You're with some coworkers, acquaintances, or even family member and friends, and you see an overweight person go by. You don't care that she's overweight, but then the other people with you start making mean comments about that person, like saying, "Oh, look at that fat cow. She must be 300 pounds! She needs to lay off the donuts." Something like that. Or maybe you work with someone who's a bit bigger than you, and your coworkers start making fun of him when he's not there and try to bring you in on the "fun," even though you're overweight yourself.
It just doesn't make sense to me why people would do that! I mean, I'm a pretty big girl, but for some reason these people think I won't be offended if they start making fat jokes about other people. As if because I'm not the object of their ridicule, it won't bother me. Well you know what, it does! I hate when people make fat jokes or make fun of people's weight, because I know what it's like and I know how wrong it is. I especially hate when they say, "oh, she must be 300 pounds," because I'm just about there.
Anyone else experience this and get as riled up as me?
I don't like people getting made fun of for any reason. It feels just plain WRONG to me. When those things happen I always feel so awkward. One thing is for sure though, I don't join in just to satisfy the tacky, classless person making the comments.
Come to think of it, this sort of thing happened often when I was much younger--high school, college and early adulthood. It is much less frequently now.
Most of the people around me remember me as my former, fatter self and usually have enough sensitivity not to make weight related comments (or maybe they are just all nice?).
It's weird though, because as awful as this sounds (and I am ashamed to admit this), I am much less offended by fat jokes or insults now that I'm at a somewhat normal weight. I guess it's sort of...relief that they can't still say those things about me?? I don't know. I would never join in if someone started making fun of someone else's weight in front of me, though.
This is going to sound weird, but I'm sure that sometimes people say these things to reassure you that they don't care what weight you are. They know you're big, but by making fun of someone else who is big in front of you, they're sort of inviting you to their club of 'normal' people and showing that whilst fat people are excluded, hey, you're cool no matter what size you are. I'm not saying this is always the case or that it's neat, or even that you should be flattered, but there it is.
If I ever feel uncomfortable with someone's comments I usually try to make fun of the situation, maybe you could try to diffuse the tension somehow... it all depends on what you can think of to say and who you're with.
I think even nice people can be mean sometimes, the trick is to get them to remember they're nice people and not act like jerks - sometimes humour can do that...
All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.
No matter who the group is, friends, family, co-workers, etc., you should always feel free to speak your mind. I always find it amazing that as human beings, we have to work to be observant of others feelings and emotions, but insensitivity seems to come as easily as breathing. I used to get some of this too until I found the beauty of the following statement, "Yea, that poor guy/girl, all it'll take for them to change is losing weight, that must be a lot harder than the spot you're in, having to gain weight and all." and they always bite back, "Gain weight?" "Yes, that 10 ounces you have to gain seems to be a harder thing to do than the tens of pounds they need to lose."
After I let the dumbfounded look linger a while I say, "That's how much the human heart weighs" and then I just walk away. It works every time.
What an interesting thread- I really appreciate everyone's thoughts on the issue.
I don't really hear those kinds of comments very often, so I don't really have anything to add, except maybe that I remember when I was younger my father would always imply that anyone we happened to see who was 300+ pounds must be poor and trashy. I can't remember if I used to laugh to please my father, but I remember feeling uncomfortable.
In my father's case, though, I think those comments came from his own discomfort with his weight and his insecure need to identify people with bigger (literally) issues than him. And, thankfully, he hasn't said anything like that in a very long time.
I agree with what Belease said - I think it's some twisted form of acceptance.
What has happened with me is that I will have a bunch of skinny friends that will complain about how fat they are...or how unfit they are. Meanwhile - most of them go to the gym every day and would have a hard time pinching an inch. There I sit - easily 100+ heavier than them... It always makes me feel VERY uncomfortable and I usually try to change the subject. I mean - they know I'm overweight, but it's like I just get left out of the conversation...which in a way is that twisted acceptance again... not cool.
That is annoying. I always wonder when people make comments about overweight people in front of me that they are making the same comments about me behind my back.
Dhani, my maiden name was Cauldwell! Are you in the UK or USA? I'm British.xxx
Yep my hubby did that on holiday, very quietly but I pulled him (literally!!!) to one side & asked him how he thought that poor woman had gotten so big? Had she been abused as a child, very ill, in pain, lost close family? There has to be a reason for getting that big AND didn't he realise how much pain and fear she must have felt before actually leaving her home AND, finally, how would he feel if someone said that about me? He shut up, SUPER FAST!!!
xxxxxx sharon
I think making fun of fat people is one of the last discriminating things that people have to use. You wouldn't hear most people pointing at Black,Hispanic,Asian,Blind,etc....yet fat people are a free for all for some people. Its hideous and so unacceptable, I usually turn the ridicule around to a friend if I hear them picking on someone..say "well you have a big .... and we don't make fun of you!" I have a friend that is homophobic and makes fun of anyone she thinks may be gay, to me that is similar and I try to make her feel guilty for it each time, maybe she'll see the error of her ways one day.
What I seriously can't believe are the email forwards mocking fat people. Incredibly offensive to me, and frankly just bizarre. As for the jokes themselves, yeah, I know people are that mean and all, but:
1. I never received such things before I lost the weight
and
2. 2/3 of the people who sent me these forwards are significantly obese women, (one of whom is always nagging other people to lose weight!)
I always kinda cringe when I'm at work and someone reads off a height and weight and the comments start..."DAYUM!!!" or "Wow, she's a biggun, ain't she!?" All while I sit there and think "hmmmm, she weighs less than I do."
I also have a bestfriend who I love w/ all my heart and she is always saying how fat she's gotten and how she hates being that way. She is BEAUTIFUL...just an absolute gorgeous girl. Although she has gained weight, she's nowhere NEAR being overweight, and her seeing herself in that light sometimes makes me wonder how she sees me, yanno???
Same thing w/ my niece. My niece is 15 y/o and she's, I think, finally moved up to a 0 (she was a double 0). If she eats too much she'll say she's fat that day. But oh that niecely love...when I said I was on a diet she said "you don't need to be on a diet." *smile* If she feels fat at 97 pounds can you imagine what I feel like at 344??? LOL
That's an interesting thought about it being some kind of "acceptance into the cool club" sort of thing.
Thankfully, most people have learned not to be cruel as they got older. Fat jokes and the like were much more prevalent when I was in middle school and even the early years of high school. It seems that most of the people I've encountered who do this sort of thing at my age are actually jerks most of the time, so it shouldn't surprise me that they make fun of overweight people.
I actually just remembered... one person in particular who likes make fun of the overweight once said that he's getting too fat and needs to go on a diet. I replied with, "Oh, you're not really fat, you've just got a few extra pounds. Look at me. I'm huge!" To which he replied, "Oh, but that's who you are. But me, I'm not like that. I'm supposed to be thin."
That is annoying. I always wonder when people make comments about overweight people in front of me that they are making the same comments about me behind my back.
Dhani
I so agree. You can bet your bottom dollar that the fat comments fly behind our backs.
And I like your name...but I *love* your tiara! (I always "try it on", so to speak, when I read your posts!)
Mean Comments About Other People?
Dhani 
