I wonder....does anyone else here wish that certain people in their lives could see them at a thinner weight?
There are times when I think about people in my life who may have unfairly viewed me because of my weight. Sometimes, I wish that if I were to ever see them again, that they could see me at a thinner weight...almost as a way of saying, silently, that I am not the overweight and hopeless person they envisioned me as. I have some people in my life that I think they viewed me as someone they did not want to be with, because of my weight---maybe they worried I would continue to gain weight (in some ways I did) and that they didn't want an obese person, others I think never took me seriously, romance wise, because I was overweight, and of course there are old classmates that always knew me as the fat person who was at the bottom of the class.
Sometimes, there are people that I don't want to see, mainly because I am bigger than when they saw me last, and I am embarrassed by that.
Does anyone else ever wonder about being thin, and how people would view them? Do they ever use it as a type of motivation?
I do think that as I lose weight, some people with wrong viewpoints about me, may change those viewpoints. I do have to admit, when I look in the mirror, that in some ways I do look like someone whose life is out of control, weight wise, and that they aren't watching what they are eating.
Does anyone feel the same? Is it a very silly way to think? At times I feel that way---but probably because I have had the desire to have people not view me as this pathetic fat person for almost all of my life currently.
I think that I am more superficial than that really. There are people that I would love to see me smaller but it has nothing to do with how they view me as a success or failure, worthy or not, only that they think I am hot!
I don't think that I will be a better person when I lose the rest of this weight, only that I will look better on the outside. If someone didn't think that I was worthy of them when I was heavier than I don't have much interest in them now. That being said, I still want them to think I look hot. Are you noticing a trend?
Hi
Reading your post made me think about 'stereotyping'. Sometimes I have the impression that strangers take one look at you and just come to the wrong kind of conclusion. I've heard people making comments like: That person is just lazy, weak minded, has no control over her life, etc. I've a friend who weighs about 300lbs and she is such a wonderful person. She is very smart and caring and just fun to hang out with. I would never describe her as being lazy, or weak minded! It really upsets me when people take one look at her and don't even try to get to know her.
On the other hand, I wonder -don't we all have the tendency to stereotype other people?!?!
Also, milliondollarbbw -a friend of mine once told me that people will see me the way I see myself. lol So, just walk around and tell yourself 'I'm hot'! Yeah, I know easier said than done. But it really kind of helped me to understand that I can leave people under a certain kind of impression or I can try to change that.
But to answer your question-sorry, I'm talking too much-yes, I've moments when I feel like people would treat me differently if I was slimmer. But perhaps it'S just an illusion!?!?
Thank u for posting.....probably something all of us think about now and then.
Sounds like u are working really hard -15lbs lost! Looking good :-)
does anyone else here wish that certain people in their lives could see them at a thinner weight?
I don't really think about it and don't much care. *shrug*
People who were jerks to me way back when aren't going to magically be nice just because I changed my hair color or my style or my weight. Their jerk problem is from inside THEM.
I didn't like them then, and I'm certainly not going to let them take up brain space NOW.
Does anyone else ever wonder about being thin, and how people would view them? Do they ever use it as a type of motivation?
I wonder about being slimmer and more fit, sure.
I don't wonder about how people would view me if I were more fit. My "Mom world" wouldn't change much. DH and kid would still think of me as wife and mom. Community I volunteer in would still see me as a volunteer. Doing errands, being with friends, church, etc... that's all the same.
I don't think about it in terms of motivation because it doesn't motivate me. *shrug*
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Does anyone feel the same? Is it a very silly way to think? At times I feel that way---but probably because I have had the desire to have people not view me as this pathetic fat person for almost all of my life currently.
I think you are trying to work through self-esteem stuff and changing how you view yourself.
Self esteem stuff and improving fitness stuff are two different things. Changing self esteem issues alone won't address the overweight automatically. Changing the overweight issues alone won't address the self esteem automatically.
I wonder about this all the time, and I use it as a motivational tool for myself. I go the whole nine yards by imagining I am on some sleazy TV show like Maury or something and there's a picture of me at my heaviest and I bust through that picture looking all fine, surrounded by people I've loved and hated the most. It's totally irrational and hilarious and cheesy, but it makes me smile thinking about it and somehow it gets me through my workout.
Yes, there are people that I do want to see me at my smaller weight. Mostly it is people that I know will be very happy for me, that saw me at my highest and, I believe, cared enough to be concerned for me. I also have to admit, there is one person, that I want to see me because she was so mean to me and now I am smaller than she was then.
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Sometimes, there are people that I don't want to see, mainly because I am bigger than when they saw me last, and I am embarrassed by that.
I understand that because I used to feel that way when I was at my highest. The sad part is that I can not even think of anyone that fits in that category now. I am at my smallest size that I have been in 30 years.
Well, I have to confess that I relate to this sentiment, for better or for worse, because I'm not sure it is the healthiest way to feel....
Here's the thing. In the personal realm, I don't really think how we look matters that much. I agree with people who say that a jerk is a jerk and a person who would judge you for being fat is probably not a person deserving much consideration....
But, in a professional realm, it's different. People make snap judgements based on appearance and being morbidly obese can and does sometimes interfere with reaching your personal goals-- fair or unfair-- but I'm afraid it's the truth.
So, yes, when I operate in the professional area, I am EXCITED to show my new and improved external appearance....
Also, let's face it. In some ways I AM a different person now. I'm succeeding at something that many people have a hard time accomplishing-- getting fit, escaping morbid obesity-- those are hard things to accomplish and the kind of dedication, self-discipline, and mentality change that it took me to get here probably DOES reflect that I've grown in character as well....
That does NOT mean that obese people have character flaws!!! It just means that I personally have grown as a person by learning to realize a goal that seemed to elude me for so many years.
In my personal life, I think people who love me are a little relieved that I'm watching out for my health, but in my professional life, I think new doors are opening and people are taking me more seriously.
I will say with a gigantic chunk of superficiality and without reservation that yes, OMG yes, there's a handful of people I wish could see me at goal. Absolutely.
One might say that it's a self esteem issue, an insecurity, whatever. I like to see it as pure, unadulterated, sweet revenge and I have absolutely no qualms about admitting it.
Is it shallow? Petty? Maybe even a little mean? Yup, and I own all of it.
I definitely think about people I know seeing me at smaller size. While looking better isn't my primary motivation for losing weight, it's certainly a major one.
On whether it will change people's opinions about me, I don't think it does for anyone who REALLY knows me. But yes, I think for people on a more casual level, most people do make judgements about others based on weight and I'll be glad to not feel like that is happening.
Also, I'm currently single, and while I plan to lose a bit more weight before trying to date, I think that it will be a very different experience dating at a normal healthy weight and looking the way that looks vs. dating as an obese woman.
Self esteem stuff and improving fitness stuff are two different things. Changing self esteem issues alone won't address the overweight automatically. Changing the overweight issues alone won't address the self esteem automatically.
yes, I agree with this. I think it's been easier for me professionally and socially losing the weight that I have. Part of that is my confidence levels and just plain ease with myself and being physically able to do things and wear different clothes, etc. Part of it is because of prejudices and preconceptions. But I don't think losing the weight is a cure all for my self esteem issues.
Also, let's face it. In some ways I AM a different person now. I'm succeeding at something that many people have a hard time accomplishing-- getting fit, escaping morbid obesity-- those are hard things to accomplish and the kind of dedication, self-discipline, and mentality change that it took me to get here probably DOES reflect that I've grown in character as well....
I loved this. I do believe anyone who makes it to the other side of this obesity bear definitely must grow in character, it's an extremely tough challenge in many ways.
I don't really have specific people I'd like to show my thinner self to (maybe my sister, doh!), but I do feel like I want to show that thinner me to the world in general (see what I've done!) -- part vanity, part accomplishment and growth. So, yes, that motivates me in that way.
Last edited by dragonwoman64; 06-04-2010 at 12:53 PM.
If it's the way you feel, then no i don't think it's silly! Maybe it's the age I am, I dont' know, but I let that sh*t go a long time ago -- besides, 'revenge fantasies' are always way better in your mind than in reality. Also with age, it seems like every old friend I run into has put on weight, or grey hair, or life has battered them around some -- but I'm so excited to see THEM i don't much notice or care, and can only assume they feel the same about me. If it's someone I hated back in the day, meh I wouldn't give them the time of day now anyway!
It's fun to think about, but I wouldn't let it get to you at all - if it works for motivation, more power to ya!
I moved away from the town in which I grew up. I was thin then. So I have had fears of "going home" and running into people who might know me.
But in my current universe....the only person I most want to see me thin is my husband. Beyond him, I really don't care. My best friends love me no matter what, and vise versa. Anyone else who has any preconceived notions about me just don't matter.
I am more confident about meeting people now! Way more confident!
I was always fit and muscular until my mid-20s. That's pretty much my self-image, even though I'm fat now. That being said, I do want my friends now to see me get back into shape. I would like my hubby to see me in shape (he met me on the way to being where I am now). I would like to see my outside match up better with how I "see" myself mentally.
But...all the people who have been truly mean to me are people I knew in high school and childhood--and they were terrible and abusive towards me when I was thin and shapely. I will admit, that I'm loathe to participate in high school reunions until I lose the weight, because I'm afraid and ashamed that other people might lose the attractive image of me if they see me like this.
But I guess I never had the idea that people were mean to me because of my weight. If I had been fat then I'm sure it would have been used against me. Instead they made fun of my auburn hair (that they probably have out of a bottle now!) and my biracial looks (I am Caucasian/Japanese) and the fact that I was not "cool" and didn't have fashionable clothing (I've always hated itchy, rough, or close fitting stuff). So the mean people back then were unimpressed with my nice trim physique--I'm sure they'd be equally unimpressed now.
I will say with a gigantic chunk of superficiality and without reservation that yes, OMG yes, there's a handful of people I wish could see me at goal. Absolutely.
One might say that it's a self esteem issue, an insecurity, whatever. I like to see it as pure, unadulterated, sweet revenge and I have absolutely no qualms about admitting it.
Is it shallow? Petty? Maybe even a little mean? Yup, and I own all of it.
Ha! I like the curry quote and I like your honesty.
I think that part of it is insecurity, but rightfully so---when you have had people treat you a certain way, again and again, no matter how nice you are, you keep getting the same story, then yeah, it makes you a bit insecure.
There are people in my life in the past who always saw me pathetically, and I think that them seeing me now, even heavier, would make them still have that same pity for me.
I am blessed to say that the really caring and loving people in my life would be happy for me, regardless of my size. They just want me to be healthy and happy.
I do wish, on the male front, that I could look more attractive---mainly because I met a lot of men who really said some horrible things, and who really treated me like I was subhuman and somehow, just not worthy of being treated nicely. I think it would be nice to show up looking super duper hot, only so I could tell them, if they approached me, that maybe they shouldn't have been so jerky to me.
In some ways, I just feel a bit down because some people did treat me, like, well, a loser because of my weight. So, I would hope that I see them only when I am much better looking---they are so shallow in some ways that I think they would be very surprised---probably because they don't expect much of me.
Sorry, kind of in a down mood right now. A couple of my exes are married, and my recent ex, well, he is showing more and more that he is happier without me, so that hurts a bit. But, I just need to focus on me and continuing with my weightloss and other goals.
I gave up caring what 99.9% of the population might think about me, a very long time ago, and I do have to give credit to "fat acceptance" dogma - the idea that I was a worthwhile human being worthy of respect from others and myself, even if I never lost an ounce - that was a pretty radical concept to the 1989 me.
Even by that time, I'd learned that revenge fantasies never work out quite the way you imagine them. I lost weight in high school (on prescription diet pills), and for the first time in my life reached an almost normal weight (155 lbs, at 5'7"). As I lost the weight, I had fantasies of "showing" all the kids who bullied made fun of me. I was ready to gloat and bask in the jealousy I imagined seeing on their faces.
Guess what? No one cared. There was no jealousy (not enough to bask in, anyway). Some were happy for me (but not enough of that either to bask in). All that work, all that fantasizing and it was no big deal? I felt gypped, robbed, damn it I wanted to BASK. Where were the crushed egos, where were the jealous gazes, the hostile stares of fury and rage? Or at least a little awe - how about any strong impression at all. No congratulations (well, a few of those but they were so fleeting), no awe, no adoration or praise.
I learned that it really is true that you stop worrying about what other people think of you, when you realize how little they do.
So nope, no revenge fantasies for me. Been burned by them too many times. The reality is never even a fraction as good as the fantasy, so they were another way I set myself up for failure.
Weight, Image, and the past
