to it. For some people that just happens when they one day decide they're tired of being fat. For some people it takes a health issue. For some people it takes more. YOU have to decide for yourself what it will take.

I will tell you that one thing that has helped for me (and I say this *all* the darned time and I'm sure people get sick of hearing me say it! :) ) is this:

I finally realized that my life is full of things I don't really want to do, but that I do anyway because that's what a responsible adult does. I get up every morning and go to work. I pay my bills. I do laundry. I wash the dishes. I change the litter box. All of those things are things that I'd rather not do, given my druthers. Given my druthers, I'd lounge in bed most of the day, surf the internet, and spend my money on FUN things, rather than the electric bill and so forth.

And given my druthers I'd eat whatever I want, whenever I want, and never exercise. ;)

But part of being a responsible adult is doing things I don't necessarily want to do, so I watch what I eat and I exercise. Not because I want to, not because it's fun, not because I'm motivated. Just because it's part of life.

That doesn't mean it can't be fun. I really enjoy my job, most of the time. I actually don't loathe paying bills most of the time. But every now and then I think "why can't I just not." And the answer is ... because you can't. :)

I think most people have to hit a point somewhat like that - where they say "this is the way it is" instead of trying to convince themselves why they should do it every day.

I hope that makes sense. :) It came out more rambling than it was in my head.

.

KLK
09-15-2008, 03:17 PM
I agree with Julie... weight loss requires three main things, imo and in my experience:

1. A sense of value in yourself, a sense that you deserve to be healthy and to make a commitment to yourself to change your weight.

2. MAKING that committment to yourself. YOU are worth all the trouble of eating good foods, making time to exercise, and you will do these things come **** or high water, come rain or shine, cold or hot, busy or bored, etc. That doesn't mean perfection, but it DOES mean that that committment to yourself is a priority in your life, as much as showering, brushing your teeth, paying your bills, etc. are.

2. Self-knowledge... figuring out what works for you, what doesn't work, what foods will help you towards your goal, which will derail your attempts, and using thet self-knowledge to further your committment.

That doesn't mean you will never screw up, and that doesn't even mean that even if you're virtually perfect, your body will always cooperate (I've been stuck in a plateau for years... sigh...) but these are the three elements that, in my experience, lead to lasting weight loss.

The point is, no one here can tell you how to lose weight; there are a zillion diets out there, all of which could potentially work for you, but step numbers 1 - 3 are what I wrote above, at least imo, and that stuff can only come from YOU to YOU.

PhotoChick
09-15-2008, 03:19 PM
Heh. Faerie beat me to it! :)

And another thing that I want to add that the brilliant kaplods says all the time about the whole giving up thing:

If you trip on the top stair, do you just throw yourself down the rest of the staircase in defeat? Or do you regain your balance and go on?

If you start something and mess up: Say you eat chips one day. Or you skip going to the gym. Or you give in to temptation and have 2 pieces of cake. Do you use that as an excuse to just quit? Or do you say "whoops, that was a mistake" and pick yourself up and go on?

It's a HUGE mindset change for many of us who feel that we have to be "all or nothing".

:)

.

Lovely
09-15-2008, 03:21 PM
Ha! Photo, from whom do you think I first picked that tidbit up? ;)

And an "Amen" to that stairs bit Kaplods is known to say as well!

jeniansmom
09-15-2008, 03:34 PM
Only you know what it will take for you.
For me it was a combination of my own health scare and a long stretch of watching people I love die too young. It really got me thinking about my life, my mortality. I knew that I wanted to make a change, a lasting change this time.
But I had to find a way to do it that I could live with and that wouldn't set me up for failure. And then I had to decide and believe it that I'm worth the change. I'm worth the hard work.
I have a long way to go but I truly believe that this time it's for life. I'm more educated than I've ever been about health and about my body and I have more love for myself than I've ever had. It's not about perfection but about increasing the healthy choices so that they far outweigh the unhealthy ones.
Really getting my head around the mental piece of healthy living is the difference for me this time.
I will do this because it's about the quality of my life in the years to come and I deserve to have a great life.
So do you! :)

midwife
09-15-2008, 03:40 PM
So much wisdom shared already.

I agree you might want to look at why you stopped your other efforts. For me and my previous "stoppages", I was very into the perfectionist mentality. I slipped, put on a few, had a few meals off plan, a few days off exercise, thought why bother and reverted to old habits. What is different this time is that I know I control my next behavior and I get back on plan. You don't have to be perfect....consistency and "mostly" is actually good enough for most of us. I know you can do this. The readiness piece in important and that can only come from your own inner desire to change. You really do have the power to change.

:hug:

H8cake
09-15-2008, 03:48 PM
I'd echo what the others said about it being the responsible adult thing to do. For years I felt sorry for myself because so many of my friends can eat what they want and not gain an ounce. I had to face the fact that I can't get away with that. It's really not that awful to be more careful about what I put in my mouth and how much. The rewards of losing the weight are so much better than abusing my body by overloading it with too much or junk food.
As for the type of program, you really have to figure out what works for you. I get too intimidated by diet plans. I have read a lot of books and tried so many different diets but they intimidate the heck out of me. I finally just decided to count calories. I work a lot and we have to grab meals quick. I have the calorie king book and Eat this, Not that. These help in figuring out what I can have at restaurants and fast food places. I know a lot of people don't eat out but I can't do it without that option. Taco Bell has the fresco menu. Jack in the Box has the chicken fajita pita. Subway has the lowfat sandwich menu. Grocery stores have grilled chickens and salad mixes. Applebees has the weight watchers menu. Mexican restaurants have fajitas. I eat all these things a lot. I eat the same breakfast every day, oatmeal with fat free milk and raisins. Lunches are weight watchers frozen meals. I pick up the grilled chicken strips at Costco and salad mixes. When I have time I use the crock pot too. You can do a lot of things that are low cal in the crock pot. I decided that I had to do what works for me, not what works for others. I also do the treadmill for 30 minutes five days a week. I push myself by upping the incline and speed on it so it's always a good workout. I hate exercise but I just do it, don't think about it even being an option not to. I try to get a walk outside with the family on the weekend too.
I have a friend who is doing the Trudeau diet. I'm not sure what all is involved with it, but from what I understand it's extremely low cal and organic. She doesn't exercise at all. She's lost 75 pounds. It works for her.
Sorry for the huge post, I hope it help you. Keep posting and reading here, it's so helpful!

Shannon1983
09-15-2008, 03:52 PM
I Went thought the same thing for so many years and i am only 25. Finally I decided i cant wish i would lose it or just complain about it i have to WANT to do it and that is that.

I got back on my diet this past week and i have already lost 8 pounds.

You mentally have to tell your self that you will do this because this is what YOU WANT. I know it is hard trust me i have been there but i know you can do it and everyone else here feels the same way.

I wish you all the best in the world.

Shannon

kaplods
09-15-2008, 04:08 PM
I knew my ears were burning for a reason, but seriously I have to remind MYSELF about those darn stairs pretty often myself.

I really think part of it is the "culture of dieting." Most of us try to lose weight according to "rules" we don't even know we believe, let alone have internalized. To illustrate, how much of this sounds familiar.

If you slip and eat something you feel you shouldn't do you.

A. eat what you want for the rest of the day, and start again tomorrow.
B. eat what you want for the rest of the week, and start again Monday.
C. give up completely, because this diet just isn't working for you
D. get right back on track.


If you lose 1/4 of a pound do you

A. give up this is just too hard
B. get discouraged, and berate yourself for not losing more
C. decide not to eat anything but water and vegetables this week
D. Celebrate the success



Learning to break cliche'd "diet habits" is very hard. It's still hard for me to accept mistakes and slow progress. It goes against everything I learned about dieting, by watching my mother, grandmother, and by reading every woman's magazine I'd ever read. Much of it I didn't even know when or how or even that I had learned it.

Literally in my family the rule was diets are started on a Monday, and if you slipped in your food plan on a Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday you ate like a hog the rest of the day, and got back on the diet the following morning. However, if you slipped later in the week, then you ate hog-wild through the weekend and started back on Monday.

It doesn't make sense. It never did make sense, but it's the pattern that I learned to follow - it was "how it was done." And when I went to Weight Watcher's meetings (my first at 8 years old) hearing the other ladies talk, I didn't unlearn those rules, rather they were reinforced.

To truly succeed in weight loss, I really believe many people have to unlearn most of what they think they know about weight loss.

Aside from the mental aspects of dieting, which are very important, I can't dismiss the physical either. Because changing my birth control and finding carb reduction, has been a miracle tool for me. I'm not sure that I could have sustained this journey so long, if I hadn't. Carbs, especially but not exclusively refined carbs, tend to make me extremely hungry - the kind of hunger that is very difficult to battle.

I feel I have to mention that, because I don't want anyone to think that this is always an exclusively mental battle. It can, and often is a physical, physiological one one as well.

It could take years, even decades for a person to master this, and you've got to be ready to put in whatever time it takes. It takes 10 years to become a sushi chef in Japan, some things take a very long time to master, and people keep working because they see the value in it. Weight loss is much the same. There may be prodigees, but there are also people who just keep practicing until they get it right (I'm definitely in the latter group).

carinna
09-15-2008, 04:14 PM
I think the problem is you're depending on outside motivation. But you have to find it inside of you.

Amen. Also, you mentioned what sounds like yo-yo dieting. In my experience it has to be a whole lifestyle change, because just "dieting" doesn't work. :hug:

twilit tera
09-15-2008, 04:30 PM
Carinna has a point.

Because these are changes you're going to have to live with for the rest of your life, they must be changes you can live with FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. In order to lose weight you will have to get outside your comfort zone, but rather than jumping with both feet out of that zone, you'll get much further just taking *one* step, then holding fast there for a while, until that new step has become part of your comfort zone, then taking another step, waiting for that to become familiar and comfortable before taking another. Rinse, repeat.

and repeat. and repeat.

In other words, don't look at it as something that you'll be doing for X months, years, etc. In fact, don't even look at it as something you'll be doing forever (because the thought of forever can be really overwhelming.)

Just look at it as something you're doing right now, today. And when the sun rises tomorrow, look at it that way again.

Pandora123a
09-15-2008, 05:37 PM
Avi,

You have to want to change what you are doing now. For me, I gave up all the diets, I can't tolerate going "off plan" and I am too much a black/white person, so I would be incredibly successful and then fall off the wagon in a huge way.

Now I am doing "mindful eating". I don't count calories. I just think about eating healthy, taking maximum pleasure in my food, and being aware of whatever I put in my mouth. It has helped enormously to become aware of being full, and to become aware of being hungry. (I never recognized hunger before.) I think a lot about "would a thin person eat this?" If the answer is yes, a thin person going to this special restaurant would have dessert, then I do it!

While I have a posted goal, I don't know if that will be my real stopping point, I may stop much beforehand.

I do know that a year ago I bought Beck and wouldn't read it because I didn't want to change my behavior. Not addressing the issue let me avoid it.

Only you can decide if you really want to change this enough to make it happen, or you just believe you should want to change.

Good luck whatever you decide.

mamaspank
09-15-2008, 06:00 PM
I am sorry you are having a hard time.:hug:

For me, it took the right diet plan. I had done a couple really restrictive diets and could never wrap my mind around them for more than a couple weeks. I started WW and it was so easy that I didn't even feel like I was dieting. Along with that, I started walking at night -- I prefer night working out because my baby's daddy is home to take care of baby boy at night.

Maybe the right diet plan isn't your issue, but sometimes it could be something as small as that to make things click. I hope you figure out what works for you and find the support you need, whether it's within or an outside influence of some sort.

Glory87
09-15-2008, 06:27 PM
It's hard...because it's hard.

It is very hard to get off the American Diet Bus. Everything around is quick, easy, convenient - but not really very good for us. By saying "I'm getting off the bus" you are saying "I have to cook, I have to plan, I have to shop, I have to pack" and it's a LOT of work.

So, figure out what you CAN do. I'm never going to make my own yogurt, roll out my own pizza dough or give up bread. I can pack a healthy lunch everyday. Pick your battles.

Don't be afraid to fail. Like someone said upthread, we all eat offplan. Life is messy, complicated, it will happen, it does happen. Forgive yourself and move on.

Don't be afraid to change things. Bend, don't break - make changes, tweak, modify, keep experimenting.

Don't do anything you flat out hate, you won't stick to it (this includes eating foods you hate).

Keep posting.

GirlyGirlSebas
09-15-2008, 07:13 PM
For many of us, overeating meets a need. What need are you feeding? Are you lonely, depressed, bored, anxious, etc, etc, etc. Dependng on your reasons, it might be time to find an alternate method of meeting your needs. If you're lonely, maybe you can join a walking club, a weight loss group, a club with similar interests. If you're bored, maybe you can take up a hobby like reading, knitting, take a class, etc, etc, etc. Think outside of the box.
Do you find yourself craving carbs and sugar? Maybe, depression is your problem. Sometimes, just eliminating processed foods and sugar from your diet, exercising and getting enough sleep each night can relieve depression. Sometimes, we need to consult with a doctor and get on an antidepressant.

Like others have said, it really all comes down to just deciding that you want to lose the weight more than you want to eat. The fact that you are here says that you want this. Now, how much do you want it? Enough to make some changes in your lifestyle? This isn't easy, but the alternative isn't easy either. Eventually, being obesity catches up with us and the health problems begin. You already have high blood pressure. What's next? I hope you decide that you'd rather start fighting for a better future for yourself.

djay
09-15-2008, 07:21 PM
You might want to remember that no one here, regardless of their success, has any more will power than you do. If they did...they wouldn't have got to the same point as you are at. They just dedicated themselves to loosing the weight. It really is that simple...and that hard.

Like others have said...it is all up to you to decide to make this your priority and dedicate yourself to it.

Keep reading and keep posting. That is a good start.

pengbear
09-15-2008, 07:32 PM
Avi, only you can really decide what it will take to make you change your life. As you read on the boards, you'll see people who heard a comment, or saw a picture of themselves, or had a health scare, or couldn't tie their shoes, but they all had that a-HA! moment where the lightbulb went off and they realized that enough was enough. Not just in the head (intellectually, we all know excess weight = bad stuff) but in their heart. Suddenly the short term enjoyment of food was not worth the long term harm. You're sick and tired of being fat. And then you get mad enough to do something about it.

Sounds like you're taking inventory and working up to your a-HA! moment. But that epiphany is only the first step. (albeit a necessary one!) Commitment is next. It may take some experimenting to find a plan that works for you, but think about what your triggers are, what your struggles are with exercise & food. And RESEARCH different plans to find something that works. For me, Weight watchers was a terrible idea because it made a compulsive eater even more obsessed with food - finding points, fat grams, researching labels, it was all I thought about. CONSTANTLY planning my meals to get the most bang for my points. So I researched Atkins, since carbs are a huge trigger for me, and talked to some Atkins lifers, and opted to try the program.

So it may take a couple different plans, but you have to give them time, follow them, and be honest with yourself. Did the plan not work because it's not for your body? Or were you not following it exactly? it's ok to go off plan, we're all human. But be honest with yourself about how why it is or isn't working. And keep trying, because you WILL skip exercise. You WILL go off-plan. You WILL stall and plateau. But you have to keep going. And that's why there's 3FC. So when you do these things, you can discuss it with people who know exactly what you're going through, because they're living it.

Best of luck to you! :hug:

Goddess Jessica
09-15-2008, 11:17 PM
Hi there!

I want to add that there are loads of us out there that were in the same place as you at some point! Look at the Join Date next to someone's name and then look at their weight loss -this wasn't an overnight process for anyone! Don't compare yourself to anyone else. This is your journey.

Just for fun - I joined 3FC in 2002, which means 6 years here. I have lost 59 pounds. Which is 9.8 pounds a YEAR. Which is .19 a week!! Yeah, that's slow but over time, it has added up!

avi0903
09-15-2008, 11:25 PM
Thank you all, and I send you all endless :hug::hug::hug:

Thank you all for listening and being there with such tremendous and generous support. Your wisdom and patience is astounding.

So after I posted, I kept coming back and reading your advice, and so far, for today, it had positive impact. I made a healthy dinner (veggie stir fry with Morning Star soy crumble). We had smores bake-off cookie dough in the fridge. My daughter wanted to bake off the whole package. I told her to just bake four of the cookies (thereby preventing her/myself from eating all the cookies) and I didn't eat any!

Then, she and I did an exercise video.

So, for today, thanks to you all, I did OK.

Here's hoping that tomorrow, and just for tomorrow, I can be OK also.

I love you all!!!!!!!

twilit tera
09-16-2008, 12:15 AM
Congratulations on a good start! :D

PhotoChick
09-16-2008, 12:41 AM
Yay. That's an awesome achievement.

And you know what ... for tomorrow, only worry about tomorrow. Don't worry about the rest of the week yet. Just do the same for ONE more day. :)

.

Sassy_Chick
09-16-2008, 12:49 AM
WTG. For me, I go day by day or actually moment by moment and if I have a bad "moment" well then I just make the next moment better. That is what works for me. Because when I first began I was all about "I'm gonna lose 100 lbs by blah blah date." That just doesn't work for me, it does work for some, but not for me. So just find what works for you and go with it. Sounds like you are doing great and having your daughter doing it with ya, that should help a lot...........;)

Ookpik
09-16-2008, 01:57 AM
Good for you. Take it one day at a time...I try to do the same.

For me, what changed was my attitude toward weight loss. I used to look at it as a diet, restrictive, unpleasant diet. I had an "a-ha!" moment where suddenly, it one day clicked: this has to be a lifestyle change. I started to look at things differently. Like quitting smoking, I tried many times to lose weight, but I think I saw it as a temporary thing, following a restrictive diet along with suffering through exercise. I eat healthy most of the time, but I allow room for an occasional treat. I haven't forbidden any foods; if I did, that would make it all the more tempting. I see exercise as a challenge, and for the first time in years, I am not afraid of a physical challenge--bring it on, I say. I used to try an exercise before and think, "this is too hard, I can't do it with my body this big". And I gave up. Now I think, "this is hard, but it won't be for long....and then I'll have to find something else more challenging to challenge my body". For example, I started doing exercise videos during the winter months because I didn't want to go outdoors where the temps were -40. One of the things they did was jumping jacks. I could barely move my body, so I started with "low" jumping jacks (where your feet do not leave the ground) figuring it would get easier if I didn't give up. Well, I was right, I can now easily do "high" jumping jacks, the hard kind where you jump. Another thing about exercise: it quickly became a habit, where if I don't do it everyday, my day feels incomplete, as though I didn't brush my teeth or wash my face. There were times when I was in a lot of pain and could not exercise, and recently I underwent surgery and couldn't exercise, but unlike years ago where I had a hard time getting motivated in getting back to exercise, now I can't wait to get back into it. I started walking four days after surgery last month, because I couldn't wait to get active again. I don't always enjoy some exercises -- I hate circuit training, so I am constantly keeping my eye on the clock until it is done, but I do it. I exercise whether I feel like it or not. I see exercise as an essential part of my day now and normally don't mind doing it, but there are times when I have to force myself to do it.

I also had to change other ways of thinking: at nearly 300 pounds, I had to realize it was going to take a long time to lose the extra weight. I set a long-term goal to lose 150 pounds, and it took nearly two years, but I am 2/3 of the way there. It was hard not to give up when I didn't see results right away. I had to realize that some people lost weight faster than me, but I am not in any competition as this is something I am doing for myself.

I had to realize I am not perfect. I slip up sometimes and stuff my face. I don't skip workouts very often, only when I'm sick or in a lot of pain, but I do skip them occasionally, and that is life: it happens. No guilt, I just move on.

Did not mean to make this post so long, I could probably go on an on! Good luck!

Pandora123a
09-16-2008, 07:38 AM
avi,

Congrats on a first good day...one of many in the future I hope.

Ookpik...I love your post...it helps.

Lovely
09-16-2008, 08:00 AM
:hug: Congratulations on making those healthy choices yesterday!!! It's a huge accomplishment!

Ookpik
09-16-2008, 11:00 AM
Thanks Pandora! Glad it helps!

avi0903
09-16-2008, 03:17 PM
Well, to be perfectly honest, and I realize I should, I feel like I already blew it. I had yogurt this morning for breakfast, everything was fine. Then, as part of my job (I run the office of a preschool) I do the snack shopping for the school. So I was at the store and saw some nice sourdough bread. I brought it home on my lunch break. I had been intending to make a tuna sandwich. Instead, I melted some cheese on one of the slices of bread. It was so good, I then broiled a Morningstar mushroom patty, and made a sandwich. So that was 3 slices of bread. Plus the cheese and the patty. Then, I had 2 more slices of bread. So that's 5.

I guess I'm thinking I'm obviously a carb addict. Did I blow the day? Should I not eat anymore today? I can still do an exercise video, and calorie-wise I'm not really over 1500, unless I'm counting wrong (which honestly, when I'm in denial is not unlikely).

If I'm hungry later, what should I have?

PhotoChick
09-16-2008, 03:20 PM
Did I blow the day?
When you trip on the top step do you throw yourself down the rest of the stairs? :D

So you ate too much bread at lunch. Have a healthy dinner with lots of veggies and protein and no carbs.

Move forward. Don't dwell on what you did wrong, but think about what you can do to be better next time. Maybe the thing to remember here is that right now you can't stop at one piece, so it's better to NOT buy the loaf and bring it home.

So now you know for next time.

.

Lovely
09-16-2008, 03:28 PM
Well, to be perfectly honest, and I realize I should, I feel like I already blew it. I had yogurt this morning for breakfast, everything was fine. Then, as part of my job (I run the office of a preschool) I do the snack shopping for the school. So I was at the store and saw some nice sourdough bread. I brought it home on my lunch break. I had been intending to make a tuna sandwich. Instead, I melted some cheese on one of the slices of bread. It was so good, I then broiled a Morningstar mushroom patty, and made a sandwich. So that was 3 slices of bread. Plus the cheese and the patty. Then, I had 2 more slices of bread. So that's 5.

I guess I'm thinking I'm obviously a carb addict. Did I blow the day? Should I not eat anymore today? I can still do an exercise video, and calorie-wise I'm not really over 1500, unless I'm counting wrong (which honestly, when I'm in denial is not unlikely).

If I'm hungry later, what should I have?


You will NEVER blow an entire day. Ever.

Like Photo said, so you had a little too much bread. So what? Balance the evening out with a well rounded dinner.

Maybe you might want to add a little something to that breakfast? Yogurt isn't a lot of food. Perhaps you were very hungry at lunch and your body was craving more food.

Back up and move on to the next meal! :cheer3:

avi0903
09-16-2008, 03:32 PM
Photochick, I know, and I know about the stairs. And I wish I could be in the place you all are at now.

OK, deep breath. If I think about all the wisdom amongst you, and think about all you've been saying, this is what I know. It's not just day by day, it's minute by minute. And all of you are doing the same thing. I can't think "I wish I was like you". You all are working hard too! And so can I.

I shouldn't have bought the bread. Well, I didn't buy the chips, or the cake, or the cookies. So that's progress, right? I'll try to convince myself.

I hope I don't buy the bread next time.

Thank you again. You are the best.

avi0903
09-16-2008, 03:34 PM
Thank you also, Faerie, and all of you wise, wise, women.

I do think in terms of "blowing it", and that I may as well blow the rest of the day.

I need to consciously tell myself not to do that. Sometimes, I actually feel insane about food.

Thank you again for being here. I feel less insane.

Lovely
09-16-2008, 03:36 PM
OK, deep breath. If I think about all the wisdom amongst you, and think about all you've been saying, this is what I know. It's not just day by day, it's minute by minute. And all of you are doing the same thing. I can't think "I wish I was like you". You all are working hard too! And so can I.


Yes yes yes! :goodvibes It's absolutely minute by minute some days.

PhotoChick
09-16-2008, 03:54 PM
Ok, a few more thoughts for you. :)

I wish I could be in the place you all are at now.
Keep in mind that most of us are in the place we're at now because we USED TO BE in the place you're at now. :) We had to work through the same issues and came out the other side. And if we can do it, so can you.

Honestly, I'll share with you - the struggle you just faced with the bread? I go through that every single time I walk in the store with sour cream and onion potato chips. They are my addiction. 2 or 3 times a week I walk past them (and good lord it's football season and they're RIGHT THERE AT THE FRONT OF THE STORE) and I say to myself I'm not going to buy chips today. Not "ever again". Just today. Just for this day I'm not going to buy chips. Because I know if I buy a bag, I won't have one serving. I won't even have 2. I'll sit there and eat chips until I feel like I'm going to throw up. I'll finish the whole bag.

So every time I go to the store I fight the urge. And I walk through the store with this little voice in the back of my head saying "mmm ... sour cream and onion chips ... so crispy, so yummy, so good ... they're on sale ... you can have just a few".

Every. Single. Time.

And 95% of the time I am make it out of the store before my inner voice convinces me. 5% of the time, I can't resist. But ... I've also learned that 5% of the time if I *have* to be weak, instead of buying a whole big bag, I stop at the convenience store on the way home and buy a single serving bag. That way if I *have* to have them, I won't eat 10 servings.

Ok, another thing ... :)
I know about the stairs.
You know the words, cause you've heard them here before. But do this: visualize it. Seriously. Stop what you're doing and think about it. You're walking down the stairs at home, at work, wherever there are stairs. Think about tripping on the top stair. You trip, you grab the railing and you regain your balance. Now think about intentionally throwing yourself down the stairs because you're so clumsy to have tripped. Really THINK about how silly that is. Risking broken bones or even a broken neck because you're upset that you tripped.

Now ... think about how silly it is to say you blew the whole day 'cause you ate 4 slices of bread. :D

I shouldn't have bought the bread. Well, I didn't buy the chips, or the cake, or the cookies. So that's progress, right?
This is WONDERFUL progress. So instead of beating yourself up for eating the bread, you can say, ok, I ate a little too much bread, but I caught myself and I didn't follow it up with chips and cookies. Yay me. :)

Finally (I know, I know, I know - shut up PC, you've said enough!):
Should I not eat anymore today?
Competely, totally, and 100% eliminate this type of thinking from your mind. Forever. Because you know what happens? You decide at 2:30 in the afternoon that you've been "bad" and you're not going to eat ANYTHING ELSE TODAY. And you feel all virtuous. And then about 6 you're hungry. Really hungry. Like your stomach is about to crawl out of your throat and attack the fridge hungry. And you think "well, I'll just have something little". So you open the fridge and your stomach takes over and you eat everything.

And the more you eat, the more you say "What the ****. I was bad at lunch, so I might as well just give up for today. I'll do better tomorrow."

Then 2 hours later you lie in bed and feel guilty and like a miserable failure because you're such a loser that you can't even go an evening w/out food.

Gosh, you wouldn't think I'd been there before, would you? :D

The answer to a slip is NEVER self-deprivation. We're not trying to punish ourselves. We're trying to be healthy. Sending your blood sugar plunging is not healthy.

So ... deep breath, as you said. It's not "tomorrow is another day". It's today is still a good day. And for dinner tonight I will be healthy.

.

midwife
09-16-2008, 04:19 PM
I say get back on plan. I never skip a meal, over exercise or punish myself for going off plan. I agree with Photo--if you choose to NOT eat later cause of a little bread indiscretion, then what? I would be starving, binge, etc., but if I make my next food choice a health planned food choice, I will be ok.

A little extra sourdough made no one fat. A day or meal off plan made no one fat. It is consistent choices over days, weeks, months, years that make our bodies what they are.

You control your next choice.

piper10
09-16-2008, 04:50 PM
"The key to healthy eating is moderation and managing what you eat every day. Don't rely on crash diets. Don't worry about what you ate yesterday. Don't put off good eating until tomorrow. Just try to eat what's best for you in the moment. Focus on now."

avi0903
09-16-2008, 08:27 PM
Again, thank you all!!!! I am so glad you are here. Maybe one day I'll be as wise and I'll be able to "pay it forward".:)

So, I didn't starve myself for the rest of day, because you are all correct, and that would have led to endless midnight eating, and then endless, bottomless, guilt and depression.

Instead, I had left-over split pea soup, a grilled chicken thigh with a little brown rice.

You saved my day.

I realize I generally think I can't do this. Today, you all made me feel I can.:hug:

Thank you, thank you, thank you. Are you getting tired of hearing it?:D

THANK YOU!!!!

Lovely
09-16-2008, 08:31 PM
Instead, I had left-over split pea soup, a grilled chicken thigh with a little brown rice.

Yay yay yay yay yay!!!! :yay:

:carrot::cb::broc::broc::cb::carrot:

I'm just so excited about this! Way to go! :bravo:

PhotoChick
09-16-2008, 09:59 PM
Whoo hooo!!! :)

.

midwife
09-16-2008, 10:21 PM
Way to go! Sounds like a great, healthy supper!

twilit tera
09-16-2008, 11:21 PM
Again, thank you all!!!! I am so glad you are here. Maybe one day I'll be as wise and I'll be able to "pay it forward".:)

So, I didn't starve myself for the rest of day, because you are all correct, and that would have led to endless midnight eating, and then endless, bottomless, guilt and depression.

Instead, I had left-over split pea soup, a grilled chicken thigh with a little brown rice.

You saved my day.

I realize I generally think I can't do this. Today, you all made me feel I can.:hug:

Thank you, thank you, thank you. Are you getting tired of hearing it?:D

THANK YOU!!!!

Wow, what a rollercoaster ride you were on today! I wish I could have posted sooner. Though, to be perfectly honest, I couldn't have said anything better than what our wonderful forumsisters said.

I just want to throw the spotlight on something you said above... you generally think you can't. You need to change the way you think. No diet, no matter how well-thought out, will give you long term success until you train your mind and stop the self-sabotage.

I just checked out The Beck Diet Solution from our local library (thank you, Pandora for turning me on to it). I decided to try it, because cognitive therapy has been helping me so much with building healthy self-esteem. In the first or second chapter, I identified one lie I'd been telling myself that has had a negative effect on my attitude toward dieting. This might sound familiar...

"I want eating to be subconscious, like breathing, something that goes on in the background and doesn't complicate my life, which is complicated enough as it is."

:rolleyes: I guess I should have figured this out, but it took Beck's book to knock me over the head with it - eating is never subconscious. Whether I'm making good decisions about what to eat or bad ones, I'm always making a conscious decision about what to eat and when.

Well, duh. But I really didn't look at it that way 'til today. When I read that, the light bulb came on. "I have to make a conscious decision every time I eat. I might as well be making the best decisions I can when I make them."

Anyway, the point here is that the approach that Beck takes, using some simple tools to train yourself to think differently about dieting and exercise, is truly effective. You don't have to be following any particular diet to be using it. You can count calories, use Weight Watchers, South Beach or anything (that is healthy and reasonable) and gain a lot of benefit from training your brain with these tools.

If you can't afford a new book right now, you might try a used book store or doing what I did - looking it up at the local library. And even if you don't decide to use the Beck Solution, I highly recommend you learn how to train yourself to think more positively with some method or other.

I would also like to point out that your error might not have started with lunch. Learn from this experience and try something different: i.e. having more at breakfast. (Did you really get enough protein and calories from that one yogurt to start your whole day off? Something is telling you you probably didn't.)

BIG :hug:

nicoledg
09-17-2008, 12:17 AM
What works best for me is counting calories. I use spark people, it's a really good website for tracking, and if you want, you can have it make up meal plans for you too. I like it because I can plan out my day better, like yesterday, I had pizza for dinner, and I was able to do that because I saved most of my calories for dinner. So, it's a good site, it even tracks fitness too.

Ookpik
09-17-2008, 12:28 AM
Good for you Avi!

kaplods
09-17-2008, 02:04 AM
Celebrate those successes! I think that you've got to make weight loss as positive an experience for yourself as you can. If you're feeling discouraged, more than you're feeling progress, it's going to be hard to continue. And continuing is probably the only true "secret" to success.

I truly believe the only way any of us succeed ever at weight loss, and maintenance of that loss is choosing not to giving up. Keeping at it, even when the scale doesn't show it, even when you feel like you're failing more than succeeding. But if you're feeling like you're failing more than you're succeeding, don't just "not give up," find ways to celebrate smaller successes, so that you're always succeeding more than failing.

I'm a perfect, imperfect example. I've "dieted" in the traditional sense (on a diet for a while, off a diet for a while, back on a diet for a while.....) for most of my life (since age 5).

Then three years ago, I couldn't work because of health problems, and 20 lbs just fell off me. It was the first time I had ever accidentally lost weight. For two years I kept trying to find something that would help me lose weight, with more failure than success, but I was able to keep those 20 lbs off. It was only a year ago that I found a change in my bc and reducing carbs helped even more and I was able to lose some more.

I've never been on a "downward trend" for 3 years... but it's never taken me so long to lose the weight either. In the past, I would have given up after two months of trying without seeing results. I don't know why, but I'm not giving myself that option anymore. I have medical issues that sometimes keep me in bed all day (in the past, I would have used that as an excuse to feel sorry for myself and eat all day). The weight loss has been ridiculously slow, some of it because I'm not putting more effort into it, and some because of actual physical limitations. I could choose to "regret" not working harder, but instead I choose to look at what I'm doing that is better.

One thing that recently has helped me speed up my progress a bit, is buying a cheap (under $5) pedometer and attaching it to the shoelaces of my walking shoes. I don't know if it's very accurate or not, but it seems pretty consistent, so it doesn't matter all that much. I get up in the morning and put on those shoes, and it reminds me to try to walk a little further each day than the day before. Even when I forget to track, having those shoes on seem to remind me to keep moving.

TOPS helps me alot because of having a weekly meeting to go to, keeps me working all week. It's positive peer pressure, while everyone is sympathetic if I have a gain, I like getting the round of applause for losing or staying the same. And having a shot at the biggest loser prize each week is a bonus (hubby lost 6.5 lbs last week and won it, $3, so he earned his October dues, basically since our club charges $3 per month). The other little contests are fun too, a little lame sometimes, but sometimes the silliest things will help.

Whatever you do, always realize that what you're feeling is entirely normal. I don't know why, but we tend to start thinking that "everyone else" is succeeding and we must be really doing something wrong. But my doctor reminded me that only averaging 1/4 of a pound loss each week, soon becomes "more successful than most people," because "most people" give up. You can become "more successful than most people," just by not giving up.

WebRover
09-17-2008, 02:49 AM
So, I didn't starve myself for the rest of day, because you are all correct, and that would have led to endless midnight eating, and then endless, bottomless, guilt and depression.

Instead, I had left-over split pea soup, a grilled chicken thigh with a little brown rice.


Great choices! And I'm not just referring to the food. Choosing to NOT starve yourself was a critical choice.

I agree with what everyone has told you. It's the choices that you make all day long and each one is a separate choice. My tag line (under my name) is "Choosing with every bite". That's because even if you've started down the road of a bad choice, you can change your choice with your next action. If you've made a bad choice, as soon as you realize it you can ask yourself "From where I am right now, what is the best choice I can make going forward." And you chose to move beyond the bread and chose a good dinner. You moved beyond punishment to finding a healthy way to treat your body and yourself. Yeah you!

Another critical thing folks have mentioned is taking small steps. Since you are changing your way of life and it's not a diet race to the goal, you can take control of and change one thing at a time. You can take charge of your choices for one day. You don't have to take on everything at once. You can manage it one choice at a time. Congratulations.

avi0903
09-17-2008, 09:31 AM
Thank you all again!!! One more question: Do any of you cry when you read these posts? I did. In fact, I'm at my desk and tearing up right now. (The parents in my preschool must think I'm nuts).

I'm not sure why. Possibly the beautiful support (I'm the sort of person that cries when a friend does something nice for me. It opens the floodgates!). You all are just so nice.

I think, for me, losing weight seems to be an emotional issue. I guess if I'm not eating, I'm feeling things that I don't want to feel.

I've never heard of Beck Solution or sparks people. I'm going to check those out?

I really feel so grateful to you all. Sniffle, sniffle.

H8cake
09-17-2008, 10:13 AM
avi - you are right about it being tied to emotions. I think that is a huge part of it. I used to baby myself with sweets, chocolate and cake. Now I try to see the healthy food as babying myself. The healthy stuff isn't a punishment, it's caring enough about myself to take care of myself the right way. You are doing fabulously, just keep coming back for support. Such wonderful advice you've gotten here!

PhotoChick
09-17-2008, 10:16 AM
I guess if I'm not eating, I'm feeling things that I don't want to feel.Many, many, many of us used food to mask feelings or to smother feelings we didn't want to deal with.

I have to tell you that will probably be the hardest part of the journey for you; learning to FEEL the feelings you have and accept them and handle them appropriately without smothering them in food.

.

JulieJ08
09-17-2008, 10:27 AM
Thank you all again!!! One more question: Do any of you cry when you read these posts?

Sometimes, yes! I think for lots of us our weight and the way we eat are intertwined with various emotional issues. Getting healthy means facing stuff we've been avoiding. And for a lot of us, getting healthier and treating ourselves well and feeling good about ourselves is new territory!

The other day I started crying while reading, but that time for no real apparent reason. My body is just weird this month :o.

midwife
09-17-2008, 10:32 AM
Avi! Thank YOU so much for this thread!

There are some brilliant posts in here.

Tera, I'm going to reread your post and "chew" on it a bit. So much wisdom in the "conscious decision" piece.

Kaplods, you boiled down the entire reason I have seemed find success with my latest effort.

And continuing is probably the only true "secret" to success.

I truly believe the only way any of us succeed ever at weight loss, and maintenance of that loss is choosing not to giving up. Keeping at it, even when the scale doesn't show it, even when you feel like you're failing more than succeeding. But if you're feeling like you're failing more than you're succeeding, don't just "not give up," find ways to celebrate smaller successes, so that you're always succeeding more than failing.


That is truly the bottom line for me.

I actually kind of started to feel like a bit of a hypocrit last night---I was hungry (did not plan well), stressed (like, who isn't?) and rushed (did not plan well) and my dinner started out as 2 chocolate chip cookies and some Cheetos. :eek: It went downhill from there, and then I thought about you, Avi, and this thread and the advice you got here, so I screeched on the brakes, had some turkey/beans/spinach mixture leftovers from the night before, and made a conscious decision (thank you Tera!) to halt my junk food binge thing.

And today I am going to continue....

Trial and error, on plan, off plan, healthy food, unhealthy food, great exercise, skipped exercise, there is no perfection....there is only continued efforts, and as long as we get it "right" most of the time, we'll be okay.

So thanks again for this thread. YOU all made a difference for me last night.

JulieJ08
09-17-2008, 10:36 AM
I actually kind of started to feel like a bit of a hypocrit last night---I was hungry (did not plan well), stressed (like, who isn't?) and rushed (did not plan well) and my dinner started out as 2 chocolate chip cookies and some Cheetos. :eek: It went downhill from there, and then I thought about you, Avi, and this thread and the advice you got here, so I screeched on the brakes, had some turkey/beans/spinach mixture leftovers from the night before, and made a conscious decision (thank you Tera!) to halt my junk food binge thing.

Inspiring! I love it.

avi0903
09-17-2008, 11:14 AM
Midwife, I'm crying again! (In a good way).

twilit tera
09-17-2008, 06:28 PM
Thank you all again!!! One more question: Do any of you cry when you read these posts?....

You bet I do. My first day here, especially. This is an emotional issue. For most of us it is part of a struggle we've faced our entire lives. I look at the fat as a symptom, it's not the real problem.

The real problems are what caused the fat in the first place - not caring for myself, hiding from my problems, and making very bad choices (not just of the diet and exercise variety). Nobody snaps their fingers and makes these things go away overnight.

:grouphug: Gosh, now I'm doing it. :cry:

avi0903
09-17-2008, 10:12 PM
Thank you for understanding Tera. The group hug did me in!

I think you are right. It's the emotional issues that made me fat. My mom died when I was 13, and I remember vividly standing in front of a kitchen cabinet, eating Hershey bars. Somehow, they made me feel better. From that moment right through my bad marriage, till now, food has been my comfort.

I do literally feel the fat is a shell around me, a protection of sorts. And when I cry lately, it's not a bad feeling. It feels like a release. Like the fat melting lets the tears out.

I'm such a sap. But anyway, again, thanks for listening!

twilit tera
09-17-2008, 11:51 PM
I'm glad that you're finally finding release, Avi, and giving yourself permission to cry. You might feel like crying a lot for a while, but if you let yourself, I'm sure you'll find that place when you've cried all you need to for a while.

You might think that you're a sap, but you are entitled to that release. Try defending your right to feel your emotions when that voice in your head tries to convince you that you shouldn't. (Yes, I hear that voice too... I've been doing a lot of work lately on sticking up for myself against that voice.)

Hang in there, hon.

Ufi
09-18-2008, 12:42 AM
It just may be that letting the tears out is what allows the fat to melt.

Yes, I cry when I read these posts. I'm so amazed at the wisdom and caring, and I'm sad for the me who suffered in ignorance and self-warfare for all those years. I'm still learning; it really is minute by minute some days. I'm finding that food is a poor substitute for what I really want. When I want a break from stress, a candy bar just won't do. Not really, even though I may have allowed myself to be fooled into thinking it does. When I want to speak my mind, a bag of chips can stuff my mouth, but it won't satisfy me. I wanted my parents to respect and nurture me; they're dead, I'm an adult, and all the food in the world won't change that. But I'm still here, and I can respect and nuture me with food that shows my body I love it, with what I say to and about myself, with my actions. Moment by moment by moment, because right here and now is really all I've got. That's all you've really got, too. You're not guaranteed tomorrow. Someone could run a red light on your way to work. Do not miss a chance to love yourself, to be kind to yourself.

Avi, you are your protective shell. The fat's just there as a placeholder.

PhotoChick
09-18-2008, 01:35 AM
One of the things my mom used to tell me that I always fought against was that sometimes you just NEED a good cry. I never wanted to cry - I always wanted to be strong, not weak and "girly". So I think that was where I channeled a lot of my emotion into food.

But as I've broken that emotional hold, I've found that my mom was right. Sometimes you just gotta have a good cry about something and not be embarassed by it.

:)

.

Pandora123a
09-18-2008, 07:13 AM
Avi,

Congrats on making it through the day! Awesome recovery!

Now...today is Thursday...you can make it through today as well....one minute at a time.

JulieJ08
09-18-2008, 10:49 AM
One of the things my mom used to tell me that I always fought against was that sometimes you just NEED a good cry. I never wanted to cry - I always wanted to be strong, not weak and "girly". So I think that was where I channeled a lot of my emotion into food.

But as I've broken that emotional hold, I've found that my mom was right. Sometimes you just gotta have a good cry about something and not be embarassed by it.

I hate to cry. It feels like I might open something up that might never stop. Yeah, I have emotional issues :dizzy: But holding it back makes me feel yucky too. I really feel like I'm doing myself a favor whenever I just let it out, whether I understand it or not. I think it is good for you, not just emotionally, but physically too.

healthytoad
09-18-2008, 12:43 PM
Wow! what a fantastic thread! Thank you all :)

Tammy73
09-18-2008, 02:34 PM
I've just finished reading this thread from beginning to end. I'm filled with so much inspiration, emotion, and gratitude to be able to be part of it.
There are some amazing words of wisdom in here.
Avi, congrats on making the next right choice for your life and your health!
Thanks to all of you who share so openly and honestly about your struggles and your solutions.
I can not believe how connected I feel right now.
Thanks for reminding me that on this site no one is in this journey alone!!!
Tammy

avi0903
09-18-2008, 02:51 PM
Thank you all again. You know, coming here makes me feel so much less alone. Especially the crying thing. Generally, I cry when I'm alone. For some reason (and maybe I need deep therapy to discover why), even with close friends and family I feel afraid to open up. Like afraid for them to know the real me, or what I'm really feeling. And so I only cry alone. And then I feel like I'm crazy afterwards, like why am I crying?

I went to an OA meeting, where they said obesity is an illness of loneliness. Any of you agree with that? I asked a member to explain that, and she said that most obese people (I hate the word obese) do most of their eating when they're alone.

Anyway, today was 2 steps forward, one back. I was doing OK, and had in fact asked a personal trainer in the gym where I work (I work at a Y, in the preschool office. There's a gym in the building) to make a routine for me to follow. I was so proud of myself! Normally, I've been afraid to work out in front of people. So I came to work today, had a healthy breakfast. Then, one of the teachers was baking (they are always baking with the kids) cookies, and brought me the delicious smelling cookie sheet and said to take a cookie. I said no, I'm really trying to be good. She insisted, and said just have one, it won't hurt. Well, I caved and took one. Then, someone else in the building called in the afternoon and said they had a meeting in the boardroom and there was a lot of pizza left. They set aside a pie and I can come get it and put it out for the teachers. Well, of course I took a slice.

So my first instinct is my day is ruined, tomorrow's Friday, then there's the weekend, I blew it and will start over on Monday.

But then, I remembered not to throw myself down the stairs! A healthy breakfast (a bowl of cereal. I usually skip breakfast. Or eat ice cream and potato chips), 1 slice and 1 cookie doesn't spoil my day. And I will work out, no matter how much I don't want to.

Really, you are all lifesavers. Really, literally, lifesavers.

PhotoChick
09-18-2008, 03:01 PM
Avi - yay!!! That's awesome.

So I'll give you a few more thoughts ('cause I'm mouthy, mostly! :))

Crying - I know exactly what you mean. In fact, I lost a relationship over this exact issue. I have always been the "strong" one and in my last relationship I would never cry in front of my guy. I just couldn't. I didn't want him to see me being weak. We broke up, and even then I never cried in front of him. I went home and sobbed into my pillow instead - and then hid the effects and went on with my life. We're still friends of a sort and he has since met someone else. One of the things that he finds hugely attractive, he says, is that she's got deep emotions and isn't afraid to share them, to cry, to whatever. *smack* Talk about a knife to the heart. And I know he doesn't mean to be hurtful, but it's made me realize some things about myself - about being "in control" and hiding my feelings. It's not always a good thing. Hiding how you feel from your family and loved ones can be harmful. Not that you should become a weeping mess all the time, of course, but being human and emotional isn't failure. I'm still learning that.

As for the woman who said "oh have one - it won't hurt" ... I think we should all start fighting back against people who force food on us. Not in a mean way. But the next time you say "no thank you" and someone says "it won't hurt" - look them straight in the eye and ask "why is it so important to you that I eat something I don't want?" The fact that you told her you were trying and she pushed one on you anyway is rude of her, and I think people deserve to be called out on their rudeness (nicely, of course). So next time just ask her, why she is insisting when you're working really hard.

Ok, finally about the obesity being a disease of lonliness - I'm not entirely sure I agree. I think that it's one of the facets of it, yes, but not entirely. I know a lot of people who got fat eating with friends - because you can't say "no" in a social setting. YOu don't want to be the person *not* eating. You don't want to be the loser not getting a dessert. You don't want to not share the cameraderie of going out to eat. It's just that those of us who are obese don't stop when the skinny ones do.

Anyway. My further thoughts.

.

Lovely
09-18-2008, 03:19 PM
I went to an OA meeting, where they said obesity is an illness of loneliness. Any of you agree with that? I asked a member to explain that, and she said that most obese people (I hate the word obese) do most of their eating when they're alone.

I think that it can be for a lot of people. Not that I didn't eat in front of others, but I sure did my "real" eating alone.

I said no, I'm really trying to be good. She insisted, and said just have one, it won't hurt. Well, I caved and took one.

People like this annoy me. And I'm actually glad you've found a food-pusher early on. You are now going to be able to begin to combat her. I don't mean an all out war, but if she (or any other food pusher) tries to get you to eat something you don't want, you don't need any excuse. "No, thanks, not now" is a perfect answer. That "won't hurt" reply... more annoying than ANY other reply... :mad: I'd like to say back "What if I choke on it? Then it will." But, honestly, I'd say, "I just don't feel like cookies right now." They don't need to know about my diet. And they have no power over my mouth.

Don't forget that even if you did take one, you can say "I'll have it for dessert after lunch." And then promptly (and secretly) toss it out. This is one of my favorite things to do to food pushers. And it may be horrible of me, but it's because it makes them think they're winning. And they didn't :)

But then, I remembered not to throw myself down the stairs! A healthy breakfast (a bowl of cereal. I usually skip breakfast. Or eat ice cream and potato chips), 1 slice and 1 cookie doesn't spoil my day. And I will work out, no matter how much I don't want to.


Oh goodness... I'm tearing up! :yay: I'm getting so excited about this, it's a little silly of me! Oh what the heck... all out!

:celebrate: :twirly: :carrot: :yay: :broc: :woo: :cb:

twilit tera
09-18-2008, 03:44 PM
Avi, I am so so SO happy for you! You are starting a whole new way of handling food problems! GOOD FOR YOU!!!

I'm not sure I agree with the OA person who said that obesity is a disease of loneliness. I have no doubt that it is for that person. It's unwise to assume that just because we have the same symptom we are struggling with the same problem. Is my nose running because I have a cold or is it allergies?

The others have already given you the advice I would have regarding the food pusher. So I won't beat a dead horse.

:cp::cp::cp: For stepping outside your comfort zone and asking for help from the trainer at work and for going to that OA meeting!!!!! :cp::cp::cp:

Letting people know about our goals and asking for their help is a HUGE step towards success.

Oh oh oh! I just thought of some advice re: the food pusher. (Of course, whether you're comfortable with it will depend a lot on how well you know her and how much time you spend around her.)

One of the things I did when I started my new program was talk to my friends who were enabling me. I told them what I was after and how I wanted to get healthier and was afraid to let my condition get any worse because my mobility and my livelihood were at stake. I asked them to please not offer me junk food any more. So far they've been very good about it!

Ufi
09-18-2008, 09:42 PM
Maybe you could keep something really gross in your desk and say, "OK, I'll take one, but only if you have one of my (insert gross thing here)." Bwahaha.

I struggle with crying in front of others because it wasn't OK in my family. I was told repeatedly that I needed to get a thicker skin. I guess I did, complete with a layer of fat! Now, I feel stronger when I have the courage to face the emotions rather than hide from them with food. Funny how perspectives change. I sometimes feel guilty when I "force" people to "deal" with my emotions when I expose them, like they're an inconvenience.

avi0903
09-19-2008, 01:56 PM
I'm glad you're all here. Ufi, when you say you got that thicker skin, along with the fat, I so relate!

I really want to get rid of the fat. But today, I was thinking about my ex, and I was near the bakery, and I got a big cinnamon stick. Did you ever have the feeling I don't even really want this - and then ate it anyway? I still keep asking why. Why do I do that?

But, I also bought a danish that I didn't really want, and I threw that one away. So, half a victory.

twilit tera
09-19-2008, 02:57 PM
I'm glad you're all here. Ufi, when you say you got that thicker skin, along with the fat, I so relate!

I really want to get rid of the fat. But today, I was thinking about my ex, and I was near the bakery, and I got a big cinnamon stick. Did you ever have the feeling I don't even really want this - and then ate it anyway? I still keep asking why. Why do I do that?

But, I also bought a danish that I didn't really want, and I threw that one away. So, half a victory.

That's great that you tossed out the danish! Let's work on not putting even less food in your mouth that you don't really want. :D

This is an idea that I just love from the Beck book, which I really do recommend considering how much of your personal struggle to lose weight is fighting mental roadblocks.

She said that before you go on a new program, you should spend a couple of weeks preparing mentally. One of the first things you do to mentally "get ready" to lose weight, is to put down on an index card all the advantages of being slim and fit that you look forward to - your reasons for starting the program.

You then read it once in the morning, once in the evening and any time you are faced with temptation. (You keep it in your wallet, purse, journal or whatever you keep handy with you all day.)

Do you think that if you had an instant response card to remind you of your heart's true desires you might find it easier to let go of the pastries and hold on to those dreams?

Also, have you had a chance (and given yourself permission) to really grieve for that lost relationship?

Ufi
09-19-2008, 10:58 PM
It's great that you can recognize that you were thinking about your ex and admit that there's a connection to the food. Isn't there a quote about admitting is half the battle? See, now you have a tool for working on the motivation behind the eating. If you can look at what specifically you were thinking, then that gives you some insight into the feelings you were trying to avoid. Was it a "I don't ever want someone to hurt me like that again" feeling or a "gee, I wish I had someone to hold me right now" feeling or what? When you know what the real thing is, you can make a plan to deal with it in a way that doesn't involve food. You can brainstorm ways to deal with your feelings or meet your needs, ask friends for ideas.This is a lifelong journey. That stick is one step long the way. You're learning skills now. The more you learn, the more you can practice them, and the more you practice, the stronger and more skilled you can become.

aliciag57
09-19-2008, 11:14 PM
Avi,

Good start:carrot::carrot::carrot:

I read you post, and I have been feeling the same way for years.

Today, I had a big wake up call, when I was informed via a weightloss website that I am severely obese. Geez, I must have had my head in a cave. In fact, the other day I was looking at my reflection in a glass door and reassuring myself that I did not look so bad. That might be it, but I sure have been feeling very sluggish the last month. That result that I read was reality and that was enough to make me want to do something about my health and stop all of the excuses.

You can do this! :hug::hug:

Rosinante
09-20-2008, 06:34 AM
Hi, I haven't read every answer yet but I wanted to say thankyou to the OP and to the first responder about finding reasons to do it for ourselves, it's got to come from inside.
I feel such a klutz, dork, dweeb, whatever, I Know I can do this, I KNow I don't have to keep slipping back.

At least today, when it got to mid-morning coffee and I wondered about going out for a bar of chocolate, I ate an apple instead. It's a start.

Good luck on your journey!

twilit tera
09-20-2008, 09:20 AM
I just wanna wrap all y'all up in a great big :grouphug:!

I think if there's anything we've learned on this thread, it's that getting fitter is 90% mental.

JulieJ08
09-20-2008, 12:53 PM
Hi, I haven't read every answer yet but I wanted to say thankyou to the OP and to the first responder about finding reasons to do it for ourselves, it's got to come from inside.
I feel such a klutz, dork, dweeb, whatever, I Know I can do this, I KNow I don't have to keep slipping back.

At least today, when it got to mid-morning coffee and I wondered about going out for a bar of chocolate, I ate an apple instead. It's a start.

Good luck on your journey!

It's more than a start. It's a success all by itself. Each choice you make is all you can do at that moment. Then you face the next choice. All one at a time. That first choice remains a success that you continue building on, regardless of what direction any other choices go. It doesn't get thrown out the window by any other choice. :carrot:

avi0903
09-20-2008, 09:34 PM
You know, I think I am so out of touch with myself, that I don't even know if I have mourned properly for my relationship. I'm not sure what that would mean. I know there are times during the day that I, out of the blue, just am mad at him, or miss him, or hate him, or whatever him, and I'm not sure why I'm even thinking about him.

I don't know if I miss him, if I enjoyed being married to him (26 years!). Sometimes I hate him, sometimes not. Sometimes I'm just sad. Sometimes I'm just lonely. Speaking of which, I hate myself for saying this, but it's Saturday night and I'm bored and lonely (had a day spent with friends though) and I have a bag of popcorn that I don't even want, but I'm probably going to eat it while I watch a movie.

Even though today I was telling my friends about how I got the Beck diet book, and I'm all motivated, and I really was good today, am usually good during the day, but at night, I can't help myself.

FreeSpirit
09-20-2008, 10:12 PM
That "won't hurt" reply... more annoying than ANY other reply... :mad: I'd like to say back "What if I choke on it? Then it will."

I know that I'm a little late in responding to this thread, but I've been reading through it and that line cracked me up. I'm laughing so hard I'm starting to get teary eyed.

You should be so proud of yourself Avi, for taking all of these wonderful ladies advice and putting it to use. All of you wonderful ladies should be so proud of yourselves for... well, being so wonderful and supportive.

JulieJ08
09-20-2008, 11:25 PM
Speaking of which, I hate myself for saying this, but it's Saturday night and I'm bored and lonely (had a day spent with friends though) and I have a bag of popcorn that I don't even want, but I'm probably going to eat it while I watch a movie.

Take a moment to think about what you do really want. It might be food, but something different from popcorn. Might even be something richer. Go ahead and have a small portion if you really want it. Or you might realize what you'd really love is a hot bubble bath, or listening to a certain CD, or reading a magazine (even if you have to run out and buy it), or calling a friend.

twilit tera
09-21-2008, 01:17 AM
Congratulations, Avi, on getting the Beck book! That's one more step you've taken forward!!

As for the popcorn, Julie has a point. You already said that you didn't really want it... maybe you need some quiet time to ask yourself what it is you really *do* want when you're reaching for food as a substitute.

The answer might surprise you. I recently discovered that one thing I wanted (that I really didn't feel I was getting enough of) was someone to listen to me. I was feeling like I was talking to a brick wall sometimes with my hubby, and like my Mom didn't really know where I was at.

As for the first part of that, we've made some progress. I feel heard a lot more and when he does get into his "I already know what you're going to say"mode, I've found it sometimes helps to just stop everything, take a few deep breaths and just ask him to listen to me with an open mind.

With my mom, the real issue wasn't that she wasn't listening, but that I wasn't really expressing myself in specific enough terms. We've also solved that. :)

But you know, I didn't even realize that these were issues for me until just before I started my weight control program and when it hit me, when I finally paid those unmet needs some attention, it hit really hard. I was angry for about a week before I really felt like I was making progress in that area.

So... stop. Take a few deep breaths. Be brave and ask yourself, "What is it I need that I'm trying to substitute with this food?" Once you identify what that is, you can start working on getting that need fulfilled.

avi0903
09-22-2008, 09:58 AM
I just want to thank you all for getting me over a rough patch. I did have the popcorn Saturday night, but I was able to start new again. Thank you. And Tera, I've also had trouble with expressing myself specifically enough. I find time and again when I'm in some emotional pain or turmoil, I think I'm expressing myself, but apparently I'm not.

When I divorced my husband, I thought I had stated very clearly to certain of my friends what had been going on in my marriage. My suspicions of his cheating, his remoteness, his being out of the house at all hours. Several of them said they had no idea. I was very hurt that I didn't have more support from those friends. Turns out I hadn't told them what I needed from them, or even that I needed them at all.

So that's a lesson learned. Anyway, thanks again for being there, and for the insight. And here's to our health!

Beverlyjoy
10-24-2008, 07:42 AM
I have this post bookmarked.

Today I woke up ready to go to McDonalds and keep eating because I had a hard day yesterday and overate. I am not going to McDonalds - but, I will try to plan for a healthful day.

I think this post is so, so helpful.

SeaSideSparkle
10-24-2008, 10:12 AM
Thanks for bumping this up, Beverlyjoy - it has some wonderful wisdom in it, and its just what I need to hear, and hear again and again to keep me on track, especially before the weekend!

PaulaM
10-24-2008, 08:10 PM
A few days ago somebody in a different group brought up the No S Diet. I had never heard of it, but got the book and read it, it's very fast reading. For some reason this is striking a cord in me, and even though I've only been on it for two days I feel good about it. The plan is no seconds, no sweets and no snacks except for days that begin with an S. I can't stand complicated calorie counting and points etc. but this is right up my alley. All you do is eat one normal sized plate of food three times a day during the week, but on the weekend you can have some sweets or snacks. I started yesterday and I'm not kidding, today I couldn't finish my lunch. CANNOT remember the last time that happened. Maybe a super simple diet like this could get you started? I know many swear by snacking, but for me I found I was snacking AND eating a full meal. I know all the years I was slim I never ate every few hours. I don't want to make food more of an obsession, and to me that type of diet does exactly that. Could you try something like this and see if it helps you? I've been walking for 30-45 minutes a day for the entire year, and that helps too of course. Best of luck, we're all in this together!

avi0903
10-27-2008, 10:10 AM
I'll try that - next time I'm at the library I'll see if they have the book. For me, it definitely is the snacking, meals, seconds, just everything! So if I had a rule that only on weekends I can have seconds and snacks, then at least I wouldn't feel deprived during the week. Makes sense - I'll give it a go.