I started WW about 3 years ago. I lost 50 lbs. that I had gained during a pregnancy. I got pregnant again and gained most of it back. So I went back to WW and started losing again. I love this program! I was eating healthier than I ever had. I was exercising almost everyday. I felt GREAT!
I 've been coming to this forum since there were only a few hundred members, then the WW forums changed and the 3 Fat Chicks took off! I've gotten alot of support here and I really need some now.
It was about a year ago, I had lost about 40 lbs and the program was going great. I had some other very stressful things going on in my life, but I thought I was handleing everything pretty well. Then my parents came down one weekend and they love buffets and going out to eat 3 times a day and junk food, you know what I mean. I wasn't worried, though, because by now I was a WW pro. I knew all the tricks. My points were banked. I knew exactly what I could eat at every restaraunt in town. I didn't even like really fattening foods anymore. All the stress must have gotten to me because at the first buffet I ate and ate soo much! I could not believe it. Normally I would have just delt with it and made up for that week with more workouts, etc. BUT I had a family reunion in a few days, with MY IN-LAWS!! My beautiful, wealthy, perfect, THIN in-laws who hadn't seen me since losing weight. I thought about this on the way home. I thought about how I would be sick and bloated the next day from all the unhealthy, fried, fattening food I just ate. I got home and in one second I went into the bathroom and threw up, on purpose.
I never thought that I would ever do anything like that. I didn't even think about it, really, I just did it. I'm still doing it...over a year later. At first, it seemed so easy. I could eat whatever I wanted. Then as I would do it more, I quit exercising because I was to weak. I would get dizzy alot and shake for no reason. I continued going to meetings and lost a total of 70 lbs. made goal then lifetime. I couldn't go back after that because I knew it was all a lie.
I know you are going to tell me I HAVE to go to a doctor...I know...I've tried. I get there and I can't tell them. I mean I just can't say it. I've left with anti-depressants, and stuff like that. I did tell my husband, it was kind of hard to hide. At my worst I was doing it 4, 5, 6 times a day. Now I go a few weeks doing it. Then eat like a crazy person for a week or two and then start over again. I have decided that my only way out is to start exercising again. I AM going to a doctor. I know I need to. Right now though, I have to get out of this cycle. I want to feel good again, healthy and strong. I can't go back to a WW meeting. I need something, daily motivation maybe?
I know what I'm doing to myself and I don't want to do it anymore.
I don't want this to happen to anyone else , either. My muscle that I worked so hard to get is wasted away. I'm a size 6 but I'm flabby and gross. The weeks that I'm eating I gain 15-20 lbs easy in just a week or two. That's why I have to start again, so I can fit into my clothes. I'm at the end of my eating cycle now. This one started with another visit from my parents, at the same buffet place. And in a month I have that same family reunion to go to. I am going with energy and on my way back to health. I feel like I have to quit now or I'll never be able to stop.
It's do or die time, literally.
Dear Icandoit,
{{{{{{BIG HUG}}}}}}
I read your post this morning and I was flooded with so many memories of friends and patients from my past. I have not PERSONALLY had to deal with the problem that you are experiencing but I have witnessed the struggle and aftermath of bulemia. I will not lecture you but I will greatlly encourage you to seek out the underlying issues that contribute to this. We all have issues to deal with that are directly related to our weight and bulemia ALWAYS has an underlying issue.
Please, seek the help of a good psychiatrist, preferablly one who deals with eating disorders. Believe me, they won't be shocked ~they understand it and can help you to get to the bottom of issues that you are dealing with.
Wanting help is the first BIG step in the right direction. Good for you! We will be here for your support whenever you need us, but please see someone. Your health is too important for you and your family.
Location: Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia but I'm Canadian!
Posts: 29
icandoit:
I just wanted to say, wow.
Your post really moved me. What a difficult time you've had. Good for you for telling us about it, I think this is a step towards telling someone who has the knowledge and the resources to help you stop. Please, please, get the help you need! You've told your husband, now if you can't tell a doctor maybe you could ask your husband to help you do that.
When I read your post, I thought of how hard I would find it to voluntarily give up a weight-control method that was so effective, even if it was dangerous. But remember, you lost 40 pounds (!!) using a safe, healthy method, and you will be able to control your weight again and feel good about it. If that fear is in your mind, remember that you had the willpower and the information to do it before, and you'll be able to do it again.
All the best to you, I'll look forward to hearing how you're doing.
Icandoit,
Big hugs. Print out your message you posted here, get to your doctor and hand it to him. Good luck. Of course you can do what's right for you.
Major good luck!!!
My heart goes out to you because I know how terrifying a eating disorder can be, and I know how debilitating stress can be if you allow it to rule your life. You can be healthy, happy, and in control of your world and your weight, but only you can make it happen. If you can't bring yourself to tell a doctor, then bring a friend (or your husband) with you, to help you get the words out. If you can't say what you feel, then write it down (just like you did here) -- just communicate!
That first step is always the hardest, but it's a huge leap towards your goal. You will be happy, you will be healthy, and you will like yourself so much more -- but only you can make it happen.
Please let us know how you make out, and take comfort in knowing that God doesn't give us more than we can handle ... you can do this!
(Itryharder -- we were posting at the same time and had the same suggestion ... writing things down always helps me)
You might also want to check out the Eating Disorder Forum on the 3FC's site.
Knowing you have a problem is the first step. The best of luck to you.
Pat
icandoit,
I have just started posting on this site, but I just had to respond to your post and tell you how brave you are!
You have taken such a big step in "telling" us of your problem and I think the other suggestion of printing out your post and taking it with you for your first visit is a great idea!
You've made an important step in admitting to yourself that you have a problem that you want to fix. And the fact that you're reaching out means you want to change this. I agree that seeking help is important. Remember you have the concern and support of everyone in this forum -- you know deep in your heart what you want to do, and that you want to stop. It takes a day at a time, and you're worth it -- remember how great you felt when you were eating right and exercising and not relying on a "crutch" to deal with overeating.
My thoughts are with you -- I'll be sending you support vibes as you deal with this.
Thank you all so much! I have been trying to post that for months and couldn't do it! I was so afraid because its such a weird thing and alot of people just don't understand at all. You are all so sweet and caring. I was so afraid I would get lectured, or hear about all the horrible things this can do to my body. That's how my husband tries to help. He gets so mad and frustated with me. He says "Just stop. Just don't do it anymore. It's that simple.". I wish it were.
I know before this happened to me, I had no idea what it was really about. I always thought that people that did this were like people with anorexia. I thought it was a distorted body image problem. I thought instead of not eating, they just "got rid" of what they ate. Maybe some are like that, but in my case I go with the compulsive over eaters group. I never realized it,
I have always turned to food to feel better. Its strange to say that because I would always watch these TV shows and here women saying that they over eat for comfort and I didn't get that. I thought I just ate because...I just did. You know the most stressful times in my life were when I was at my heaviest. I always
assumed I was stressed out because I was fat, not the other way around. My brother and sister have struggled with drug problems since they were early teenagers.
Everyone thinks I'm the good one, that I have it all together. People say"I can't believe you are from the same family." I always agreed with them because I never looked at my eating as a problem, except that it made me fat of course. Now I know. Food is my drug. I know it sounds silly or stupid to some people but its true. I remember,at 13 or 14 years old, eating a cup cake after a fight with my mother. I remember thinking" I can't wait until I get a job so I can buy a whole box of these and eat them all at once." I drop my kids off at school and go to 2 or 3 different fast food places, come home and eat it all. I can do this all day if I'm really stressed out. It is so easy to lose control. I spend so much money on food just to do this with. On my grocery list are things that are just for me to do this with. I have my own little stash that I make sure is stocked daily.
This is my drug problem, and I can't tell anyone because then they will know that I am not the perfect one. That I'm not strong, that I can't take it.
I am figuring all this out now for the first time. Its a relief in a way. I also feel like a loser and a failure. I mean I just thought I had a weight control
problem. Nothing a little exercise couldn't fix.
I am going to a doctor soon. I like your idea,Sil, of writing it down. I think I will just keep it short and simple( unlike my posts here) and hand him a post it note or something. I thought about having my husband call and make my appointment and tell them then, but I think I would get there and deny it. I know that's terrible but this is difficult.
I want to thank you all so much. I feel alot better after just these 2 posts. I never let myself think about it before. You all have helped me more than you could ever imagine. I think this is just what I need. Thank you.
I am going to the doctor on Thursday!!! He specializes in eating disorders so I don't have to worry about telling him. I also have an appointment with a psycologist in a couple of weeks.
Thank you all so much. I'm moving this thread over to the eating disorder section. If anyone out there is having this same problem, PLEASE talk about it, even if its here. I already feel so much better. I have hope for the first time in a very long time.
