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Old 03-12-2007, 04:06 PM   #1  
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Unhappy New, 47, NO IDEA WHAT I AM DOING!

Well, I have no idea what to do here. I registered, but can't seem to figure out "what to do next". There seem to be no instructions for those of us who are computer-dummies, like, "click here, old lady!"

I am a breast cancer survivor, and had heart surgery 6 months ago. I've battled compulsive over-eating for COMFORT for years and years. People say, and rightly so, "You've been through so much ... it's understandable why you eat for comfort." I know!

I'm anywhere from 115-188. 188 was my peak a few years ago. I hated myself. I lost 45+ pounds thru' Dr. Phil's diet. I felt and looked gorgeous.

I even got remarried! He's a handsome, wonderful, trim, fit, athletic husband who loves me and encourages me. Shortly after we married, I gained 30 pounds when my daughter left for college. That was 2.5 years ago. I had horrible depression ... it was like somebody poured cement over my soul. I felt guilty because my new husband is WONDERFUL; but I was so sad to have "lost" my daughter to go away to college. (I had been a single-mom for 15 years after my breast cancer.) I cannot begin to tell you how lonely my heart was for my daughter. Is this what an empty nest really feels like?

My doctor put me on Wellbutrin XL, and I lost 30. I felt happy and awesome. Then heart problems started, and I ate comfort food and gained 20. I skied lots and lost 20. I then had open heart surgery on July 28th. It worked, and I was sent to "Cardiac Rehab", where we had heart monitors, nurses, doctors, and they instructed us on monitoring our pulse during exercise, etc. I lost 5. I felt AWESOME. I had muscle tone, my body shape starting shifting (to the right places, finally). I did this 3 times a week for 6 weeks. When I "graduated" I quit exercising. I've gained 25 pounds since September.

Will I exercise? No ~ too fat. Will I choose "heart healthy" foods? No ~ who wants to eat that junk when people around you are eating "fun, American, festive" foods!? I can't even eat healthy at church!

I think all in all, I've gained and lost what feels like the same 45 pounds about 8 times in the past 6 years. My wedding dress was a size 8. I DESPERATELY LONG to wear a size 6. I threw my size 16s away, and now I wonder if I should go dumpster diving for them. I KNOW THIS CAN'T BE GOOD FOR ME. I know it, but I can't stop eating. I'm seeing a new therapist who is helping ~ but this is SO SLOW. The anti-depressants and heart medicines have me totally (how do I say this on the internet?) constipated. My insides feel TERRIBLE, and that makes me discouraged. So, I drink fiber, I eat fiber, I drink water, I even have a prescription laxative that only produces uncomfortable, embarrassing results.

Wa, wa, wa. I do have my work-out clothes on right now. I AM GOING TO GO OUTSIDE IN THE GORGEOUS COLORADO AIR AND WALK MY BELOVED HUSKY.

I looked at my Dr. Phil book today, which is on the shelf next to the DR. OZ book, which is next to the Suzanne Sommers books, whic is next to the Oprah/Bob Green book from years ago, which is next to the South Beach diet my mother-in-law sent to me.

Her answer is that I eat: 1/2 a banana and 1/2 cup of cereal and nonfat milk for breakfast; Lunch is a salad with no dressing, exercise, and have a chicken breast and green beans for dinner. THIS MAKES ME WANT TO GAG, and run to the nearest Italian restaurant.

It hurts when my in-laws ARE ALL SKINNY. They are all ABLE TO CONTROL WHAT GOES IN THEIR MOUTHS, AND THEY ALL EXERCISE DAILY. They are in their 70s!!! I control the opposite: how many bags of Oreos should I buy? Can I really eat an entire can of cake frosting this weekend without anybody noticing? Where can I throw my fast-food restaurant wrappers away so that nobody will look at me and say, "Did you see what that woman eats in her car!?"

I want to get it together, but I realize fully that it will take incredible determination.

I don't want to die; and I'm afraid that I am killing myself with my foods. Through the total grace of God, I've beaten breast cancer, and beaten heart disease ... am I going to continue to make the choices that cause me to hate myself, look terrible, and feel worse?

I want my husband to be proud. I want him to think that I'm beautiful. I don't want other people to say, "He's so handsome and trim ... why on earth did he marry a fat chic? She's so pretty. It's a real shame that she can't control her weight." I don't want my mother-in-law to snear, "FAT, FAT, FAT" when she sees other women that are MY SIZE. (God, does she not get this?) And lastly, I don't want my daughter to lose her mother to FAT when she almost lost me to breast cancer and heart disease.

I promise, I'm really not as stupid as this probably reads.

Okay. Here I go. I will now go out and walk the door. Maybe that will counteract the cold fried chicken I snarfed down about 45" ago.
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Old 03-12-2007, 08:11 PM   #2  
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Welcome, harpandflute. I am a newbie also. I know how you feel about your daughter. I was a single mom for 10 yrs before I remarried. It was an awful feeling and some guilt feelings when I "lost" my son to empty nesting. He chose not to move with me when I got remarried. He wanted to live in the city and I moved way out in the country. That was 3 yrs ago. And since then he has mobved back to our home state of VA. So I have 1 son 6 hrs away and another son overseas in the military, about 16 hrs. away. So it is a lot of long distance phone calls. I hope all goes well with your health from now on. I am 47 also. I would like to lose about 50 lbs. But I will be extremely happy with a loss of 20 or more. I have gained 50 in the last 5 years. All my husbands good cooking. If you ever want to chat let me know. I just started an exercise program. I try to walk 2 miles a day on the treadmill or outside, weather permitting. I would eventually like to do 4 miles a day. Have you started exercising yet? I find it also helps me to get my mind off my sons for a while. I am trying to count calories. I may do Weight Watchers on my own. Well good luck and hope to hear from you. Please keep us posted. I am going to check and see if there is a place to log your exercises or something on this site.

Take care
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Old 03-12-2007, 08:32 PM   #3  
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Hello harpandflute and 2beslim, I think you will be happy with the decision that you have made to come to this site. I started coming here in January and now I'm addicted to it!! So far I've lost 17 pounds and still have about 47 more to go. I've got the Walk Away the Pounds videos and they have helped me a lot. harpandflute--- I also live in Colorado and we have had so much snow that I decided that I could still get my walks in but just do them in the house!! What part of Colorado do you live in?

You can log your calories, and activities on to the www.fitday.com site -- I use it and it is really easy to use and is also free.

I'm glad to meet you both and look forward to hearing more from you both. Karen
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Old 03-13-2007, 12:02 PM   #4  
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Default I love Colorado!

I lived in Colorado just a bit up the road from Allenspark years and years ago...like 27 years ago...I'll be 47 in June ladies, so we are a threesome.

H&F, you girl have a body of steel to beat what you have beat. You can beat the food beastie too. I love, love, love food and not just for comfort. I just love it. But it's killin' me. Too much of anything will I suppose! We just have to eat in moderation...all right, all right...I know. If I could eat in moderation, I wouldn't BE in this shape.

I have been registered at 3FC since the first of March and post daily in the Journal section and check in to the Introduction Forum each day to see who is new! So far it is helping me. One, I am not boring the heck out of my immediate family and friends with my DIET PLAN or EXERCISE PLAN...for the umpteenth time because I post my daily progress/backslides rather than talk to them about it. I like it. I like controlling when I talk about IT by posting. I also like reading about others' struggles and achievements. I'm not alone! Yeah. I'm not stupid. Yeah.

I like the You: On a Diet and Bob Greene's latest book. I suppose I use their philosophy and I am counting calories. I walk every day for at least 45 minutes. I have slowly (and I mean slowly) have been adding a little strength training and/or stretching. Some from the YOU book and some from the assortment of very little used exercise DVDs I have.

Good luck Colorado Girls. Keep posting. Keep counting. Keep walking. Keep it up; we're here for you at 3FC.
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Old 03-15-2007, 02:01 AM   #5  
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Red face Finally responding!

I appreciated your note. It's great to know that I'm not alone.

Tell me more about your success with Bob Greene. I think I've purchased most every diet book every published; I worry that I will waste more money. I bought Dr. Oz book, Dr. Phil, and the last Oprah book with Bob Green (and the journal!) I went like gangbusters on the Oprah book, and somehow it all dissolved and vanished into thin air! I lost probably 20-35 pounds (several times) with Dr. Phil. I bought Dr. Oz thinking it woudl be "the answer" to my diet woes, but to my health issues with food as well. I tried his smoothies, and they were "quite natural" ... with flax seeds and psyllium husks ... I drank them, they filled me up, they worked; let's just say that a Frappuccino goes down much more easily than sifting all that healthy stuff through my teeth! It also all stuck to the glass!!!!

I'm so impressed with your walking. I had to walk for 30" a day, 3 times a week, for my heart surgery recovery. I felt like "Rocky"! My legs were looking really great, and my gut was going away (and my rear end). The minute my 6 week "prescription" was over with, and I left the out-patient therapy center at the hospital, I haven't exercised consistently since. I've walked some. I've skied myself some, and totally exhausted myself trying to keep up with my husband.

I lost a 3-4 pounds over the past 2 weeks. I've gained 2 pounds back. BUT IT FEELS LIKE ABOUT 14 EXTRA INCHES TO MY WAIST AND MY ARMS. Today, I was really discouraged.

Oh well. Tell me more about Bob Greene. I have a $5 gift certificate to Borders, that might help me feel "okay" about the cost!
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Old 03-15-2007, 02:24 AM   #6  
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Red face Ready to Learn More!

[QUOTE=2beslim;1608146]

Fantastic on your 2 miles! How long does that you?

For about 20-25 minutes, I ACTUALLY TOOK MY SILLY OL', PRECIOUS, PRECIOUS HUSKY FOR A WALK TONIGHT! It was the FIRST time this year that I've been able to take a walk here in "southern" Colorado without a coat and gloves!

The "welcome" responses were certainly appreciated, everybody! I appreciate (very much!) knowing that there are those women out there that understand about the interesting things that are going on in our lives at age 47! Single parenting, divorce, eating, exercising, empty nesting ... yikes!

I would love to know if anybody has tried hypnosis with any success? It's expensive ... about $140 an hour! That's so much money, but I wonder if it would help.

Getting over the discouragement of having my mid-section flop over my jean's waistband today has been a hard one! My consisted of fast-food Italian that I ate in the car between seeing 1 doctor and then driving to my therapist! I did stop when I got full, and saved the rest for dinner. I did, however, eat 6 rice cakes this evening. I guess that won't kill me; but I still feel guilty when I want to keep chewing and tasting! One would think that the red marks left on my belly from my 2 sizes too small jeans would've encouraged me to NOT want to eat this evening. But even as I write this, I'm hungry and wondering, "Hmmmmm, I wonder what 'perfect' food I could find for breakfast that would simply make my life complete! I guess I best plan when I'm going to exercise tomorrow, eh?

Thanks,
harpandflute @ 172 pounds today
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Old 03-16-2007, 12:35 PM   #7  
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Hi Ladies, I guess we all have a love affair with food going on! Problem is, it doesn't love us back. And I refuse to love something/one that doesn't love me! So, i'm trying, once again, to lose and finally find a way to keep the weight off. It only gets harder and your metabolism only gets slower. Why waste one more day not living life to the fullest?

Besides looking better (obvious) there are so many more benefits to eating right and exercising. I just attended a seminar on diabetes and weight. The Dr. said that eating well and getting enough exercise was better than medication for controling diabetes! Plus all the other health benefits. I don't want to end up old, on a bucket full of medication, and fat!! We have the option to change things.

Can I join you on this quest for health and fitness?
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Old 03-16-2007, 04:46 PM   #8  
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Default Finding Balance!!!

By all means ... let's 47-something year olds need to join and conquer!
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Old 03-19-2007, 02:04 PM   #9  
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Hey, where is everyone? Lets keep in touch and work through this together! I know I can't do it alone.
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Old 03-19-2007, 03:01 PM   #10  
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Wink Where is everybody!? It's Monday!

Hi! Here I am! Today I had trigger point injections into my neck area to help with severe neck pain that I have because of my Harp and Flute career! I have spent the weekend working on:

1. What I don't like about my weight/body: then turning those statements into POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS that describe the RESULTS THAT I DESIRE.

2. I wrote them onto bright yellow index cards, and carried them with me to the Surgi-Center.

3. I actually took the dog for 2 walks this weekend!

In the past, when I'm in pain: I binge. When I have been anxious/panic-stricken in the past, I binge.

After reading my affirmations before bedtime and again before the procedure, I have actually had NO desire to binge. The thought crossed my mind after the surgery that chocolate chip pancakes would've been a nice "reward" for having done well at the hospital, HOWEVER, I had no desire to go out, eat, or binge. I came home (this is so weird for me!) and fixed some steel cut oats, and even weirder, I put vanilla nonfat soy on it and a touch of cinnamon sugar!

I feel victorious in more ways than one. I'm more than happy and eager to keeping checking this thread, it just didn't seem like the gals who had originally responded were checking this thread any longer.

Hang in there today! It can be won!
Teri
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Old 03-19-2007, 04:22 PM   #11  
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Hello All,

I am home sick today and bored but too sick to go to work and infect everyone I work with...

I am too a newbie to this website...and I will be "real"...I am not good with internet and websites period...so all of this is really new...I am a single support parent (to one perfect daughter) since she was 8 months old...she will be turning 23 years old in October 2007...

We have an awesome relationship and she currently commutes to university but within the next 1-2 years she will move to be closer to law school...at that I time I anticipate that she will move in with her boyfriend...and I will be an emotional mess...

I feel that pressure of this...and...I fear that old clique/urban legend... that I will become the weird old woman who lives down the street in the huge "Norman Bates" home...alone with a bunch of cats...

Also thrown into this semi irrational fear...is the fact that I will continue to care for my aging mother...

So I have decided to practice what I preach (I am a children's social worker) and be patient...and I will get healthy by not focussing on losing weight but getting healthy...I don't like this...NOPE...not one little bit...I want to be healthy now and get it over and done with...Also, I am a very cheap so I refuse to spend a ton of money...I figured that I have pretty much dieted for about 35 years of my life and I have probably lost at least one average size man (175 lbs)...and...I have probably spent one years worth of salary to the lose weight that I am here to lose again...so I decided in January 2007 that I will not spend any money losing weight this time...Naturally...I decided this after I bought the Bob Greene book and journal...oh yeah I won a pedometer and so I decided to buy a better one ($10)...I am even exercising on my own and not spending $$$ at atheletic clubs...

Good Luck to all including me! We are worth it and we need to start believing it!
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Old 03-19-2007, 07:27 PM   #12  
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Talking Hurray for new beginnings

Day #2 of making the best choices I can ... putting myself "out there" in a more positive way ... and looking for the happiness, joy, peace, hope and victory from this prison of food I've built for myself over the past ... 30 years!

I'm a little hungry, and I'm trying to lean into that feeling and make the conscious realization that when my stomach growls, I, in fact, will not die. Amazing, huh? I have eaten 3 squares of 60% dark chocolate ... because Dr. Oz suggests is, and of course, I reread that in April's "O" magazine. Gotta love that. In my "old" frenzied state of "dieting" I would've already downed the next 6 squares. Today, I choose to taste the chocolate before swallowing and savor it. I choose to leave the rest of the chocolate neatly tucked in its' gold foil wrapper for the next 2 days. I FEEL SO EMPOWERED CLOSING THAT CHOCOLATE WRAPPED IN FOIL!

I also ate a leftover chicken fajita in a home-made flour tortilla ... fat and all. But, I reheated it, tasted every bite, and then put the rest of those fabulous tortillas in the refrigerator. Last week, I would've buttered and salted them before I crammed them all into my mouth.

I've chosen water with lemon today too. That feels victorious over the $4.99 I spent yesterday for decaff, sugar-free, non-fat something at Starbucks. So, today, I have an extra $4.99 for new clothes and I drink sip it away through a green straw.

And, now, feeling rather "Wow, I'm really rocking with this new concept today", I will go walk my lovable, devoted, Husky.
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Old 03-19-2007, 07:32 PM   #13  
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Hello, all!

It sometimes gets slow in the Introductions forum--try branching out to the others. "Goals" is always inspiring.

About the food--harpandflute--the meals that make you want to gag and run for the Italian --there are some types of food that have to be off limits, but it's not forever. You can add them back slowly later on. But most of us find we can't eat unconsciously and expect to keep the weight off. So, think of it as a change of lifestyle, not as a diet. I'm sure you know the whole bit, considering your health history.

Good luck, everyone!

Jay
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Old 03-19-2007, 08:19 PM   #14  
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Hi All, I totally agree that this is not a diet, it's a life style change. Who among us hasn't tried every new diet out there and lost some weight only to regain that and more? I have realized I can never eat the way I did before, that is what made me fat! That doesn't mean I can't eat well and enjoy food. I just have to make choices. And i choose to eat healthy food. I think we are all at the cross roads of life when changes are going to make a difference in the way we live. Do we intend to be those sick old people who can barley get around or do we intend to be "older" people who enjoy life. I have grandchildren who expect me to play, run and I intend to be there for them. No food is more important than that!
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Old 03-20-2007, 03:20 PM   #15  
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Hello All,

To "The Slim Me"...so true...that really struck home...I have always made awesome choices in my life but oh how I have struggled with my weight!

I have noticed a couple things after I reached 45...and now I really use these as a mantra...and...I think about these at the same time as I think to Bob Green's hunger scale...OR...When I am really upset, angry, bored, sick, angry, moody and just looking for any excuse to blow my healthy life choices and eat my heart out...and since January 16/07 I have been making some really healthier choices about my life (exercies, food, water).


1. I have such a problem saying no to people who ask me to help them out a work or to do things that I simply don't want to do...and when I don't say no it is generally to my detriment...so really what I am saying is that I don't matter or count as much as the people that I say yes to...SO...I started saying NO...and that includes to me!

*The other day I made homemade chicken soup (with homemade chicken broth)...I make it traditionally Polish the way my Babcia did...So there I sat looking at this bowl of chicken skin which I would normally loved to have eaten but I removed all of it and did not eat any...Huge major break through as I don't have a sweet tooth...I have a fat tooth (Polish heritage love those Pierogi and Kolachky)...and I was really satisfied with myself for being able to do that...

2. I am an immensely strong, independent and courageous woman so why can't I get a grip of this one aspect of my life...I put myself through 5 years of university (including graduate school) and worked to jobs and raised my daughter by myself...so surely I can stop at one portion, or dance to one extra song, or stop eating 2 hours before bed...As there really is always tomorrow and I can eat then...

3. If I don't give myself a pat on the back and indulge myself every once in a while (stay up late and watch trashy old movies) no one will do it for me...

4. And lastly, I am an emotional eater...So What...get over it...lots of people life with much more adversity in their lives so pick up a book or drink some water...or just have one **** of a good cry...but move on!

Just wanted to share...I am really finding this a huge help looking at this website and reading other peoples thoughts..

Thanks So Much for listening...

And Powodzenia!
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