I'd like to add another to my list I have a friend who "doesn't eat". That really means that she wants people to think she doesn't eat. So when she wants to eat something, like Popeyes last night, she tries to twist it so she feels like it's my idea. Like it's ok for the big girl to want to eat, but not the little girl! UGH
And even though I usually try not to be negative, it sure is nice to be honest with all of you guys and not be judged....
I feel a little less badly about myself after sharing these things!! It is SO refreshing to know that other gals feel the same way I do. I have always felt these things, but never actually said them to anyone else (too embarrassed I guess). Now that I have, I feel like I can actually move past it. Ahhh... so nice. I love this forum already!
The clothing is sooooo limited and I love clothes. I'm so sick of walking into forever 21, victoria secret, and stores like it, and walking out with ANOTHER perfume or purse.
Here's one that is making me miserable today: The chafing on my inner thighs right at my underwear line that's caused by the spin bike. I'm wearing jeans today and it is SO UNCOMFORTABLE. This didn't happen when I was 180 and riding the spin bike.
I hate
*everyone looking at my plate to see what I am eating and how much
*using the handicap stall in the restroom because I know that I will have some room to move
*not being able to wear a cool costume at Halloween
*taking the medications that come with high blood pressure, diabetes, and gout
*wearing the CPAP headgear so I can sleep
It feels so good to vent and not be judged!!! But I have to repeat what facingfacts12 had to say...We CAN change this!!
I hate the constant fear that a few bad eating days will start a downward spiral of weight gain. I know what it's like to be obese, and I don't want to be there again!
I hate the constant fear that a few bad eating days will start a downward spiral of weight gain. I know what it's like to be obese, and I don't want to be there again!
I hate the constant feeling of failure that comes along with being obese.
However, on a positive note, I am learning to enjoy every small success that I am making to change.
I also hate gaining and losing the same pounds! For once I want to feel some real success at this weight loss thing and make serious progress. . I am tired of thinking If I would have just stuck with it where I could be now. I am ready to just do it! I feel I need to learn slow and steady wins the race. I always want quick success without the sacrifice. There are quick ways to lose, but I don't like to feel deprived. I vow to stick to my calorie counting! No more false starts! PHEW! Now I feel better
I also hate gaining and losing the same pounds! For once I want to feel some real success at this weight loss thing and make serious progress. . I am tired of thinking If I would have just stuck with it where I could be now. I am ready to just do it! I feel I need to learn slow and steady wins the race. I always want quick success without the sacrifice. There are quick ways to lose, but I don't like to feel deprived. I vow to stick to my calorie counting! No more false starts! PHEW! Now I feel better
I feel this same exact way. I've been trying to diet all my life...I'm 26 right now and wish I had never let it get this far. We all want instant gratitude. Every time we step on the scale we want big declining numbers. When we put our clothes on we want noticeable differences right this second! I think that's why we stop, start, stop again. When we don't see all the changes we want when we want them we think it's easier to give up. But every time we've stopped, started, stopped that's additional pounds that we could've added on to what we had already lost!
This time feels so much different. This time is the time and I'm ready to get smaller (as so my body chooses), get healther, and feel better.
I feel everything everyone has said in this thread.
Hate most?
I'm so sick of walking into forever 21, victoria secret, and stores like it, and walking out with ANOTHER perfume or purse.
LOL SO SO SO TRUE! I never even really thought about it, till you said it!
I LOVE looking at all those cute clothes and lingerie and I LONG to wear all that cool stuff, but instead had to head to Lane Bryants.
You know, its so true that so many have no clue that these are the inner battles we deal with - I think a lot of the time, we don't even really realize it ourselves that this is the enormity of what we deal with day in, day out.
On the outward, I'm a confident person, assertive, with a good self-esteem and pride in myself. But a part of me on the inside feels like a failure because I am now at this size where there's no hiding behind words like "extra meat on my bones" - I'm plain a** FAT.
And what is really sad is, I almost started to accept that this is who I am. Afterall everyone in my family (all women) became fat after a certain age and that was that. I almost.... ALMOST... started finding my new identity in that.
Thank goodness that something in me has suddenly decided NO! I'm not going down like this! I'm not finished with me yet. And I'll be danged if I don't get myself back to where I WANT to be. After all who is in charge of this body? ME!!!!
facingfacts - YES!! I really relate to this quote -
"and what is really sad is, I almost started to accept that this is who I am. Afterall everyone in my family (all women) became fat after a certain age and that was that. I almost.... ALMOST... started finding my new identity in that.....Thank goodness that something in me has suddenly decided NO! I'm not going down like this! I'm not finished with me yet. And I'll be danged if I don't get myself back to where I WANT to be. After all who is in charge of this body? ME!!!!"
I so get that! My sister-in-law, who always struggles with her weight, tried to tell me about 3-4 years ago when I was at my high weight, that "we" are just big boned and have a similar frame. She had known me for about 12 years being between 125-135lbs and knew I only recently gained tons of weight after my last baby! I was always smaller than she was until that time! She is about 4-5 inches taller than me and about 50lbs heavier (although she has lost a lot of weight over the last few years). I didn't say anything, although I strongly disagreed that our frames were anything alike! In fact, I am small boned! That's why I could barely walk and was in constant pain when I was over 200lbs. My bones couldn't take the strain of all that weight!
I too was almost at the point of internalizing myself as a big-boned, linebacker-like, fat chick. I finally realized this is the only life I've got, and I don't want to spend another minute of it cloaking my true self in fat! I'm big-boned am I? I think not!
facingfacts - YES!! I really relate to this quote
I too was almost at the point of internalizing myself as a big-boned, linebacker-like, fat chick. I finally realized this is the only life I've got, and I don't want to spend another minute of it cloaking my true self in fat! I'm big-boned am I? I think not!
We'll show them all who we really are!!
Well said guacamole!!!! And look at how far you have come already - already living the proof that you ARE in charge.
I think it takes getting to that place... where you decide to refuse this FAT identity... and to be the one who gets to define WHO you are.
For me... honestly, it has taken getting past a certain level of fears that I can do this. Because I've never lost a huge amount of weight before and because my body seems to gain in a snap, an inner voice started telling me, yeah yeah, who are you kidding... you will never "really" lose the weight. You are probably gonna be fat the rest of your life from here. Maybe you'll lose a little here or there, but it will get so hard and life will keep "happening" to you, and you will just end up back to where you started.
I think what I am learning every day... is that I can choose to say NO to this fate every day. The realization is... that I have to say NO each day for the rest of my life.
I think in the past I used to have "periods of losing weight" and "periods of not "dieting" and just being "me"
- well, now I need to realize that this "me" is what got me here in the first place.
If I don't change who I am at the bottom line... and how I choose to live my life, then yes, I will always be fat.
So I choose to become the NEW me. The me who will NEVER be fat again!
I have a friend who "doesn't eat". That really means that she wants people to think she doesn't eat. So when she wants to eat something, like Popeyes last night, she tries to twist it so she feels like it's my idea. Like it's ok for the big girl to want to eat, but not the little girl! UGH
LOL SO SO SO TRUE! I never even really thought about it, till you said it!
