[sacal96]

So last night and today have been horrible on me... My mother and I have always had an up and down relationship, but it has been really good for about 2 years now.. But lately old fights are starting up again.. My mom has started a diet and gave me the information so that I could do it too. I know I need to lose the weight, I want to lose the weight, but no matter how much I want it I can't seem to stick to a diet or exercise plan to save my life.. I'm always super motivated when I first start and then life happens and I fall off track. What irks me though is that my mom just doesn't seem to understand.. She acts like its just soooo easy.. Although so far she has stuck to the plan for about 2 weeks and lost 6 pounds.. This is her second attempt at the same diet and not the first diet she has tried either.. And as easy as she tries to make it sound she has been at the same weight for about 8 years and now she is at her heighest weight. BUT she still only needs to lose about 20-30 pounds to be at her goal... So its not like she is obese.. But she treats it like we are in the same boat.. yeah we are both needing to lose weight... But she has much better eating habits starting out than I do, I have about 50 more pounds to lose than she does, and I have intense cravings for food that she just doesn't understand that I can't help...

So here's where everything is getting out of hand. My mother is a nurse practitioner and we both work at the same medical facility. Well one of our friends who is also an NP wrote me a prescription for phentermine at my moms request. Well this was about 3 months ago.. She told me she had gotten the script but she had also gotten it filled but just not given it to me because she wanted to see motivation out of me before I took it.. Ok I understand that this is a short term pill and that you still have to make better choices or you will just gain it all back after you stop taking it.. But I can not do this on my own... I have never lose weight before.. Never in my entire life.. although I have attempted it many times.. I feel like its just not possible for me.. So I feel like I just need that kick start.. That initial loss of weight that can show me that it is possible for me to do it and that I don't have to eat everything that I do...

So now that we've gotten into an argument about it she has told me that she's just going to bring it to me tomorrow but that from now on we're just not going to discuss my weight loss or weight issues at all because I don't use the health information she gives me... I know she is a Dr. and knows what I need to be doing but telling me to eat better doesn't mean I can just do it...

I just wish she could turn the Dr. side of her off and just support me and realize that what I'm going through is different from what she is.. She doesn't eat sugary stuff and doesn't have to worry about money.. She doesn't realize that sometimes we can't afford to buy the healthy stuff.. Because money is no issue for her.. She only works until 8 once a week.. I do Monday through Friday.. So sometimes its just easier for us to run through somewhere quick instead of eating at 9:30 at night after I've spent an hour cooking..

So now I'm stressed, overwhelmed, upset, and eating complete crap to cover it up.

So no.. it doesn't seem like the end is anywhere near..

Sorry this was so long.. needed to vent.. haha.

[fattymcfatty]

Why cook for an hour? Why not plan some meals ahead, cook them on your day off, stick them in calorie appropriate portions in your freezer, and heat them when you get home from work? I make a great tortilla soup and black bean soup that is great in the freezer. There are a ton of recipes on here.

As far as your mom, I think she wants it more than you do. And until that changes, you are right, you will not lose the weight. One thing I've learned is you've got to want it and be willing to make the sacrifices and life changes to do it.

[sacal96]

Believe me I want it more than anything but I can't change my eating habits overnight. She expects me to magically change everything in a day and I can't do that...

Thanks for the soup idea though! I'll go look at some now!

[Nola Celeste]

I think your mom has very much the right idea in deciding not to discuss it any more. That's a wise decision when people are approaching weight and weight loss from two very different directions. If you and she can stick to other topics, you'll have a much happier relationship.

It sucks that she can't be supportive in the way you need her to be, and it sucks that she feels frustrated when she gives advice as a professional and as a mom that makes sense to her, but doesn't work for you. Neither of you is wrong here, just too widely separated in your viewpoints to find much common ground. Instead of letting it stress you or her, you can just steer right around the topic of weight loss. There are a lot of other fascinating things to discuss anyway.

I wholeheartedly agree with fattymcfatty's suggestion to cook ahead. Believe me, I know what it's like to have little time and to just grab stuff that's quick even if it's fattening. I think we all do. But since I started this plan (I'm a calorie-counter on 1500 calories a day) back in late October, I have adhered to that one behavior change, cooking and eating my own prepared meals instead of fast food, with very little trouble at all. As easy as it is to go through the drive-through at a fast food place, it really is even easier to come home and heat up a plate.

One way to make that even easier is to do what Joyfulloser does; she cooks, then portions everything out into the little black plastic trays left over from frozen dinners. I'm not that organized about it, but I've always thought that was a brilliant idea. Do a search for some of her threads about it and you'll see she has pictures and everything. It's awesome.

As for your plan itself, have you tried cutting down or cutting out high-GI carbohydrates? For some people, they incite more hunger than they sate; if you're sensitive to carbs, you might find that the ungovernable hunger becomes more manageable if you stick to less carbolicious foods. Kaplods' posts, if you haven't seen them yet, are great to look at for advice on that.

I found that those intense cravings have become a lot less intense since I started limiting my portions of some foods and cutting out others. It's like with some foods, I just have no willpower; I can eat just one square of a dark chocolate bar or just one serving of brown rice, but I cannot have a small handful of Cheez-its or a little piece of cake. Once I learned what these "more-ish" foods were, I just didn't have them around me because I knew they'd trigger that insatiable hunger that made me eat even though I was physically uncomfortable from having eaten so much of them already.

If you can't make big changes overnight--and I agree, that's tough to do--make little incremental changes when you feel you can. Slow success is still success. It's taken me six months to lose my 40-some pounds that I've seen others lose in half the time, but I have been able to stick to this plan like glue without feeling miserable, deprived, starved, frantic, angry, all those things I used to associate with a diet. More important, I still want to continue it and feel as though I will continue it (or something like it) for life.

Maybe the slow, incremental way of transforming your life will work better for you than a drastic shift. Your mom may have trouble understanding that--a lot of folks do, especially if they watch a lot of "The Biggest Loser" and such--but the only one who can know your optimal weight loss plan is you. The nice thing is that if she's declared weight loss discussion off limits, then she can't nag you about losing "only" a pound or two a month. If she does, you can just remind her that it's not up for discussion.

Keep us posted; your mom may not be supportive in the way you need, but the 3FC community generally is. I couldn't have lost without 'em.

[fillupthesky]

well said Nola!!!!

although at this point in my life i have all the time in the world thanks to being laid off, even when i was working, i made it a point to plan my meals ahead, calculate the points (i do weight watchers), so that i don't have to worry about it and there is less room for error.
i also agree with Nola's suggestion to read joyfulloser's thread to her goal weight. i'm not so organized about it either, but, i make an outline of what i'm going to eat for the week based on what's on sale at the supermarket, and i'm saving money and i have a plan!
most of my meals are simple and don't require too much cooking. tonight i'm having a 4oz pattie of ground beef seasoned with paprika and scallions on a sandwich thin, roasted cauliflower (15 minutes on a high oven), and some strawberries with sugar free choc pudding. all planned ahead, and takes me no more than 20 minutes to eat. cooking won't seem as overwheming if you go into it with a plan

as far as your mom goes, i again agree with Nola- it'll be better for both of you for now. i do wish she could be more supportive of you, but we're all here on 3fc. it's been very valuable to as a means of support as well as a sense of "yes, these women and men GET a lot of what i go through".

also, remind yourself that this is a journey. if you feel like you can't, then you won't. try to change some of the negative talk into positive self talk. i feel the same way sometimes...like i'll never get there, i've fallen off the wagon and beat myself over it...it does me no good. i constantly tell my self that this is a process that's not always linear. but you have believe in YOU, first and foremost.

good luck!!

[rede]

sacal96 - how are things going???

[shellofself]

Your story really hit home for me. My mom is also a NP who is on a weight loss journey too (as am I). And, like your mom, she has a lot LESS weight to loose than I do; (she has, like, 10lbs). But, that's just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to her not understanding where I'm coming from.

I do have to say this: support comes in different forms. Honestly? I'd LOVE for my mother to offer me some doctoral advice. Heck, I'd LOVE for her to shove it all down my throat.

Instead she just does the polar opposite of what you're mom does and ignores that I'm obese. The scale doesn't lie - neither does my high blood pressure or diabetes. On top of pretending I'm not obese, when she isn't belittling my weight-loss progress, she ignores it too. (I was 225 in early March. I'm 195 right now.)

Blah. I guess what I'm saying is I completely envy how involved your mom is being with you.

(P.s. My brother recently loss 70 lbs. She was supportive of him - brought him healthy foods to eat, would take him out to healthy restaurants, brought him new skinny clothes, never chastised him about his weight-loss. I'm just bitter. Sorry..

Regardless, don't give up! I'm not letting my relationship with my mom get the better of me - this rant aside - and you shouldn't either!)

[Bellamack]

You can do it! You are talking yourself out of it, it has nothing to do with your mother. You are using it as an excuse. Don't take Phenermine.

Get off your duff and self-talk positive, not negative. Make small changes and get moving. It is the only thing that works in the long run.

or Maybe you are happy where you are at, if that is the case, thats fine.

[sacal96]

Hey ladies sorry I've been MIA I was on vaca for a week! But thanks for all the advice! You guys are right I was using it as an excuse! I need to just kick my butt into gear!

Shellofself see that sounds exactly like my dad who is a physician! I guess they either have to be one extreme or the other :/ haha! I don't blame you for feeling a little bitter tho.. I would feel the same.. She should be equally supportive of both of you on your weight loss journeys!

But I agree with everyone I'm going to have to start cooking ahead! Especially now that I'm having to work every night! I think I'll start using Sundays as my cooking days since I normally have those off (not today tho boo! haha)

That being said I did start taking the Phen. and to be honest taking the whole thing made me sick as a dog.. Honestly I was nauseated.. I felt like I was gagging every time I took a bite.. and this was a weird one..The top of my thighs felt like someone had hit me with a bat.. I could barely walk they were so sore.. and this was with no exercise.. I did lose 4 pounds in about 2 days.. But that was because I was having to force feed myself about a cup of food a day..So I started taking half a pill in the morning and that has helped.. It helps me make it through the day and resist the junk.. and then at night when it wears off I'm having to just fight the urge to snack and eat junk by myself.. I think its definitely helping me to make better choices! Well I say that but I didn't take it while I was on vaca and ate everything in sight.. But I started my TOM for the first time in 5 months so I think that gave me the munchies :/ not to mention all the great restaurants on the beach.. Just couldn't resist! hahaha! Nothing like fighting the ocean current and hiking through sand to keep ur cardio going! We even went kayaking so at least I got some good exercise in while we were gone! Only came back gaining 2 pounds tho! So not to bad!

Mom and I are doing better.. She has pretty much fallen off track too.. So shes not being so critical when I do the same.. We both need to get serious though and get the weight off! Even if she has less to lose I know we'd both be happier if we were healthier!!

Thanks for all the support while I was being mopey :]] haha!

[kaplods]

I agree that not discussing it, really is the best way to go in most cases. Very few people (if any) can just "turn off" part of who they are. She can no more turn off her education and knowledge than she can turn off the "mothering" instinct to try to MAKE her children do what she knows is good for them.

It's very difficult to get "just the right amount" of support from the people closest to us. Too much feels smothering, and too little seems like sabotage. And the line between too little and too much is so fine, it's almost never just right.

Often it's easier to take and give support to people who are (or at least start out as) virtual strangers. I think it's because we know there are no ulterior motives, and we can take people's words at face value. We also don't feel bad if we decide not to take a stranger's advice, or fear that we're not living up to their hopes and aspirations for us.

As much as I love my husband and want the best for him (as he does for me), we've learned that (as much as we can, because we can't "turn off" the part that cares and worries) we have to stay out of each other's diet, exercise, and weight loss. We approach the problem in different ways, and it's hard not to judge and comment on the other person's methods.

Staying out of each other's way is the best support we can give. I get most of my support from 3FC and my TOPS group (taking off pounds sensibly - a nonprofit weight loss group, very affordible and I find the contests and games very motivating).