LOL... sorry to disappoint anyone who clicked on this thread looking for a dirty joke ...

BUt this to me is much more obscene: The other day, I was doing a major clean-up of my bedroom. You know, more than just dusting and surface cleaning, which lead me to start going through closets and drawers and stuff. I was shocked to realize that I had junk food and dirty dishes stashed all over the place. A small pizza box with a couple of crusts in it ... 4-5 bowls with the remains of ice cream or pudding crusted onto them ... a half-eaten bag of Cheetos ... three (!) empty 2-liter bottles of soda (not diet) ... an empty whipped cream can ... two small deli containers with the remnants of horseradish-bacon potato salad from the supermarket ...

I was astonished. I live alone, so I know it's me. And I know I eat in my room a lot. I just can't figure out what on earth possess me to stash stuff in drawers as opposed to just throwing it away or taking it downstairs. I'm sure it stems from guilt about eating so badly and so clandestinely. You know, some people fear that if they were to die unexpectedly that their loved ones will come across a stash of sex toys or something when they go through their belongings. My great fear is that people will find a three-week-old Ho-Ho in my pillowcase.

I am slowly -- maybe not so slowly -- descending to rock bottom when it comes to eating. Monday, for example, I weighed myself and as I was on the scale I was eating a big piece of banana bread. While I was on the scale. Yeah, that's pretty bad.

Who knows... maybe I have to sink this low to finally, finally do something about it.

Hello!

I just wanted to give you a small note of encouragement. I think once you realize that what you are doing is just wrong for your body - I think you will change - just as you've written here. But dieting is very hard - the hardest thing you will ever do in this life. But just from what I read here, I know you are ready to succeed.

The only really good advice I can give to you is to read as much as you can about dieting - and not just one diet. I'm sort of an expert on dieting, believe me. And the only thing I know is that if you reduce your calories in, and burn the excess off, you'll lose weight.

Good luck dear - I know you can do it if you put your mind to it!

Maggie, is there has to be more to this than just the food? What do you think is driving you to do this? I wish so much I knew the magic answer for you. You're certainly in my thoughts. Hang in there. Maybe it would help to journal your daily food to help with accountability?

Maggie

I know what you mean. It's great that you are putting it out there. I guess you are at a point where it's time to turn around and start walking back up that hill you slid down. Steph may be right. Is there more going on than food? I know you have a competative career, is DD still in the south with Habitat? Perhaps you could consider counceling to find the stem of the issue? I have considered this many times and if I could afford it I would. Have you looked into any possible underlying medical issues? I mean for YEARS doctors told my sister she was fat and she lied about what she was eating. When in fact she had a medical condition and no matter what she did without medication she wasn't going to lsoe weight,

One way or another you can do this. It's going to be hard, it's going to be long and it's going to suck. That is just the truth. The pounds won't just fall off. I love WW, it's not a horribley restrictive program, but it's not fun, it's not easy, it's also not for everyone. If it works for you then do it. I do feel sad and deprived sometimes and I don't deal well with it. I get angry and stomp around b/c I feel empty and lonley b/c food is my friend, I yell and pout b/c I have 5 points left and nothing in my house that will satisfy me for 5 points. Heck I even cry b/c my family is eating McD's and I am starving but even if I eat 45 points there the food's not satisfying or filling and if I eat it I gain and if I don't I am hungry. And frankly it sucks. And in those moments, I hate WW, I hate myself, I hate my parents for giving me weird food hangups, I hate skinny people, I am just hateful and mean.

But when I am in the groove and I step on that scale and see a loss it's ok. And when I am doing my program and succeeding in it I feel confident. When I get to give my size 26 pants away, then my 24's, 22's and I step into a pair of 18 jeans, I'm ok. I may go up and down that scale, I may love it or hate it, I may eat an entire box of chicken lo mein, I may be the same weight I was a year ago, but in the big scheme of things I am changing, slooooooooooowly changing.

You will be ok too. You are such a strong determined woman, you've climbed the ladder in your field and played the game with the boys on thier turf, you've raised a gifted and generous daughter, you can beat a few pounds. You can. Just don't let the junk get in the way. Don't get hung up on the rough patches. You rock and you can do this!!!!!!!!!!!

Misty, you are really beautiful. I am speechless. Thank you. Steph and Kitty, thank you also. I'm not sure what the **** else is going on, if anything. Although I think it's a serious case of resentment. You know, why can't I eat what I want like other people? Why can't I be gorgeous and thin? Why can't I not have to diet all the time? I really think that's it. But what the **** am I proving by overeating? That I'm a silly immature child. I just have to let that all go.

Dear Maggie....................I think sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before your mind, body and soul understand where you are and then you will/can climb out of it! I think by expressing yourself in that post and then having it in black and white for you to read over again seems to be good therapy. It actually helped me when I read it too! My story is different and I don't have a lot of time........but........I'm a private binge eater! I mean LOOK out kitchen, fridge, cupboards..........when I'm alone! I posted the details on Cyber Purgers (warning binge confessions) here at 3FC if you want to read it.....I mean, why not.........the rest of the world has read it. lol! Well we are leaving for vacation, but I wanted you to know that I was thinking of you and that I will say a prayer for you! Be strong! Talk it out! (We listen! lol) and remember to breathe! Big hugs coming your way! Talk to you soon.

Hi Maggie, I know that i barely know you and you probobly don't want a complete stranger getting into your business but if i can't offer some insight. I think what you are describing is a symptom of an underlying problem whether it be medical or psychological. No i am not saying you are crazy but i think a lot of us use food as a tool for something that they are missing or a distraction so they don't have to deal with what's really bugging them. You might not even realize what it is. Some people are so busy and on the go all day that they dont have time to think about how they are feeling and recognize the emotions that are taking over their body. Maybe if you kept a journal of everytime you binged. Write what happend before you binged and what you were feeling. You might start to see a pattern. Have you ever thought about seeing a therapist? They can be very helpful in dealing with this issue. Anyway..... I hope i helped a little.

Erin

Erin, I really appreciate your post. First off, there are no strangers in the Slimmin' Sistas!

Secondly, yeah, I've given a lot of thought to what could be going on "underneath." Maybe therapy would help. But to be honest, I know when I am binging, that it is a total act of defiance. It's not really a mystery to me. There could be other stuff lurking below the surface, but I have never been one to play by the rules and I think that having to diet feels like having to do just that. Like I said, I know I'm not proving anything. I think what I have to do is talk to myself more. I know that sounds weird. But the few times I've had some luck with losing, I had some very animated conversations with myself -- out loud -- where I talked through everything I was feeling when I was about to pig out. ****, often, by the time I was done and had given myself permission to eat, I didn't feel like it anymore!

Anyway, thank you againf for your insight, Erin, and for taking the time to post.

For what it's worth, I think many of us use food for non-hunger reasons which is part of the reason we end up on WW and trying to make changes. Trying to focus on just 1 goal at a time might help.

A goal for this week could be (this is just a suggestion)--stop eating after dinner. Give yourself a cut-off time of 8 p.m. Keep the kitchen lights off and don't go back in there. Keep a big glass of water with you, do your nails, call a friend, post here, anything to keep you able to accomplish the goal.

For me, having a specific and focused goals (as opposed to a vague "I will get back on track" kind of goal) can really make a difference.

You will make it--we are all on your side.