Sometimes I think I have this.

When I'm feeling good and full of energy and like I can take on the world, do anything. Then I see a picture of me. Or have to go shopping for a new outfit and see myself in the dressing room mirror. I wonder where this fat chick came from? I'm shocked that I really look that way.

And then there are the times when I see a space and think I can fit through it but then am surprised when I bump into something and knock it over. How did that space get so small all of a sudden?

Maybe I can get a DSM listing for it and then I can tell people "I'm sorry I knocked over your picture frame with my ***, but it's not my fault, I have an illness."

Hope you all are having a great night.
Jen

I hear you!! There are days I think I look great and the next time I put on that clothes, I can't believe how big I am. Unless I walk around with the full length mirror, I tend to forget that I'm a size 18 (when I should be a 12) some days and there are days that I feel like the biggest woman in the world. We'll get where we are comfortable -- I promise!!!

*Sigh* I totally feel you. I was in complete denial about my size...I thought I looked fine. Then I started looking fatter and fatter in pictures...Well maybe it was just a bad angle..I couldn't look that huge. But I was. And I wish it had never gotten to this point, but here I am and all I can do is work hard to get back to a healthy weight

I know exactly where you're coming from. I was also in denial over my weight. And Jen, I was always hitting things - running into doors, bumping into chairs, etc, etc.

I also remember walking alongside a glass window, seeing a very obese woman in the glass and feeling a surge of pity for her - how hard it must be to be that overweight. It took about 10 seconds for it to sink it - That was ME!!! That was a shocker, but it was still a couple of years later before I did anything about it.

From your tickers, looks like you are all doing great! You should feel proud of what you've accomplished!

Wow, finally someone understands how I feel.

If I know I'm going to look at myself in the mirror, I'm okay. I guess my mind zones the fat out and in my own mind (I mean I literally see this) I look like a normal person. But when I catch a glimpse of myself that I wasn't planning too I'm like OMG

The mall I got to has a lot of mirrors in the floors and that's one of the reason I hate shopping there. I don't want to see my reflection as I'm walking through the mall.

I take pictures of myself and am like wow...I really look like this? I feel the same as when I was 180 and I think that's how I let the weight creep on.

CherryBlossom..I totally get that as far as the weight creeping back on. And on the flip side, when I'm losing weight, I never think I look any better. I look back at pics now from when I had lost quite a bit and I think my god I would kill to look like that again, but at the time I didn't think I looked any different at all. I did at least recognize that I had more energy, was able to do more physically, but as far as looks I didn't see it.

It's a bizarre thing, isn't it? How the mind filters out what you aren't accustomed to seeing... I think the term, "reverse anorexia" is perfect for it!!

I've had 2 nasty experiences like the ones described here... the first was when I caught a glimpse of my mother in the supermarket and began to wave at her -- before I realized I'd seen a reflection of myself in a mirror...!! The second, worse experience was when I was watching a comedy film on TV... they showed someone in a fat suit naked, and I thought, hey, I look just like that.... then realized it was so fat it was a JOKE. That was a bad day.

Rae

*nodding head in understanding*


The worst is when I'm trying to get ready to go out somewhere that requires me to dress up. The last time I had mentally planned this outfit that I really thought would look good on me. Putting it on and really critiquing myself in the mirror reduced me to tears and feeling worthless within a minute. I spent the next hour trying everything else decent on and hating myself more and more. My sweetheart of a man patiently let me have my fit until I came out wearing the same outfit that I had originally planned to wear. I had to work hard to get over myself and enjoy the rest of the evening. I swear I have to get this weight off and stop this from continuing!

Body dysmorphia, having a distorted image of ourselves. I am always surprised when I don't fit in a chair. A couple of days ago a hardware store was displaying a really cute outdoor rocker that would be perfect on my front porch, and it was half off. I sat down in it. I practically had to call for Jaws of Life to get out of it. Ain't itwonderful, the ability to turn an ordiinary piece of furniture into a trap? I guess I should be grateful the damn thing didn't collapse on me. I really, really hate surprises like that.

I so totally get this. Yesterday I had "What Not to Wear" on all day while I was cleaning (it was a marathon) & I was hyped thinking I could take some of the tips & look better just from my closet. But then when I started trying things on I realized that at this size I'm never really goign to look better. The clothes just don't look on the way they do in my mind.

It is so interesting how we perceive ourselves. I have finally regained a shape, and so when I look in the mirror and see that I actually can tell I'm a woman now, I think I look amazing (of course, in my mind, I'm comparing myself with what I was when I started this). Yet, when I catch a glimpse in the mirror at the pool when I'm in my swimming suit, I see elephant legs and understand how big my torso continues to be. But you know what? I am still quite thrilled with how I look now. I appreciate all of the newly-regained positive features so much more than I did when I had them before. Who would have thought I would celebrate having only one extra chin? And knowing that it's just going to continue to get better and better makes tons of difference too.

LaurieDawn, you are absolutely right, of course. We definitely need to focus on the positive! And I can't wait until I'm as far along as you are on my weight loss journey!

Shellie, I giggled in sad empathy with your chair adventure... how often I've stayed standing when invited to sit, because I was afraid I'd bring the chair home with me when I left the gathering! Soon, we will leave those chairs behind for good and all.

I realized long ago that my mind would never allow me to see myself as I really am now, with all this weight on. The only way I can see it is in photographs or if I catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror when not on my guard. So photographs it is. I find them most inspirational, even though I hate them, each and every one. Give me another year... then bring on the little chairs!!

Rae

Funny timing. A friend just e-mailed me some pictures from a golf tournament a few weeks ago. I felt great that day. Size 14 skort, size large tank top. Lookin' good! Golfed pretty well, had a great time.

I opened the pictures and WHAM! Look at those calves! Where are her knees??? Jeez, I thought I was looking so much better, but there's still a LONG way to go!