Thanks ladies - Sometimes I think it would be easier if I would just start dating "white" men. Like I said, I've tried and tried, I can't. And I'm fully aware that relationships are hard, but add the interracial difference, and it's 10 times harder. My bestfriend is white, and she to likes black men. She said once you have an interracial baby and your Mom holds it, all her "racist" thoughts would go away.
My Mom isn't racist, which is the weird thing, my parents good friends are black. But I guess she hates the idea of me being with a black man. "secret racism" if you will.
I may happen to fall in love with a white man some day, who knows.
I've noticed when you tell a white man you dated a black man, they get all weird and intimidated.
I quote "Once you go black, we don't want you back". That's what my ex said to me.
I wanted to punch him.
Yup, secret racism. People like that will be good friends with other races, but the thought of having ... relations.... with them disturbs them, and that is because, no matter how many friends of other races that they have, they are still racist inside.
And I also agree that when you tell a white man you've dated a black man, they get all weirded out and stuff. My mom said most of her white male admirers are disgusted that she is with a black man and wouldn't touch her with a 10 foot pole now. That's just wrong! My BF doesn't care if I was with someone black, purple, blue, magenta! I'm with him now.
I'm a black woman and I've dated my share of the rainbow but mainly white men. After all the stares, whispers, and insults, I've learned to ignore what other people think and do me which is to date who I want. I'm single right now but I know when I get into my next relationship, whoever it is, I don't care about what others will say to me, what they think about me. Its just about me and him. And my family, they don't agree but they don't live for me, I live for myelf.
How do you think the actual minorities who get discriminated against feel? Somehow I bet it's still a lot easier to be white.
But I guess it is "your" country too.
I know what you're saying but I can't think of a way to respond that isn't getting way too deep into politics!
Nope, I've started a sentence 3 times but can't get out what I want to say in a way that doesn't need huge long explanations. I suppose it depends on what you mean by 'easier' - when my place of worship has been vandalized and I've been spat at and had bottles smashed into my front garden because I'm white, it's tough to be told by the authorities that it's not racism because England is predominantly white.
It's the difference between statistics and real life, I guess! Statistically, in England people other than white people are more likely to be discriminated against - and discrimination is wrong, wrong, wrong; but when it's happening to me, it's no less wrong cos I'm white.
When my younger sister was 16, she dated a black guy. When my parents and I absolutely hated him, she blamed it on him being black. Well, we hated him because he lead the rude, ignorant (for lack of a better word) "gang banger" lifestyle. He was incredibly rude and disrepectful to her, her family, and pretty much everyone else. At one point, he stopped in the dairy queen she was working at, asked to borrow her keys to get a cd out of her car, and was later pulled over in her car going 85 down a back country road. My parents did everything to keep him away from her, and she always thought it was because he was black. She realizes now it was because he was a piece of crap.
So this leads me to my point. It is unfortunate that black people are linked to this lifestyle, but it is kind of a fair assumption. There are plenty of white people that live this lifestyle too, and I hate them just as much as the black people that do it, and the purple people, and the green people. My hatred and annoyance for this lifestyle is colorblind.
It affects my everyday life. A few months ago, a group of kids, for no good reason, broke the window out of my car as it was parked on the street. The sidewalk in front of my house is a common gathering place for these "groups". They yell profanity at all hours of the night, and leave beer bottles and cigarette butts in my bushes. Every time we walk past them they have a derogatory remark. They call my boyfriend a "******" because he has long hair. Last week I cut my foot on a glass I broke in my kitchen, and I walked past them later that day and I was kind of limping, and one of them said to another "she walkin' like she got ****ed real hard!". One time, I was in a store with some friends, and while in line to pay there were three of them (and one of them was white, keep in mind, so when I say "them", I don't mean black people, I mean "ghetto" people, for lack of a better word) and they were saying swear words and talking in a disrepectful way, and they crumbled up a cookie and put it in my friends hair, for no good reason.
I work in a low cost spay and neuter clinic in a neighborhood that isn't the greatest. A lot of poverty stricken ghetto people come there, and they are completely disrepectful of us and their animals. I've been called every name possible. And they are inappropriate even when they don't mean to be. I mean, they will call for information, and just the language they use sometimes floors me. Like, one time, a lady called because she thought her cat was in heat, and she said to me, "she keeps sticking her **** up in the air". That is not how you word things when on the phone with a business, inquiring about services.
I am not racist. I know that everyone is probably going to read this and jump down my throat, but it is my opinion, and I think I have the right to express it. There is a guy that I used to work with, who is black, who had the exact same opinion as me. And he was one of the most intelligent, nicest people I ever met.
And the whole "rap" lifestyle that goes in hand with it is just as bad, and maybe even the cause for their behavior. The music (if you can call it that) glorifies sexism, drugs and disrespect. It's awful.
So, my whole point is, maybe when your mother said she didn't want you to date someone black she was wrongfully assuming you were going to date one of these complete wastes of a beating heart. Maybe if you can explain to her that it's not the skin color that makes them behave this way, and your boyfriend is a normal, respectful person. (That's assuming that he is, but if he isn't, and he is one of these "ghetto" people, you shouldn't date him, and neither should any other self respecting woman, white or black.)
For those who hate the "rap" lifestyle. They have no one but white people to thank. White people put out the blacksplotation movies of the 70's (Tupac's mom has done a lot of interviews about how much he loved those movies). And that's where most of the "rap culture" stems from.
They sent the clear message that for black people to survive the movie they had to be a drug dealer, a pimp or both. And then people wonder how this stuff starts.
It's just an easier way to be racist. Thinking that "they" just "choose" to be that way. No, it was sold to them by those in power.
Women are sold the exact same BS about how we should be skinny, blonde and submissive, but somehow that's all blamed on the media.
I'm in an interracial relationship as well (my boyfriend is half korean, with a VERY korean mother), and ya know what? The thought didn't even occur to me until my mom pointed it out. I knew she was fine with it because she had almost married a black man years before I was born.
Some people aren't okay with it...my bf's mom, for example. She lovvvvvvved me until she realized that bf and I were really getting serious (we've been together 3 years at this point), and now she tells bf that she wishes he'd date Korean girls and that she's disappointed that I'm white.... now, mind you, bf's father (her ex-husband) is white. Soooooooooo how exactly did she get up on this high horse? I don't know. I can't stand it, though.
Basically, to quote a musical (as I so frequently do!) "you just have to love who you love". I'm not limited by race, faith, or anything else. It's so frustrating when people don't approve, but at the same point, it's not their decision, it's mine. I've found an supportive, sweet, kind, and loyal guy who treats me amazingly. WHO CARESSSSSSSS WHAT COLOR HIS SKIN IS?!!?!??!?
With my parents it was because they were old when they had me. So the culture they grew up in was segregated.
I married a man that was 1/4 Native American, and my dad was extremely upset with me because I didn't marry a "white" man. He said people would call me a squaw!
[/QUOTE]And the whole "rap" lifestyle that goes in hand with it is just as bad, and maybe even the cause for their behavior. The music (if you can call it that) glorifies sexism, drugs and disrespect. It's awful.
So, my whole point is, maybe when your mother said she didn't want you to date someone black she was wrongfully assuming you were going to date one of these complete wastes of a beating heart. Maybe if you can explain to her that it's not the skin color that makes them behave this way, and your boyfriend is a normal, respectful person. (That's assuming that he is, but if he isn't, and he is one of these "ghetto" people, you shouldn't date him, and neither should any other self respecting woman, white or black.)[/QUOTE]
Sooo.... theres some rap that glorifies sexism, drugs and disrespect. Look in your little CD collection and describe just the *covers* of the CD's of half your little rock bands and tell me again about music being the influence of drug use, misogyny, and disrespectful behavior. It's more of an environmental influence hun, not some idiot in excessive jewelry talking about his life on the streets. Even the most "ghetto" know the music is for entertainment and are also fully aware of the fact that most of those guys are exaggerating about their experiences quite a bit. When do you even hear gangster rap anymore anyway? 99% of the rap songs i've heard in the last 8 years have been about drinking, going to the club, and watching some strippers. Last I checked, that's all most rocks bands and even quite a bit of country musicians sing about as well. That's just MEN running their mouths. It's not one style of music, but it's the only one you dislike, so it's the only one you mention.
Now as for the original post -- I'm obviously a child of mixed ethnicities and i've even got a little half-brother and my stepdad and mom have been married for 21 years. My mother is black and my dad is white (Creole, and Berber respectively), and even growing up in Kansas it was really never much of an issue. All of the attention I got from it was positive, even if it was annoying. There was always someone touching my face and commenting on my "cafe au lait" complexion, or running their hands through my hair because they loved my curls, or they had never seen light brown eyes before.
Now that i'm big enough to smack at them if they start grabbing at me, that wonder has shifted into the ever-present innocently confused stares, and that ONE courageous person who finally speaks up for the group and asks very politely, "Excuse me, but we were talking about you and we wanted to know... um... what are you?"
Every relationship i've ever been in was an interracial one, and you know what? WHO CARES! Love your mother, but also know that she loves you. She will not disown you for dating and marrying a black man, though it may take her a while to warm up to it. The point is, she will get over it. And regardless of whatever her stance is, it wouldn't matter if your children came out half Martian, once she found out she was a grandma she would love those children no matter what. Let somebody else say they don't believe in interracial coupling after that and see how she reacts! You know this in your heart, and that's why her saying it is bothering you so much. The words hurt, but you know it's all just a bunch of hot air. Im proof that being mixed has it's advantages. As a kid it was kind of lonely having everyone always point out how you're different, but it also becomes your strength. If you don't fit in, then you stand out. That means you can go anywhere and be noticed, so you've always got the advantage in any situation. Everyone remembers you.
I ended up marrying a guy whose family is second generation American with strong German roots. He made the mistake of not preparing them for me, and so when we got off the plane our first Christmas visiting them (and our first time meeting) you can imagine the looks on their faces. They were incredibly nice while I was there though, and nobody wanted to be rude and ask me the infamous "what are you?" question. I believe they had tried to ask my husband, but he gave them some smart quip like, 'human' or something. We went to a Mexican restaurant and two waiters were laughing and discussing something in Spanish with some other patrons while we were sitting down waiting. His dad actually leaned over to me at one point and asked, "What are they saying?" There was this audible gasp from the whole family, and my husband looked like he wanted to knock him out. I, on the other hand, had never laughed so hard in my entire life. It's moments like that, that make racial ambiguity so worthwhile.
. Like, one time, a lady called because she thought her cat was in heat, and she said to me, "she keeps sticking her **** up in the air".
ROFLMAO.
I think that's hilarious, I can't stop laughing. LOL! And I can't believe that word wasn't blocked out, ahahahah. Okay, so I'm classless.
And I think that while you may mean well, your post still comes off as racist. It's obvious when you're saying 'gangbangers' you mean "mainly black people, with the occasional white thrown in." It's just reeks in your post, whether you realize it or not.
You don't like gangbangers. Maybe these 'gangbangers' don't like emos with long hair. What's the difference? It's not any more right for you to claim they are gangbangers than it is for them to say your boyfriend is a '******'. Two wrongs don't make a right.
And how are they gangbangers just by standing around? That's not gangbanging, that's just standing around making rude comments at anybody that walks by. Immature and rude, yes, but gangbanging? No. Listening to rap music and standing around like you're Thug Jrs doesn't make you a gangbanger. Come on now.
If you would attempt to converse with them rather than walk by them like you're scared that at any second you'll be mugged or raped, you might see things differently. Your attitude is showing them that you dislike them, and it's probably the result of their comments.
Don't get me wrong, I'm NOT trying to be nasty to you. But I do kind of think you're coming off as racist whether you see it or not.
Sooo.... theres some rap that glorifies sexism, drugs and disrespect. Look in your little CD collection and describe just the *covers* of the CD's of half your little rock bands and tell me again about music being the influence of drug use, misogyny, and disrespectful behavior. It's more of an environmental influence hun, not some idiot in excessive jewelry talking about his life on the streets. Even the most "ghetto" know the music is for entertainment and are also fully aware of the fact that most of those guys are exaggerating about their experiences quite a bit. When do you even hear gangster rap anymore anyway? 99% of the rap songs i've heard in the last 8 years have been about drinking, going to the club, and watching some strippers. Last I checked, that's all most rocks bands and even quite a bit of country musicians sing about as well. That's just MEN running their mouths. It's not one style of music, but it's the only one you dislike, so it's the only one you mention.
Right on, Nishkitten. I wanted to say something about the poster's probable rock collection but then again, I didn't want to judge her for her picture (she has a bit of a rockerchick/emo chick thing going on) just like she judges these 'ghetto' people for the color of their skin and where they live.
My BF, who is the world's hugest fan of gangster rap, goes on and on and on about how the rap music today just sucks, how it's all about the club scene and there's always some new stupid dance. He likes all the stuff from the 90's, 2pac in particular. And he's white and loves to work on computers and isn't 'packin' heat', and doesn't want to this b*tch and that b*tch or meet a woman like Blowjob Betty (Too Short). He just likes it because he does. It's his thing. It doesn't make him a 'gangbanger'. Then again, I think in Dara's theory he couldn't possibly be one, since he's white.
I on the other hand like rock music, and not all of it talks about sunshine and love and respect for others. You'll find that most music doesn't. So it's NOT just rap that glorifies things that aren't always so savory.
So I find it really funny that Dara-whatever her name also judges people by the friggin' MUSIC that they listen to as well as for living in the 'ghetto'. My god, do you think people in the ghetto want to be there? Don't you think there are whites living in trailer parks who are the equivalent? I wasn't aware that it's only blacks who are poor.
(Dara, I'm not attacking you or your picture. I like your style, just for the record. But I assume by it that you probably listen to rock or emo music, and maybe you don't at all. Isn't it wrong for me to assume that you like rock or emo just because of the way you look? Just like it's wrong for you to assume someone's a gangbanger just because they're black, or use the C word, or use profane language, or make some stupid comment about how you're walking. For the record, I use the C word quite frequently, I use profanity IRL in nearly every sentence I say (that's nothing to brag about, but I'm just making a point), and I'm not a gangbanger. I'm white and I listen to some crazy rock like Black Sabbath and Marilyn Manson yet I'm blonde, love makeup, and I like to wear pink and blue. You'd imagine I'd be rockin' the black hair look with red streaks and black fingernails and black lipstick, but I don't. (Okay, I dabbled in high school.) You cannot judge people for how they look anymore than what they listen to.
Last edited by Fat Melanie; 08-31-2008 at 04:03 PM.
been there - totally.
i have dating just about every race and its been a while since i have been with a white guy.
im with a mexican guy right now, before that - black, before that - cuban, before that - israeli, etc... etc...
my family has never been on board with any of it - at all.
my grandmother has stopped speaking to be completely, stating "i would rather you be a lesbian than be with anyone of a different color" - as if either one were bad!!! grrrrr.... but i blame that mostly on the generation and ignorance.
the one thing i have noticed that as soon as there is a problem in the relationship, my family blames their race first.
but, the fact is - i live 3000 miles away from any of my family and they can either accept it or not see me.
it worked so far, if V is not allow to come into your house because you dont accept his race, i will not be coming to your house period. although it goes a lot of different ways.
ah well, society is getting better about this, but there is def still along way to go~!
And I think that while you may mean well, your post still comes off as racist. It's obvious when you're saying 'gangbangers' you mean "mainly black people, with the occasional white thrown in." It's just reeks in your post, whether you realize it or not.
You don't like gangbangers. Maybe these 'gangbangers' don't like emos with long hair. What's the difference? It's not any more right for you to claim they are gangbangers than it is for them to say your boyfriend is a '******'. Two wrongs don't make a right.
And how are they gangbangers just by standing around? That's not gangbanging, that's just standing around making rude comments at anybody that walks by. Immature and rude, yes, but gangbanging? No. Listening to rap music and standing around like you're Thug Jrs doesn't make you a gangbanger. Come on now.
If you would attempt to converse with them rather than walk by them like you're scared that at any second you'll be mugged or raped, you might see things differently. Your attitude is showing them that you dislike them, and it's probably the result of their comments.
Don't get me wrong, I'm NOT trying to be nasty to you. But I do kind of think you're coming off as racist whether you see it or not.
Ah, hmm. Well, I guess I would have an opinion somewhere in between yours and hers. But I'm sorry, she *should* be scared of being raped or mugged by people who talk like that, gangbanger or not. Maybe it's all talk, but it would be just plain stupid to ignore the loud and clear warning their talk gives. "she walkin' like she got ****ed real hard!" ????? She is not paranoid. I think it is *extremely* foolish advice to try to converse with them.
Ah, hmm. Well, I guess I would have an opinion somewhere in between yours and hers. But I'm sorry, she *should* be scared of being raped or mugged by people who talk like that, gangbanger or not. Maybe it's all talk, but it would be just plain stupid to ignore the loud and clear warning their talk gives. "she walkin' like she got ****ed real hard!" ????? She is not paranoid. I think it is *extremely* foolish advice to try to converse with them.
Are you serious!? How is your advice to be afraid of everybody helping her out? Okay, here's something to blow your mind -- in my time in the army EVERY GUY I ever met in the military said way worse stuff than that on a daily basis! To each other, and to anyone else. Just because they're rude and happen to be black doesn't make them violent criminals and rapists. I thought my neighbor with the big harley, shaved head that listened to Pantera and wore Doc's was a skinhead, but I didn't run away in fear from him. Good thing I didn't either, because it turns out he's an extremely nice man and a gifted mechanic and handyman who does maintenance on both of our cars provided I make him up a plate when I cook dinner and take it over to him once in awhile. He also recently re-floored my kitchen for me for no money. He just loves Moroccan and Creole food.
Just because people are different doesn't automatically make them dangerous, and obvious FEAR is what will make you an easy target in case they are. Your point is moot.
Matter of fact, most rapists and potential rapists seem to typically be very charming, well-dressed, have families, and are ... *gasp!* white. Ted Bundy, BTK anyone?
My dad was a little scared that my boyfriend is british. He was like "Ya know, the culture is SO MUCH different....they drink a lot and they aren't known for their teeth..." I was like OH DEAR GOD.
My dad was actually nervous that I am dating someone from a different country! He even told Chris one night, "I think you're English is getting better!" I was like, "Dad, he is FROM England....." I know he just meant that understanding Chris is getting easier because Chris is a very thick english accent but COME ON!
I don't think it should matter what, race, religion or background loves come from - but quite frankly I think love is blind to all that.
this b*tch and that b*tch or meet a woman like Blowjob Betty (Too Short). He just likes it because he does. It's his thing. It doesn't make him a 'gangbanger'. Then again, I think in Dara's theory he couldn't possibly be one, since he's white. 
