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Lost my love

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Old 10-19-2002, 09:16 AM   #1
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Hello all,

I just wanted to let everyone know it is final. I am leaving my husband as of today. The kids and I will be going somewhere. I don't know where for sure. I got home from work at 3PM yesterday and he has not been home since. It's now 7AM. Around 2AM I got a call from a "friend" of his on the internet and she said she got an IM saying that another girl and him were together. She traveled from Texas to North Dakota to be with him. I am so heart broken. I have only slept 4 or 5 broken hours because of him. I have not eaten and am so sick right now that i don't know if I could eat. I just am crazy over here. I knew he was going to hurt me why did I give him another chance. I lay on the couch waiting for him to come home to talk to him about what I have heard and he just doesn't come home. I have been crying all night long. This is just to much for me to bare. I was going to end my life tonight but looked at my beuatiful children and said they are worth living for. I have to remember that. If he comes home before 10AM I will be able to deal with it better. Around 10 I will call my mother to come get the kids so I can pack some stuff so I can leave the house. Well I have rambled enough here thanks for all that are thinking of me. I will check back as soon as i can.
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Old 10-19-2002, 01:45 PM   #2
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I dont really know what to say except I am sorry. It sounds like (if I read this correctly) he has done something like this before. I firmly believe once a cheater always a cheater unless he gets major therapy. let us know what happens. I applaud your guts though. I left my husband too over 14 months ago. Well basically kicked out but thats anohter story. Please keep in touch with us!
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Old 10-19-2002, 02:17 PM   #3
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Tamara, my prayers will be with you. You are right = your children are worth living for. And YOU are worth living for too. It is terrible that you have to be so strong but you will come through this terrible time. You deserve to be treated better than you have been. But for now, draw your strength from your children and your love for them. It will be hard on all of you. Thank God you have your mother to help and God will help you too.
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Old 10-19-2002, 02:53 PM   #4
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Tamara, I am so, so sorry you are going through this But just remember that, yes, your children are worth living for, but YOU are also living for. I am thankful your mother is there to support you &help you. I know this will sound cliche, but this is his loss. You are better than that & deserve better than that. Please come here for support & encouragement as often as you need it.
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Old 10-19-2002, 07:36 PM   #5
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Tamara -
I don't know what to say, except that I am very sorry. You are worth living for. Please remember that there are many people who care deeply for you. We are all here if you need a shoulder.
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Old 10-19-2002, 09:26 PM   #6
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Tamara - I am so glad you decided to stay with us on Earth! There is no man in this world worth giving your life up for!

While it looks bleak now, you WILL make it through this! I will think of you often.
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Old 10-19-2002, 09:32 PM   #7
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oh honey. so sorry about all this pain. but please remember: he's the one who F'ed up... NOT YOU!!!!! so, taking care of your beautiful children and yourself is the number one priority. worrying about him IS NOT!!! and as sad as the situation is, taking your life is NOT the answer, as he'll get the children, and you don't want that!!! they need YOU.. and besides, living well is the best revenge. you'll be happier. not today or next week, but it WILL get better. i promise

stay in touch... rant, rave. go for it.
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Old 10-19-2002, 11:05 PM   #8
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I'm so sorry, you poor thing Tamara, It is really really hard now I know but things will get better - they have to. You will survive and one day the hurt will go. Draw strenght from your family, children, friends and start over. You derserve better and I'm sure you'll find it.
Take care, please look after yourself,

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Old 10-20-2002, 10:28 AM   #9
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Tamara - on a practical side, I hope you are getting some legal advice. Sometimes decisions made in such an emotional situation can have longlasting repercussions regarding child custody, child support, alimony, property, etc. I've not been through the situation so don't know much except what I've heard from people who have been. I don't know what's available in your area but I know there are Legal Aide societies and also that some local divorce lawyers have been excellent about providing service to clients and having the offending spouse carry the costs. Hope you can find one like that.
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Old 10-20-2002, 01:05 PM   #10
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Honey I have not been in the situation but i give you all the support you need. you are definatly worth it, as well as the kids. so hang in there girl and soon you will start to feel the self owrth and realize that you have done your best and it is not your fault that he has done this. do me one favor also change the locks to the house. you do not need to change your life for him. he has changed his own. kick his but out. he is putting you on the defensive just trhow all his clothes and posestions out on the lawn, including any electrical equipment. that way he has his own posesions and knows you are going to put up a fight, not to lay in submission, ans be weak. you are strong for making the decision you have. you just do not realize how strong you are. i give much more credit for the woman who can make that decision than the one who waits till he comes home and then takes him back as he has stated he is sorry. Stand up girl you are wonderful!! (besides i love the name Tamara DD1 is named the same)
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Old 10-20-2002, 08:04 PM   #11
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Oh Tamara!! {{{HUGS}}} I am so sorry. You deserve so much better. This world needs you sweetie, and those kids need you. Just hang in there. Be strong, do what needs to be done. We are here for you. Please let us know what is going on.
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Old 10-21-2002, 09:18 AM   #12
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These ladies are so right ... Please, please get some help! Put yourself and your children first - as you know, they need their mother now and for a good long time hence. And I'm glad you have your mother to help you -- see how much you need her now? If you start having those thoughts of ending it again, just imagine that jerk having custody of your kids and shacking up with one of his honies (who he would eventually cheat on as well). He has made this choice to devastate their lives, as well as yours, so it's up to you to do your best to make it as good for them as you possibly can

And as mentioned before, get your legal ducks in a row -- I agree with Sue, it would be better to throw his stuff out on the lawn and change the locks. If it's too late for that, you need to find legal help to get your kids back into their home and get him out ... they need that stability. Get some good people on your side. Yes, it's going to take some time, but you will get through this. Take advantage of all the support you can get, and keep thinking of those darling children ... they will appreciate your strength and love.

Bless you, and let us know how you're doing ...

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Old 10-21-2002, 11:41 AM   #13
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Tamara,

I have not gone through this personally, but I have a friend that is currently going through almost the same thing. However, her son is grown and she has a granddaughter. Unfortunately, she didn't focus on the positive and actually tried to kill herself. She took an overdose of pills.

Imagine my surprise when I got a call on Monday the 14th (This all happened very recently) fron a Psychiatric unit. They informed me that my friend was there and that she wanted me to call her (as she can't make long distance calls). It turns out that her Husband has been cheating and that he asked for a divorce. Even though she hasn't been happy in quite some time, she still chose to do what she did. The police were called, she was rushed to the hospital and then they had her commited. She has to go to court and once she is released, she will moving here and will be styaing upstairs w/ my mom. We were than happy to take her in, but she'll hae her own room at my mom's, were as she'd be sleeping on the couch at our house. I've talked to her a few times, they have her seeing a doctor and going to group meetings. She sounds so much better then the first day. What made her the maddest is the fact that he did it first. She was on her way to my house, many times, when he talked her out of it. Saying he loved her and what not. Then out of the blue HE did it. She wants to kick herself for not doing what she KNEW she needed to do. So I guess, what I'm saying is.....Please do what you KNOW in your heart that you need to do! Take care of you and those precious kids. Our children our gifts, but so are we ( it may not seem that way to us, but to our children, we are gifts).

You will definitely be in my thoughts and prayers !
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Old 10-21-2002, 11:58 AM   #14
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I don't know what to say that hasn't already been said. I feel SO bad for you and hope things work out well for you. Just stay strong and remember your worth staying alive for. Keep the chin up and find a good shoulder to cry on. (I would help if I lived near you!!!!!)

Stay strong and remember that you have a lot of great support!!

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Old 10-21-2002, 06:56 PM   #15
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Tamara - My heart is breaking for you right now. There is nothing anyone can say in this situation that can ease the hurt. Just remember that you are worth being loved by someone who appreciates the truly great person you are. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Please keep us posted on how you are doing.

Hugs,

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