I haven't been on in a couple of months due to personal problems. After years of fighting, I left my husband. It's very hard, financially, emotionally.... you name it. I'm struggling.
Right now it's myself and our 2 kids living with my family, but I will be able to move into our apartment by the first.
I don't know what's normal and what's not with all this. I left because my husband had some unchecked emotional problems as well as some other things. He was incredibly belittling, and basically didn't want me working outside of the house (which I was ok with) or even having friends. For instance, he told me I neglected him and the kids because I took my best friend to the ER when her son broke his leg. They were neglected because I wasn't home for dinner. I just got tired of fighting with him over things that he SHOULD WANT to take care of, things that would make his life, as well as ours, better. He desperately needed help but wouldn't seek it. Things had been rough in our marriage, downright abusive sometimes, for 7 years. He's done everything from call me names to physically hurting me to holding a gun to his head until I begged him not to do it. I had given him lots of chances. Every time he would appear to make positive changes only to backslide. It made me feel stupid to keep taking him back.
Well, I left him and tried to move on and lo and behold, afterward he goes for help. Which I'm happy about, don't get me wrong, but I wonder how much of it is him just "making good." He's extremely manipulative, so I don't know if he's better for real or just better because he's rubbing it in my face that I didn't give him another chance. Every time we hit "the bottom" in our marriage, he will promise changes but never sticks to them. Currently, he goes from telling me I'm the love of his life, asking what he can do to get me back, to telling me I wrecked our marriage and he's so much happier with me gone, and that he never wants me back and he's going to take the kids from me. I'm not going to lie, that hurts. Yes, I left him, but it wasn't because I didn't love him. I feel kind of stupid for feeling hurt over that, but feelings aren't rational things I suppose.
It's rough. I can't say I miss HIM. I miss who I want him to be. I miss the good times we did have, and I can't even begin to put into words how awful I feel about him not being in our kid's lives every day. I miss the comfort zone. As bad as it got, it was my comfort zone. Now... eesh. I feel like someone just tossed me into a lake to sink or swim!
However, I'm committed. I have a job, an apartment and even a library card.
My son is enrolled in the local school here. So far I haven't made any friends, and I get pretty freaking lonely, but I'm sure I'll make some soon.
As for my weight loss, I've actually gained weight. I'm back up into the low 160's. I have far bigger issues to really stress about, so while I still avoid binge eating (something I've REALLY struggled with in the past) and "bad" foods, I'm not really worried about losing weight.
Anyway, there's my update. I hope all the gals and guys I met on here before are doing great.
Thanks for reading!