100 lb. Club - Have you ever met someone who likes you because you ARE fat?




provence
08-14-2008, 07:20 AM
I didn't want to hijack the thread with the opposite topic but I have have this happen to me.

When I started at my present I was about 220 and became friends with a woman who had a similar position. She was my height but slender - a committed runner with an anorexic past . Then I went full-tilt on WW. She became pregnant and took a year off. When she returned, she was extremely critical of everything I did - personally & professionally - whereas prior to her leave we were practically joined at the hip. The only difference was that I was as thin as she was. Our friendship completely dissolved. I didn't realize it was based on this "I am better than you/ I feel threatened by you" dynamic. I was very hurt that she didn't want me be her friend anymore.

Any weight cyclers who can relate?


S.A.S.H
08-14-2008, 07:31 AM
Hmm...Since I have always been fat I can't say I have ever had that happen to me..not knowingly.

However, I will say that I do tend to develop closer friendships with women who have the same body type I do. I don't do it on purpose (consciously :lol: ) but I just think I am not so embarrassed around them. I guess I feel like they would be able to relate more and I can open up around them without feeling so ashamed. Not to mention I don't have the comparisons going in my head like "the hot one and the fat one" etc when we go out, I can just be free and enjoy myself. I hope this is sounding the way I want it too...

However, I wouldn't drop them either for losing weight. I guess I will see if they do the same for me when mine comes off..I'd like to think they would! :lol:

:carrot: :broc: Randi :carrot: :broc:
I'm a WILL BE..not a wanna be!
:lifter: I'm joining my 1st 3FC 5k! :running:
!Go Veggies!

Rosinante
08-14-2008, 08:22 AM
I've never got thin enough yet to be a real threat. Oh well yes, maybe to one person, who suddenly said one day when we were out shopping "but you're the Same Size as Me!!!" - I think she was used to having me as her fat friend. However, we are still friends, let's hope we can maintain it this weight loss!

Where I have found being fat useful is in my job. I'm an Anglican pastor in an inner-city area, where there's a lot of not exactly poverty but it's not affluent. I've made really good links with the local community women, in a way that my male predecessors couldn't, because, uniform apart, I look just like one of them. In fact when we have professionals come to speak to the residents' group, if I'm Not in uniform, they assume I'm one of the estate women. It's really worked for community relations!


Schmoodle
08-14-2008, 08:47 AM
What an interesting question, I've never thought so, but at my previous place of employment, the two women I was closest to were about the same size as me. Coincidence? Hmmm...

ladybugnessa
08-14-2008, 08:52 AM
yep... all the time. my husband and his friends are all BBW lovers... they are not happy with my weight loss.

dancingirl81
08-14-2008, 09:25 AM
definitely went through the same thing. i had a friend who was about 5'0" and 105-110lbs. everything was great until i lost weight and she wasn't the only one getting attention when we went out on the weekend. it very suddenly went from being joined at the hip, like you said, to there being NO contact for months. you hear the jokes about the 'fat friend'... that's who i was to her... and once i was (lol) less fat, i didn't serve the same purpose.

it's been just over a year and the only time i've seen her was when she needed something that she'd left at my house.

opimisticchick72
08-14-2008, 12:12 PM
Umm..gonna have to give this one some thought as most of the friends I choose are smaller than me, lol. Course orginally I was going on personality, but maybe I am subconsciously thinking something else.

amy

jennisue
08-25-2008, 11:12 PM
I have had most of the same friends for years with my weight up and down-- However I have one friend who when I was 260 was approx 190 when my weight began to come off she got extremly competitive and is now at 150--

I plan however to beat her and get to 120:) But we still talk and hang out the competition thing is just part of us--

Cuter w Curves
08-26-2008, 01:12 AM
Absolutely. With men I have dated as well as women I have been friends with.

Though I can honestly say I don't miss their company when it comes to the "friends".

And I use to date men who were only into "BBW's" once I got bigger (I use to be very... "Original Barbie" in measurements and to be honest I would be very happy with measurements similar to the Emme doll now!).

At the same time the experiences I have had made me realize that I will be taken as I am by those who love me. A perfect example of that is:

My sweetie was always the guy who dated thinner women. Interestingly enough he ended up with me. One of his friends looked at him in askance while saying "She seems nice but I wouldn't have thought SHE was your type..." Interestingly I was 1 size smaller than I am now, and he was/is oblivious to it all to a degree. His response was that he "loves me for the person I am. Not the size my butt is..." and in truth he knew I put some on but he had no clue I was up to a 5-6 x at one point.

Sassy_Chick
08-26-2008, 02:49 AM
I have been at both ends, but never been really thin, just have been thin-ner than some friends at one time. I never chose them due to their size, I liked them for them and who they were. But as I grew bigger, I noticed that my friends drifted off, but I blame that on me as now I am very self-conscious of my weight and I hate it. I even dread having to work with this new lady I have to train next week. I hate meeting new people because in my mind I always think they are thinking bad thoughts about me and I know I should stop that because I know I can project those negative feelings.........But I can't help it, esp since I have had some issues at my work that were weight related. It was only one woman really that said something, but it still hurt very badly and is always on my mind now.

Anyways.........there is my 2 cents, or more like 5 cents worth. :lol:

Star2Be
08-26-2008, 07:43 PM
Oh well yes, maybe to one person, who suddenly said one day when we were out shopping "but you're the Same Size as Me!!!" - I think she was used to having me as her fat friend. However, we are still friends, let's hope we can maintain it this weight loss!

This didn't happen to me, but I've seen moments like that between two of my best friends. One used to be a beanpole and very skinny when we were younger, the other used to be a bit chubbier. Well the first friend finally got some curves (and likewise, a bit of of weight) and the other friend lost some weight around the same time--now they wear the exact same size! The previously-skinny girl still has a really flat stomach/is a bit more "fit," but I remember how shocked she was when she realized that the other girl could borrow her clothes... I definitely think she felt a little threatened by it.

I don't know if anyone's ever liked me specifically because I'm fat--certainly not in a romantic way. But I think people tend to think of fat people as "jolly," so they might be more likely to approach me. I mentioned this on another thread, but I feel like I provide the comic relief in some situations, and I certainly do wonder if people "expect" me to be funny because I'm fat. Doesn't really make sense to me! Ha.

txsqlchick
08-26-2008, 07:51 PM
In HS when I had issues with ED, I got extremely thin. People who didn't notice me before suddenly wanted to be my friends, and my previous friends pretty much shunned me. Some were normal weight, some were big like I once had been (at 15 I weighed 160lbs, which was a LOT bigger than many 15 year-olds).

I don't have that many friends so I dunno what's going to happen. My skinny friends at work don't seem threatened at all so far. My friends outside of work are pretty much ignoring me except one phone call last week.

ghost
08-26-2008, 07:52 PM
I was the fat chick that made the skinny b*#&$^# look good and when I started to look good too and guys started to talk to me too my skinny friends ditched me. I pretty much have no female friends anymore because I was so hurt by it. I didn't realize it was happening until I went to the bar alone one night and saw all my skinny friends there. I walked up behind two of them, it was noisy so they didn't hear me, but I overheard on chick telling the other one that she felt betrayed that I had the nerve to lose weight and now I didn't make her look prettier or skinnier anymore. Oh the horror. I should have b!tch slapped her, but I walked away and confronted her when she was sober and we've never talked again.

txsqlchick
08-26-2008, 07:54 PM
I was the fat chick that made the skinny b*#&$^# look good and when I started to look good too and guys started to talk to me too my skinny friends ditched me. I pretty much have no female friends anymore because I was so hurt by it. I didn't realize it was happening until I went to the bar alone one night and saw all my skinny friends there. I walked up behind two of them, it was noisy so they didn't hear me, but I overheard on chick telling the other one that she felt betrayed that I had the nerve to lose weight and now I didn't make her look prettier or skinnier anymore. Oh the horror. I should have b!tch slapped her, but I walked away and confronted her when she was sober and we've never talked again.

Jesus, what a cow. I'd have popped her in the back of the head, then disappeared into the crowd.

nelie
08-26-2008, 08:19 PM
There have been many discussions about this previously believe it or not.

Women like their friends in certain roles. So they can think of themselves as the thin one or the smart one or the fashionable one or whatever. If you try to shift your role and their role has to be shift, sometimes there is conflict.

With my husband, I haven't had any issue. He treats me the same from when I was at my heaviest until now. Also people at work have treated me the same as well. Although I've never been 'thin' and I'm still chunky.

Now as far as men liking me because of my size, I did go out with a guy a couple times and he seemed to indicate that he liked larger women. I got rid of him quicker than you could snap your fingers.

Ufi
08-26-2008, 08:31 PM
I've had children say they like to sit on my lap because I'm soft.

carinna
08-26-2008, 08:46 PM
:yes: The skinny chicks who want a fat friend to make them feel better about themselves. :mad:

Goldana
08-27-2008, 09:50 AM
Yes, I have had women who I think hung around me just because I was overweight.
My old best friend from back in middle school/high school used to clash with me occasionally. She was always a bit heavier than I was but, dare I be so brash to say she wasn't as physically attractive as me?
I'm sure one of the main reasons why we were such good friends is because we were both overweight. There was no awkwardness when sleeping over each other's houses, changing in front of one another, going shopping for clothes, etc.
I loved her to bits! She had such a great personality, she was so funny and caring. I think she was insecure about her looks though because she would get highly jealous if we went out someplace and I got all dressed up.
She would shoot me dirty looks all night like a jealous lover. Often the boys would gravitate more towards my direction and she didn't like it. She would make excuses and say she was just looking out for me, when in fact I knew she didn't like me getting the attention.
I wish it hadn't been that way because like I said, other than that she was an awesome person and friend. I often felt sad that she didn't have enough confidence to show the boys how wonderful she was!

EricaBG
08-27-2008, 10:21 AM
I had a friend that had a lot of trouble with anorexia. She told me to my face that she liked being around me because it motivated her to gain weight. I wasn't sure if I should of taken it as a compliment or a mean comment about my weight.

KLK
08-27-2008, 10:55 AM
LOL I've never been thin enough to really threaten anyone. But, I have this friend from high school who is very overweight. We used to be best friends and i think PART of that was based on the fact that for many years, we were "fat together." Neither of us ever dated, we both dreaded going to clubs to dance, we were both sort of shy, etc. but we felt comfortable with each other bc we genuinely liked each other, but also, I think, bc we were both in the same boat.

Then, in 2004, I started taking my weight problem seriously and I dropped 80 lbs. I started eating differently, exercising, I acquired more self-confidence and starting doing things and going place I would have never dreamed of before. I wanted her to workout with me, go out with me, etc. but she just wasn't into it. Suddenly, our friendship was a bit on the rocks. Later that same year, I spent a few months in Italy, met my fiance, etc. and that made us grow even further apart.

We are still friends, and actually she is one of my bridesmaids, but we're not as close as we were and I really think part of the reason we're not as close is bc I lost weight. I don't think our friendship was based on us both being fat, or that she only liked me bc I was fat, but I think the fact that we used to be fat together was PART of the reason we were so close. Now that I lost weight and, I guess changed in other ways too (though believe me, I am still more or less the same person as I was when i was heavier), we grew apart a bit.

luvja
08-27-2008, 11:15 AM
My friend and I are walking together about 4-5 days a week now. She's much smaller then I am, she's about 225 and 5'3", and I'm about 314 and 5'10". I started at 343. So last night before we went on our walk we weighed ourseleves, I was 314 and she was 225. She had the nerve to say to me, "Ew I don't like how your not 100lbs more then me anymore, I don't like that at all."
I said "f*** you" out of anger/ confusion?.....
Then she just laughed it off...
I had a serious urge to punch her in the face.
How dare she!

Trazey34
08-27-2008, 11:17 AM
No, I can't say with certainty this has ever happened to me. Most of my bosom buddies I've had since high school so we've all been all over the place weight wise and short/tall/fat/thin/brown/blue/white won't ever matter with that crew. I've always been lucky to have the crazy gift of gab so i make friends really easily and I like to think i'm the FUNNY friend not just the FAT friend hehehe...but my friends are all shapes & sizes and it's funny to me how much THEY go up and down -- i've always just stayed fat lol -- and they're all super supportive of my journey downwards

Lovely
08-27-2008, 11:21 AM
"Ew I don't like how your not 100lbs more then me anymore, I don't like that at all."

That certainly says a lot about how she thinks of herself in relation to you. Sad. :no:

txsqlchick
08-27-2008, 11:29 AM
My friend and I are walking together about 4-5 days a week now. She's much smaller then I am, she's about 225 and 5'3", and I'm about 314 and 5'10". I started at 343. So last night before we went on our walk we weighed ourseleves, I was 314 and she was 225. She had the nerve to say to me, "Ew I don't like how your not 100lbs more then me anymore, I don't like that at all."
I said "f*** you" out of anger/ confusion?.....
Then she just laughed it off...
I had a serious urge to punch her in the face.
How dare she!

Luvja....maybe it's time to find some new friends.

I think it's natural and normal for female friends to feel a little competitive with each other. However, there's a difference between feeling "left behind" and using it as a motivation to get your butt in gear and outwardly resenting someone for not being what you expect them to be, i.e. the safely "fat friend". Your friend is very overweight for her height, but she probably soothes herself with the fact that you weigh more (ignoring the fact that you're also 7 inches taller than she is).

Her BMI is 39.9 (H 5'3" W 225) and yours is about five points higher (H 5'10" W 314), so your BMI will go lower than hers waaaaaaaaay before your weight drops below hers, assuming her weight stays the same. When your BMI goes below hers, rub THAT in her face. It sounds like she deserves it. Your BMI will be equal to hers at 278 lbs. :carrot:

luvja
08-27-2008, 11:32 AM
Haha Thanks! I know - I loooove being tall for that reason, I'd look DAMN good at 200 lbs and she would basically look how she looks now. I was rubbing that in her face last night.. hahaha. Maybe it's not a bad thing she said that to me, because now I am going to work EXTRA hard to lose the weight.... a little compitition never killed anyone. hehe.

luvja
08-27-2008, 11:35 AM
Oh I forgot to add - she got all cranky because I can jog for longer then her. In her words, "How can you jog for much longer then me but I weigh so much less then you"?. So she got all mad... She said our age must have something to do with it, I'm 22 in a couple months, and she just turned 28... she said that has to be the only reason why.....
yeah...
Maybe cause she's never exercised a day in her life until I recently forced her to, or that shes a chain smoker?

Star2Be
08-27-2008, 11:38 AM
I should have b!tch slapped her
Darn right you should have!! Lol. What a nasty person... If there were any guys around to hear that, I'm sure it would have been a huge turn-off. No one likes to listen to people rudely criticize others!

KLK - I have a friend like that, too. I wouldn't say that we're friends because we're both fat, either, but sometimes I wonder if that's something that we've just naturally (or even subconsciously) bonded over. She's pretty much the only one of my close friends who is overweight, and we've definitely had lots of "pig-out" nights together... I have definitely wondered how our friendship might change when I lose weight. I don't want her to feel like I've abandoned her, or like she's suddenly the "fat" friend. But I also wouldn't want to be like "OMG if I did it, you can do it too!" because I always HATED when people would say stuff like that to me. I guess only time will tell how it affects our friendship. :?:

luvja - I definitely understand the instant reaction of "F*** you!" People have said things to me in the past where I think, I am offended by that--I don't know why exactly, but I AM. I wish I had the guts to tell people what I really think when they say crap like that, hehe. But that friend was way out of line. I'm sure she probably didn't mean to hurt your feelings or anything; in a misguided way, she was probably trying to open up to you about her own insecurities... But I hate how fatness becomes public property and it's ok for anyone to comment on it, as if it's not actually attached to a person. :mad:

Star2Be
08-27-2008, 11:48 AM
In her words, "How can you jog for much longer then me but I weigh so much less then you"?
That's so passive-aggressive! "So much less"?? I've had my mother say things like that to me before--she loves to tell me that I boss her around and beat up on her (WHAT?! So 100% false!!) and the only reason I can get away with it is because I'm "6 inches taller and weigh 100 pounds more" than her. That really makes me blow a fuse because I'm less than 50 lbs heavier than her, and because I AM so much taller than her (and younger :devil:), my body is actually in much better shape. I wear smaller-sized clothes, AND look better in them! Plus, just because I weigh more doesn't mean she's "healthier" than me... All she does is eat junk and sit on the couch watching TV all day (that is, when she's not sleeping until 2 in the afternoon!). Grr. Sorry for the blowout, but that comment really got under my skin, heh. You would be totally justified in getting ticked off at a friend for saying something like that.

txsqlchick
08-27-2008, 12:03 PM
Haha Thanks! I know - I loooove being tall for that reason, I'd look DAMN good at 200 lbs and she would basically look how she looks now. I was rubbing that in her face last night.. hahaha. Maybe it's not a bad thing she said that to me, because now I am going to work EXTRA hard to lose the weight.... a little compitition never killed anyone. hehe.

I agree. Torture her with it, it sounds like she deserves it.

Oh I forgot to add - she got all cranky because I can jog for longer then her. In her words, "How can you jog for much longer then me but I weigh so much less then you"?. So she got all mad... She said our age must have something to do with it, I'm 22 in a couple months, and she just turned 28... she said that has to be the only reason why.....
yeah...
Maybe cause she's never exercised a day in her life until I recently forced her to, or that shes a chain smoker?

Oh whatever, I'd tell her to blow it out her a**. She is probably used to being the "slimmer, fitter" one of the two of you and now you're changing all that. How dare you have the nerve to lose weight? Even though she is still smaller than you are, at the rate you're going it won't be long before you pass her by and are getting all the attention. That'll drive her crazy. I would not count on having her as a friend much longer if I were you, but in the meantime you can enjoy driving her passive/aggressive self absolutely INSANE.

Every time you think about going off plan, just think about the look on her face when she realizes you ARE fitter than she is, you ARE prettier, you ARE getting more attention from the opposite sex, and you've left HER behind.

luvja
08-27-2008, 12:04 PM
Thanks Star2Be!, I realize she said that comment to because shes very insecure with her own weight probably. And the thought of me looking like I weigh less then her probably terrifies her! I think she's always liked me being the "fatter" one of us, she LOVES attention from men.
Actually, LOVES is an understatement - she CRAVES attention from men.

KLK
08-27-2008, 12:17 PM
I agree. I would try to motivate that friend i was talking ab, but I never directly encouraged her to lose weight -- it was more like, "Hey, you know working out is actually kind of fun. Do you want to come with me one day as my guest?" I would make similar offers to a few thin friends too. And since I'm still fat, I don't think I ever treated her like the fat friend either, but every friendship is different -- I hope your relationship with your friend will stay the same, though, bc it sucks to have to basically choose between being close to someone or losing weight and living life the way you want. i mean, I think ultimately most people should choose their own personal health over keeping friendship as-is, but it still sucks.


But I also wouldn't want to be like "OMG if I did it, you can do it too!" because I always HATED when people would say stuff like that to me. I guess only time will tell how it affects our friendship. :?:

valpal23
08-27-2008, 02:01 PM
Haha Thanks! I know - I loooove being tall for that reason, .

that and we'll always be able to eat more :) :woohoo:

luvja
08-27-2008, 02:02 PM
that and we'll always be able to eat more :) :woohoo:



Can I get an AMEN!?

Ufi
08-27-2008, 09:47 PM
I often felt sad that she didn't have enough confidence to show the boys how wonderful she was!

What do you mean? Did she act differently about boys than she did around you?

pengbear
08-28-2008, 06:15 PM
So glad to see that I'm not the only one this has happened to. Isn't it funny how all of our life we have the old adage that" beauty is on the inside, outward appearances don't matter" and we find these friends that see us for our true selves (fat on the outside but beautiful on the inside). So we think we've found a great friend who will always be in our court.

But once you change that dynamic it all goes out the window. People don't like it when you're not the fat one anymore.:(