Eliana, I had a similar experience this weekend. We went to the waterpark and I remember being fat and thinking how the three worst things about going to the waterpark would be being seen in a swimsuit, having to climb all of those stairs, and worrying about flying out of the slide because I was too fat and gained too much speed. This weekend, none of those things mattered and the best part of all was being EXCITED to go up the stairs and even running up them some because it didn't bother me at all.
I don't want to forget trying to calculate whether I was the fattest person in the room.
I don't want to forget buying clothes because they fit, not because I actually liked them.
I don't want to forget being so stinking hot that I would never want to go do anything outside, ever.
I am not near goal and have actually back slid a bit ... but I never want to forget
~ the terror of seeing my daughters birthday on the scale 220
~ walking up the stairs in my house and being so out of breath my chest hurt
~ putting my jeans on and them cutting me in the stomach to the point I wanted to cry
~ having to twist my leg around so I could put on my stocking and literally holding my breath so I could do it
~ constantly being asked are you pregnant again
~ not wanting to sit on the floor because it would take forever for me to get up
~ my knees always hurting
~ breaking my foot and being told that it was because of my weight
~ my Mom laughing when the clerk in a store said I'm sorry we don't have any thing larger but you can go down the hall to Lane Bryant
~ my family saying I thought you were losing weight what happened
I was thinking of this very thing JUST today!!! Out for lunch and a group piled into a booth and I didn't blink. The OLD me broke out into a sweat at the idea of new places, in case I didn't FIT!! It always shocked me that at McDonald's the fattest place on earth, their tables were so tiny! my boobs rested on the table LOL
But more than all the fun things, I'm glad to be SANE for once in my life, to tell FOOD that I'm in charge, not it. That it holds no more mystical POWER over me. I don't freak out if i don't have enough chocolate & diet coke to last the weekend; I don't think about the order of my snacks (let's see...sweet first, then salty... and finish with some toast!), I don't lay out a plan with military precision of fast food places to hit and get home while it's all still hot LOL the time and effort WASTED makes me a bit queasy, but if that's what I need to live thru to get to the other SANE side, so be it
I love the OP because there is so much more to life than dieting! I want to lose weight for many reasons but a huge one is just that I want to live life and look back and say that I had a good life and I was productive person who made a difference in other peoples' lives. I just don't want the weight to stop me from this anymore. Her post was so touching because it really outlines what life SHOULD be like. I feel all warm and fuzzy inside now.
I have experienced so many of these fears, embarassments, etc. I'm just re-starting my journey (again)...but I will get to my goal weight, and I will get fit, strong and healthy...because life is too short to be limited by immobility, embarassment and fear.
What a great thread! I hadn't really thought about these things until now - I don't miss:
+ needing and extension seat-belt on a plane
+ people asking to change seats on a flight (I fly often for work)
+ the doctor's office not being able to take my blood pressure because the "big" armband isn't big enough.
+ my doctor being an *** to me and blaming all my complaints on my weight
+ daily:degrading remarks from strangers (infrequent now)
+ needing to take a break climbing the stairs to my 2nd floor apartment
+ needing to take lots of breaks carrying groceries to my apartment
+ leaving the house as little as possible to avoid the stairs
+ avoiding outings that require too much walking
+ avoiding outings where I have to eat in public
+ general anxiety in social situations
+ stinky sweat from anxiety in social situations
+ sleep apnea
+ high blood pressure
+ high cholesterol
+ feeling sickly everyday (from eating bad foods)
+ low self-esteem and feeling worthless
+ foot problems
+ skin problems
+ attitude problems
+ being too self-conscious to exercise where people might see me
Wow! What a great exercise!
I always think I've come a long way with my lifestyle changes, but evidently I haven't even considered the half of it! Wow! Wow-wee!
Thanks to the OP for this thread! It's so good to reflect!
I never want to forget how I was terrified of going to college because I would have to, gods forbid, WALK EVERYWHERE.
I never want to forget how I would always decline going to conventions to meet my friends due to my weight.
I never want to forget how I could never wear shirts that people would get me as souvenirs.
And above all I never want to forget how my feet and legs would swell SO BADLY at night, even if I’d taken my blood pressure medication. Also, the fact that I have to take them when I’m in my twenties is noteworthy.
