Well, I can tell you this, I feel as if the whole world is policing me - and I dislike it immensely.
DH and I were at a very, VERY fancy party recently. The host has been so complimentary to me throughout my journey. She has recently gained I would say about 30lbs, having always been very thin prior to this. Anyway, there's a huge buffet dessert spread there. I take a small chocolate and she's surrounded by many of her good friends, no one that I know. She literally started jumping up and down and said "Ah ha, ooohhh, I saw you. That's not protein. Where's your protein?" I felt like I wanted to die. But the truth of the matter is, she really looked like an idiot. And she was all dressed up in a beautiful gown, just made her look like more the fool. After turning all beet red, I'm sure, I said something stupid, how I WISH I would have had a response ready, "Well just for that, I think I'll take another one." I know, not very good.
People actual watch me eating. They look to see what I am eating. And I tell you, it put a lot of unwanted pressure on me. People comment on what I eat CONSTANTLY. "Oh, I don't know how you can eat like that." "Oh, I shouldn't eat this in front of you." ""You mean that's all you're going to eat." "Oh Robin doesn't eat this or that." Oh, I won't offer you any of this since you can't eat it anyway." That one I find to be the funniest and gets me in the biggest uproar so to speak. I mean come on, I CAN'T eat it. Hellloooo, I choose not to eat it. And let's just say there's one time when I DO feel like eating something - off plan. I have to go into a whole song and dance and explain it away - "I saved my calories for this all week long. I kept my calories real low and did extra exercise in order to eat this."
It's funny, because I would never in a million years comment on what someone else was eating. Never. Isn't that one of the things you just don't mention to someone else? Why am I an open target?
Obviously I'm not a maintainer yet but it is already happening. We were at a with my DH family this weekend. My DH asked if I'd tried the ribs. I said no. He gave me the 3rd degree to just try them. He didn't understand that I chose not to eat them not that I couldn't eat them but I didn't want to. I would rather have a large salad then the ribs.
The other day my friend brought a hot dog into work for me and one for herself. Keep in mind after almost 3 months of dieting I have very rarely splurged mainly eating chicken, salads, fruits, veges, etc. Well anyway, I was in the breakroom eating my hot dog and one of my "friends" commented "oh are you off your diet?" Ummmm. . . .NO! I felt like an elephant being watched at the zoo. I guess since I'm fat and trying to lose weight I should be munching on celerey sticks all the time.
I like to walk on my breaks at work too and I'm always getting "Oh you're STILL walking". Geez I guess they all think I would have quit a long time ago.
I think most people make these kind of comments because it's how they perceive themselves. I think they put themselves in our shoes and say "Well, I couldn't do that!" So when we hear these comments it should make us prouder of the choices we do make because WE ARE DOING IT!!!!!!
Here's a strategy: Move! I moved to a new community, and no one here knows what I used to weigh! In the old community I got a lot of comments, all positive, so I miss those--but on the other hand, here no one will be watching what I eat.
I like a phrase that another member once posted for dealing with people who are overly observant: "You look at your plate and I'll look at mine."
Robin, your host must have looked like such a doofus. I would have looked at her and said, "Are you crazy??" I think sometimes these people ought to be taken aside and told, "Look. I don't need you monitoring and commenting on me constantly. So knock it off while we're still friends!"
I think that what bothers me is when people tell me what I am "still doing wrong"...my boyfriend's grandmother does this quite a bit. I think that the fact that I am changing and that I want to change even more bothers people at times, especially those who have not been successful at weight loss themselves.
I bring dry Cheerios to work sometimes so that I have something to snack on in the morning. Usually I rotate between Cheerios and oranges. A co-worker of mine made a comment about the "carbs" in Cheerios. I really do not consider Cheerios to be a "bad" food, and I do not want to have to watch every little thing that I am eating.
JayEll...I like your suggestion! Maybe if I move I will be able to eat Cheerios everyday!
Yeah, I HATE The Food Police! Why can't they keep their noses out of our business? If we've all lost as much weight as we have, then we all must have done something right!
I've mostly been told by friends, "You're no fun anymore! How come you rarely come out, party, and get drunk with us anymore?" I rarely drink because alcohol is so loaded with calories (well, the alcohol itself is not that bad, but the stuff you mix it with can be killer!)
Then, if I DO decide to drink, I hear stupid comments like, "I thought you said alcohol had carbs. Carbs make you gain weight!"
I think the people who tell us we're still doing something wrong just want to judge us. It gives them some sort of empowerment to be an armchair doctor. I never understood it; I've never told anyone what they "can" or "cannot" eat - isn't that up to the person eating it?!
Now that I'm much smaller, I also hear (from people who only knew me at my HW, which would be in the last year and a half), "Are you STILL on your diet? Haven't you lost ENOUGH? You've gotten so thin! WHOA, you want to lose TWENTY MORE pounds? WHY? Are you sure that's healthy?"
HOWEVER, for the most part, the feedback I've received has been overwhelming but positive. I can't believe how many people notice (even strangers! ) because I don't see much of a difference... when I look in the mirror, I still see my 175 pound self.
One of the most prevalent problems seems to be that folks don't understand the ongoing-ness of slimness. The fact that we can't diet ourselves slim and then go back to normal.
"You're not still losing are you?" in a tone that implied I'd gone quite far enough.
and,
"You shouldn't lose any more, you're looking too thin." Again in a voice of a person with a stake in the outcome.
The response that worked for me was, "All done, finally bought some new clothes." That closed the discussion in an upbeat mood; it worked equally well while I was still losing and after I hit maintenance weight.
As some of you in the maintainers forum know, this week I have been subject to several comments from someone I've known ~3 months who is both a co-worker and roommate. She has pushed the issue about why I wouldn't accept a free meal (pizza) yesterday, and in the past has watched me pour my bran flakes for breakfast and said "I just can't imagine not liking the food that I eat." When I had said nothing about not liking bran flakes, and I do in fact like them, and told her "I like everything that I eat." She has made several comments along those lines since I've known her, though not constant. That she is both my roommate & co-worker makes it a bit more of a delicate situation for me, since I see her all the time. We are generally friends and get along well. Our other co-workers and other roommate long ago got used to and accepted my eating habits, and though I occasionally experience some good-natured ribbing from them, it is not as aggressive, I would say, as these more recent comments. (Also the other co-workers/friends will also say very positive things about my eating and gym habits.)
I've stopped adding my opinion when others are talking about food in general, to not draw added attention to myself. But this is the first time I've encountered someone who makes repeated comments, and won't drop the subject of food with me even after I try to deter her with a comment such as "Oh, I just like to know what goes in my food" to explain why I don't like to eat out. I think if it happens again I will say "I LOVE the food I eat" (per Kery's suggestion, I believe, from another thread, or "You look at your plate and I'll look at mine" as Jay suggested, and refuse to say anything more. I'm tired of dealing with these uninvited comments from this person.
Robin, vealcalf2000, I can totally empathize with you. If I decide to eat a piece of chocolate or a chip, I feel under immense scrutiny from people thinking that I am a healthy eater, so I shouldn't have that. I've learned to be comfortable enough with some people that it doesn't bother me, but clearly I'm not comfortable enough to do it (or at least, do it without inhibitions) in front of everyone. Robin, I can't believe the nerve of that woman at the party! Maybe I'll start quoting the 80/20 rule, something like "You know what they say, eat healthily 80% of the time and eat what you want 20% of the time". Except that makes it sound like I don't like what I eat 80% of the time, not true!
Perhaps we could say something like "My diet lets me eat chocolate/hot dogs/etc., I don't believe in such restrictive eating habits." Hmm...
This is definitely a continued source of frustration for me, and sometimes I just like to rant a little bit about it. Glad I have this thread to do it in.
But I'm not innocent either. When a coworker has been to WW and joined a Biggest Loser contest in the last few months and shows up with processed cheese on white bread ...
Of course she often has little tidbits that she passes on to help me too.
I've always thought my family was my worst critics. My sister will say, "eating that peanut butter will make you fat, here eat this trail mix instead". She is also the one who says "don't lose anymore, it will make you look older with a bony face". Just last weekend she said "this is the first time in my life I have seen you turn down fried potatoes". She never had any faith that I could lose weight in the first place and now she is regretting telling me "why lose weight, you'll just gain it all back or even more". My response to her is usually too ignore her. She can't help it that she lost her token fat sister, and it drives her to say really stupid things.
"Ah ha, ooohhh, I saw you. That's not protein. Where's your protein?"
It worked for me once to mimic a story as if it were mine with the response:
"A friend of mine had a colleague who flew first class sitting next to the Dali Lama. When the colleague questioned the Dali Lama about why he ate the chicken served, he got the response, 'Buddhists offer thanks to an animal before they eat it.' "
The response is great. It sidesteps the stupid question, and it injects into the conversation many new topics to follow instead: Buddhists, Dali Lama, airline travel, airline food, colleagues. And the story might even be true; I believed it when I heard it the first time.
Count me in on being on the receiving end of stupidity!
(maybe not stupidity-that's a bit harsh-how about ignorance)
I have been at the same weight (approximately) for almost 2 years now and I still get comments and feel like I'm being watched.
I absolutely HATE family gatherings for this reason! I don't think people understand that you have to watch what you do for the rest of your life!
I'm also sick of explaining (sometimes even before a comment because I know it's coming, or they're thinking it) that I NEED to eat small amounts frequently. This means that if I go to a special occasion, I will NOT be pigging out or loading up my plate. It doesn't mean I'm starving myself; it means I've already been eating all day and would like to eat something later as well. It makes me so nervous to eat in front of these people because I feel like I'm under some kind of microscope. Even if they're not watching me, I still feel like they are due to past comments which deeply traumatized me.
It's eased up a bit over the past couple of years, but it got really bad for a spell over the summer... the girls I worked with weren't rude, but they were always commenting on how healthy I eat and asking me over and over and over how I lost it. Really, it was a compliment. The people close to me, though, that's a different story. My mom *still* acts "concerned" and gets very dramatic that I will not eat her cooking (SHE came to that conclusion, like I would somehow throw a plate of chicken fried steak and mashed potatoes against the wall in disgust- not gonna happen) I have to explain my eating to her constanty, which isn't that complicated. I eat a lot of fresh vegetables and fruit and will eat almost anything you cook if I am hungry (she buys "homegrown" meat and organic vegetabls. The woman lives next door to the health food store- no problem).
It goes like this:
More often than not, if you cook something special for me when I come home, I will eat it. If I'm out somehwere and order a soup and salad and don't get a burger with everyone else, it's because I've done a quick go-over in my head and have decided I'm not going to splurge. I'm not miserable over there with my veggies and am secretly dreaming of running off with your burger. It was a small, insignifiant, unimportant, and minor decision- one of many I (and everyone else will) make throughout the day (should I go this way to school or that way? black socks or white?) Nothing more, nothing less.
*Regarding those who still make comments about "being no fun" because of what I eat or order out: A few close friends still do this occaissionally and I do not want to be that person that is high and mighty about my healthy diet and adding to whatever they feel makes them say stuff like that- but I will go there when they do not let up. I've had to threaten to comment on every single thing that crosses their lips. Problem solved. I've only had to go there once and I wish I thought of it sooner.
My new problem: People being downright offended and hurt when I don't eat a dish of theirs that I can't afford or just don't plain want. Scenario: I'm at my sister's. She has "made" fruit. She took some perfectly good fruit and drenched it in sugar and refrigerated it. Not my cup of tea, so I politely declined. She still mentions how this hurt her feelings, which eludes to her issues, not mine, but nonetheless. It almost makes me wish i had just eaten the darn fruit, you know?
Other People Commenting About Our Lifestyles
I moved to a new community, and no one here knows what I used to weigh! In the old community I got a lot of comments, all positive, so I miss those--but on the other hand, here no one will be watching what I eat.
Why can't they keep their noses out of our business? If we've all lost as much weight as we have, then we all must have done something right! 
) because I don't see much of a difference... when I look in the mirror, I still see my 175 pound self.
