I still stand by what I said. And I'm not of the opinion that I was being unkind or flaming, there were a few comments here and there to that effect and I don't agree with that. That is because I was merely discussing my opinions and didn't have the intention to offend. I agree to agree to disagree. But just because my opinions don't equal some of yours does not mean I was flaming or being mean (someone said something about if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all or something like that. I think it's interesting how people suddenly become 'rude' or 'unkind' when they are merely stating opinions that differ from others.) Like I said, I agree to disagree and never intended on, or meant to, offend.
I was bored with discussing so I wasn't intending on making another appearance in this thread, but I did come back to read some comments, and I saw Julie's comments, and I would like to address her.
Julie (I forgot the rest of your username, so Julie it is), I didn't mean for you to feel like you were being flamed or hurt your feelings in any way. I understand that we both have very different opinions. I am a debater by nature and can argue for hours. I used to debate with my great-uncle about politics for hours and he'd get so mad, but at the end of the day I still loved my uncle despite our differing opinions and still had respect for him as well. It's just in my nature to discuss/debate and sometimes I don't realize when I cross the line between discussing and plain out arguing. And on the net, things can be misconstrued, tone and meanings can be hard to read. I feel like crap that you couldn't even enjoy your company because of my posting (I assume you meant me). I was just under the impression that we were both arguing our different view points. Never once did it cross my mind that I was actually offending you or making you feel bad. That was not my intention at all. I respect that you have a differing opinion. I was just in my "Fat Melanie Debate" mode. I'm honestly sorry.
I love to discuss too, but some posts were just grossly exaggerating what I had actually said. Probably just mixing me up with all the other posts, and I do that too sometimes, but it turns discussions into giant pointless circles. But I didn't really mean that I was offended, just that I was feeling hostile too, and I didn't like how *I* kept thinking about the thread.
I just saw the grandnephews off but they may be back in October.
My bf is white and im mixed-race.
I was nervous about meeting his mother at first (just in case) and when i told him this he just laughed. I found out why later cos his mother is also obsessed with black men. If anything she wants mixedrace grandchildren from me.lol
SO i was lucky on that front.
The only real hassel we've had strangley enough is from black men. They seem to hate it. OR i might get odd looks from black/mixed girls (do we care tho?um NOPE!)
What makes it worth it is when we see thos other mixed couples walking along and we all look at each other and either smile or just nod, cos its like we're fighting against something if you get what i mean?
At the end of the day yeah you love your mother but its your life!
If he makes you happy and you make him happy then whats the problem? It shouldnt effect your relationship with your mother but if it does thats down to her. Carry on with what your doing and when shes ready to get over it take it from there.
Im all for interacial relationships, i wouldnt be here without one, and that would be a terrible shame to humanity
xxx
Last edited by Dark Angel Jade; 09-02-2008 at 05:39 AM.
So this leads me to my point. It is unfortunate that black people are linked to this lifestyle, but it is kind of a fair assumption. There are plenty of white people that live this lifestyle too, and I hate them just as much as the black people that do it, and the purple people, and the green people. My hatred and annoyance for this lifestyle is colorblind.
And the whole "rap" lifestyle that goes in hand with it is just as bad, and maybe even the cause for their behavior. The music (if you can call it that) glorifies sexism, drugs and disrespect. It's awful.
Why is this a fair assumption? Is it safe for me to assume that all white people are racists (And no, I don't assume all white people are racist, some of my best friends happen to be white)? Just because someone is black does not give anyone the right to ASSUME that they are a part of the "gangbanger" lifestyle, no matter what they look like or how they are dressed. Believe it or not, there is rap/hip hop that is fun, positive, or makes a political statement. Most of it came out in the late 80s/early 90s, but that's another assumption that you've made. And I might not like a certain kind of music, but I don't insult people who might be fans of that kind of music, because it's their own personal taste. And off the record, I don't listen to a lot of rap/hip hop that's been put out recently for the exact same reasons you've mentioned, but that's a soapbox for another thread.
You know what they say when people ASSUME...and I also think that to you "ghetto = black" - but I could be reading WAAAAAY too much into your post.
Back onto topic...
I date men of all races...black, white, hispanic, or otherwise. The racism comes from all sides, but especially from black men (I'm a black woman). When I tell a black man that I've dated white men before they get really mad. And I'm sure some in my family (especially the OLDER generation) are going to have a fit when they find out that I date white and hispanic men.
I also believe love shouldn't be color blind. The reason why I believe that is that different races are just that, different. I grew up in a military household and have even lived overseas, so I have grown to like and appreciate the differences between the races. When I date a guy of another race, I'm always interested in finding out the ways we are different as well as the ways that we are similar.
There's my two cents on this topic.
Last edited by grneyedmustang; 09-02-2008 at 06:31 PM.
My Dh is black. I'm white. We started dating in high school- over 11 years ago in Alabama. My family is not racist but I think that my brother struggled a little. He was confused. (I believe) that he took it personally, that I was not attracted to white guys. -- That isn't even true. You know what my 'thing' is? I love big arms. DH has very big nice arms. :P even when he is not hitting the gym all the time. I told my brother that when we had a little chat one day. - I pointed out that it is not typical for white guys to have that particular build and when they do they are probably busting their butts to look like that. - More likely IMO that they will want a skinny girl, which has never been me!
I was actually lucky about the arms with DH though b/c the first night we talked was over the phone and I didn't even believe him that he was black. the first time I saw him was about a week later. Of course, he played HS football then so they were extremely defined.
It bothers me when people say they refuse to date their own race though. It actually makes me think that they must have major issues with themselves. I worked with a guy that was constantly hitting on me a few years ago. he kept saying that he wanted a white woman, that his wife had nappy hair, he wanted light skin.... etc etc.... I found his attitude completely repulsive. I am sure there was nothing wrong with his wife (aside from being married to that jerk!) and I am certainly no trophy. I'm not a "white girl", I'm a person. My DH and I do not think that way. A lot of people seem to be curious as to what race our children will date. I hope that they do not have a preference. I want them to find a good person that loves them and respects them for WHO they are. Not WHAT they are.
Awesome Thin4Good. I hope my kids find wonderful PEOPLE who bring out the best in them. I grew up in a dutch immigrant family. I am first generation Canadian. I was also the first to marry a canadian canadian. All my aunts and uncles and most of my cousins have all married people with dutch backgrounds. I am sort of the odd duck out with no dutch last name. Oh well my kids now have an easy name to spell and pronounce!
I'm late to the party here and haven't thoroughly read each and every post so please forgive me if I echo someone else but, IMHO, I don't think we have that much control over who we fall in love with or are attracted too - I mean really, and truly attracted. I know there is that old saying that "it's just as easy to fall in love with a rich man......." meaning you should pick the "proper" person to be your SO, but why should you have to "pick a type" rather than following your heart? As far as I can see, that goes for age (as long as everyone is over the age of consent), gender, or race.
I also kind of think the "staying within your race/religion/culture" is one of those leftover (for lack of a better word) *instincts* that comes from a bazillion years ago when there was strength in numbers and it was important to stay within your tribe/clan/family group so you could continue the "blood lines" and add to the numbers.
Not to say that heritage, family, and culture are no longer important, but humans are such a migratory species that, unless you need to produce and heir to a royal line, nationality doesn't have quite the same significance it once did.
Bottom line, if you truly love someone and they treat you with love and respect in return, and they make you happy - then you are with the right person.
First let me say that i am mixed. Black and white so i have experienced this A LOT in my life. For the white guys im not white enough and the black guys im not black enough. The first guy i was ever in love with was white and his mother did NOT approve of me at all. But after a while she realized that i was what made him happy and that wasnt going to change. She also had some biased opinions before meeting me that slowly changed after a while. Ive dated black guys that their moms think im snoody cause im part white. I think it has a lot to do with how they were raised and the interactions they had with a certain race. I have medium skin, dark eyes, dark curly hair and my bf is blonde and blue eyes and we get all kinds of looks when we go out. I think that if you happen to find yourself in a serious relationship with another man of a different race tell your mom how you met this guy and how wonderful he is and what he does for you and how happy you are. She may not agree at first but more than likely after a while she will learn to live with it and realize you being happy is all that matters
Oh and one more little thought. My grandparents were TOTALLY against my mom having me because i would be bi-racial and i didnt have any relationship with my grandpa for the first few years, but once she took me to see him he stopped being ignorant and loved me just as much and the other grand babies. Well the only other one at the time. My grandma was the same way but it didnt take her so long to come around
but they may be back in October.
I hope your mom comes around.
