I've been on and off this site for several years (different user names and what have you) .. usually around this time of year, don't know why but I seem to get that weight loss itch around this time.
But.. after I lose about 40 pounds I feel hopeless. I don't honestly see a change in my body, clothes aren't fitting any looser but the scale says otherwise. In late summer my weight was back up to about 395 but I'm down to 352 now.. I feel my flesh kinda "hanging" off my bones so to speak. Like, I can see muscle definition bogged down by fat.. It feels pretty uncomfortable.
I haven't really been an over eater for years now, something happened a few years ago and I can't eat very large meals anymore - but unless I get a lot of physical activity my weight just seems to slowly creep back up. Even if I maintain a strict 1200-1500 caloric intake.
I have very bad depression (don't we all) and sometimes .. I just don't have the oomph or drive to exercise. So I feel like I'm in this endless loop of "Yay, I lost 40!" .. only to have it creep up when I'm feeling too sad to do much.
Yigg - certainly, I know how you feel. I lost weight back when I first joined (see my join date) to about the 280s, and gained it back. In 2009, I was 370 lbs. That year, I lost 40 lbs. The next year, I was 350 lbs at Thanksgiving (i.e. +20 lbs); and in 2011, I was 360 lbs in early spring. So in 2011 I lost 30 lbs, and managed to maintain that 30 lbs lost. In 2012, I have lost nearly 70 lbs thus far. So, you can see the yo-yoing and motivation issues. I was SURE in 2009 that I was going to keep losing, but didn't.
Anyway, I feel so, so great right now. My body looks not-great with clothes off, but it looks and feels so much better with them on. I feel physically stronger, and mentally brighter. I am more engaging and outgoing. Strangers treat me better. I wish I had figured all this out years ago; I wish that I had figured it out before I gained the rest of my weight, because while I want to lose more weight, I honestly feel GREAT right now.
I'm not sure how to translate that back for you, but I think part of my success is that I am NOT strict, in the sense that I think of myself dieting. I am careful and calorie conscious and I cook alot. For me, the most important part of weight loss is the motivation NOT to exercise, but to plan meals and prep food. Since I don't mind left overs, it's not that tough. Moreover, the food I cook is better than the stuff I was eating when I was more reliant on ready-made and take-out foods. Better-TASTING and better for me.
You need a lot of self-talk to get through the bouts of depression, but you are in the exact place you need to be right now. There will be a tipping point where you realize you ARE doing it; and that will give you even more motivation.
Yigg, I saw your post and had to reply. Sorry for the length, I am quite long-winded.
I have a similar story when it comes to this website. (Shhhh, don't tell anyone!) I have been trying unsuccessfully to lose weight for 10 years now. And every single time I tried again, it was from a higher weight than before.
I know that it can be very difficult to notice a difference in your appearance, but know that YOU ARE CHANGING. Congratulations on losing 40lbs!! I also had issues with depression. I was on medication several years ago for it, but I went against my doctor's recommendation and went off the drug. Yes, I was sad again. But eventually I started to notice that I wasn't the only one. And that maybe there wasn't anything wrong with me, per se, but that there was something terribly wrong with the life I was leading.
I began to realize that I was sad, not because of a "chemical imbalance in the brain," but because of real, tangible reasons. I hated my job. It was tedious, and took way too much of my energy. My boss was an absolute Dick, I knew this job was getting me nowhere and I was spinning my wheels and wasting my time there while other people who did far less work were being praised for also being Dicks. In my personal life, I felt like I couldn't be 100% honest with my friends because I had created a tailor-made persona to adequately support each of them. But this persona wasn't me. And I was afraid that being the "real me," whoever that was, would scare them away. I had many other issues as well, but it was the comfort eating that began to mess with my weight.
Anyway, fast forward a few years. I became redundant at that job I hated and moved to a new city. And this time around I feel like it's really possible to succeed with my goals. I, like you, don't really "see" the difference. But the people around me do. I just have to trust that it's working. I do work out on average about 10 times a week. I try to stay within 1200 - 1500 cals a day (which is probably too low for you BTW you should check your BMR). But sometimes my body tells me that I need to eat more. And so on those days I eat more. I don't really worry about it. I think the exercise has flipped a switch in my brain. And I've become more mindful of what my body needs. Sometimes I get stuck at a certain weight and don't move down for a week or so, but then I drop another pound or two. Yes, 10 days might not sound like a rut. But when you are eating OP and working out like a madwoman, 10 days of no change (or maybe even a gain) is like cruelty.
I guess what I'm saying is you have to change your mindset. You can't look at yourself and say, "Okay, I'm disgusting and need to lose weight." That's what I always said to myself and I always gave up because I never stopped seeing myself that way, so I never saw the purpose of continuing. You gotta get on a journey. IT'S NOT JUST ABOUT LOSING WEIGHT. It's about finding yourself. It's about pushing your own limits and seeing what you are really capable of. It's about not selling yourself short. It's about not being so short-sighted in your goals and activities. It's about discovering that you are worth it. And worth it for all the reasons you haven't yet come up with. It's about breaking perceived boundaries and seeing yourself in a way that is much more positive than you are used to. It's about learning to love yourself. Because we don't hate ourselves because we are fat. We are fat because we hate ourselves. Granted "fat" means different things to all of us. I want to get down to 160. There are other people on this site at my height who already are 160 and they still feel like they need to lose weight. To each their own. And that's what you need to figure out for yourself. Who are you? What do you want out of this life. Because this life isn't going to hand you everything on a platter. You have to take that first step to go out and grab it. And that takes courage. Losing weight takes courage. The courage to change, well... change everything. Change how you feel, change how you act and ultimately change how you look. You'll still be the same person underneath it all. So it is vitally imperative that you work on that aspect of weight loss too. Losing weight will not make you happy if you are not doing the work to fix what's wrong in your life. I used to think that the closer to my goal weight that I got, the happier I would automatically be. That was NOT the case. You have to put in the effort to change your life for the better! That is what will make you happy, not some number on the scale. Because I promise you, there will always be someone smaller than you, taller than you, fitter than you or whatever. The goal is not to be perfect (which is impossible anyway). The goal is to accept the uniqueness of yourself, while trying to be the best YOU that you can be.
Feeling hopeless?
