A few months ago I broke up w/ a long-term boyfriend. Things in my life have been looking up and I want to start dating again, but I have no idea what I'm doing. I go out to the usual places but guys never approach me (or even look at me, from what I notice). Everyone tells me I'm attractive and funny and smart and have all these great things going for me, yet guys just don't seem interested. I really don't know what I'm doing wrong. I feel like I'm giving off some kind of vibe that I don't want to be approached, or I'm too serious, not fun, etc. Sometimes I wonder if I'm too plain looking. I really have NO idea. Does anyone else have this problem and what the heck can I do about it?? Of course there's the option that I could approach someone but I guess I'm old fashioned in the way that I want a guy to pursue me.
CONFIDENCE! is the key... trust me. you don't even have to be hot if you're confident, haha. make eye-contact and smile. it's insane how such little things WORK and you don't even have to go up and talk to them yourself.
i used to be super embarrassed to even look at guys. and if i saw a guy i like or even that i just thought was attractive, god forbid he caught me looking at him!! but that is just the opposite of what you want, really. if you catch a guy looking at you, just smile at him and i can guarantee that he will come over and talk to you. unless he's too chicken, in which case, we're not really interested, are we?
I feel like I'm having TOO much fun when I go out ... lol. Or that I appear unapproachable. I am way more confident now than I used to me. I am way more outgoing ... I'm starting to wonder if it's scaring people haha. I mean I have fun ... my friends have fun. I'm not really LOOKING for guys I guess when I'm out ... I'm just trying to have a good time, but at the same time it's a little weird not to be approached by anyone. (Except old creepy men) but that's not what I'm looking for obviously haha.
you're so right! I usually feel pretty confident but it's likely that my body language doesn't match. That's definitely something for me to work on. And you're totally right, if a guy is too chicken to talk to me I probably don't want him anyway, haha.
Men have been hitting on me a lot more since losing weight. I think confidence is key. I'm gay and have ZERO interest in any man, but I know that I carry myself with a lot more confidence, I wear form fitting things (and heels!) and I think that has a lot to do with it. I also think my not wanting/looking for a guy draws them to me even more
Unfortunately, my weight loss has not helped me attract the ladies... go figure
Tiffany, I hear you! I've always thought that I just don't have the talent to pick up on guys, or I look like a horned beast and no one will tell me the truth. Especially since my older male friends tell me I look great, sexy, pretty face but men my age could care less that I exist.
Kawaii- I know you're probably right about confidence, but how can I build confidence when I can't get a single glance? I can't believe in the compliments from my older friends since they give them indiscriminately and know I have low self esteem.
Sometimes i have guys approach me, but i just dont know what to do. I kinda smile and answer whatever their saying but i dont realize whats going on till a few minutes later lol I just dont expect guys to approach me to be honest.
I don't want to date till i feel comfortable in my own skin.
Last edited by Transporter; 12-19-2010 at 11:56 PM.
Tiffany, I hear you! I've always thought that I just don't have the talent to pick up on guys, or I look like a horned beast and no one will tell me the truth. Especially since my older male friends tell me I look great, sexy, pretty face but men my age could care less that I exist.
Kawaii- I know you're probably right about confidence, but how can I build confidence when I can't get a single glance? I can't believe in the compliments from my older friends since they give them indiscriminately and know I have low self esteem.
I have the SAME thing going on! Everyone tells me wonderful I am yet no one gives me a second look (or a first look, for that matter). And I struggle with the confidence thing too when I don't get a glance. I don't think I'm portraying a lack of confidence and guys still aren't interested.
Sometimes i have guys approach me, but i just dont know what to do. I kinda smile and answer whatever their saying but i dont realize whats going on till a few minutes later lol I just dont expect guys to approach me to be honest.
I don't want to date till i feel comfortable in my own skin.
The handful of times in my life that a guy has approached me I kinda feel like there's some kind of joke going on. I smile and talk and flirt but I feel like something else was going on and they weren't really interested. I guess that's where the lack of confidence comes in.
I wasn't having a very good time trying to find a single guy. Now there was plenty of guys I liked who all seemed to be attached...So I decided to try Online dating which can work in your favour or against it. So far it's been working fine for me I go out on dates, I meet with them we talk and then at then end of the night theres a spark or no spark. I don't go to the bars often (or at all actually) and I prefer not to find a guy in the bar anyways because most are for random hook ups. You can always try a free dating website?
I don't meet everyone though, I only meet the odd people who can keep me entertained for the most part and a lot of people can't do that haha.
The handful of times in my life that a guy has approached me I kinda feel like there's some kind of joke going on. I smile and talk and flirt but I feel like something else was going on and they weren't really interested. I guess that's where the lack of confidence comes in.
yeah same here
Quote:
Originally Posted by MiZTaCCen
I don't meet everyone though, I only meet the odd people who can keep me entertained for the most part and a lot of people can't do that haha.
I met one guy online and it was a disaster, he was faraway and i rented a hotel to see him, not only that, he made me pay for everything, even on my birthday. I let this happen twice, first time shame on him, second time, shame on ME, then i dumped him. Bunch of losers online, better filter them out good
I met one guy online and it was a disaster, he was faraway and i rented a hotel to see him, not only that, he made me pay for everything, even on my birthday. I let this happen twice, first time shame on him, second time, shame on ME, then i dumped him. Bunch of losers online, better filter them out good
Oh they come to me, I won't drive more then 15 minutes to see someone. (I'm sure I could put more effort into it) but I won't, men come and go and if they're good enough then great. If not meh 1 date rule. I speed date for the online thing. We go out for coffee, drinks and if it goes good then dinner, if he pays and theres chemistry great possibly a date #2, so far only one guy has made it for a second date, but I'm also speaking with other's. It's how I roll. I've been through too much to just pick the first guy to come around. Plus I need to way out their flaws haha.
Oh they come to me, I won't drive more then 15 minutes to see someone. (I'm sure I could put more effort into it) but I won't, men come and go and if they're good enough then great. If not meh 1 date rule. I speed date for the online thing. We go out for coffee, drinks and if it goes good then dinner, if he pays and theres chemistry great possibly a date #2, so far only one guy has made it for a second date, but I'm also speaking with other's. It's how I roll. I've been through too much to just pick the first guy to come around. Plus I need to way out their flaws haha.
Your right, ill never go out of my way like that for a guy again
fromthebox, well, you know, whe you are in a bar or club (or anywhere really) and you are walking past someone, more often then not, your eyes will meet. your first reaction is to just look away. but when that happens (if the guy is hot, duh) what i'm saying is don't look away, try to hold his stare for like a few seconds. smile if you can, but you know, baby steps i am telling you, this works wonders and now i don't even have to approach guys anymore (when i'm going out, mind you... in more normal settings it's a whole different ball game)
see, something kinda weird happened to me to jump-start this newfound confidence in myself. i've always considered myself "pretty", even when i was overweight, but i used to have really **** confidence because i was so fat (about 230lbs at my heaviest) and it was really messing up with my head. even after i lost 60lbs, i was still that fat girl in my head, and after many years of yo-yo-ing the same 10-20lbs, my confidence had grown, but it was still not very good. but then, when i moved to japan about 2 years ago, something funny happened. because i was blonde and blue-eyed, i started getting LOTS of attention. and it didn't even have anything to do with being actually pretty (heck, pretty much any ugly whitie can get laid here) it's just about being so different from them that it's kinda mesmerizing to them. it was so surreal to get all this attention, but after a while, i kinda started believing my own hype (lol) and that's when a change happened. the first time i went home after, i noticed i was getting hit on LOADS more, guys were smiling me, being extra nice to me. it was so weird! what was going on?! i thought, these men are not japanese! i am not an exotic blonde-haired alien to them! why are they flirting with me?? and that's when it hit me. confidence baby, it's all about confidence.
and you know that old saying, fake it til you make it? that's the way to go. that, and baby steps good luck!
Living single life
i am telling you, this works wonders and now i don't even have to approach guys anymore (when i'm going out, mind you... in more normal settings it's a whole different ball game)
