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Old 08-16-2013, 12:31 AM   #1
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Angry Vent

I've basically started out on this journey alone. No support whatsoever and my SO (significant other) is not on board with my lifestyle change.

Today I spent an hour and a half at the gym. I came home at about 9:30pm. We have a toddler and he basically chewed me out for taking so long at the gym. He even said, "this better be the last time" you spend so long at the gym. WHAT!? He thinks a half hour workout is good enough.

From now on I'll be taking my lil one with me to the gym (thank GOD I chose one with a nursery)

What nerve! Not only do I feel like I'm already in this on my own but to have him come out at me like that was totally unacceptable. To some people it may be discouraging but to me it makes me want to do more and advance more.

I have a good idea on how to lose about 190lbs. in a split second :-)

Thanks for reading my mini-vent.
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Old 08-16-2013, 12:52 AM   #2
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Remind him that the child is his too.
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Old 08-16-2013, 12:58 AM   #3
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Old 08-16-2013, 01:12 AM   #4
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Just keep pushing on. He'll get it one day
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Old 08-16-2013, 01:15 AM   #5
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So sorry about your frustration. You have every right to vent. He should support you in your journey.
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Old 08-16-2013, 02:12 AM   #6
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How rude!!

However.....is it possible that he just misses you, and communicated it (incredibly) badly? He could be finding the idea of you losing weight really confronting, but isn't able to tell you.

Or he could just be being a selfish turd.
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Old 08-16-2013, 03:28 AM   #7
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Men can be a pain at times... Mine eats his junk food AND has to have half of everything I eat (my diet snacks).. I bought this expensive no added sugar dark chocolate which I got in order to curb the occasional once a week chocolate craving with,,, I ate one square and I wake up the next morning to see more than half the bar gone!!! I was like u can eat ANY chocolate you want,, why eat mine... Coz then in emergencies im out of healthy snacks and hav to reach out for smthng unhealthy or im extremely hungry and frustrated otherwise.... and we always end up arguing :/

You should sit him down sometime and try and make him understand why losing weight is important for you and beneficial for the whole family in the long run
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Reach 143lbs :No longer Overweight

Last edited by hamlette : 08-16-2013 at 03:32 AM.
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Old 08-16-2013, 09:17 AM   #8
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No advice but want to give
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Old 08-16-2013, 09:33 AM   #9
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First off, great job on exercising!! I'm a failure at trying to incorporate some physical exertion in my life. I really admire your dedication to get in the car and go to the gym. I need to get motivated!

Does he have a thing about handling bedtime for your toddler? I saw that you mentioned you got back home at 9:30pm. I know when our kids were really little, my husband tried his best but he somewhat freaked out about handling bedtime alone. Not sure if this contributed to your situation, though. Sometimes some men can get alarmed when they see their wife doing something for themselves. I'm not explaining this well, but what I mean is, when they are accustomed to a partner focusing on the family and everyone else's well being, etc., it can be startling to see their wife take a new interest. They might even erroneously view it as selfish or as a loss of attention or priorities.

About a year ago, my husband got into long distance running. I was really griping about how long he was taking working out, especially over the summers when the kids were out of school. He worked all day, then worked overtime, then came home, then ran on the treadmill for about an hour and a half, had a late dinner, and by then the kids were already put to bed (by me of course.) I felt like a single parent at times, at least as far as watching our children and having family time goes -.- The situation caused some friction. He was offended and felt I did not care about his trying to get physically fit. I would rather him have a different athletic pursuit other than long distance running specifically, because it does take very long runs and long workouts and it's a major time sink. He's very important to me and our children obviously, and we were missing him. We worked it out! Sometimes he still runs for long periods of times, but it's not as nearly as frequent. Some days he spends less time running and other days he just lifts weights. I very much appreciated his acquiescence on the issue and am fully supportive of his current exercise routine, without complaint. He's getting healthy, he's setting a great example of healthy behavior for our children, and we still get our family time.
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Old 08-16-2013, 12:30 PM   #10
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Thank you!

He was actually at work and got out after 9 himself. Our LO goes to bed at 10 but I bathe her around 9:30 and I'm the one who usually puts her to bed.

During the day she is actually watched by her grandparent, who said they didn't mind watching her but I will be taking her with me from now on and leave the grandparent at home if need be.

Quote:
Originally Posted by TooWicky View Post
First off, great job on exercising!! I'm a failure at trying to incorporate some physical exertion in my life. I really admire your dedication to get in the car and go to the gym. I need to get motivated!

Does he have a thing about handling bedtime for your toddler? I saw that you mentioned you got back home at 9:30pm. I know when our kids were really little, my husband tried his best but he somewhat freaked out about handling bedtime alone. Not sure if this contributed to your situation, though. Sometimes some men can get alarmed when they see their wife doing something for themselves. I'm not explaining this well, but what I mean is, when they are accustomed to a partner focusing on the family and everyone else's well being, etc., it can be startling to see their wife take a new interest. They might even erroneously view it as selfish or as a loss of attention or priorities.

About a year ago, my husband got into long distance running. I was really griping about how long he was taking working out, especially over the summers when the kids were out of school. He worked all day, then worked overtime, then came home, then ran on the treadmill for about an hour and a half, had a late dinner, and by then the kids were already put to bed (by me of course.) I felt like a single parent at times, at least as far as watching our children and having family time goes -.- The situation caused some friction. He was offended and felt I did not care about his trying to get physically fit. I would rather him have a different athletic pursuit other than long distance running specifically, because it does take very long runs and long workouts and it's a major time sink. He's very important to me and our children obviously, and we were missing him. We worked it out! Sometimes he still runs for long periods of times, but it's not as nearly as frequent. Some days he spends less time running and other days he just lifts weights. I very much appreciated his acquiescence on the issue and am fully supportive of his current exercise routine, without complaint. He's getting healthy, he's setting a great example of healthy behavior for our children, and we still get our family time.
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Old 08-16-2013, 12:30 PM   #11
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Thank you, much appreciated!

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Old 08-16-2013, 12:31 PM   #12
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I'm not sure what it is. He's not onboard with me at all. And he wasn't even watching the baby. He was at work.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Couch View Post
How rude!!

However.....is it possible that he just misses you, and communicated it (incredibly) badly? He could be finding the idea of you losing weight really confronting, but isn't able to tell you.

Or he could just be being a selfish turd.
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Old 08-16-2013, 12:32 PM   #13
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Thank you!

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Old 08-16-2013, 01:41 PM   #14
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Wow, if he was at work than why should he care? As long as the person watching your lil one was fine with you being gone it shouldn't matter.

It may be him feeling insecure, like you are getting in shape to find another man, or for another man etc.
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Old 08-16-2013, 02:52 PM   #15
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Well, at first I was going to say what a jerk. Then I was going to say that it's a good idea to discuss how long you plan to be gone (some people don't do well with change so a heads up is nice) but now that you said he was at work anyway, I'm back to thinking that was really uncool of him to give you a hard time.

Maybe he feels like he's going to lose you if you lose weight and he continues with his life style as is? I think a lot of people get scared and rather than discuss it, they lash out and say/do hurtful things, which ends up being a self-fulfilling prophecy that drives their loved one away.
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