100 lb. Club - Reverse anorexia
08-19-2007, 12:04 AM
Sometimes I think I have this.
When I'm feeling good and full of energy and like I can take on the world, do anything. Then I see a picture of me. Or have to go shopping for a new outfit and see myself in the dressing room mirror. I wonder where this fat chick came from? I'm shocked that I really look that way.
And then there are the times when I see a space and think I can fit through it but then am surprised when I bump into something and knock it over. How did that space get so small all of a sudden?
Maybe I can get a DSM listing for it and then I can tell people "I'm sorry I knocked over your picture frame with my ***, but it's not my fault, I have an illness."
:) Hope you all are having a great night.
08-19-2007, 12:15 AM
I hear you!! There are days I think I look great and the next time I put on that clothes, I can't believe how big I am. Unless I walk around with the full length mirror, I tend to forget that I'm a size 18 (when I should be a 12) some days and there are days that I feel like the biggest woman in the world. We'll get where we are comfortable -- I promise!!! :D
08-19-2007, 12:18 AM
*Sigh* I totally feel you. I was in complete denial about my size...I thought I looked fine. Then I started looking fatter and fatter in pictures...Well maybe it was just a bad angle..I couldn't look that huge. But I was. And I wish it had never gotten to this point, but here I am and all I can do is work hard to get back to a healthy weight :)
08-19-2007, 12:42 AM
I know exactly where you're coming from. I was also in denial over my weight. And Jen, I was always hitting things - running into doors, bumping into chairs, etc, etc.
I also remember walking alongside a glass window, seeing a very obese woman in the glass and feeling a surge of pity for her - how hard it must be to be that overweight. It took about 10 seconds for it to sink it - That was ME!!! That was a shocker, but it was still a couple of years later before I did anything about it.
08-19-2007, 10:30 AM
From your tickers, looks like you are all doing great! You should feel proud of what you've accomplished!
08-19-2007, 08:22 PM
Wow, finally someone understands how I feel.
If I know I'm going to look at myself in the mirror, I'm okay. I guess my mind zones the fat out and in my own mind (I mean I literally see this) I look like a normal person. But when I catch a glimpse of myself that I wasn't planning too I'm like OMG :(
The mall I got to has a lot of mirrors in the floors and that's one of the reason I hate shopping there. I don't want to see my reflection as I'm walking through the mall.
I take pictures of myself and am like wow...I really look like this? I feel the same as when I was 180 and I think that's how I let the weight creep on.
08-19-2007, 08:47 PM
CherryBlossom..I totally get that as far as the weight creeping back on. And on the flip side, when I'm losing weight, I never think I look any better. I look back at pics now from when I had lost quite a bit and I think my god I would kill to look like that again, but at the time I didn't think I looked any different at all. I did at least recognize that I had more energy, was able to do more physically, but as far as looks I didn't see it.
08-19-2007, 10:01 PM
I hear ya too!
I never really started noticing it until I was in high school, but by then it was wayyyy too late.
I literally am a totally different person than I let on to be. I don't act/say/do what I want to because I don't like gaining attention from other people, because I'm so embarrassed of how I look.
Some day I hope the skinny girl inside me can come out and show herself to the world..... :)
08-19-2007, 10:41 PM
It's a bizarre thing, isn't it? How the mind filters out what you aren't accustomed to seeing... I think the term, "reverse anorexia" is perfect for it!!
I've had 2 nasty experiences like the ones described here... the first was when I caught a glimpse of my mother in the supermarket and began to wave at her -- before I realized I'd seen a reflection of myself in a mirror...!! :o The second, worse experience was when I was watching a comedy film on TV... they showed someone in a fat suit naked, and I thought, hey, I look just like that.... then realized it was so fat it was a JOKE. That was a bad day. :eek:
08-19-2007, 11:06 PM
*nodding head in understanding*
The worst is when I'm trying to get ready to go out somewhere that requires me to dress up. The last time I had mentally planned this outfit that I really thought would look good on me. Putting it on and really critiquing myself in the mirror reduced me to tears and feeling worthless within a minute. I spent the next hour trying everything else decent on and hating myself more and more. My sweetheart of a man patiently let me have my fit until I came out wearing the same outfit that I had originally planned to wear. I had to work hard to get over myself and enjoy the rest of the evening. I swear I have to get this weight off and stop this from continuing! :no:
08-20-2007, 02:58 AM
Body dysmorphia, having a distorted image of ourselves. I am always surprised when I don't fit in a chair. A couple of days ago a hardware store was displaying a really cute outdoor rocker that would be perfect on my front porch, and it was half off. I sat down in it. I practically had to call for Jaws of Life to get out of it. Ain't itwonderful, the ability to turn an ordiinary piece of furniture into a trap? I guess I should be grateful the damn thing didn't collapse on me. I really, really hate surprises like that.
08-20-2007, 09:35 AM
I so totally get this. Yesterday I had "What Not to Wear" on all day while I was cleaning (it was a marathon) & I was hyped thinking I could take some of the tips & look better just from my closet. But then when I started trying things on I realized that at this size I'm never really goign to look better. The clothes just don't look on the way they do in my mind.
08-20-2007, 10:06 AM
It is so interesting how we perceive ourselves. I have finally regained a shape, and so when I look in the mirror and see that I actually can tell I'm a woman now, I think I look amazing (of course, in my mind, I'm comparing myself with what I was when I started this). Yet, when I catch a glimpse in the mirror at the pool when I'm in my swimming suit, I see elephant legs and understand how big my torso continues to be. But you know what? I am still quite thrilled with how I look now. I appreciate all of the newly-regained positive features so much more than I did when I had them before. Who would have thought I would celebrate having only one extra chin? And knowing that it's just going to continue to get better and better makes tons of difference too.
08-20-2007, 12:02 PM
LaurieDawn, you are absolutely right, of course. We definitely need to focus on the positive! And I can't wait until I'm as far along as you are on my weight loss journey!
Shellie, I giggled in sad empathy with your chair adventure... how often I've stayed standing when invited to sit, because I was afraid I'd bring the chair home with me when I left the gathering! Soon, we will leave those chairs behind for good and all. :)
I realized long ago that my mind would never allow me to see myself as I really am now, with all this weight on. The only way I can see it is in photographs or if I catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror when not on my guard. So photographs it is. I find them most inspirational, even though I hate them, each and every one. Give me another year... then bring on the little chairs!!
traci in training
08-20-2007, 09:52 PM
Funny timing. A friend just e-mailed me some pictures from a golf tournament a few weeks ago. I felt great that day. Size 14 skort, size large tank top. Lookin' good! Golfed pretty well, had a great time.
I opened the pictures and WHAM! Look at those calves! Where are her knees??? Jeez, I thought I was looking so much better, but there's still a LONG way to go!