Hi Million! I just wanted to kind of chime in with some support and hugs and say that any little change you make is a start. And new starts are always exciting! I notice that little changes I make in my habits and wellness kind of snowball into other ideas and possibilities. I feel like I'm in charge when I do at least one healthy thing for myself a day. *hugs*
Tam
Last edited by greeneggsandtam; 01-24-2010 at 10:12 PM.
thank you, everyone! I have been taking your advice and this year, I have put more effort into my appearance. I am not thinner, but I make sure to wear nicer clothes to work now. I feel like I want to look better and hopefully my co-workers will treat me better. It is weird, because there are times when my boss seems to mentally roll her eyes when a co-worker may compliment me on my clothes. I don't know why she does this, and I can't explain why she seems so interested in my plate when we are at events, but I am learning that I will have to be more careful about what I have on my plate in front of people at work. I don't like having to do that, but a lot of my co-workers who treat me a bit odd (because of the weight and appearance, I think), have openly discussed their issues with food and weight and body image. The only difference is that they seem to be winning the weightloss war and because they are thin, their issues with food are not as apparent as mine.
sometimes it feels like people think obesity is contagious. So they feel like they can observe and judge, because they are comparing themselves to you, what you eat, how you dress, etc. and they want to be able to convince themselves that they are fine, they could never get that big.
So while I know it can be hurtful to get those looks and know you are being judged, try to think that it's not really personal, meaning that while they are comparing themselves to you, they are still coming from a self-centered place and what they say and do says far more about them than it does about you.
People and relationships are funny things. One person might interpret that your co-workers are trying to be helpful without realizing they are offending you, while another might think otherwise. I often think I internalize what others are saying too much. I think everyone has body issues. (Thank-you consumerism!)
Example: My stepson's girlfriend is an actor and very, very shallow, I mean very driven by her profession to look a certain way. You could fit two of her into my clothes. Anyways, she told me this Christmas that women who were thin had a 'certain power'. Which to me is just a weird thing to say, and I understood her to be making a backhanded sleight at my weight and I was a little taken aback because I kind of thought being well-spoken and kind and smart and funny and gorgeous and all the things I am counted for something but I guessed not to her. I felt very hurt.
Then I realized that she is likely intimidated by me and a little jealous. So I let it go. She's got her own issues.
I think your co-workers likely do too.
Last edited by greeneggsandtam; 01-24-2010 at 10:50 PM.
I agree that I could be internalizing some things. I had a situation where I could not understand why these particular women were kind of catty towards me. I had been really nice and super friendly, etc., and yet, they seemed to see through me, did not value my opinion, did not acknowledge that I have years of experience over them, etc., talked to me as if I am an imbecile. It really felt like silly high school all over again. to this day, they still talk to me as if I am a chore. I try to stay friendly and civil with them, even though they are so obvious in their prejudices against me. It is hard because I often feel self-conscious around them, even though I have just as much, if not more, talent and skills as they do. I am just not fixated on weight (they would constantly discuss losing weight, though being well within the healthy weight range) or physical appearance.
I was always overweight and yet I always had a fella *hehe* and I was always successful with turning some heads and not just casual relationships, but long term ones ever since I can remember back. I remember in high school how my best friend, who was thin and pretty, never had a guy. Ever. She used to say things to me like "being thin and empowered" or she would literally say "I can't believe HE asked you out?!" and I remember one time going "Why?" and she says something to the effect of, "Well...you just aren't..." and I went "thin?" She sort of looked awkward and walked away lol. The thing is, some people really dislike it when someone who they feel is "inferior" to them either does better than them, seems happier than them, is learning and growing more efficiently than them, or worse, turns heads MORE than they do. They hate it and I don't think that is limited to thin people, but no doubt I've experienced this from people including my own god forsaken step mother (who is a very bitter and mean woman). She used to HATE me for getting any sort of attention, even friends! She would try to break me down by saying how fat and ugly I was! Why? Because SHE didn't get that attention when SHE was young or old! I remember one time I was walking with her and a group of guy friends honked, called out my name, and waved. Of course I waved back and laughed and my step mother goes "They waved at you?" and I sort of sighed and she went, "You're the thinnest I've ever seen you!" As if THAT is why people like me! Good god woman, get your head out of your *blank* lol...
People like you for who you are and those who judge others based on their appearance are shallow and pointless. I have found that the more success you have will just piss them off and to be honest I tend to view people like that in two categories, destructive and self destructive. My old best friend, at the time, was self destructive but very shallow, materialistic, the only thing she wanted was to be popular and she wanted it so much so that she ditched all her friends, not just me, ALL for her wishes. My step mother is a destructive person, she likes to cause pain to other people on purpose to make herself feel better. Those are the people I tend to look out for and if I can I just detach from them. It doesn't matter if it is a coworker or not, but lol i'll tell you, I've noticed when you are indifferent to a destructive person they don't like it and that is when things become interesting lol.
"watching what I ate because it became more about treating my body better and less about what the hungry little kid inside of me wanted." --EarthShaker
"watching what I ate because it became more about treating my body better and less about what the hungry little kid inside of me wanted." --EarthShaker
Great quote.
I really like that quote. I don't like to think of myself as a little kid, but I do have to realize that my eating was a way of dealing with some really semi-abusive things from childhood. I don't like to think that I was abused....at least not in any typical sense. I think that maybe there were times when I wasn't as supervised as I should have been, and that my parents may have let people of questionable character around me. I remember at that time, that I started to have massive amounts of cereal for midnight snacks and 2-4 pieces of buttery toasted bread with it. I was around 9 or 10 at that time. And yeah, eating at 2am in the morning.
I think a great way to get things moving is to start researching various plans and find out what will work for *you* for the long haul. You have to look at the change in eating as a permanent thing...and not one that ends at goal or you will be setting yourself up to fail.
I did low cal/low fat/high carb and I was hungry ALL THE TIME and eventually I regained all I lost. I did research and found that low carb might suit me and then looked into the various LC plans and I am doing Atkins...and have been for over a year. It works for me. It goes beyond weight loss...*for me*. My bloodwork, etc. has improved and my Dr. is thrilled. The weight loss is a bonus to the health that comes along with it........*for me*. You need to find a plan that will work for you. Start googling...and find a good plan and work it...and you will succeed!
I felt really beat down today. I have a talent that I am very proud of and feel comfortable with, but that gets really under utilized. Another person who doesn't have the same talent, and who openly admits to not being very comfortable with it, was selected for a certain task, and because they are very close with certain people, it seemed like that was the deciding factor, rather than a person's actual abilities. It feels like more and more that my abilities are not discussed. Instead, the person seems to be more upset that I am able to do things, rather than supportive of my abilities. It doesn't help that I have heard and seen that people who don't look a certain way get selected to do the more behind the scenes things, while others get selected to be more in the public eye. It also hurts a bit because the people selected for the more public aspects don't always know all of the material and it feels more like their personal relationship with certain people is more the deciding factor than actual abilities.
I really, really feel like certain people may feel that my weight makes me not a good image. I also feel like though I am able to do very many things, I am treated as if I am not able to do them, and when I do them, then I get mocked at times as if I am doing them too well. Like the better I do, the more I get mocked or it bothers someone. Why is doing good seen as bothersome, but when another person does the same, then it is favored? I feel like if I were thinner and kept up the same level of ability, then it would be looked at more as a good thing and I would be treated better. I really feel like I have got to lose weight in order to be respected and before my abilities will actually be looked at in a positive manner. I was so upset today that I just felt so discouraged and drained mentally.
A great deal of what you described in your last post is mainly the usual corporate BS one has to deal with. Being overweight does not help, that's for sure, but that sort of stuff goes on regardless of whether one is fat or thin, tall or short, etc. It's just like the cliques in high school....the in-crowd and the out-crowd. I've seen kids who were small for their age get picked-on and then they'd grow a foot and the others were still targeting them. They would pigeon-hole you into a slot and you could not get out of it.....probably because of the loss of self-esteem and low confidence that resulted from getting picked-on in the first place.
Does becoming a normal weight make things better? Absolutely! It's great! But has it solved ALL my problems? No. I couldn't play the piano when I was fat and I still can't play it, even after losing the weight. I could learn how to, of course...and in fact, could have learned how to back when I was fat, if I'd set my mind to it. But, you know what I mean.
I have learned that by far, the thing that people will envy you the most for is being HAPPY. Insecure people will try to target your weaknesses because your pain makes them feel better. They know JUST how to zone in on the ones they can upset/make unhappy. The woman who rolls her eyes when others compliment you and looks at your plate has her own insecurity problems...you can be sure of that! Happy people do not begrudge anyone else their happiness or need to make others unhappy.
You're right...it's NOT fair. But unhappy people will pick on any weakness or insecurity they can find. That doesn't mean you have to let them. And it doesn't mean you have to be thin to get them to stop. In fact, they may never stop....and may try to find something else to criticize about you when you DO lose the weight. It's confidence and happiness that will cause them to lose interest in upsetting you. It's only really fun to hurt someone who lets them.
Losing weight will be awesome and will make you feel great. But believe me, you don't have to let people make you feel bad NOW. In fact, feeling down and discouraged is not helpful when you are trying to stay motivated and stay on plan. Focus on feeling happy....and meanwhile, you'll lose the weight. Stay positive, I'm serious. THAT is what will help you get to your goal. Feeling bad about yourself can defeat you. Don't let them do that to you or stand in your way. You can do it. Do it for yourself.
Thank you, everybody. I do realize that some people will try and find fault in others no matter the reason, and that favoritism does exist. Sigh. I have been through this before, and when I lost the weight, I got treated with a lot more respect. I really feel that I need to show that I am losing weight, because it may help others to gain more respect for me---because obviously doing well and knowing how I do what I do, just doesn't matter so much to some people.
I also feel like I need to focus on me for a while, and just do the best that I can. I think that if I focus on getting healthier, that will help me with my feelings and if I have a more positive outlet, then some of the staring at my plate and other things won't bother me as much. In other words, I think losing this weight will help me to recapture some of my joy.
This thread came into my mind today. With the recent passing of my aunt, who was mentally disabled and functioned on the level of about an 8 or 9 year old, she has been in my thoughts a lot, and my mind led me to some of the personality traits that she and I have in common.
One of those is a tendency to be hypersensitive when people tell me basic things I already know. I realize that a person isn't "stupid" just because they didn't know something, but I'm really talking about elementary facts that any normally functioning 5 year old would know. For example, when I worked as a cashier in a grocery store, I had a customer who had purchased a mylar helium balloon and weighted it down with a candy bar. I rang up both items, and then put it aside to make the transaction, whereupon a co-worker ran toward me in horror, telling me I'd better not let go of that balloon... She hadn't seen that it was weighted. After that turned out to be the case, she was satisfied. But honestly! There I was a middle-aged woman, and I've known since I was a toddler, at a carnival with a helium balloon tied to my wrist, that they float away if they're not attached to something. She really thought I didn't know better?
My late aunt Barbie was always quick to let someone know when they were being overly helpful. "I'll take care of myself!" And I do feel the same way, especially when my intelligence is being called into question.
I never associated it with being fat before. I always thought that people just assumed, for whatever reason, I was stupid. Does being fat make it more likely that I'll be perceived that way?
I'll blog with more detail; I don't want to hijack the thread.
Last edited by LovebirdsFlying; 03-10-2010 at 09:34 PM.
