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Old 08-14-2008, 07:20 AM   #1  
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Default Have you ever met someone who likes you because you ARE fat?

I didn't want to hijack the thread with the opposite topic but I have have this happen to me.

When I started at my present I was about 220 and became friends with a woman who had a similar position. She was my height but slender - a committed runner with an anorexic past . Then I went full-tilt on WW. She became pregnant and took a year off. When she returned, she was extremely critical of everything I did - personally & professionally - whereas prior to her leave we were practically joined at the hip. The only difference was that I was as thin as she was. Our friendship completely dissolved. I didn't realize it was based on this "I am better than you/ I feel threatened by you" dynamic. I was very hurt that she didn't want me be her friend anymore.

Any weight cyclers who can relate?
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Old 08-14-2008, 07:31 AM   #2  
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Hmm...Since I have always been fat I can't say I have ever had that happen to me..not knowingly.

However, I will say that I do tend to develop closer friendships with women who have the same body type I do. I don't do it on purpose (consciously ) but I just think I am not so embarrassed around them. I guess I feel like they would be able to relate more and I can open up around them without feeling so ashamed. Not to mention I don't have the comparisons going in my head like "the hot one and the fat one" etc when we go out, I can just be free and enjoy myself. I hope this is sounding the way I want it too...

However, I wouldn't drop them either for losing weight. I guess I will see if they do the same for me when mine comes off..I'd like to think they would!

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Old 08-14-2008, 08:22 AM   #3  
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I've never got thin enough yet to be a real threat. Oh well yes, maybe to one person, who suddenly said one day when we were out shopping "but you're the Same Size as Me!!!" - I think she was used to having me as her fat friend. However, we are still friends, let's hope we can maintain it this weight loss!

Where I have found being fat useful is in my job. I'm an Anglican pastor in an inner-city area, where there's a lot of not exactly poverty but it's not affluent. I've made really good links with the local community women, in a way that my male predecessors couldn't, because, uniform apart, I look just like one of them. In fact when we have professionals come to speak to the residents' group, if I'm Not in uniform, they assume I'm one of the estate women. It's really worked for community relations!
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Old 08-14-2008, 08:47 AM   #4  
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What an interesting question, I've never thought so, but at my previous place of employment, the two women I was closest to were about the same size as me. Coincidence? Hmmm...
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Old 08-14-2008, 08:52 AM   #5  
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yep... all the time. my husband and his friends are all BBW lovers... they are not happy with my weight loss.
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Old 08-14-2008, 09:25 AM   #6  
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definitely went through the same thing. i had a friend who was about 5'0" and 105-110lbs. everything was great until i lost weight and she wasn't the only one getting attention when we went out on the weekend. it very suddenly went from being joined at the hip, like you said, to there being NO contact for months. you hear the jokes about the 'fat friend'... that's who i was to her... and once i was (lol) less fat, i didn't serve the same purpose.

it's been just over a year and the only time i've seen her was when she needed something that she'd left at my house.
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Old 08-14-2008, 12:12 PM   #7  
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Umm..gonna have to give this one some thought as most of the friends I choose are smaller than me, lol. Course orginally I was going on personality, but maybe I am subconsciously thinking something else.

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Old 08-25-2008, 11:12 PM   #8  
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I have had most of the same friends for years with my weight up and down-- However I have one friend who when I was 260 was approx 190 when my weight began to come off she got extremly competitive and is now at 150--

I plan however to beat her and get to 120 But we still talk and hang out the competition thing is just part of us--
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Old 08-26-2008, 01:12 AM   #9  
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Absolutely. With men I have dated as well as women I have been friends with.

Though I can honestly say I don't miss their company when it comes to the "friends".

And I use to date men who were only into "BBW's" once I got bigger (I use to be very... "Original Barbie" in measurements and to be honest I would be very happy with measurements similar to the Emme doll now!).

At the same time the experiences I have had made me realize that I will be taken as I am by those who love me. A perfect example of that is:

My sweetie was always the guy who dated thinner women. Interestingly enough he ended up with me. One of his friends looked at him in askance while saying "She seems nice but I wouldn't have thought SHE was your type..." Interestingly I was 1 size smaller than I am now, and he was/is oblivious to it all to a degree. His response was that he "loves me for the person I am. Not the size my butt is..." and in truth he knew I put some on but he had no clue I was up to a 5-6 x at one point.
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Old 08-26-2008, 02:49 AM   #10  
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Red face

I have been at both ends, but never been really thin, just have been thin-ner than some friends at one time. I never chose them due to their size, I liked them for them and who they were. But as I grew bigger, I noticed that my friends drifted off, but I blame that on me as now I am very self-conscious of my weight and I hate it. I even dread having to work with this new lady I have to train next week. I hate meeting new people because in my mind I always think they are thinking bad thoughts about me and I know I should stop that because I know I can project those negative feelings.........But I can't help it, esp since I have had some issues at my work that were weight related. It was only one woman really that said something, but it still hurt very badly and is always on my mind now.

Anyways.........there is my 2 cents, or more like 5 cents worth.
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Old 08-26-2008, 07:43 PM   #11  
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Originally Posted by Ailidh View Post
Oh well yes, maybe to one person, who suddenly said one day when we were out shopping "but you're the Same Size as Me!!!" - I think she was used to having me as her fat friend. However, we are still friends, let's hope we can maintain it this weight loss!
This didn't happen to me, but I've seen moments like that between two of my best friends. One used to be a beanpole and very skinny when we were younger, the other used to be a bit chubbier. Well the first friend finally got some curves (and likewise, a bit of of weight) and the other friend lost some weight around the same time--now they wear the exact same size! The previously-skinny girl still has a really flat stomach/is a bit more "fit," but I remember how shocked she was when she realized that the other girl could borrow her clothes... I definitely think she felt a little threatened by it.

I don't know if anyone's ever liked me specifically because I'm fat--certainly not in a romantic way. But I think people tend to think of fat people as "jolly," so they might be more likely to approach me. I mentioned this on another thread, but I feel like I provide the comic relief in some situations, and I certainly do wonder if people "expect" me to be funny because I'm fat. Doesn't really make sense to me! Ha.
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Old 08-26-2008, 07:52 PM   #12  
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I was the fat chick that made the skinny b*#&$^# look good and when I started to look good too and guys started to talk to me too my skinny friends ditched me. I pretty much have no female friends anymore because I was so hurt by it. I didn't realize it was happening until I went to the bar alone one night and saw all my skinny friends there. I walked up behind two of them, it was noisy so they didn't hear me, but I overheard on chick telling the other one that she felt betrayed that I had the nerve to lose weight and now I didn't make her look prettier or skinnier anymore. Oh the horror. I should have b!tch slapped her, but I walked away and confronted her when she was sober and we've never talked again.
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Old 08-26-2008, 08:19 PM   #13  
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There have been many discussions about this previously believe it or not.

Women like their friends in certain roles. So they can think of themselves as the thin one or the smart one or the fashionable one or whatever. If you try to shift your role and their role has to be shift, sometimes there is conflict.

With my husband, I haven't had any issue. He treats me the same from when I was at my heaviest until now. Also people at work have treated me the same as well. Although I've never been 'thin' and I'm still chunky.

Now as far as men liking me because of my size, I did go out with a guy a couple times and he seemed to indicate that he liked larger women. I got rid of him quicker than you could snap your fingers.
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Old 08-26-2008, 08:31 PM   #14  
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I've had children say they like to sit on my lap because I'm soft.
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Old 08-26-2008, 08:46 PM   #15  
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The skinny chicks who want a fat friend to make them feel better about themselves.
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