I was going to post all kinds of things that ended up being said already, and it sounds like you have already worked through some of it.
So here's what I want to say. I understand that in the heat of the moment, stress can come out and we need to vent about the inner dialogue we're having with ourselves. This is why we have a place like 3FC to come and write out all the evil and horrible thoughts we're having. Sometimes, the act of writing it down and venting, sharing it with someone else, makes the difference. Sometimes we are just having a bad moment and need encouragement.
It sounds to me like your first post was exactly that. From your second, follow up post, it seems like you are back to level headed thinking and seeing it from a more objective perspective (heh.. that rhymes). I know that for me, all it usually takes is one or two people to point out why my inner dialogue needs to change, and their words can talk me down and bring me back to rational thought.
I know what it's like to feel like you're struggling on this journey alone. It's really hard when the people closest to you don't need or don't want to make this change with you. (I have a 6' 1", 142 lb husband! gah!) So I know it can be lonely and that's why the inner dialogue comes in. It's actually that dialogue that seems to be the sabotage for me. I'm my worst critic, and I begin to see everyone else as the enemy, even when they're not. So it's not THEM I need to beat.. it's myself. And that's what places like this are for.
I'm so proud of you for the accomplishments you have made, despite having to struggle through it alone. Do NOT give up. And remember that being proud of yourself is more powerful than having others be proud of you. This is YOUR journey, and every step you take in the right direction is another step you should be proud of for your own sake. Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself if you feel that you need to. Others feel like they are being "helpful" or "encouraging" by saying or doing things that actually end up being hurtful to you. You need to make sure you are standing up for yourself and expressing that much. Telling these people that you understand they are attempting to come from a good place, but that their words/actions are not helping, so you would appreciate them keeping it to themselves from now on. You are your own cheerleader.
And venting here when you need to can remind you that we are on your side, too, because we are on a similar journey. We understand, and we are here for you, always.
Stay strong, and keep up the fantastic work!
Last edited by sabrinalecompte; 02-12-2011 at 02:04 PM.
Reason: stupid typos.. :P
Examples: Coming home from work and finding my husband has brought home my favorite chocolate bars.....
This sticks out to me. My husband is a notorious sweet eater (he loves 'Little Debbie' cakes) and they are always laying around the house. However if I try and grab one he pulls them away. Honestly I just do it to remind him that leaving his treats around bothers me. I guess at the end of the day it all comes down to my will power, which is getting stronger. I have been toying with the idea of locking one of the cabinets and just giving him the key for his sweets.
My Mother likes to cook meals for her family every Sunday, we've done this for years. I wrote her a list of what I cannot eat and if it does get cooked because the other family can eat, I still don't eat it. She knows this and is okay with it but I had to tell her what I was doing and how certain foods affect my body.
The only thing I can suggest is to try not to put yourself in painful situations which will make you feel bad about losing weight. I am sorry you are having such a rough time with your family. Best wishes.
Thanks girls. I am feeling much better. I had an awesome, healthy supper last night.... went to a palate's class this morning before work, and then just got back from walking a mile at the track. 4 months ago.... that would have been impossible. I see that I'm changing. It's not quite as fast as I would like, but it's happening. I just have to not let ANYTHING or ANYBODY derail me. You are right, I am my own worst enemy or my own best cheerleader. I choose to keep going... I refuse to go back.
Thank you all for your support. It is definitely what I needed.
This website, and the support of all of you is heaven sent.
First of all, congrats on your loss! Keep up the great work girl! You are fighting an uphill battle for sure. It's tough enough losing weight (for anyone), so having to cope with these issues on top of that is over the top.
My only advice is to sit down and talk to your hubby and daughter. Explain what this means to you and perhaps various ways they can assist/support you in you weight-loss. You Mom is clearly jealous of your loss thus far? I don't know if that's unintentional hon. However, I don't know your Mom and you do. Therefore, you may be right. I would explain to her that she's hurting your feelings though. *BIG HUG* and I hope I didn't go overboard. I just felt bad for you in this situation.
Just a note on the friends calling you skinny-- sounds like a compliment to me. They're acknowledging that they see you're shrinking. I think it's being supportive or congratulatory, not being slightly blind, you know?
Moms will be a pain but your husband should be the one person who is all for you. Talk to him seriously about how much this means to you and how you don't want him to buy X or Y for you ... and if he buys it for himself, it can be in his own kitchen drawer and not left out for you to have to visually pass up every day. Ask for his true support. I feel this is important.
I have found that what is working for me is to enlist others in my quest. I have asked friends or co-workers for their best healthy recipes. I have brought yummy reduced calorie or healthy things to potlucks. I have asked hubby if he wants to buy me a food treat, to buy me Asian pears, organic grapes, or other fruits; or crab to make a cocktail, something like that or lovely coffees or teas. Or flowers or plants.
Food of all kinds has been our family bond, recreation, social time etc. It is taking time to learn to make it PART of things, not the MAIN thing. It's a learning curve for all of us.
Interestingly enough the boys (DH and DSs are starting to join me on my small steps. Walking, 15 minutes of stretching a day, cutting out transfats, HFCS, and eliminating caloric drinks -except for the occasional glass of milk.)
