Weight Loss Support - Anybody else jealous of friends 'more successful' than yourself?




ekstatikia
01-08-2008, 03:59 PM
I need to start by saying I know this is most ridiculous but I feel like getting it out will help me 'get over it' and maybe shut up about it. ;)

I have lost a bunch of weight in the last year by diet and exercise alone. I also quit smoking cigarettes the day after I started my diet and have been smoke-free for a year. I hit a couple of plateaus along the way but ended up with a net loss (as of today) of 67 pounds since Jan 1, 2007. I am very proud of myself and realize that this is a huge success.

One of my family members made it very well known that she was jealous because I was getting thin and she was not, so she went to one of those weight-loss doctors who prescribes pills, vitamins and supplements and weighs you once a month. In 6 months, she has lost almost 40 pounds, and she is now out of the 'obese' zone and still smoking a pack a day and eating whatever she wants. She's quite proud to tell me how funny she thinks it is that the pounds are melting off of her, and I have to eat 'rabbit food' and still can't lose as quickly as she does... She also likes to point out to me that I'm 'still obese'. I went to the same doctor about 3 months ago and asked for a consultation, just to talk to him about what I could do to help boost my weight loss WITHOUT PILLS and they refused to see me. :( They told me if I didn't want the pills I needed to go to a family doctor???!!!

Now I am jealous of her (and have thought about going to that same doctor AGAIN just so I can get the pills and 'catch up with her'), and I feel like a big dork for it.

Does anybody else have issues like this? What keeps you from going crazy comparing yourself to others who seem to be kicking your butt without effort while you kill yourself counting calories?


fitbyforty
01-08-2008, 04:07 PM
The only dork I see is her.It is natural to envy someone else's success if it comes faster than yours.I envy then I move on back to what I am doing.You have made great strides on your own.You are smoke free and you lost a lot of weight.You deserve the bigger kudos because you did it while stopping smoking.No easy feat.
Keep doing what you are doing because you are doing it the right way.When all is said and done you will feel that much more pride in yourself for taking the high road and doing the work.You are awesome!!!

kappy
01-08-2008, 04:19 PM
Everybody has their own personal "buttons". She's jumping up and down on yours. You changed your life, you've moved mountains, and you deserve to sing and shout it from the mountain tops without her overshadowing you. So smile, tell her you're proud of her and what she's accomplished, and keep on keeping on the harder, safer, more successful path and know in the long run (and this is way more than a marathon you're in!) you will be the stronger, healthier, happier person when you reach the finish line and she'll still be trying to find a new hot button to get your goat and cause you grief.

You're the better person, inside and out. She's the one who is jealous and will have to deal with the consequences of her choices sooner or later. Like as soon as she stops the drugs and the weight comes piling back on.


JayEll
01-08-2008, 04:32 PM
Well, your family member is mean and competitive, and she also has a doctor who is making money off her by selling her pills.

You are not "killing yourself" counting calories. You are losing weight the healthy, long-term way. What's to say that she can maintain her weight loss without having to take those pills forever? Is that any way to live? Well, not for me.

I am not jealous of other people's successful weight loss. Losing weight is not a contest or a competition, no matter what Biggest Loser would have us think. It's a personal path, and not a race to see who can lose the most while eating badly and doing questionable practices. :soap:

Just stay with your plan, and minimize contact with her if she bugs you. And try not to gloat if at some point she gains her weight back--that will be so sad for her if it happens.

Also, congratulations for quitting smoking!

Jay

maalisse
01-08-2008, 04:39 PM
What keeps you from going crazy comparing yourself to others who seem to be kicking your butt without effort while you kill yourself counting calories?

Edit: hrm, some of this was already said, but I'll just post the whole thing anyway. :)

You remind yourself that you have made huge lifestyle changes that are going to help you maintain and stay healthy in the long run, instead of opting for a quick fix that probably won't be permanent and could put your health at risk. (I doubt that anyone who points to healthy eating as "rabbit food" has an especially nutritious diet, and these things do add up over time.)

It's really immature of her to make this into a competition when you've made such wonderful changes in your life -- especially when it sounds as if you're approaching it for your health and she's trying to make it about the number and vanity.

The best thing you can do is not give her the satisfaction. And when she stops the pills and gains back the weight and you refuse to rub it in her face, she'll realize how poor her own behaviour was before.

In the meantime, I'm sure it really sucks. :( All you can really do is keep your chin high and avoid stooping to her level. Keep doing what you're doing, because it's working! :hug:

FlabulessPhyllis
01-08-2008, 04:46 PM
Don't let her get to you. In the long run she will gain all that weight and probably more back were as you have changed your lifestyle and will probably be able to maintain a goal weight. so jokes on her! Way to go on your loss! :)

Jelbb
01-08-2008, 04:46 PM
Man. I wish I could be as big a person as Jay and say I'm not jealous of other peoples' weight loss.

My mother was about 192 lbs when my stepdad passed away. He had throat cancer, so she made the most fattening foods she could, trying to keep weight on him. A little bit after he passed away she decided to get her act together and started taking the pounds off a bit at a time. Around the same time, I introduced my brother to his girlfriend, a good friend of mine, who will probably never weigh more than 119 lbs soaking wet. He also decided to start taking off the weight.

I went to Ireland for four months and gained a beer belly, compounded by fried foods. (Nice.) When I came home, my chubby mum was suddenly 135 lbs and my brother had dropped to 145.

Gotta say, I have never been more jealous and felt worse about myself than seeing my family, who had always been bigger with me... suddenly look so dramatically fabulous.

It's really unfair of your family member to rub in your face the fact that she's losing more quickly, and even worse to point out your healthy choices as a flaw. Diet pills are not the healthy way to go, nor is continuing to smoke and eat "whatever she wants." While it's incredibly difficult to ignore the success of someone who seems to be doing something you work hard at so easily, I hope you can turn your focus towards yourself, your own accomplishments and your own personal happiness!

And more kudos on quitting smoking. As someone who's had a father AND a stepfather both die of cancer... I can say that you'll live a longer, healthier life than someone who stuffs themselves full of diet pills and carcinogens. <3

Kery
01-08-2008, 04:49 PM
Wait until 6 more months have passed and she's regained her 40 lbs plus some? :D

(I know I'm mean and I shouldn't say such things and can we say Schadenfreude much, but really? If a person is pushing your buttons in such a way, she is the first one who should be ashamed.)

Okay, seriously. Never doubt for one moment that YOU are treading on the right road. So she's taking pills. Big deal. Do you know what's in them? Maybe they'll cause her health problems, like the phen-fen did a few years ago. And the day she goes off them without making any changes to her behaviours, you can be sure she WILL regain anyway.

In the meantime, uhm... I'm of the opinion to just ignore her pathetic attempts at rubbing it off you. This would probably frustrates her big time, since it seems she's does it mostly to spite you.

gapeach342
01-08-2008, 05:00 PM
I have been there taking the diet pills and lost over 50 lbs. very fast. I never changed my eating habits. I ate whatever I wanted just not as much b/c the pills curbed my hunger. But after I quit taking the pills the all of my weight and then some came back. I never learned to eat healthy. It was just a temp. quick fix. You have learned to eat healthy and lose the weight yourselft w/o pills. Her on the other hand hasn't. She can't stay on the pills forever....just remember that. Her weight will come back and probably more.

mandalinn82
01-08-2008, 05:10 PM
You need to decide how -you- define success.

Your family member defines it her own way - losing as much weight as she can, as quickly as possible. She owns how she defines success, and she is working toward acheiving it. Success to her might be losing faster than you. I don't know how she defines it, frankly...but in her mind, "success" has its own definition.

In your mind, you ALSO have your own definition. It doesn't involve anyone but you, and involves you making healthy choices, for yourself, and taking weight off without outside medical intervention. It does not involve supplements, but does involve good choices, and might be a little slower. FOR YOU, success is taking off the weight healthfully.

It is often hard for people to see others rubbing in their version of "success" - but you have to keep in mind, her version of success isn't the same as yours. You proved that when you told the "medical" staff that you didn't want to take pills. You ARE succeeding more than she is at acheiving YOUR version of success.

ksk571
01-08-2008, 05:12 PM
Even a very thin person can be unhealthy. You are eating healthy foods and exercising which is great for your body. And you quit smoking (and have been smoke free for a whole year!) which is an amazing accomplishment!! You should be very proud of yourself!

Every once in a while I see what can be described as an "easy fix" i.e. diet pills and part of me is tempted to try them because I want this darned weight off now! But I know they are not good for my body and that exercise and eating healthy have so many more benefits than just weight loss. I recently read an article, (I don't remember exactly what it was about) but the point that grabbed me was to focus on the journey and you'll get to the destination. Basically that if you focus on exercising and eating healthy, then the weight loss will come.

zenor77
01-08-2008, 06:27 PM
Sounds like she has emotional issues and needs to be the center of attention. She is not doing herself any favors taking the quick route. Even if she doesn't regain all (or more) of her weight loss, she certainly won't be healthier by taking pills and continuing to smoke.

You are doing this the healthy way! I know it's difficult, but try to look at it from a different angle. You aren't just losing weight, you are adopting a healthier lifestyle that will help you keep it off and live longer. Studies have shown that when you take it off slowly it's more apt to stay off. So, try to ignore her and keep up the good work!

BTW, Congrats on quitting smoking, I know how hard that can be!

mandalinn82
01-08-2008, 06:34 PM
Read this article and consider your priorities! You are doing such AMAZING things for your health!

http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/93347.php

A study of middle aged and older people living in Norfolk, UK, has suggested that not smoking, being active, eating enough fruit and vegetables and drinking only moderate amounts of alcohol can increase lifespan by an average of 10 years compared to people who do none of these things. (continue reading at link above)

jiffypop
01-08-2008, 06:55 PM
ekstatikia -

i've come back to this thread several times today, because i'm concerned about YOU. those of us who've had surgery often run into this jealousy from others, even though we're dealing with major issues ourselves, ones that not everyone sees.

other posters here have said it - YOU'RE doing the best thing you can for yourself - your health, your lifelong happiness. and that's what matters. ANd you've not only lost weight, but also STOPPED SMOKING at the same time.

you deserve a medal. no. wait. a pedestal. enjoy the view from up there!

that family member, well, let's just say she hasn't had the right kind of wake-up call, the one that will lead to her a healthy, happy life. WHEN she gains the weight back, and more, and you're still your slimmer, happier self, what'll she do? start the process for surgery? she'll still have her demons, and you'll have - your health and happiness.

weight loss and management is a very very personal journey - and you're doing a WONDERFUL job. and stop comparing yourself to her. as one very wise WW leader once said to me, keep you eyes on your own plate!

aksuzyq
01-08-2008, 06:56 PM
"One of my family members made it very well known that she was jealous because I was getting thin and she was not"

There you have it. SHE'S the jealous one. Not you. You started it, you took control, she is jealous of you. Remember that. Now, she's just trying to prove to herself that she's as good as you. But, the way she lost the weight is not as good as you, and you AND her both know it. She's just trying really hard to convince you that it is. Convince you, and herself.

Stay strong, stay focused on YOU and not her.

I have "ticker envy" all the time, looking at how much everyone's lost on here! :goodscale:

onmywayhalfofmein08
01-08-2008, 07:24 PM
Ditto to what all of the above posters said! I like the term "ticker envy"! I struggle with that myself.
You have done a fabulous job with your weight loss and quitting smoking. I think all of those who are able to get their weight off and keep it of come to a point where no one else's opinion is more important than their own. An interesting thing to note from your story; you went to the doctor and they refused to take you as a patient; in my mind that means you are not supposed to go that route! Maybe this is for your own protection; i.e. some ingredient in the pills that might react badly for you, etc.
I hope you continue to have success in whatever goals you set for yourself!

suesully
01-08-2008, 08:00 PM
I am not jealous of other people's successful weight loss. Losing weight is not a contest or a competition, no matter what Biggest Loser would have us think. It's a personal path, and not a race to see who can lose the most *snip* :soap:


Very nicely stated! I try very hard to look at other people's ticker's to see how much they've lost & try to find out how those who have lost a lot of weight did it. I learned very early on in my diet NOT to compare myself with other's rates of loss. They had different bodies, different lifestyles & many were younger than me with better metabolisms.

So for the past 15 months I have just kept my head down, plugging along at my diet. I started with a group of about 40 gals & amidst their bragging & ha ha I lost so much weight & you didn't taunts, I just kept at it. They were waaaay ahead of me too. And all of a sudden, I weigh less...almost 30#s less than most of those gals. I didn't brag about it, in fact I kind of feel funny that I am almost at goal. In a way...I stuck w/my plan & they didn't. That's just how it goes. The old tortoise & hare story...just keep on plugging at your diet & you will be thinner in your own time without competing with anyone else but yourself. :)

p.s. Congrats on quitting smoking too...I did that 4 months ago & it was waaaay harder than the diet thing.

Mizu
01-08-2008, 08:08 PM
Honestly, it's better that you lose weight slowly and not fast and with pills like her. In the long run, I think you will keep the weight off. She sounds like she was in it for a quick fix, so she'll be surprised to learn that losing all that so fast will just set her back on a rebound just as quickly. You'll still be holding out, of course. Slow and steady wins the race.

almostheaven
01-08-2008, 08:55 PM
Dork? Yeah, she is. A big one. She's still smoking, and now she's swallowing pills daily to do something she hasn't the willpower or strength to do on her own. And you think SHE'S successful? You're doing it the right way, the way that will most likely keep it off, and had the strength to quit smoking. Seems to me like you have success reversed here. You seem to be the successful one. She seems to be the one crying out for attention because she's secretly sad and miserable inside.

Keepee
01-08-2008, 09:11 PM
You should smile prettily and say "Oh that's nice!" and go spend all the money you're saving by NOT spending out the nose on pills on something nice for you- a fun new outfit, a day at the spa, a puppy- whatever :). Yeah, get a puppy and name it "Pills". :-p. I'm kidding, but seriously, I get jealous of friends who seem to melt the weight off, but I try to let it just motivate me in to working harder. In this case, when she gets where she wants to be and stops taking pills, she's going to gain it all back with interest and you can prance around secure in the knowledge you're awesome :D.

ekstatikia
01-08-2008, 11:33 PM
Oh my, I've had a good cry and a good laugh this evening going through all of these replies. Thank you ALL so much! I guess I never thought about the old tortoise and hare thing... and I have absolutely been successful in the past year... I have done a 180 and actually ENJOY my life now.

I guess most of you pinned it when you said that she must have issues. I know she does, and I think I just kind of overlook that in this case. Seems she is always unhappy. I guess this is the one way she can 'out-do' someone. For her sake, I really do hope she finds a way to keep the weight off. (She looks AMAZING - ha!)

Coming away from what I've read here, I can go to sleep tonight secure in the knowledge that I am fighting MY OWN PERSONAL battle. I am so winning! ;)

Thanks, everybody. I'm so glad i'm not alone in this, and I really do feel better just 'getting it out'.

jiffypop
01-09-2008, 12:07 AM
:hug: :hug: sleep well!!!!

and if you start feeling, ummm, a little UNKIND towards this person, stop and think what we'd be saying to a person who started posting that she (1) started a diet because she was jealous of her friend's weight loss, (2) took pills because she didn't want to control her food intake, and (3) continued smoking. there's a special place for people like that!!!! :devil:

OptimistK
01-09-2008, 01:32 AM
You need to decide how -you- define success.

Your family member defines it her own way - losing as much weight as she can, as quickly as possible. She owns how she defines success, and she is working toward acheiving it. Success to her might be losing faster than you. I don't know how she defines it, frankly...but in her mind, "success" has its own definition.

In your mind, you ALSO have your own definition. It doesn't involve anyone but you, and involves you making healthy choices, for yourself, and taking weight off without outside medical intervention. It does not involve supplements, but does involve good choices, and might be a little slower. FOR YOU, success is taking off the weight healthfully.

It is often hard for people to see others rubbing in their version of "success" - but you have to keep in mind, her version of success isn't the same as yours. You proved that when you told the "medical" staff that you didn't want to take pills. You ARE succeeding more than she is at acheiving YOUR version of success.

I just love your response!!! It's so neutral and honest! Love it!

midwife
01-09-2008, 12:50 PM
I agree so much with all the posts, but especially with Amanda's. How do you define success? You have QUIT SMOKING!! You have cut your risk of stroke, heart attack, multiple cancers! That is HUGE and you are such a success! Your weight loss ain't nothing to sneeze at either. So you have found success in your healthy choices.

Weight loss ain't the Indy 500 anyway. Slow and steady will get you there. This is a lifetime effort....what's the rush? You are doing very well for yourself.

FrouFrou
01-09-2008, 03:55 PM
I have never been jealous of others losing weight. I might be a little envious wishing I was at a point where they are but never jealous. I always try to be supportive and encouraging. That said...there's really nothing for me to add to what everyone else said...I totally agree with just about everything. She's the one with the problem and you should be very proud of how far you've come, and without pills! Pills are just a quick fix so...you are doing it the right way so you just keep on truckin! And CONGRAT's on your loss so far! :bravo: :woohoo: