Location: Espaņa (originally from Orlando, Florida)
Posts: 94
Height: 5'7
Meltaway, I completely understand this feeling. When I read it, I was actually thinking of posting something similar. I am 25 years old and never had one single serious relationship. I often wonder if I am detrimentally flawed or unloveable, as inane as that sounds. I know I am not, but I do not have the greatest background with men. I have heard my whole life that I could be in Hollywood if I would lose x amount of weight. Or that no man wants a fat girl. My father made statements like this all the time to me from the time I was around eight years old. It's engrained into my head. I know it's not true but I can't get it out of my head. I get stared at quite frequently but I always feel they are going to say something mean or belittle me in some fashion (thanks middle school and teenagers!) so I look down. I am seriously trying to fix this as it makes me so sad that I haven't even experienced love just yet. I've dated, yes, but never someone who I was mad about. I am trying to fix this. I have went from a 24 down to a 16 and yet I am still as shy as ever around men. It's hard but I completely understand where you are coming from and I am guessing I'm older than you which makes me feel pathetic. I do have confidence, everyone tells me I am so confident but I will say it seems the majority of guys like slimmer girls. I know some don't mind but there are a lot that do. At any rate, I have promised myself to start looking in their eyes, smiling and when I get a bit more comfortable, dating seriously. Anyway, just letting you know I know exactly how you feel, darling.
Meltaway, I completely understand this feeling. When I read it, I was actually thinking of posting something similar. I am 25 years old and never had one single serious relationship. I often wonder if I am detrimentally flawed or unloveable, as inane as that sounds. I know I am not, but I do not have the greatest background with men. I have heard my whole life that I could be in Hollywood if I would lose x amount of weight. Or that no man wants a fat girl. My father made statements like this all the time to me from the time I was around eight years old. It's engrained into my head. I know it's not true but I can't get it out of my head. I get stared at quite frequently but I always feel they are going to say something mean or belittle me in some fashion (thanks middle school and teenagers!) so I look down. I am seriously trying to fix this as it makes me so sad that I haven't even experienced love just yet. I've dated, yes, but never someone who I was mad about. I am trying to fix this. I have went from a 24 down to a 16 and yet I am still as shy as ever around men. It's hard but I completely understand where you are coming from and I am guessing I'm older than you which makes me feel pathetic. I do have confidence, everyone tells me I am so confident but I will say it seems the majority of guys like slimmer girls. I know some don't mind but there are a lot that do. At any rate, I have promised myself to start looking in their eyes, smiling and when I get a bit more comfortable, dating seriously. Anyway, just letting you know I know exactly how you feel, darling.
I can relate SO much. I have a lot of problems when it comes to men. I had my first and only relationship when I got to a size 10-12 and it ended very badly...I gained the weight back while with him actually. As a kid, I was stopped on the street more than once in Paris and NYC by people asking my parents if I would model their clothes for their ads. My family ALWAYS has to bring this up and remind me that I could be beautiful, that I used to be, but that I'm holding myself back. It really does ruin your self-esteem, but I feel like I'm getting past it. I neither want to be fat, not do I want to be a model. Just a person who is comfortable with herself... I think the dates will come rolling in once I genuinely feel good about myself, and the same will go for you. At that point, male attention will just be a bonus!
I often wonder if I am detrimentally flawed or unloveable, as inane as that sounds.
Me too.
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I have heard my whole life that I could be in Hollywood if I would lose x amount of weight. Or that no man wants a fat girl.
Me too.
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I get stared at quite frequently but I always feel they are going to say something mean or belittle me in some fashion (thanks middle school and teenagers!) so I look down. I've dated, yes, but never someone who I was mad about.
Me too.
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It's hard but I completely understand where you are coming from and I am guessing I'm older than you which makes me feel pathetic.
We're actually the same age.
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I do have confidence, everyone tells me I am so confident but I will say it seems the majority of guys like slimmer girls.
I know.
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At any rate, I have promised myself to start looking in their eyes, smiling and when I get a bit more comfortable, dating seriously.
Sigh. I'm going to work on this, too.
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Anyway, just letting you know I know exactly how you feel, darling.
I have always been confident and outgoing. I've also always been overweight. I've never had a problem getting dates but I couldn't find a real serious relationship until now. I felt like something was wrong with me too. Happily, I am recently engaged to a wonderful man. I think everything happens in its own time. There is nothing wrong with you....hang in there. Just don't accept anything less than you deserve!
Right now I am at the vanity weight stage - I am not overweight but I want to lose those last pounds and I am starting to go out more. I have to remind myself not to expect extra attention from men - and actually its true so far - I don't get any extra attention from men and I have to tell myself not to be bummed by it because I don't want to start thinking "what's the point of me doing this?" even though that was never the reason why I lost weight in the first place - its so hard not to have it be at least a small motivation - this idea that I will get more attention when I get to a lower weight.
I do hear stories about people who get hit on more often when they lose weight. I'm not one of them, so I think that either can happen.
I have only had one boyfriend in my life and that only lasted a few months. And he was some kind of 'chubby chaser' haha. Mind I am only 20. I think it is definitely the case that my weight puts a lot of men off (they usually say I am 'cute' or 'sweet' but 'not their type') BUT i think it would be arrogant for me to assume it is just that, as if I'd have guys queuing up if I was slim! However, i think a lot of it is because of 2 other things- lack of confidence (I never appraoch guys really, and even get nervous if someone who I fancy is talking to me) and just chance; i just haven't happened to have met the right guy for me yet.
I hope I find love one day... I can wait but I hope I don't have to wait to be slim because that is a LONG way off and I couldn't be with a guy who only wanted a slim man because I don't think I am destined to be slim and such ever. And what if I gained some back? It would crush me to be dumped for getting fat again.
xxx
Meltaway, Reallytrying, uselessknowledge, joselo.. I can relate to you guys in so many ways. I am 23 and have never had a serious relationship. I had a serious situation which is what was probably the most heartbreaking thing I’ve ever went through. I was overweight almost my entire life, when I had lost weight, my excess weight the first time.. I met someone. Let me tell you, meeting him was disastrous. I turned into a different person. He was every type of bad possible for me, and he warned me. After things had ended, I had put on over double of the weight that I had lost, it was the darkest part of my life probably (and I feel pretty pathetic for that). I went from a size 8-10 to 20-22 in a year. I never wanted to go out, always was nervous about running into him or his friends, and had no intention of meeting anyone. I was also the ‘cute, smart, funny’ girl, ‘not my type’, or better yet ‘why can’t your friends have your personality’.. that’s a statement that will ring through your ears as motivation now. Hurt like a b****. It’s hard being the ‘fat girl’ within your group of friends. And as for guys, I never pay attention to the attention I may be receiving from men now because I don’t think they can possibly be interested in me. But I get a few compliments every now and again and it kind of builds my self esteem for the time being. What I have noticed is that your confidence plays a huge role and I know everyone of you have mentioned that but it really is true. I am speaking to someone now who enjoys my company because of our banter back and forth, confidence, and outgoingness (is that a word lol). I don’t know how I feel about him but it’s a possibility. For me, I’m only confident in situations where I’m comfortable or familiar. So it’s a work in progress. Goal is to love ourselves, accept ourselves, and in my case, get myself back into shape to win my confidence back.
When it comes to the family, I’ve been hearing ‘oh dear, you have to lose weight, this is horrible yadayadayada from my grandmother, aunt, uncle, parents.. everyone since I was in high school. (not to mention I have a cousin who is a dancer, perfect shape, always dieting so she is always brought in as an example) They always bring up the pictures when I was in shape and ask me how I can possibly be happy where I’m at. They know I hurt because of my weight so I guess they just want the best for me, just don’t really use the appropriate ways to express that.
