I just have to vent a little – hope you guys don’t mind.
Let me start by saying I know that my mom and sister love me very much and are really proud of the weight I’ve lost, but they are driving me crazy. I’ve been heavier than both of them for several years. I’m now wearing the same size clothes that they wear but they still treat me like I have so much weight to lose and that they have to monitor her. They feel free to criticize everything from my hair color to my eyebrows. What is up what that? I didn’t ask for their input, but all of the sudden they have become my “diet police”. I haven’t lost any weight for the last couple of weeks and so they have started to analyze my diet for me. Isn’t that nice of them – NOT! I’ve been doing fine on my own since October! How can I tell them to leave me alone without offending them?
I'm a straight forward kind of gal. They are your family first so I wouldn't worry about offending them. It seems to me you are the one being offended by the way they are treating you. Say how you feel. They should respect you enough to let you make your own decisions about your body and what is healthy and what is not.
Congrats on all that you have done. You have accomplished so much.
I suggest letting them know that you appreciate their feedback and help (in the name of love) but you have been able to handle it pretty well yourself and prefer doing it that way. You will ask for their help if you feel you need it. They may get a little miffed at first but will quickly get over it.
Oh the darn food police, they're everywhere, aren't they? I can't go ANYWHERE these days with out running into a whole slew of them.
I think you just need to tell them straight out what's bugging you and why. You're a big girl and a successful one at that. And I would tell them that in a respectful, yet firm manner. You appreciate their concern, but you've got things under control and at this time their opinions are really not necessary. If and when you need advice on grooming and diet tips, you'll be sure to ask them. But for now, if they could please keep their comments to themselves.
I'm soo sorry hun One of the reasons I'm not letting anyone know I'm dieting this go around is cause of that same thing. Everyone just should mind their own business.
Looks to me like you've been their "project" for so long that they can't help themselves.
However, it's also possible that they are just trying to include you in all the "girly" stuff like hair and eyebrows that maybe you weren't included in so much while you were overweight.
So either enjoy it, or tell them to mind their own business, depending on which scenario seems the most likely.
I wonder if they are a bit jealous that you have been able to make it all the way to their size. All of a sudden, they've lost the thing in you that let them feel a little superior (and I don't say this to be mean or to imply they don't love you, but human nature is not always a pretty thing - people compare themselves to others subconsciously and rank themselves - am I fatter, thinner, taller, shorter, prettier?). Maybe what they are trying to do is hang on to that feeling of superiority that you took away by losing the weight - in their eyes you may have reached their size, but your eyebrows still aren't right, your hair color isn't right, you still should lose more weight, you aren't eating the right things, etc. The impied statement is that their eyebrows, hair color, weight, and food are still better than yours despite your accomplishments.
I don't suggest you start an argument with them over this by confronting them with these theories, but sometimes just knowing yourself what they are doing will help you put it in perspective. It sounds like they are feeling insecure because you are improving yourself, which means they don't feel good enough about themselves to be truly happy for you. That being said, I think the others here have given you good advice!
Thanks so much for the great advice. I'll be seeing both of them this weekend and it may be time for a little heart to heart on some issues. I know they are really proud because my sister says she just can't stop looking at me. She laughs and says it looks like she is checking me out all the time.
CC - I think you've got a really good point about how people compare themselves to others. I'm changing and so that changes the dynamics in our relationship. Thanks for giving me that insite - it's a nice thing to keep in mind.
Sometimes you just have to tell relatives to butt out. I would sit them down, say I love you but you are hurting me with your comments, and I would appreciate it if you have something negative to say keep it to yourself because you are making me feel bad.
cheryl
You have set a goal, and you are SOOOO close to achieving it! I think sometimes, it is hard for other people to watch someone do that, bc then they start to question themselves and what they have done? You should be super proud of yourself and not let anyone ruin that for you. Optimist that I am, I would like to think that they just love you and care about your health, but, I know sometimes (especially with moms and sisters) it is easier for them to focus on our flaws/mistakes and not their own. Anyway, keep up the great work!
Giving them the benefit of the doubt, maybe they are so proud of you that they don't want you to goof up! Maybe they think you need the extra support and are doing it in the wrong way.
As far as being nit picky, maybe it is this. My best friend and I when we were teens, she is a pretty girl and took a lot of pride in her appearance and I always thought she looked great, BUT once in a while she would get a pimple, or get some fuzz balls in her hair, or something on her shirt, etc.
I always thought she looked nice and since I knew she took such pride in her appearance, I would always point something out to her. One day she told me that she felt like I was picking on her and pointing out every flaw and it made her feel bad.
I didn't realize I was doing this. I felt bad, that was not my intention. I started keeping my mouth shut.
Maybe this is how they are, they are proud of you and think they are helping you.
Tingirl, I tend to think, like CC and Lisa, that they sound like they may be feeling insecure. I think I'd try just making them feel extra loved for a little while, and see what happens. I'm a bad one for saying something I can't reconsider and un-say when it turns out to have been hurtful, so I am slowly learning to try the things that can't possibly hurt FIRST!
Venting - need advice please!
