I didn't know you could be denied adopting a child due to obesity. I guess I should have known this, but I didn't. This makes me cry... We have been trying to get pregnant for about a year, and will be going to the infertility doctor in January. I had only just started to learn about adoption options when I saw this article today.
We want so badly to be parents and have a family. My husband isn't overweight, but as you can see in my ticker - I am obese. Even if being fat is responsible for difficulties in getting pregnant, I never thought it would be an obstacle in adoption.
There is a story on Yahoo news about it, but I can't post the link because I don't have enough posts... sorry.
You must have read that story about that guy in Missouri who was turned down? I got this link http://www.kbsd6.com/Global/story.asp?S=7431754 I send good thoughts your way. Keep trying, good luck.
Also you have 24 posts, how does that get in the way of your posting a link? I had a link on my second post
This sounds harsh but if someone's 20lb overweight it would be wrong to refuse them, but someone who's 200lbs overweight it is only right. That man didn't just get overweight he was so big he could barely move, what sort of a father could he be? He must have eaten huge amounts of the wrong foods, not something decent parents do. If the baby was in difficulties & his wife was out how could he get up to sort the baby out? It could die because of his greed.
Myrtle, lose the weight slowly, come join us at the 300+ weekly thread, several ladies there have lost 100lbs in LESS THAN A YEAR!!!! That is only 2lbs each week, next year you could be celebrating the New Year with juice coz you can't drink, coz you're expecting! Good luck, as you want a child so bad just focus on that, it should help focus you. Put baby pics on your fridge & food cupboards (if this isn't too upsetting).xxxxxx
xxxxsharon
I know that it is hard to have to hear such news when you want a baby so bad.
Are you both trying to have a baby and lose weight at the same time?
Although I am the mother of one child I can tell you (as I am sure others will too) that having children is both rewarding but also demanding of your heart, my mind and your body. I was not heavy when my daughter was young but as she aged I became obese and I could not do all that I wanted to do with her. When I did join her I felt self-conscious and ashamed since she was the picture of health and very active.
I could write a small book about this but before you despair too much I would suggest that you find out all of your options before you get too upset or saddened by this article. Citites, counties and states have different requirements for everything from driver's license to day cares. Get the facts and then make your decisions based on that.
If you were my daughter I would recommend taking care of your health and trying to lose as much weight as you could before conceiving but that is ideal. There are many moms who have babies at your weight. There are some added health risks that can harm you and your baby but then again get the facts.
Read. Learn. Ask questions. Get as knowledgeable as you can about all of this and then you can decide what is best for you and any future children you and your husband will have.
Myrtle - Before letting this really get to you I would call an adoption agency and ask someone there. It also may be that different agencies have different policies, so if the first one won't work with you then keep trying. I did see several articles about the fact that certain countries (South Korea is one) have set weight limits for anyone adopting children out of their country, but that doesn't mean that it holds true everywhere.
FYI - The man who had been denied the adoption is local here - unfortunately they had had the child for several years as foster parents and nothing was said.
My sister and BIL adopted a little girl from China about a year and some months ago. They make both parents go for physicals and blood tests, and there were several delays until my sister's bloodwork came back to the satisfaction of the adoption agency. Mind you, my BIL is in his 50's and my sister in her late 40's, so I can see why an agency would deny an adoption based on the prospective parents' age and health. You wouldn't want to orphan the child yet again. The strange thing is that although my sister made an effort to lose weight to improve her health and bloodwork issues, my BIL was well over 300+ and smoked, drank and has circulation problems and difficulty walking, did basically NOTHING besides pay the fees. The agency focused more on the mother's health and I don't know why.
I would go w/ Nancy's suggestion and contact different agencies to see what their policies and fees are. Good luck and good health.
I have been through this, but it has been so long ago (20 some years) I don't remember the particulars. My daughters are from Korea, but we went through different agencies. The Dillion Agency out of Oklahoma the first time, then the Holt Agency out of Oregon the second time. It was the second time when weight was an issue. So, it may have been the particular requirements of that agency. Or, it may have been the requirements of that country but maybe the rules had changed by the time we did the second adoption.
Don't give up ~ find out as much as you can. I hope for you that you are able to fulfill you dreams to be a mom.
Thanks for posting the link - I got a message saying I needed to have 25 posts before I could post a link, so I guess I fell *just* short. I should be able to post links now, though.
I am on a diet, and slowly losing weight - about 1.5 - 2 lbs a week. At this rate it will take about 1.5 years before I'd reach a "healthy" weight. My husband is 37 and I know he is anxious to get the show on the road. I'm 31 so I have a few years before I hit that supposedly dreaded (fertility wise) 35. So we do have some time, but not all the time in the world.
I am so beyond depressed. I've tried finding more information online today, and nothing looks too promising.
My OB/GYN declared me "fit" and "ready to start trying to concieve" when I weighed about 250 ish... (I can't rember exact weight). So she is a fairly fat-friendly doc, but I am still ashamed to see her one year later still not pregnant and weighing MORE.
I've put on a lot of weight in the last year - which my regular doc thinks is due (in part) to hypothyroidism - which is now under control. I'm very unfit in some ways, and fit in others. I do excerise regularly and put at least 25 miles on the treadmill a week...a huge time commitment. I'm vegetarian and eat fairly healthy, and now that I am using DietToGO I am eating less - about 1200 calories a day.
I just makes me feel so awful to think that because of my size I would be denied adopting a child. I care for my 3-year old nephew reguarly and never have trouble "keeping up". I love children and I've always dreamed of having a family. I just never though being fat would stand in my way.
I'm trying to wait until I have more information before I really overreact to this. I am just trying to focus on being healthy and keeping the faith that we will be blessed with children (no matter how they come into our lives) when the time is right. It's much easier said than done.
Thanks for listening to me vent. I'm trying to keep positive.
Just a note about linking. The policy about 25 posts is because of spammers. We hope they will be more discouraged to have to actually work at it before they can start deluging us! Stupid spammers! So, Myrtle you should be all set to go now!
Gggirls, SORRY, if the people cared for the child THAT LENGTH of TIME it is cruel, REALLY CRUEL to take it away from them.
Myrtle, I know here in the UK weight is a factor when people are adopting BUT my ex SIL's Dr 'faked' her weight so she could adopt another TWO children who she'd fostered for 10 years, she was about 40 yo & 30 odd pounds overweight. I'm sure with support you can lose weight, especially if you can have something to look forward to.xxxxx
xxxxsharon
Not only could you be denied adoption but you could also be denied fertility treatment if you were in the UK (don't know if it the same in the US). I have a friend who is required to have a less than 30 BMI before fertility experts will even start treatment. She's gone from 40+ to around 32 but is struggling with the last 10 or so pounds.
Sorry to hear about that rule myrtle. I didn't read the story about the guy but there are so many kids out there that need good homes. I would just keep trying and hold your head up high.
Myrtle, lol, cute name! My mom is a fertile myrtle and so is my sis and the rest of the women on both sides of my family, we actually call them that! LOL!
Ok, back to why I'm writing. I am not a fertile myrtle. I got prego a year after we married and lost it at 12 weeks and had to have a d & c. We spent years doing infertility treatments, taking Clomid, watching the calendar, checking temperature, etc. but never got pregnant again. Always a negative test, every month. I couldn't take it any more, feeling like a failure when it wasn't my fault. We always wanted to adopt and have our own. If we never have a biological one we don't care. We decided to adopt.
My dh and I are both obese, I hate that word. But we fostered newborns and toddlers and adopted 2 so far (both we got from birth) and fostered around 22 kids or 24? would have to check my list there are so many! Anyhoo, we are both healthy yet heavy. We didn't fake any numbers. Just had our doc send our info to them for the homestudy. I'm not sure where you are but in America, with so many kids in foster care and more coming in every day (I know, I get the calls for newborns all the time, I have two babies now too so you can only have 2 under 18 months at a time so we're full for them now) they can't afford to turn adoptive/foster parents down for being heavy! It's estimated that 75% of all Americans will be overweight by year 2012 or 2015. Who will adopt the kids then??
Don't worry. I know many others who are obese who adopted as well. My dh and I were both working full time professional jobs and I was going to school at night when we got our first ever call. It turned out to be our first child to adopt. His case took forever, you can't adopt til parental rights are terminated, which took 2.5 yrs. But we got him from the hospital at 5 lbs. and altho those years of waiting to make him legally ours was very scary (they would have let the grparents have him if they'd chosen that) we have no regrets. (We both gained weight bc of nerves, now that we have two kids, it's not as scary, at least we are parents, with the first one, we weren't parents yet and wanted to be so badly)
Then our daughter came as newborn too. Her case was only a year. They are mine when they are here tho, even if not legally. And right now I have a 2 wk old girl I got from the hospital and it's starting all over again, waiting to find out if her parents will do as the judge says, take their classes, get in and finish rehab, maintain a place to live, etc. (they can be poor but must have what they need.) If not, then it could go in our favor. Just a waiting game.
Good luck, I hope this helps some. Oh and I think my dh and I both weighed around 265-275 when we got approved. I'm glad I weigh less now bc I couldn't chase them all! Once they were placed with me, I knew I had to lose some to be able to do things for and with them.
It's great being a mom and worth all that we have to go thru to get our babies. We want 4 or 5 kids. And maybe more when those are older. Please feel free to PM me if you have questions or if I can help.
I don't post much, but wanted to chime in. A friend here at work and her husband also adopted a child from China about a year ago. She and her husband are both well over 300 lbs and they had no problems at all...(though she did say, at 6', 300lbs, blond, fair and blue eyed, she stuck out like a sore thumb when she went to China to get her daughter - who is incredibly petite even for a Chinese child). Although not seeing a link to the story you saw Myrtle, I suspect the obsticle, given the size of the man in the story ANOther posted was not obesity per se, but the health problems and other limitations that were caused by his obesity.
I was about 240 when I conceived my son at the age of 31. I only gained 15 lbs while pregnant, but gained 20 while home with him 2 months. Then it just kind of kept going up. I did miss a lot - too big to ride bikes with him or run with him - and I regret it.
You can be denied adpotion due to obesity?!
I am sorry to hear that but I understand
My husband is 37 and I know he is anxious to get the show on the road. I'm 31 so I have a few years before I hit that supposedly dreaded (fertility wise) 35. So we do have some time, but not all the time in the world.
We want 4 or 5 kids. And maybe more when those are older. Please feel free to PM me if you have questions or if I can help.
