I'm new here and looking for some help. I'm fat..325 lbs... and alone, sad, ashamed, binge eating, and just so tired. I just wrote this whole post about 5 mins ago..pouring my soul and emotions onto the screen, but it was deleted somehow when I went to preview it. Of course the tears came, but stuff happens so I'll try to write it again. I'm not 100% sure where to start but I'll give it a go:
I've been overweight my entire life (I'm 29 now), I've been able to lose weight in the past, but for the last few years I can't seem to get motivated to lose the weight again. I'm almost back to my highest weight I've ever been. The crazy thing is that I know what to do to lose weight, like I've said I've done it before. I also know that I HAVE TO lose weight now. I'm starting to hurt in my ankles and knees, my husband and I plan on having kids in a couple of years, and I know my health is in jeopardy everyday I don't do something. Why don't I stop though? Does anyone else feel this way? How do I get motivated?
Some of my problem must be that I am in denial to some extent. I hide my feelings and to the outside looking in I look like I have it all together. I have a kind husband, a good job, we are even building our dream home after 8 years of planning and saving. I always seem happy and try to talk to and or listen to anyone who needs it. I also try to help out my family and co-workers. I also do a million things and somehow manage to get it all done most of the time. I'm a people pleaser...but I forget about me. I don't have any friends, my family isn't the kind of family that talks about emotions, and eventhough I have a great husband he just does not get my weight issue. I feel so very alone. It's hard to hide your emotions and when your alone try to "eat them away". Yes I do that, I'm a closet eater and a binge eater. I will eat a rediculous amount of food for absolutely no reason. I eat when I'm happy, sad, depressed, insecure, bored...any reason is a reason to eat. Then the guilt of eating so much comes around which crazy as it sounds, leads to more eating. I don't know how to stop????!!!!! Is anyone else in this boat?
How do I stop feeling alone and realize that I stand to lose everything that I want because I am addicted to food? I hope someone out there can help me I feel alone and lost. I need someone to pull me back to reality. Perhaps a success story, some inspiration, or maybeI just need a good kick in the butt?! I don't know, but even writing some of my issues here has helped a little. Thanks for listening.
Fluffykitty welcome to the club!
If I am not mistaken I detect guilt in your post?? That as you have so many lovely things in your life you SHOULD be thin?? Thereby adding to your reasons for the whole eating in secret/binge thing. There is no one size fits all plan to getting your head around it. It's not just the maths of cals in and cals out. Most of us have been on so many diets over the years we could write the book!!!
I think Martini has it absolutely right. Start with a piece of fruit and a bit of a walk don't go for all or nothing...... 1200 cals and 2 hours at the gym or mega binge and sofa all weekend!
I read an excellent book that gave me some confidence to actually start to address my weight issues even though it is exactly the OPPOSITE of a diet book. You may not agreee with everything she says in the book but try Wendy Shanker's Fat Girls Guide to life....it worked for me!!
This website is fab.
Not sure where you are in the world but if you are in the UK check out the UK support forum.
Good luck my lovely
Hi FluffyKitty, and welcome! I'm new here too, so you're not alone.
Just reading your post, I could completely feel your pain… because I’ve been there. And in many ways, I still am.
For starters, I’m 29 also, have been married for 5 years now, and no children (although we’re hopeful that one day we will). I’ve been overweight for as long as I can remember. My highest weight was 330 lbs.
This past January I weighed in at 305 lbs and I knew that I had to do something, so I joined Weight Watchers online. I followed the program for just over 3 months and managed to lose 30 lbs. I now weight 275 lbs.
During the time I was on the program, I told myself that that no matter what, I was going to stick to it, follow the plan and go to the gym. To be honest, it was really hard in the beginning. Making changes like that was not easy for me and I started off slow. I’m the type of person who likes quick results, and not getting those results made me feel discouraged. But I just kept pushing forward. Eventually those little things started turning into big things and I felt great!
However I quit WW online, mainly because I felt that their website wasn’t very user friendly. So for the last two months I’ve pretty much been floundering about, not sure what to do from here. I tried to do the program on my own (because I really felt I could), but I soon found that couldn’t find a way to keep track of all my points. Then just recently I came across a free app for my cell phone called WWDiary and it is has been great for me so far. I am now able to follow the WW plan again, without having to pay the WW price online.
But I can tell you that those two months that I was off the program, I felt miserable, sad, defeated, etc… I felt like I had worked so hard, only to allow myself to fail… again. Like you, I had lost weight many times in the past, but my addiction to food always took over and I ended up right back where I started.
I wish there was some magic pill I could take that would make me not want all those “bad” foods, but unfortunately that’s not possible. So I’ve had to come to the realization that this is something I will ALWAYS have to deal with. It’s not something I can permanently fix. Sure, I can lose the weight, but once I lose it, I know I'll have to work just as hard to keep it off.
So even though I’ve lost 30 lbs, I still feel like I’m starting this journey all over again. It sounds like you and I both could use some support along the way, so I would love to be friends on here if you’d like. It seems like we both have quite a bit in common. Feel free to message me here any time or I’d be happy to give you my e-mail. Having good friends along on this journey helps a lot!
Hi Fluffy! I agree with the others... small steps. I find that when I've gone cold turkey on everything it's so short lived! When I take the smaller steps, like cut down to one soda a day. Ok, now to the fat free coffee creamer. Ok, let's check the restaurant menu before eating out to pick something healthier... these are the choices that I try to do small steps with. I've flown into the gym 6 days a week, and I'm done with that after 2 months. I've killed myself on 1200 calories, and starve unhappily. Everytime I try to make a change or I start this rat race over again, I try to do it a little differently.
It is hard. Sometimes I think why bother? I am who I am, right? I don't dislike who I am. I think I'm a beautiful, sexy woman at any size. Who am I trying to change for? What I remind myself each time I ignore my own needs too long is that I need to change for me. I don't want to be a delapidated woman when I'm 60. I want to be active and vibrant my entire life if possible and not being in shape and allowing myself to be as strong as I can. If I'm in the shape I'm in in 30 years I'll be lucky.
But the fact of the matter is, the longer I live at this weight, the more tired and less active I become. And I'm doing it to myself. SO the choices I make need to be lifelong choices. I can cheat, sure!! But it took me 36 years to be this tired and tired of being tired, so it isn't going to be overnight changes that make me feel better, right?
KK curtain I loved your post. I feel curvy and sexy and my husband loves me like this too. BUT The thought of being less tired and taking less meds for things like asthma is one thing that really keeps me at it. I had a slight scare with a very very slightly elevated blood sugar level and that was one thing which gave me a kick in the pants. Also i am not working at the moment and am trying to see getting healthier as my job until I enter the next phase of my life studying for a history degree!
Hats off to ANYBODY that loses weight whilst working full time I am sure that was one of the major reasons I have stayed at this weight alot of my adult life. I worked full time in a very responsible job and had 2 children as a single mother and no time or energy to dedicate to myself.
Have a lovely day everybody.
Take a deep breath and stop attempting to fix everything in one shot. *hug*
Feeling alone, bingeing, needing to improve health, all these things are separate things. Identify what bothers you and work on them, one at a time.
It helps to have a foundation, the thing you return to as your base. Develop it. For me, it was returning to what worked in my childhood, such as three meals a day, no snacks and all real foods, not processed. That's my foundation. When I stray from it, I know where to return. My foundation is how I envision how I will always eat, whether attempting to lose weight or maintain it.
From my foundation, I work in the other issues. I begin to eliminate the most troublesome foods at first, slowly working towards the ideal. I eventually reduce portions until they are just right for me and my needs.
I work on how I feel, things I can do to alleviate stress or boredom. I experiment with my "tool box" of things that really work for me. For instance, I have found a hot cup of tea works for mild agitation or irritation, but a hot bubble bath can really knock out a heavier stress lode or an impending binge. When stress is in the worst mode, I add candle light and soft music. It may not work for you, that is why you need to find your methods of relaxing.
It's too overwhelming to try and start a plan of action and think that you can get everything figured out in one shot. Start with the most basic and work it. As you lose weight, you will find your needs change and so what worked in the beginning may need to change too!
MSD I loved your post...self awareness is so imprtant. We often snack mindlessly or because it is what we have always done but just stopping and asking ourself whether we are making the right choice for our bodies is so wise! Some days the only thing that works for me is to physically remove myself from anywhere near food and that usually means the bath!!
Location: The beautiful Pacific Northwest! Tacoma, Washington
Posts: 500
S/C/G: 330/268/150
Height: 5'7"
:welcome:
I'm new too! I just found this site yesterday. I really like it because I can really share personal thoughts, feelings, and fears that I don't feel comfortable sharing with family. I do have support at home but this site allows me to vent without feeling so exposed.
I've found I feel better and better about myself since I started my diet. (I do WW from home. I shouldn't have to pay for a plan when I'm the one doing all the work,lol) I celebrate every victory, each mini goal I meet. In fact, I met my 1st mini goal today. 10 pounds lost! 9 more pounds till my next one. Even if I stumble during the diet I feel better for trying.
1. Make a goal.
2. Make lots of mini-goals and milestones along the way so it doesn't seem insurmountable.
3. Make a plan for diet and exercise to get started in the right direction.
4. Find support through this site and in your personal life to encourage you.
5. Find someone who will keep you accountable
6. Celebrate your successes. Each ound lost, each size down you go.
I don't know if this is an option, but I find that cleaning out my house of all the junk, no matter how much it is or how much it cost, and just throwing it all away (or donating, if still good and unopened). I find I'm more likely to make good choices if those are the only choices I have.
The other bit of advice I'd give is to not procrastinate. Don't say "I'll start tomorrow" or "I already at a bad meal, today is ruined." As soon as you realize you are doing something that isn't helping your journey, stop. Just stop and start fresh right there. Don't do it for anyone else but you, because you are soooo worth it!
I just did it. I made myself a huge bowl of pasta and was going to eat the whole thing. But I read your post and realized I'm in the same boat. So I stopped mid-bite and threw it away because I don't need it. The only way change will happen for me is if I make changes in my life. It's possible, I know it is because I've done it before. Just need to get right back on the wagon and keep moving forward. *more hugs*
Following on from throwing away the pasta...I have something in my brain that tells me if I have cooked too much of something I HAVE to eat it because we are rather short of money at the moment.
If I can't turn it into tomorrow's dinner ( which I have become very good at!) I do throw it away now. I would be "wasting" it's nutritional value by stuffing myself to the point of feeling bloated. I wouldn't enjoy it because my body would have had sufficient and better in the bin than sat in the flab on my butt!.....just a thought!
new and in need of support
Each ound lost, each size down you go.
