Discussion 1: Dr Phil's Unlocking the Door to Permanent Weight Loss
 

Ok Ladies and Gents!

The day has finally arrived! YEAH!

We have a great looking crowd and I am impressed and excited!

This weeks discussion: Part One: Unlocking the Door to Permanent Weight Loss

Some Suggestion Questions that I have:

Was there anything he said in these chapters that really stood out to you and why?

"It's about changing yourself from the inside out" I have tried all the other stuff without looking on the inside. I know that so much of my problems is the emotional garbage that I have hidden down below that needs to come out one way or another..... I just keep shoving it back down with food!

"Your Goal Wieght is a state of health and well-being that is congruent and in harmony with how you are physically and genetically configured. It is the weight that is "right" for you - a stable, comfortable weight. I have always looked at those charts are what actress weigh that are my height and think "thats where I need to be"... never taking into account that 110#'s on me doesnt look good. I have been there a LONG time ago.... I am a larger boned, big busted girl.... Then I was looking at 125# until my 15 year old daughter got there and realized thats too thin for me also.... so now I am looking at 135-140#.... I do like that he says all the stuff about the charts being guides and that alot of charts are old and unreasonable. It makes me feel less guilt when I dont reach what those charts tell me I am supposed to reach!

"Your job is to unlock each door, step through it with a commitment to change and to keep moving forward until youve walked through all seven" Ok this one is harder for me.... I am someone that wants to jump right in and get to the plan.... what workout do I need to follow - what food do I need to eat..... Ok I need to stand on my head and twirl and I will lose 1# a twirl...ok.....so to slow down and do this journey is hard for me. That is why I think the book club is an excellent idea.... It gives me time to let this stuff "sink" in...

"what is your personal truth?"My currnet personal truth - what I keep saying to myself is that I am not worth what I have. Like I dont deserve to have a great hubby after being a single mom for 13 years, that I dont deserve to get paid what I earn, that I am ugly, an embarassment to my family, that I am stupid, and I am desperate. I have what I think of as small panic attacks thinking I will never succeed in losing this weight and that at some point everyone is going to realize how much of a fraud I truly am....... I know in my right mind that this is bull.... that I have earned everything... that I have struggled but my other mind doesnt think so.... the other mind is my mother telling me that there has to be a man out there that like smart, pudgy girls (when I weighed 140#s), how my granfather told me that i would like having sex with him because all the prostitutes on Hollywood Ave did it all the time, etc.... lots of wrong personal truths. That is what I am hoping to walk away from. To be able to look in the mirror and say I am beautiful, smart, sexy, funny, and worth everything that GOD has seen fit to bless me with!

What do you guys think of Dr Phils comment about not need willpower and that willpower doesnt work..... I am not sure if I totally buy into but it does seem to be truthful to some degree. I can be so dedicated for awhile and then poof no motvation, no nothing!

I am going to stop for now. I may bring up more stuff later... but would like to hear from everyone else! This should be one hoping group!

What do you guys think of Dr Phils comment about not need willpower and that willpower doesnt work..... I started my journey back in March with very little faith in myself. And zero "willpower." What I did was to challenge myself to see if changing other things in my lifestyle would effect my eating and self-esteem. I managed to lose the first 20 pounds, and plateaued, so I began to read, research and experiement with food and exercise. 6 months later, it's still working even though I have emotional issues to deal with. Stealing a quote from a buddy on another forum, "I guess I showed me" (that it can be done.)

"Your job is to unlock each door, step through it with a commitment to change and to keep moving forward until youve walked through all seven" . . . No problem. Experience has shown me that this will be a lifetime commitment, and even after reaching a goal weight, "maintenance" is continuing with a new way of life and lifestyle, thus incorporating forever a new way of eating/exercising and dealing with unnecessary emotional pain that only I allow to surface.

"what is your personal truth?" . . . I am lonely. I don't trust other women and the one I have trusted most recently let me down, and is also a negative influence, constantly *****ing about anything and everything. I depend on my husband to fulfill all my emotional needs. When he doesn't, I become angry, but it's a self-imposed anger because it's not him, it's me. Even though my anger is misplaced, it still happens and I end up making myself miserable. This all goes back to being a lonely child and having a mother who was unavailable and very critical when she did interact with me. I also have 2 siblings, older but whom I never bonded with. And both of them are messed up in their lives, much worse than I.

I also have an issue with my body. When I was 17, I was beaten, raped and sodomized by a boy I had known since the 2nd grade. So I know I have tried to make myself unattractive for that reason. Also, mother's voice returns saying "that if a man really loves you, it doesn't matter what you look like." And the visual connection is a mother who was morbidly obese all of her life. One thing I have heard Dr. Phil say is that the mother-daughter, father-son relationship is the most important to a child, and that the significant parent is the role model for the child. No wonder I'm so screwed up!

dip

Since writing the above early this morning, I have spent the last 6 hours journaling, and had what I think was a large breakthrough moment. I easily blamed trying to make myself unattractive because of the rape. Actually, I began to gain theweight at 22, just prior to getting pregnant, not before then. My first husband was extremely jealous and turned out to be abusive. He even accused me of fooling around with the landlord and the butcher. I was attractive and men flirted with me, but I never gave him reason to believe I took any of it serious. I now remembered I was close to 160 when I got pregnant, from 135. When I delivered my son I was 232, took some off, but never got below 190.

Don't get me wrong, the rape did have an effect on me, but it was my family's reaction that hurt more than anything. I won't go into details but I will say that I was hurting that I am estranged from my siblings,- but not any more. This process, even this early on, is setting me free.

Thanks, Sunny D for your kind and thoughtful words.

dip

Dip...
 

Yeaahhhh!!!!
 

Hello everyone!!! Yeaaahh, the day is finally here! And I have gone for my Curves workout and am now ready for a "New Beginning" :)

This weeks discussion: Part One: Unlocking the Door to Permanent Weight Loss

Was there anything he said in these chapters that really stood out to you and why? YES!!! Tons!!! But here's one: Goal setting! {on page 32 - Paragraph 2} "When he states, "you will be able to see it, feel it and experience it in your mind, in your heart, and in your spirit" Yes!

"It's about changing yourself from the inside out" Another paragraph in the book really hit home with me pertaining to this {on page 8} ~ "To Get up each morning, look at yourself in the mirror, and see yourself not as someone who is overweight or out of shape, but as the someone you will become, a person with a greater level of dignity and worth who, for probably the first time ever, is finally going to succeed --- for a Lifetime." Here! :cp: Here!

"Your Goal Weight is a state of health and well-being that is congruent and in harmony with how you are physically and genetically configured. It is the weight that is "right" for you - a stable, comfortable weight. Now I think I have a good weight for me in mind. One time, years ago (in my 20's), I went down to 135lbs and stayed there for almost 8 years! Now I know I will not go that low but I think 145 to 150 is very reasonable for me. And attainable! I am 5' 6" and have been told --- you look fine! Not! I don't want to just look "fine", I want to "look great" and "feel great"! Thus... my new adventure. You would think that after losing it once and succeeding, I would be able to do it again easily - NOT! It's so much harder this time, but I KNOW one thing for sure... that because I am digging deeper emotionally I will figure out why I put that 55lbs back on this body and keep it off this time!
I am so excited about this new journey!!!!! :dance:

"Your job is to unlock each door, step through it with a commitment to change and to keep moving forward until you've walked through all seven" Me too Angel... I am very impatient and want everything to be different NOW! You know like in "Bewitched" (okay---now I am dating myself :o )... she would wiggle her nose and "poof" all better. But it isn't that way and nothing "worth while" IS! When you work for it - it becomes more of a treasure and a success. I want to work for it and do it right this time!

"What is your personal truth?" My personal truth hummm :chin: I think it is to achieve contentment and acceptance of "myself". I am so quick to accept others as they are but never ME. My mother said she never needed to punish me because I was always harder on myself then any punishment she could give me when I made a mistake. I think that was because I never felt like I could 'live up' to my father's expectations for me. I still don't know what he wants from me today! And issue to be worked through...

What do you guys think of Dr Phils comment about not need willpower and that willpower doesn't work..... I must agree with you DIP & Dr. Phil... I don't think it has anything to do with 'Will-power'. I too had to turn it around to make the changes by challenging myself. I began in July, 2003 & found out that I am very competitive with me :D. I hold myself accountable for "MY" behavior, no one else is to blame for what " I " have done to myself... and now allowing you all in has given me another point of view in accountability. I like this in the book also {on Page 39} "The Formula: BE --- DO --- HAVE. BE committed, DO what it takes and you will HAVE what you want." So cool! Couldn't have said it better...

I am filled with JOY again about getting up in the mornings --- looking forward to sharing & enjoying one another here in this wonderful Forum and just love my new workout place at Curves and all my new Curves friends... what a great way to begin a day & a new way of living!
Well... second to Thanking my Lord for it!!

Thanks Angel! For all your hard work... you are great! :cp:

Hi there! I'm glad we're going a chapter at a time...I'm not quite finished the book yet (meant to finish this weekend, but, well, looks like it will be this week instead). Great starter questions - here's my 2 cents.


Was there anything he said in these chapters that really stood out to you and why?

Like many of you said, it's the time frame that gets me. I need to learn that I don't have to panic about how long it's going to take. I think I can do this by setting manageable goals - not losing 30 pounds by Christmas (scary!!), but losing 2 pounds this week (okay...that sounds do-able). That way, in 50 weeks, I'm there (or close)...I have to remember this year will go by either way. I think it's also a good reminder to read that I'm doing this for ME, to change MY weight...it's not going to swoop down and fix everything in my life, and that's okay.

Another thing he goes into is on pg. 25. He talks about how you can be a good person to other people and not be one to yourself. When I examine my values, the big ones that I come up with are that I'm honest and I keep my promises...two things I totally don't do when it comes to ME. Can I really be the good person I want to be if I don't follow my own rules with myself? I found this very important to my thought process.

I also LOVE the quote on pg. 21 " 'Even I don't wake up looking like Cindy Crawford' - Cindy Crawford". That's the best!

I have to admit I'm still nervous about having a person to be answerable to. I just don't have that in my life...which is why I'm on the board!

Willpower...hmm, not sure I totally agree with him here. I mean, I think you need a little - to finish the book, to follow the steps through to completion, etc. You probably don't have to rely on it exclusively - you achieve weight loss through appropriate programming, but you need willpower to get the programming done. Or maybe it's just symantics and I'm really talking about motivation. Anyways, I know this is often where I fall off - I'll do a step, and continue with it, but I end up being too lazy/unmotivated to move on to the next step once I've got the first under control (happy with my current success, afraid to fail on the next one?). Which is another reason why I've joined the board...being answerable to others is very motivating
;)

Hi Ladies,
 

It's about changing yourself from the inside out. I think as with a lot of others I too have tried to work on the outside instead of working on the inside. Because if you don't have the mindset it's not going to happen, for me anyway. I start out with good intentions and then end up quitting because in my mind I am a failure at losing weight. Of course had I known this years ago I may not be here today doing it once again.

Your goal weight is a state of health...I agree with this because not everyone is meant to be a size 1. I was skinny (to me) before having kids (135lb.s) and I know today that is too skinny for me. I know at my age and build that 150-155 is a good weight for me, "right" for me.

Your job is to unlock each door, step through it with a committment to change and to keep moving forward until you have walked through all seven... This will be a good thing for me because I too am impatient. Already reading the book I wanted to skip parts and check out the rest of the book, you know see what it is I need to do. But I didn't, I am working on being patient and working through the keys one at a time.

What do you guys think about willpower and it not working? Okay, now this one I am not too sure about. Because while he has a good point I think it does have a little to do with willpower, for me anyway. Maybe that's something I just tell myself as an excuse for failing, I have no willpower. Something definitely worth thinking about. It's funny because I never gave a lot of what Dr. Phil has said in his book a second thought until I started reading it. Now, that's all I think about and can't wait to read more.

What is your personal truth? My personal truth is that I am so negative towards myself. I don't like myself very much and I feel I don't deserve to look/feel good or to have anything good in my life. It stems from losing a DH, DS (feeling guilty) and being told growing up I was fat by a mother who wasn't so skinny herself and was never available to me emotionally, by some siblings and by so-called friends. Not that this is an excuse because I am the only one to blame for my behavior, no one else.

Reading this book has brought a lot of things up that I haven't thought about in years and didn't really want to think about, which may be a good thing. So we will see how it goes.

I will do my full post later, but I wanted to put my two cents in about what I think that Dr. Phil is defining as will power. Over the years I have re-defined will power for myself. I was a consistent one pack a day smoker and I just quit. I woke up one morning and decided that I was no longer a smoker. I threw out my cigarettes, I had my carpets cleaned, my bedding, curtains and coats all dry cleaned, I took out the ash trays in my car, I got the inside of my car detailed and I removed all evidence that I smoked, I got rid of my matches and lighters, and no one was allowed to smoke inside my house, they would have to go outside. In essence I started my life as a non smoker.

This had nothing to do with will power, it had to do with commitment and finding the right set of tools to support that decision. In that one day I made my mind up to live like a non-smoker.

That is how I frame what Dr. Phil is saying about will power is something else that I can't quite frame yet, but am thinking about it. All I know is that quitting smoking was a helluva lot easier than shedding weight....

Just some words for thought......

Was there anything that he said that stood out?
When he said not to skip ahead and read about the diet, I did that before I even read the first chapter. I had to find out what his idea's about food were.:rolleyes:

It's about changing yourself from the inside out.
Good point. No matter how many pounds you lose, if you don't like yourself, you'll never be happy. I wonder sometimes why I feel like I am never good enough. After reading the introductions and then the posts on this thread too, I realize I'm not alone with this feeling. Many of us have emotional scarring from the past and present injuries too that are causing us to feel like we are not good enough, just as we are right now. I remember lots of embarrassing, degrading things from my childhood and later life, but I need to remember that those things do not define me, I define myself.

Your goal weight is a state of health.
After going through a long term disability, I absolutely agree. I am looking forward to losing weight to feel healthier, to experience less pain and to be able to move like most other people do. This did make me think about my goal weight. I found a picture of myself when I was 135 lbs (15 years ago). I now think I looked too thin then, but at that time, I felt like I was overweight. I have a picture of myself when I started to lose weight last year. The difference from 274 (last year) to 222 (now) is amazing. I think I will have DH take a picture of me now at this weight, so I have something to compare to when I get below 200. I have my picture of myself when I began on my mirror and I think I'll keep a running picture log there so I can see where I am. It is so hard to look in the mirror and really see what I look like. I think I look one way, but really, I look completely different. Seeing a picture of myself seems to help me see my complete body.

Willpower and my personal truth-
I laid on the couch for over a year after my accident and barely got up to use the commode next to the couch. One day, I realized I was unable to sit up for more than 5 minutes without being completely exhausted. That was my moment of truth. I knew I had to get up and move just do something, or I'd be completely bedridden for the rest of my life. It took tremendous willpower for me to make the effort to start to exercise. First, I got dressed and sat on the exercise machine I was using at the time. This was exhausting and painful. I did this daily the first week. The second week, I exercised for 2 1/2 minutes the first day. I had to take the next day off as I found that I was exhausted. I kept at it, but it was from sheer force of will. I am not sure if it's symantics or not either. Other terms you can use are desire and determination. I know that if you want something badly enough, you can make it happen. But truthfully, willpower will only take you so far. After awhile, you do need something to keep you going forward because desire/willpower is not easily maintained for any length of time.

I have only read 2 chapters of the book so far, but I think he is saying that our weight loss success does not depend on our willpower. It depends on the changes we make in reprograming our lifestyles. I agree with him. Using willpower means we still want or desire to eat and are denying that desire. When we make changes, especially in our thinking, its no longer important to us.

Nita

I am waiting for the book to arrive from my book of the month club. I will catch up to all of you as soon as I get it. I read fast! So far, reading what you've posted, it sounds good.

Summer

Finally! Takes me forever to get everything done before I can sit down at the computer. I've been looking forward to this all day!

Was there anything he said in these chapters that really stood out to you and why? :
I don't think there was any one thing that he said that really stood out (outside of the Be--Do--Have line--I'm a sucker for tag lines like that), I've read a lot of self-help books over the past 10 years about the non-diet approach to wt loss. I think what struck me the most is how far I've come! At my worst I was a compulsive overeater/binger and then would purge. I HATED myself and couldn't STAND to think positive thoughts about myself. Now, after lot of practice with stopping negative thinking, I can actually say I'm PROUD of myself and I really like who I am! I've come a long way but still have some work to do with stress eating.

Your Goal Weight... I really like his realistic wt chart. I always wanted to weigh 120s (you know.. the less the better)
Now, I just want to acheive a weight where I feel good, I don't need to be stick thin. I would like for my husband to be able to safely pick me up though :o

Your job is to unlock each door, step through it with a commitment to change and to keep moving forward until youve walked through all seven:
I'm really looking forward to going through each of the 7 doors. For the first time since I've been buying these books, I didn't look ahead! :D

Not sure about the willpower thing.. made sense when I was reading it. I always thought that it WAS willpower that determined whether you would lose weight and I didn't have any--felt like a failure, but since I've been changing my habits I've been losing and I don't think I gained any willpower (if that makes any sense..)

Sillymonkey--I also liked the Cindy Crawford quote! I'd like to see what she does look like at home alone. :)

Great!!!I just started reading and even though I am only 4 lbs over my goal weight, I keep going back up after a while so I know something is there for me. Getting nails done at 8 so I will catch up later. Mima

Hi Everyone!

Just a quick note because i am late for a meeting.....

Loved all your comments. This is great to see so many views expressed.... I want to respond to some later when I have time!

Hope everyone is doing great! Talk to you later!

What great posts!! Everyone's thoughts are just as inspiring as the book! Thank you to everyone.

Was there anything he said in these chapters that really stood out to you and why?

It was good to understand that the diet industry has a 95% failure rate. It just put why taking this step for me has been attached to so much negativity. It also was a good reminder that this is not a turnkey solution; it is about building an entire life that supports being happy and for me, being happy is not being captive to what I weigh, not even necessarily that it needs to be a specific number, but a specific way that I feel about myself.

I realized that I am fixated on wanting the quick fix. I am currently doing hypnosis and that is all about re-programming the negative tape in my head. When you are being hypnotized, you can’t speed up the process, you have to be completely focused on what your being told to do, I am trying to put those same principles into place in reading and following the book in the order that Dr. Phil is recommending….so I am surrendering that I have absolutely no patience…urghhh

I don’t think that there was any major epiphanies, but the fact that this he is telling us the truth, no quick fixes, hard work, getting real, that we many not get everything that we have in our head gave me a calmness, and for the first time I felt that I was reading words that addressed me and not the reasons that what/how I have been eating has made me fat, but the reasons why I made those choices in the first place. This makes me feel more confident in the steps than “all you have to do is stop eating pasta!”

My comments about the will power are in my prior post….

I'm going to do a longer post later but I wanted to throw one thought out for the moment:

I was very disappointed in his GET REAL weight charts

I always felt like the other weight charts didn't reflect a realistic goal for me and as I read the first chapter I couldn't wait to establish a Get Real weight and then strive to hit it!!

I'm 5'3" and medium boned. The lowest I've ever weighed and maintained was in the 140 - 160 range so I had set 150 as my personal goal. Based on what I was reading I felt Dr. Phil was going to vindicate my position that the weight goals on the standard charts were way wrong. Instead, his goal for me was the same as all the other charts -- 125!! Don't get me wrong, I'd love to weigh this but I don't think it is realistic. Taken in the context of the chapter, I found this weight expectation a huge blow to my motivation.

I'll post on the rest of the chapter later...

Hey Kim-

I understand what you mean but I think he put those in with a [B:] BIG DISCLAIMER[/B:] ..... when he put those in there I think they are just basic guidelines.... not all shapes and sizes are going to fit in those catagories.... for instance I dont fit in them.... I am a big busted, big boned girl. He doesnt even fit in it.... he is larger than the charts he has shows he is supposed to be.... and he has said that in his shows. He also said your "Get Real" Weight is where you are comfortable and happy and can maintain....

Everyone has posted such great thoughts.... it has all made me think - that is so wonderful!

Actually, I'm the same height and my weight came out as 138 (which was fine with my goal of 140). Personally, I don't know what kind of boned I am, so I just went with large. I think he does say that everything's relative...perhaps you have more muscle than his 'average' 5'3" candidate. I mean, you can't really lump everyone into 3 figures on a chart. The charts are just for use as a guide - you really need to go with what looks good on you and what's healthy. If it's really 150 for you, than use that as your goal. I have a lot of leg muscles, so I'm personally aiming for 140, and I'll see if I really need to go that far once I get closer. At least it gives me something to aim for for now. Don't worry about it and don't let it get you down...when it comes down to it, it's just a number - it's how you feel that counts.

hey everyone,

i've really enjoyed reading the posts on this chapter so far! i haven't had power because of hurricane isabel so i'm catching up and hope to post some thoughts tonight!

~Emily

As far as the weight lose goals go, I think the charts are just a place to start. I know some women that weigh 150 lbs and they look tiny, because they are all muscle. Some others, the same height look a lot heavier at 150.

I'm just going to go for a pant size/top size, at least I know what that is. The weight number I want to be is 150 (I'm around 5'8 or 9" depending on the time of day), but that might change as I get closer to where I want to be in measurments and proportion. When I weighed 135 lbs, I wasn't really in shape. So now, if I continue to work out and build muscle, 175 may be a more realistic goal.
All I want to do is get healthy. Of course, if I could look good too, that would be so fine.;)

"Everybody has a role in life.... What is yours?
 

This was a statement that Dr Phil said today on the show..... maybe it is in the book down the road.... but it struck such a nerve with me....

Everybody has a role in life- What is your Role? This one is a hard one for me..... I always thought my role was one thing but am realizing that I have given myself a different role in the past few years- The role I have given myself is the dowdy, frumpy, lazy, girl that acts like she is happy and outgoing... lots of laughter that I hide behind... I have become the king procrastinator with work and realizing that I am not working at all really.... where has my self esteem gone? and why the **** did I let it go.... when did I slide into this inertia? When did I start letting life and success pass me by?

What role do you want to have? I want the self confident, sexy, truly happy, successful role. It is a role that I deserve.... one I have never had and am only just realizing that I never had it....

I dont want ot be the girl that is constantly looking in the window but never feeling invited in.... never feeling quite good enough.... always being inadequate....

What is your role in life? What would you like it to be?

First Impressions
 

I, too, was surprised by Dr. P's height/weight charts. For my heighth, 5'5", looked pretty much like the WW's chart (w/ a maximum of 150, his says 148).

My realistic goal is to get down to 165, where I was one year ago. Not the impossible 120 lbs. the charts said I should weigh and which I have beat myself up for the last 30 years because I've never attained it since junior high. At 165 last year I felt great. Still overweight by the charts, but with working out 6-7 days a week, I looked fine. It's a realistic goal for me. I am committing to losing 5 pounds a month until I get there.

Passages in the book that jumped out at me: (1) That I won't be at this weight next year. If I don't take positive steps, I'll just continue until I regain everything I worked so hard to lose. I'm not happy about where I am, but I'm still 70 pounds down from my highest weight. I will not go back there.

The "butt" stops here!

(2) That you can't expect weightloss to solve non-weight-related problems. Wow. I always expect that losing weight will resolve my self-esteem issues and deliver self-confidence, clear skin, gorgeous hair and social grace. Then I'm surprised when I get to goal and I still feel inferior, dotted with acne and dry hair, and at a loss for words.

My personal truth: I feel fat, unattractive and worthless no matter what I weigh. When I lose to where I'm at a normal weight for my height, I feel cognitive dissonance because my OUTSIDES say attractive, slender, fit and competent but INSIDE I still feel worthless, fat, unattractive and dumb.

My fat is my "opt out" ticket on life, activities I say I want to pursue and social situations. As long as I'm saying, "When I get thin, then ___" it's all just a dream and I can avoid the risks involved in actually doing those things. I continue to be isolated, depressed and bored but *safe*.

As long as I stay fat, I can rationalize failure and rejection: It's not "me", it's my "fat". But underneath, I know that's not a universal truth. I lose respect for myself when I lie to myself.

As long as I stay fat, I can avoid growing up: I can continue to be emotionally dependent and avoid responsibility and structure. I can eat with abandon and not be burdened with denying myself or counting calories/points. I can be lazy and only do what appeals to me at the moment. I don't have to plan ahead. I lose respect for myself when I act like a spoiled child.

As long as I stay fat, I can continue wallowing in depression, victimhood and negativity. I can continue to say "it's not MY fault" as long as I avoid acknowledging that I willingly sculpt my overweight body through my "fat lifestyle" choices: binge-eating to suppress emotions and boredom, occasional exercise, high-calorie food choices, baking for no occasion other than to have a steady supply of binge fuel.

I can continue to avoid conflict with others that might be created by standing up for myself, speaking my mind and just expressing who I am. I can continue to feel self-righteous about my victimhood and nurse resentments.

BTW - My VCR tape ran out before today's episode. Who did Phil decide to keep out of the 13????? And who was it he was calling a ridiculous doormat?

Sami
Great post, I too have spent way to long in the "whens". When I lose weight I will dress nicer--When I lose weight I will be happy--When I lose weight I will have more confidence....It just doesn't happen. The closer that I get to my weight goals, I panic and gain back the weight....I don't want to give up the benefits living as a "fat" girl has supported.

I am adding that now I DO WANT to give up those benefits and deal with those issues......

It is very scary to think about being at the goal and still being unhappy, better not to try, that is why I think that addressing these issues are most important....I don't think that he got rid of anyone today....I could be wrong.

My WW is 128 and the chart says 99-I am 5feet and shrinking and 65-when I weigh 128, I can wear an 8 petite so I am not fat!!!!!!!!!I only have 3-6 lbs to go. But I love the book-I think it has something to say that is great!!I have read 2 chapters and stated my goals more specifically. I have fibromyalgia so one of tha drawbacks is what exercises I can do-some walking and swimming . I am making my goal 1 pound a week and that is doable for me. WW gives me 22 points a day. I don't know how to copy those questions and I can't type fast so I'll probably only give general comments. I am reading one chapet at a time and answering the questions. Mima

Excellent post, Sami. I think the hardest part is what you did - looking at yourself from the inside and out, recognizing it and putting it out there. I was embarrassed to post my high weight, and more so to make public my "then and now pics" to a select group. Posting my weight made me accountabe to me, as well as making public my now photos because there still is a long way to go.

When I lost 40 pounds, I loaded up my barbell with 40#. I couldn't even hardly lift it off the floor. I had to sit down and think about how I carried that on this poor body for too many years. As for the weight charts, I set my goal at a 100# loss over 13 months. It was just a coincidence that the charts in Dr. Phil's book related to my height. It's been so long since I was below 190, I can't relate to what even 150 felt like. But I will know, when I get there what's right for me by my strength, Body Fat% and lastly what I look like. My main goal is health and quality of life.

I know that Dr. Phil released this book at the right time for me. I have much emotional baggage to release, and much to learn on how to deal with the emotions that send me to the frig for self-medication, comfort and instant gratification. Those dark forces are internal, not external.

dip

Everyone is Giving Such Great Posts!
 

As I sit here reading everything everyone says I am amazed at all the words and feelings.... It is like I could write all of these myself.

I sit here saying "Yes, I feel that way" "Yes I use that excuse" "Yes that happened to me" etc.etc.etc.....

What it makes me realise

1) I am not alone.
2) I am not the 'original' fat girl.
3) That if my excuses all these years werent original then they werent real. They were just excuses.
4) That so many of my 'truths' were also other peoples 'truths' and that they werent really truths at all.


So if I have to change my excuses and I have to change my truths and I have to show myself to the world (you guys) then what am I going to change everything to? What am I going to show everyone of who I really am?

Thank you so much for all the great posts! Thank you for all the thoughts and feelings and for posting them. It helps me tremendously and I appreciate you guys for opening up and being honest.

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!

Re: "Everybody has a role in life.... What is yours?
 

Oh man - when I heard that one I totally ran, got a pen and wrote it down! It was just such an awesome statement, and it's great 'cause it's been on my mind lately (just not in such a clear way).

I've been doing a lot of thinking that I don't really have a role...that I somehow need to "find myself" (no matter how cliché that may sound). But when he said that, I thought to myself - my god, I do have a role, I just didn't notice. And since it's a role I just slipped into (of being frumpy, fat and lazy about it), it's not a role I actively chose, and it's not a role I want!! Man, I do not want 'frumpy' to be my life role - that's almost more disgusting than the negative thoughts I have about myself and my weight. I have to change my role - I can't be "the frumpy one" anymore, or I feel like I'll risk that being the only thing I leave in this world when I'm gone. How awful would that be? Yikes!

Things that really jumped out at me … Wow, I think it would be shorter to say what didn't jump o out at me. There was so much in this section that made me sit up and take notice.

My take on the comment about willpower is that perhaps we have been defining willpower all these years. I think the 'willpower' the Dr. Phil is talking about, that doesn't work, is the jazzed up emotion that we fly on when we're ready for this new and exciting magic bullet. The 'willpower' that lets us skip the chocolate cake at the birthday party – right before we go home and binge on frozen waffles and maple syrup while everyone else is in bed. The 'willpower' that flies out the window at the first hint of failure because it cannot stand up to the test when we're denying ourselves both what we really need as well as what we want.

What we need is the determination to work major changes in our lives. Not 'willpower' if all that means is that we can live on apple cider vinegar or cabbage soup for 3 months.

So with that in mind I can see how Dr. Phil says that willpower doesn't work.

Now for things in the chapter that made sit up and take notice...

The decision you must make is whether or not you will quit conning yourself and telling yourself what you so desperately wish were the truth: that there is some hot new diet out there, promising quick and easy results.

Conning myself. This is exactly what I've been doing for more than a decade. I've been conning myself by convincing myself that I could get control of my weight without dealing with some of the underlying issues and reasons for the behaviour that got me this way. I've also done a good job of conning myself into believing that I'm not really "that fat". Which, I obviously am.

No matter how many times you've tried, no matter how many times you've failed in the past, no matter if you haven't seen your feet in forty years, I want you to stop selling yourself short and reach in a mature strategic way for all you are capable of doing, being and having.

This is part of the con job I've been pulling on myself for years. That on some level I am not worth the effort and I am not capable of lasting, meaningful change.

You must rid yourself of that gnawing and overpowering sense of urgency and panic that always seems to appear on the scene, like ants spoiling the fun at a picnic, every time you decide to lose weight or otherwise get in shape. Stop telling yourself that you just absolutely "have to" lose weight. You may want to, you may even need to, but you don't have to. That's just what you have been telling yourself because you thought it would motivate you. So instead of all that drama and self-recrimination, I want you to choose to feel very calm and relaxed.

This is a group of sentences from one section of the chapter. This is something I have a problem with. I have to lose the weight in a certain amount of time. That I cannot take 2 or 3 years to lose the weight. That there is some time table that actually exists outside of my own mind. I look at the long term goal (125 – 150 pounds) and I realize that at a reasonable weight loss of 1.5 pounds per week I have 1.5 – 3 years of weight loss. I get freaked out and I panic.

What I am having really driven home to me is that what I really have is a decade of weight gain that isn't going to come off over night. It isn't going to come off in a week, a month, a year or even two years. And I am going to have to make changes that continue for the rest of my life, or I will simply lose the weight and put it on and take it off and put in on and take it off … etc.

I'm re-reading the chapter so that I can further work through this post. I've also printed off some of the replies here so I can read through them with greater attention.

Sami,
Dr. Phil hasn't picked the 8 yet. I wonder if he really will do that?
I was thinking that maybe he said that to get them to be more serious and really think. I don't know. They all were relieved to get the chance to work with him for a year and then be told there will only be 8. That would make me feel worse then before if I didn't get picked. I would rather not be in the original 13.
I think it was Marilyn. The one whose husband cheated on her for years. I could be wrong but she is like a doormat and I hope she succeeds and kicks him out. She called him up and asked if he had a second and he said no. What a jerk.

I started reading the book today. There are so many great posts. I can't wait to start participating.

Terri

Terri: Thank you for the update on the show! I was so :mad: at myself last nite when I got home and realized my VCR tape ran out after ATWT and before Phil. ARGH! I'd been looking forward to that show all day. I was hoping to record several of these episodes in sequence and review them periodically when I feel myself losing my grip.

Sami,
I hate when that happens when I record too. He only talked to 6 of the houseguests.
The others didn't know why. He seems to be playing mind games to get them moving. It looks like he will talk to rest on Monday's show.
Leslie (The one with the bright red hair and eyeshadow, no.12)
went into the confessional and screamed for her mom. Scared everyone. She seemed like she just needed to vent. The salmon they got for dinner was not a hit in the least.
Terri

Sami..
Check your TV schedule. In our area, they rerun his nighttime show the next week on his daytime show. Perhaps they do in your area also.

Nita

Wow, you have some awesome thoughts, Mrs. K.

I would encourage you in the regard that, when you first start your weight loss program, you will probably lose 5-10 lbs. a week, and then it may slow down a little. I think your average may be closer to 2-3 lbs. per week. So perhaps you can lose in one year, as opposed to 1.5 to 3 years.

One thing I'd suggest is borrowing this slogan from the 12 steppers: "One Day at a Time." "Just for today" I will eat on plan. Just for today, I will drink my water. Just for today, I will go for a walk. And, as someone else mentioned, smaller goals at first. And you are very correct, it took years to put on the weight, it will take time to lose it.

I can really relate to your words about "cabbage soup for 3 months." Some days, I can easily eat on plan, and others, it seems like it's impossible. Sometimes I can blame it on hormones :D , but other times, it's the "I want what I want when I want it" child inside. :sumo:

Thanks for letting me read and discuss this book with you, ladies. I plan on learning a lot from you!

Tricia

“It’s about changing yourself from the inside out” – ABSOLUTELY

“What is your personal truth?” – Mine is to be loved and desired. When I was loved and desired I didn’t appreciate it – now being older and wiser I want another chance. I don’t like that I failed at this.

“Diphtong: You are an inspiration to me also. I reiterate all that SunnyD57 wrote.

“Cristi: You wrote “I too am impatient”. It seems like many of us have this “issue”.

“Rowan: You wrote on willpower “ commitment and finding the right set of tools to support that decision”. THANK YOU, I love that.

“Nita’s: “It depends on the changes we make in the reprogramming our lifestyles. I agree with him. Using willpower means we still want or desire to eat and are denying that desire. When we make changes, especially in our thinking, its no longer important to us” statement REALLY hits me. I quit before I start when I believe something will always be a fight. I want to take care of this weight issue and move on with my life.

“Rowan: I also like your “it is about building an entire life that supports being happy”. I am paraphrasing Marianne Williamson here but she says instead of goal to lose weight to be happy, moving to be happy, finding that “soul mate” to be happy, why not just make your goal “being happy”. Simple, huh!!!

“What is your role in life?
At 52 I am just starting to define my role.
I have realized this year I am a good friend. I don’t totally understand why, but all of my life, no matter where I go I make friends easily and keep them. (with only a couple exceptions) Some remain casual friends and some become best friends which is one of the reasons I have little time to post because of all the emails I get each day. (but I am not complaining) I still have some friendships that I started in grade school.

“What would I like my role to be?

Hmmmmm

Sami: “My fat is my “opt out” ticket on life, activities I say I want to pursue and social situations. As long as I’m saying, “When I get thin, then ______” it’s all just a dream and I can avoid the risks involved in actually doing those things. I continue to be isolated, depressed and bored but safe.” OH, MEEEEE TOOOOO

“Diphong: That is a great idea!!!! Quote: “When I lost 40lbs, I loaded up by barbell with 40#. I couldn’t even hardly lift it off the floor”. I have weights ( I don’t use at the moment) and this would be a great way to realize my weight loss progress. (at least the weights will get used) haha

I have to re-read these 46 pages. My head feels like "too much information". :dizzy:

Was there anything he said in these chapters that really stood out to you and why? the big thing for me was when he said this time next year you will not weigh the same , you will be either more or less than you weigh now. That is so true 5 years ago I thought I was heavy and fat at 150. now I weigh 30 lbs more and I think how and why.

"It's about changing yourself from the inside out"- I figure I have tryed everything else so I know that has to be the answer. If I don't fix the instead things with me will not change and I will also struggle with my weight. I know for me the weight is some what of a barrier to keep people at arms distance so they don;t hurt me. But you know what it doesn;t work I still get hurt, mad.

"Your Goal Wieght is a state of health and well-being that is congruent and in harmony with how you are physically and genetically configured. I need to be carefull with this one. I try and go too low and when I can't maintain I say to my self see you failed again. I am 5'4 and at one time I weighted 135 but I could only maintain for a few months and it was a struggle. So I slowly went up in weight. I try not to go with a weight that is on some chart. I would like to be a weight that I can maintain without starving myself.

"Your job is to unlock each door, step through it with a commitment to change and to keep moving forward until youve walked through all seven" ... This one is tough for me because the closer I get the more scared I get. I am also very impatient I want the weight loss now without having to work at it.

"what is your personal truth- That if I lose the weight again I will just turn around and gain it back. I also feel I will dissapointment my self and others in my life if I do gain the weight back. I also believe that this comes from not really trusting myself and others. I have been hurt so many times by others that I keep up a permanant wall. It is not a wall that doesn;t let people in it is more a way to protect my emotions.

What do you guys think of Dr Phils comment about not need willpower and that willpower doesnt work..... I don't think you need willpower ( which for me is a good thing) but I do think you need determination.

Bev

WOW! You've all knocked my socks off with your introspection and your honesty. What a warm, safe place for all of us to "get real!"

Angel summed up what I felt when reading your posts so eloquently:
Good stuff!

Page 3: You've known for a long time that you were going to have to get real about fat or stay real fat.

So true for me. I relinquish control when life gets stressful or uncomfortable, and turn to food to make me feel better. I always know when I'm doing it, yet I con myself into believing I'm powerless over it. What a crock! I've had moderate successes (and subsequent failures) on many different diet plans, but they have always just treated the symptoms. Until I "get real" about why I gain the weight and treat the causes I will never win the "battle of the bulge."

Page 4: Nothing will stop you from being anything other than healthy, vibrant, in shape, and fully in charge of yourself and everything you think, do, and feel. This will happen because you make it happen. It will happen because you have made the decision to step up and do what it takes to have what you want.

Specific goals and accountability! No more denial, no more cop-outs! I (WE!) can do this if we decide we want to. We are masters of our own destiny!

Page 8: You always have a choice. You can choose to obsess about your weight, or not. You can choose to worry about it, or not. You can choose to panic about your situation, or not. When you choose your behavior and your thoughts, you choose the consequences that flow from those choices.

Personal responsibility and making better choices! I continually subjugate what I know to be right and replace it with a false belief that the food will make me feel better. In actuality, as we all know, it NEVER makes us feel better!

Page 22: Reality check: you can never, ever use weight loss to solve problems that are not related to your weight.

I have to stop pretending that getting to my goal weight is going to fix what is broken. Until I can let go of the issues from my past, stop playing the negative tapes in my head, and learn to deal with my negative emotions WITHOUT turning to food I will never be "free."

Page 25: I always say that the most important relationship you will ever have is with yourself. You've got to be your own best friend first, accepting and loving yourself from the inside out, before you can be truly happy and before you can live with purpose and passion.

I would NEVER say the awful and unsupportive things I say to myself to anyone else! So I need to learn to treat myself as I would one of my girlfriends. I need to praise myself for all of the positive steps I am taking, reward myself for every accomplishment, and cut myself some slack when I stumble. I need to learn how inspire myself and to give myself the pep talks I would give any of my friends to help them in their weight loss efforts.

Many of you have already mentioned other parts of Part 1 that struck me, and when reading your posts I felt such a kinship with all of you.

I'm enjoying the journey we are taking together so much already!

Hugs of support to all of you, and THANK YOU.

Jo :wave:
202/135

Jo, Great interpretations. I'm using your post (and Angel's words) for a summary of the first part of the book, printing it out and sticking it in my journal.

Back in the 60's, there was a TV program called The Naked City. At the begining of each program, an announcer said, "There are 9 million stories in the Naked City. (NYC)" Everybody here is an individual, but we come together to reach into ourselves to solve a common life-saving problem. Thank you all for being so honest not only in print to the rest of us, but to yourselves. Admitting that you are "broken" and need to be fixed, IMO, is the first understanding of about what we are getting into here. Bless your hearts!

dip

What a great group!

It is so nice to be able to be so open with other people who really understand where you're coming from.

Thank you all so much for being here and for sharing so openly and honestly.

You guys just keep talking and I won't have to read the book! LOL I'm really impressed with all of your insights and have really gleaned some things that I had missed. I loved Sami's response about losing weight not solving non-weight related problems. WOW! I have been racking my brain to try to find out why I overeat! I guess I have been at it so long it is part of my nature. Now, how to break that! I started reading this book with the idea that I would carefully comb each page for a life altering miracle. You know what I have come up with? IT AIN'T FOOD THAT HAS MADE ME FAT. It is me. I want you to know that you all are a lot cheaper that a shrink, so keep talking!
Nancy

In regards to patience, especially when it is 60-200 pounds to lose I have learned to realize that people would look at me and say "You are LOSING weight. I grew to remember that there are noticeable differences on the way down. That kept me motivated to lose 60. I never used to have patience in this area but I learned to appreciate the comments and looks as I went down. Each ten pounds was more noticeable and I felt as good losing each 10 pounds as I did when I lost my last pound.

Terri

When I lost the first 20 pounds, no one noticed, and my family barely mentioned it. *THAT* bothered me deeply because, as I have learned, I was depending on external motivators. But as I lost more, I could feel bone and muscle for the first time - well, actually I can't remember. I can see the differences as well as feel them by touching my body in a way I wouldn't allow myself to do 6 months ago. I am not ashamed to say that every morning, I look in the mirror naked for more changes.

Yesterday I ran into an acquintance I hadn't seen since July, at minus 20. But yesterday, she remarked about the difference. I appreciated her noticing and saying so. But the biggest satisfaction IS that I did this through self-determination and persistence, even though I have another 60 to go. And believe me, patience had to be self-imposed to the empth degree. The main external support I've had is right here on 3FC. But I have been accountable to no one but myself.

When Dr. Phil told that girl on TV, "If you want a qucik-fix, go get your stomach stapled," well, that "Philism" really hit home with me because it's a truth - the changes aren't going to happen overnight. It is serious, focused, planned hard work, afterall, we are going to break an addiction based and rooted in our own personal hells. There will be ups and downs, and many questions. And I'm happy to see so many willing to jump in with both feet.

dip