Amazing insight here. Especially that marriage is not an accomplishment.
OP, I think it could be useful to remind yourself that marriage doesn't equal happy marriage, or even happy in general. Who knows what's going on in the personal relationships of your married friends? I promise you, they're not all happy - it's not a magic formula.
I'm 31, heard for a long time the crashing (or the not so happy) marriage line. I came to realize that it doesn't help me in anyway to know that people 's marriages are crashing.
I feel terribly lonely. Knowing that marriages are crashing doesn't make me feel less lonely or happy to be alone.
As a human it's normal for you to feel left out when everyone is having a life partner and you're left on your own.
The feeling that generates, nothing can quench it. Not even the "they are not really happy " line (however true it can be).
Because you're human. People with partners have their fair share of love filled moments, sex moments, kid moments, lonely moments, and multiple problems and tragedies, resulting from their reality of having a partner and/or kids.
A person sailing through life all by him/herself has their own fair share of problems too, some due to the lack of a partner, and some joys and advantages result from being alone too.
This is a feeling I share, and believe me, you'll continue to feel that way until your heart fulfills its own desire, which doesn't necessarily mean happiness. Good luck
OP you are not alone! I am 27. I finally convinced my family that there is nothing wrong with me! (Why do they think I'm the weird one? My mom is on marriage #4 and my oldest sister was divorced at 19 yrs old and remarried by 21...)
Here's the thing, you have to take care of yourself. When your spirit feels balanced, you will project your positive energy onto the people around you. They will recognize that you are content. Maybe you will find someone special, but the key is that it is your choice. This is your journey; no one else can do it for you.
Hello posters! I really can connect with what the OP is saying. I'm 29 and after 6 years of dating finally got engaged in 2015. I think until I was about 27 I was more fixated on wanting a wedding like everyone else than I was a marriage. Now I'm not even rushing to tie the knot. We're planning a wedding for October 2017 we will be together 8 years by then. We've had our ups and downs and I know I want to marry him because he's the love of my life and despite it all we are here for each other. We're more focus on loosing weight and living a healthy life than a wedding at the moment. Be patient because life flies by! Enjoy every moment.
I've dealt with jealous over friends weddings and now babies but you just have to admit to yourself it's not the right time for you. It will be one day, but that day is not today! ��
but I definitely know that I do not want to get married just to be married.
Exactly how I feel!!
And honestly, sometimes I have to be real with myself and remind myself that just because you're not in a relationship, it's not that nobody loves you. Tons of people do, and we should all love ourselves. Self-worth doesn't come from a marriage contract, a ring, pretty pictures on a mantel, or whatever. Sure, it would be nice to find the perfect guy but in the meantime, focus on how you can be better towards yourself and other people and things will fall into place.
Personally, I'm not sure how helpful it is to know your spouse for a long time before getting married. I know several people who knew each other for a VERY long time, got married, and are miserable. Others met and married very fast and are decades into a good marriage. I think it might come down to a combination of luck (mostly luck) and doing it because you want to rather than feel you have to.
Great point. My parents dated for 12 years before getting married. They're miserable and have been since the very beginning.
I met my husband in March of 2013. We moved in together June of the same year, got engaged April 2014, and just married in August 2015. Our 3rd anniversary is only this March so we moved pretty quickly. We just knew it was a match, we get along very well, we love each others' quirks, and we always find a way to make it work.
I do think luck has something to do with it. I dated around for close to 2 years after dumping my ex, who I had been with for 4 years, up until he cheated on me...twice. In fact, my husband was going to be my last crack at romance for a long time. I'd had so many bad experiences dating that I told myself one more - one more date. If it blows up in my face, I'm taking down all dating profiles for a long time. He was my next date. We hit it off immediately. We found each other on OkCupid and we had a 99% match. =)
Bubblegumbrooke, I can very much relate to your original post. I can also relate to what many of the other posters have said. I am less than a month away from turning 27 and I have never been in a relationship. I've barely ever even dated. It really bothered me when I was in my teens and earlier 20s, but in the last few years I have come to be content with where I am and what I have. I get to be as selfish as I want to be and do whatever I want without having to check-in with anyone.
The majority of my friends have started families (married and/or having kids) and it does make me a little sad at times. I feel like maybe I will be spending the rest of my life alone, but then I remember all of the marriages that I have seen fall apart and hurt so many people. I don't know if I will ever get married (even if I find "Mr Right-for-Me"), but I definitely know that I do not want to get married just to be married.
However, that doesn't make it any easier to be a third wheel (or 5th), watching friends with their significant others, or sitting at home alone at night. As they always say, hindsight is 20/20, but feelings of loneliness in the present can be very consuming. So, again, I know how hard it can be
I'm 28, about to celebrate a 6-year anniversary with my partner (we've known each other since we were 16) and there is definitely no wedding in sight. For the past four years, my facebook feed has been *flooded* with engagement announcements, wedding planning crowdsourcing, wedding pictures, and a frankly ridiculous amount of "our first ___ as a married couple!" posts. It's worst in the summer, IMO.
Sometimes I get jealous, and feel like I should be getting married, too. Sometimes I get angry, or frustrated. Sometimes, a young couple gleefully announces their engagement after "seven months now," or "a whole year!" of being together, like it's a race. When those come up, I laugh a little to myself, and wish them luck.
26 seems young to me. To be 26 and unmarried is completely normal. To be 30 and unmarried is completely normal. Rosario Dawson and Rachael McAdams are 36 and 37 years old, and they're not married. Diane Keaton is 70; she has never been married. And those three ladies seem to be doing just fine.
I'm in my late 30's, unmarried and no kids. Most of my friends who got married while in their 20's are either flat out miserable or have gotten a divorced by now. I can always tell when they've "settled" versus this is my true love bit. But everyone has to make their own choices in life.
It's not marriage that bothers me actually but kids. I've debated for a long time regarding children because while I do want them, I also don't want them to grow up without a father. I kept going back and forth on this, and even researched sperm banks at one point. Decided not to go this route and just let it be. If it's God's will that children are in my future, then great! If not, I'll just focus on being the best aunt that I can be.
Yes, there are pressures but to be honest, we put a lot of those pressures on ourselves too. I recommend you just focus on the business of living and enjoying your life, whether it's finding a new exercise class to go to or traveling. Marriage and children are two big committments, and we shouldn't feel like we're forced to do it on a certain timetable.
Hi, Brooke. First of all, let me say that you are not an anomaly! Secondly, you're only 26! That is still very young and you have plenty of time to settle down. Our 20s are for figuring it all out. Some people figure it out sooner than others and others stay on that journey for much longer. There is no set date for marriage and starting a family anymore. To add more onto what I said about you not being an anomaly, more and more people are getting married in their 30s now. I can only echo the sentiments of previous posters: no two paths are the same. Life isn't a race.
Yes, it's painful to see your girlfriends gush about what their boyfriends and hubbies are giving them. But don't despair. There is someone out there for you. Do you go out a lot? Are you on a dating website or app? Volunteering is also an excellent way to meet people. The most important thing is to stay positive. It's also one of the hardest things to do but be patient. It will be worth it.
Admittedly, I am 27 and married but that was kind of a surprise. I dated my ex from 19-23, at which point he cheated on me. Twice. The first time was in summer 2012, from which point onward we reunited, broke up, reunited, broke up, you get the point. I went out on maybe a dozen dates during this time and it was awful. It wasn't that I couldn't be alone, I just figured I'd see who was out there because, truth be told, I couldn't commit to my ex the same way again after what he did. My heart just wasn't in it and nothing about that time period was fun.
My husband was to be the last man I would date. I had decided that if it didn't go decently well, I was done for a while. I needed to be an island. lol Long story short, we clicked and we still get along splendidly.
Having said that, I do not feel I accomplished anything. I feel lucky. We went to the same college, one with over 40k students. At one point, we were in the same major...only at different times. At one point, he was in the building next to mine and parked in the same parking lot as I did. We never met. But I was still with my ex, so I wouldn't likely have been open to moving on. And he was still with his ex and may have been at the same place mentally that I was - both in a shitty relationship but too stupid to let it go.
On the other hand, one of my friends is in her 40's and unmarried. Her first marriage failed a long time ago. She was engaged when I met her and has a daughter but the guy thing didn't work out. She's gorgeous, hilarious, so smart and driven, a wonderful person to be around. Another one of my friends is a kick-*** violinist, martial artist, graphic designer. Also single, several years older than myself.
In short, I think they are both more amazing than I am. I just tripped into this. My parents, on the other hand, dated for 11 years before getting married and I really think they should have called it quits 11 years earlier...
Meanwhile, my marriage is great but to be honest, people have often asked me how I feel, do I feel different? I felt I should say yes, I should make something wonderful up, but here's the real deal - I don't feel a bit different. Commitment is in your heart, not the piece of jewelry on your finger or the paper you sign. I had that before, saying "I do" just made it "official" in some way.
Having said all that, I know what you mean. Before my husband and I wed, I did feel sort of "behind" at times. A lot of my high school classmates were married and having kids. Some were already on #2 or even #3. And there I was, applying for grad school, living in someone's upstairs with my boyfriend, wondering when we'd finally be able to afford to live. But you keep going, keep doing your thing, because you never know what will happen. Just remember - getting married, as has already been said, is not an accomplishment. It isn't a race. It's serious. If you rush into the wrong thing, it could be much worse than if you'd just hung out solo for a bit longer.
Last edited by TheLibrarian; 01-31-2016 at 10:50 PM.
I am 27- will be 28 soon and unmarried, no kids. I am seeing someone but I don't think it's really going anywhere. It was bothered me for a long time that I'm one of the very few single girls left in their 20s, but I have come to accept it.
I am still young and I can truly do anything I want to do. I'm just learning to love myself, love the life I've been given, and truly do everything right now that I want to do and I know eventually everything will fall into place!
I know this is kind of an older thread, but I thought I would chime in. I'm 31 and while I've been married for 5 years, most of my friends are not. I have friends who are 37, 32, 31, 28, and 27, none of them are married. I also know quite a few people from high school who are already divorced. One woman I know got divorced after 4 months. So honestly, I personally think it's better to be single, then be young and divorced. Not to knock anyone who's gotten divorced at a young age of course! But there is a certain amount of baggage that can come with it.
It's not a race. I know it's easy to get caught up in those feelings, but keep in mind, what we show on social media is almost always what is most ideal. Your married or engaged friends could very well be miserable and in bad relationships. You just never truly know unless you're really close.
I am 27. I finally convinced my family that there is nothing wrong with me! (Why do they think I'm the weird one? My mom is on marriage #4 and my oldest sister was divorced at 19 yrs old and remarried by 21...
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