You know, I think I am so out of touch with myself, that I don't even know if I have mourned properly for my relationship. I'm not sure what that would mean. I know there are times during the day that I, out of the blue, just am mad at him, or miss him, or hate him, or whatever him, and I'm not sure why I'm even thinking about him.
I don't know if I miss him, if I enjoyed being married to him (26 years!). Sometimes I hate him, sometimes not. Sometimes I'm just sad. Sometimes I'm just lonely. Speaking of which, I hate myself for saying this, but it's Saturday night and I'm bored and lonely (had a day spent with friends though) and I have a bag of popcorn that I don't even want, but I'm probably going to eat it while I watch a movie.
Even though today I was telling my friends about how I got the Beck diet book, and I'm all motivated, and I really was good today, am usually good during the day, but at night, I can't help myself.
That "won't hurt" reply... more annoying than ANY other reply... I'd like to say back "What if I choke on it? Then it will."
I know that I'm a little late in responding to this thread, but I've been reading through it and that line cracked me up. I'm laughing so hard I'm starting to get teary eyed.
You should be so proud of yourself Avi, for taking all of these wonderful ladies advice and putting it to use. All of you wonderful ladies should be so proud of yourselves for... well, being so wonderful and supportive.
Speaking of which, I hate myself for saying this, but it's Saturday night and I'm bored and lonely (had a day spent with friends though) and I have a bag of popcorn that I don't even want, but I'm probably going to eat it while I watch a movie.
Take a moment to think about what you do really want. It might be food, but something different from popcorn. Might even be something richer. Go ahead and have a small portion if you really want it. Or you might realize what you'd really love is a hot bubble bath, or listening to a certain CD, or reading a magazine (even if you have to run out and buy it), or calling a friend.
Congratulations, Avi, on getting the Beck book! That's one more step you've taken forward!!
As for the popcorn, Julie has a point. You already said that you didn't really want it... maybe you need some quiet time to ask yourself what it is you really *do* want when you're reaching for food as a substitute.
The answer might surprise you. I recently discovered that one thing I wanted (that I really didn't feel I was getting enough of) was someone to listen to me. I was feeling like I was talking to a brick wall sometimes with my hubby, and like my Mom didn't really know where I was at.
As for the first part of that, we've made some progress. I feel heard a lot more and when he does get into his "I already know what you're going to say"mode, I've found it sometimes helps to just stop everything, take a few deep breaths and just ask him to listen to me with an open mind.
With my mom, the real issue wasn't that she wasn't listening, but that I wasn't really expressing myself in specific enough terms. We've also solved that.
But you know, I didn't even realize that these were issues for me until just before I started my weight control program and when it hit me, when I finally paid those unmet needs some attention, it hit really hard. I was angry for about a week before I really felt like I was making progress in that area.
So... stop. Take a few deep breaths. Be brave and ask yourself, "What is it I need that I'm trying to substitute with this food?" Once you identify what that is, you can start working on getting that need fulfilled.
I just want to thank you all for getting me over a rough patch. I did have the popcorn Saturday night, but I was able to start new again. Thank you. And Tera, I've also had trouble with expressing myself specifically enough. I find time and again when I'm in some emotional pain or turmoil, I think I'm expressing myself, but apparently I'm not.
When I divorced my husband, I thought I had stated very clearly to certain of my friends what had been going on in my marriage. My suspicions of his cheating, his remoteness, his being out of the house at all hours. Several of them said they had no idea. I was very hurt that I didn't have more support from those friends. Turns out I hadn't told them what I needed from them, or even that I needed them at all.
So that's a lesson learned. Anyway, thanks again for being there, and for the insight. And here's to our health!
Today I woke up ready to go to McDonalds and keep eating because I had a hard day yesterday and overate. I am not going to McDonalds - but, I will try to plan for a healthful day.
Thanks for bumping this up, Beverlyjoy - it has some wonderful wisdom in it, and its just what I need to hear, and hear again and again to keep me on track, especially before the weekend!
A few days ago somebody in a different group brought up the No S Diet. I had never heard of it, but got the book and read it, it's very fast reading. For some reason this is striking a cord in me, and even though I've only been on it for two days I feel good about it. The plan is no seconds, no sweets and no snacks except for days that begin with an S. I can't stand complicated calorie counting and points etc. but this is right up my alley. All you do is eat one normal sized plate of food three times a day during the week, but on the weekend you can have some sweets or snacks. I started yesterday and I'm not kidding, today I couldn't finish my lunch. CANNOT remember the last time that happened. Maybe a super simple diet like this could get you started? I know many swear by snacking, but for me I found I was snacking AND eating a full meal. I know all the years I was slim I never ate every few hours. I don't want to make food more of an obsession, and to me that type of diet does exactly that. Could you try something like this and see if it helps you? I've been walking for 30-45 minutes a day for the entire year, and that helps too of course. Best of luck, we're all in this together!
I'll try that - next time I'm at the library I'll see if they have the book. For me, it definitely is the snacking, meals, seconds, just everything! So if I had a rule that only on weekends I can have seconds and snacks, then at least I wouldn't feel deprived during the week. Makes sense - I'll give it a go.
I'd like to say back "What if I choke on it? Then it will."
