This was just too funny for me NOT to share it with you all. I actually printed it out and we're still laughing at some of them. Someone out there has ALOT of time on their hands but I'm glad and hope they stay unemployed or whatever they do that gives them time to think these things up because they sure cheered ME up. 
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Arbitrator ar'-bi-tray'-ter : A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's.
Avoidable uh-voy'-duh-buhl' : What a bullfighter tries to do.
Bernadette burn'-a-det' : The act of torching a mortgage.
Burglarize bur'-gler-ize' : What a crook sees with.
Control kon'-trol : A short, ugly inmate.
Counterfeiters kown'-ter-fit'-ers : Workers who put together kitchen cabinets.
Eclipse ee-klips' : What a Cockney barber does for a living.
Eyedropper i'-drop-ur : A clumsy ophthalmologist.
Heroes hee-rhos' : What a guy in a boat does.
Left Bank left' bangk' : What the robber did when his bag was full of loot.
Misty mis-tee' : How golfers create divots.
Paradox par'-u-doks' : Two physicians.
Parasites par'-ih-sites' : What you see from the top of the EiffelTower.
Pharmacist farm'-uh-sist : A helper on the farm.
Polarize po'-lur-ize' : What penguins see with.
Primate pri'-mate' : Removing your spouse from in front of the TV.
Relief ree-leef' : What trees do in the spring.
Selfish sel'-fish' : What the owner of a seafood store does.
Subdued sub-dood' : Like, a guy who, like, works on one of those, like, submarines, man.
Sudafed sood'-a-fed' : Brought litigation against a government official.
~PJ's Laugh and feel good Thread~
