Any other single mom's out there? I am going through a divorce but actually we've been separated 2-1/2 years. My boy is 3-1/2 now. I'll admit that part of working out and losing weight probably is to feel good enough about myself to date again. I've lost 10-12 lbs and the other day I flirted with a guy at starbucks. It felt good actually. I haven't been on a date yet but I'm just wondering how on earth one goes about meeting men and dating with children anyways. I know that at a heavier weight I was too self conscious, but I'm feeling better now - I know there's dating online, and I do realize that not going out a night in over two years, being without adult company isn't healthy... I need a babysitter. A life. Maybe I will join the gym where the hunky guys go and lift 20 lbs next to them... After an insane marriage I never even thought I'd reach the point where I'd flirt with a guy - I enjoyed it, had some weird dream last night about a man who I didn't even know. Anyone else in this boat? Ideas on getting a life... before and after weight loss?
I'm not in your boat, Horsey, but I was raised by a single mum with an active social life How old are your kids?
Congrats on the flirting! It's the first step! And it speaks to your increased confidence. Yay you!
Babysitter is a good second step. Even if you're not actively dating you should be able to go out at night with girlfriends or go see a movie by yourself. Even the most devoted mother should be allowed to have time to herself away from her kids.
If you don't tend to meet men during the course of your every day life, you might want to think about internet dating. Many of my friends have found partners via the web. Not as scary as it used to be
Mainly though, I think attracting men has a lot to do with projecting confidence and putting yourself in their paths.
I know how you feel! I am a single mom to 2 4 year olds and a 4 month old. My husband leaving was the best thing he could have done! He left in October of last year... when I was 20weeks pregnant! nice guy eh? I've been doing GREAT in the weight loss, but dating? I find it, well weird. At first I was pregnant, now Im a new mom again... so yah, its different!
I'm a single mom. I have 3 kids. 16, 7 and 5. Sometimes I thought i'd never find a guy who would want to go out with a 35 year old woman with 3 kids who can't have any more. But they are out there. I met my current boyfriend here at my job. I actually flirted with him and called him and started talking. Losing 30 pounds just kinda gave me the confidence to call him. I think confidence does attract men more than if we just sit around with our heads hanging down. You will find there are lots of men out there who will love you and your kids. But you have to get out there where ever they are....but i don't mean the bars. And even if you don't have a date, i agree you should get a babysitter at least twice a month and go out either by yourself or with a girlfriend...even if it's just dinner. You need some you time. Luckily the ex-inlaws get my girls on the weekends and that's my time with my boyfriend. And my me time is 4 days a week my teenager babysits so i can go to the gym after work. It really makes a difference.
Good luck on the weightloss and on the man hunt!!!
I am a single mom as well, with 3 kids aged 19, 15 and 9. I work full-time and go to school part-time, so I have NO idea what it feels like to even have free time for dating. I have had some successful - and some not-so-successful - dates in the past with men I've met on the internet. You just have to be careful and choosey.
I am a single mom also. I have been single for way too long. I am only 26, but because of my weight I feel like I will never meet anyone who will accept me for who I am. I do not want to be with another man who bases his love for me on whether or not I am attractive enough for him. I want to find someone who loves and respects me for who I am as a person - and I really don't know if I will ever find it. Especially now, in a society where image is EVERYTHING and values, principles, personality, compassion, ect. have gone to the wayside. But I do not want my kids to see me settle for just anyone. They deserve something real, not based upon how good I look in a short skirt, you know?
So alas, I don't know if I will ever find anyone again. It was hard enough for me to date BEFORE I had kids because of my weight. And I look back and think, I wasn't even that fat! But the men I was with never really cared about me, they only cared about things I did for them or what they could use me for. I don't want my kids to go through that, after getting attached to someone.
I hope you have better luck than I have had! I am honestly just done with the whole thing. I don't ever go anywhere either because I hate bars. maybe when the kids are older I will have time to meet someone at church groups or something
I like the idea of TWO NIGHTS A MONTH with a babysitter, date or not. I moved to a new area and haven't made a lot of friends, of course I work at home, have a 3 year old boy - I don't have the social life at work even... we go to church but it's all married men of course. Sometimes I spot a single dad at parks, and some singles at coffee shops too. Before I had ZERO interest in men, actually went to counseling after I left my ex and the counselor thought one day I'd go "hey, it's time to date again..." and he might have been right. My ex was a real jerk - at the hardest time in my life, I just had a baby, we moved because he lost a job, my dad was dying of cancer, the works... he sat on the couch in the basement drinking and getting a buzz to deal with life's hardships. Before he'd been abusive and likely cheated, so for my first marriaged at 32, I was burnt bad. I used to be idealistic about love. I think in the course of my marriage I gained due to stress of dealing with it - being nitpicked constantly. Why do we women do that? Eat for comfort? I was always tall and thin. Then I lost it after leaving him, just to sit around this winter moping. I felt so fat and then of course I wasn't confident to flirt with men, even browsed the internet thinking no one would like me. Now I'm about to turn the big 40 next year, and with a 3 year old who'll be 4 when I do, what are the chances? I just can't believe I have to start over, at times I think of going back to my ex but no, no, no. I don't mind the idea of being single the rest of my life, there's just things I miss about marriage. It's just all so sad, divorce and kids being raised in a broken home... I know I need to find some more places for my boy to have some male role models, and not dates. There's some single parents groups in a town 30 min away that have activities - found them on meetup.com, also some mom's groups here, but all the mom's look married to me. It's just strange trying to fit into what seems to be a married world - as a single mom, especially older then most moms with kids my boy's age. Oh, I suppose I'm half whining - but truth is I'm so proud of losing weight, feeling better, getting a bounce back in my walk, feeling a little sexy again - and not looking in the mirror in fat clothes going yuck at myself!!! Yes that's a first step.
Hey, today some guys were "looking" at me at a coffee shop... Today I felt good, had a bounce, my skin's glowing from healthy eating the past few months. At first I was wondering what they were looking at, one guy was super cute. I don't know what this is about weight loss - that it is a major building block towards self confidence. It does seem to be IT, the SECRET, focus on the positive and the things I've done - lately I've been hanging my old pictures from traveling the world on the wall, putting together picture books for my boy - what an amazing life I've had thus far. One junky relationship/marriage can't be the end... I don't know why I got so depressed this winter - never again. So if this feels good, just imagine 15-20 more lbs and the clothes I'll be able to wear again. I used to LOVE fashion, I read every magazine and it's a hobby of mine - something that can't be much of a hobby overweight as nothing fits well - well certain clothes only. I just can't wait and it's for me, men are just happening to notice a little - it's such a compliment isn't it, when you know a little of the hard work has paid off when at almost 40 some cute guys are checking you out?
Horesey.....Losing weight is such an accomplishment....it has to make you feel good. You work, and you work, and you work...and finally...you see your progress. Of course that will give you some self confidence. Weightloss does not come easy. It takes determination and dedication to achieve. And because of that, you should feel good and proud and have a bounce in your step because you have done something that tons of people would like to do. And when you achieve something so wonderful.....it's hard not for people to notice a change in you. Whether it is someone who already knows you or someone who just sees you on the street. Good job Horsey on feeling better about yourself. Heck yes...hang those pictures on the wall. Girl...i've been married twice and divorced twice. But that doesn't stop me from looking for that one man who is going to love me completely. And it won't stop me from loving myself and wanting to make myself the best self I can be. That's awesome that you are putting together a picture book for your little boy. He deserves to know that there is more to a person than what they weigh. You are going to be teaching him to love himself for the things he can do, not how much (or little) he may weigh. Good for you!!!
Hi horsey.....oh my gosh I know how you feel. I am a single mom with 2 teenagers....hahaha....I am not happy with my weight and often wonder what goes through a guys mind when they see me. Ab out 2 and a half weeks ago I went on an online date once and as I am sitting across from the guy, he says you dont look like your photo...I said how do you mean. He goes well your face ya .... and that is all I sent him was a photo of my face. I think he was imaganing me being thin. After we ate we sat and watched TV like a bunch of old farts. Not to mention he says oh hope you don't mind me because I am going to chew... I was thinking ok thats gross...so as we sit there, I finally had to break the silence with well I better go it is getting late. He says ok, as I step outside I said oh it is nice and cool out side he says ya well I am going to go to bed now and shuts the door.
I was like walking down the stairs and looking around making sure that no one else could see what just happened. I get to my car and sit there with feeling like I just got smacked in the face. I wanted to cry because it just made me feel even more ugly and big. I got over it real fast because I got a pint of chocolate ice cream....and I know that he was just a jerk with expectations..
So needless to say I am not going be going on a date anytimes soon. I think that one should first be ok with themself, and feel confident in who they are no matter what size or shape. Love themselves, and also be ready to go out on a date... only when you are ready. Me I need to lose weight first before I start even thinking about dating. I see cute guys, and go wow he is cute..but that is about how far it goes... LOL
Quote:
Originally Posted by horsey
Any other single mom's out there? I am going through a divorce but actually we've been separated 2-1/2 years. My boy is 3-1/2 now. I'll admit that part of working out and losing weight probably is to feel good enough about myself to date again. I've lost 10-12 lbs and the other day I flirted with a guy at starbucks. It felt good actually. I haven't been on a date yet but I'm just wondering how on earth one goes about meeting men and dating with children anyways. I know that at a heavier weight I was too self conscious, but I'm feeling better now - I know there's dating online, and I do realize that not going out a night in over two years, being without adult company isn't healthy... I need a babysitter. A life. Maybe I will join the gym where the hunky guys go and lift 20 lbs next to them... After an insane marriage I never even thought I'd reach the point where I'd flirt with a guy - I enjoyed it, had some weird dream last night about a man who I didn't even know. Anyone else in this boat? Ideas on getting a life... before and after weight loss?
I always thought who would want a 33 year old, (now I'm 43) woman with 3 kids,
All I can say is I never had any trouble, finding a date. I initially started through the newspaper, (yeah I had no computer), and actually met someone I dated for 6 years and yeah he loved me and my three kids, but sadly it ended and I wound up meeting someone on the computer who has 4 kids and we got married in Las Vegas! How exciting is that?
So yeah, if you are confident, you won't have any trouble, there are lots of men who will love you and your children, just pick the right one and my experience has been to avoid the bars! (That's where I met my ex, and well, it didn't turn out to well, and I also had other bad experiences from bars)
Single moms, exercise and dating...
How old are your kids?
I am a single mom also. I have been single for way too long. I am only 26, but because of my weight I feel like I will never meet anyone who will accept me for who I am. I do not want to be with another man who bases his love for me on whether or not I am attractive enough for him. I want to find someone who loves and respects me for who I am as a person - and I really don't know if I will ever find it. Especially now, in a society where image is EVERYTHING and values, principles, personality, compassion, ect. have gone to the wayside. But I do not want my kids to see me settle for just anyone. They deserve something real, not based upon how good I look in a short skirt, you know?
