Today was weigh in day, and I should have stayed home... I thought I was doing well, I wasn't sitting on my *** like I tend to, I walked 3.5 miles Wednesday, cleaned the heck out of the garage on Thursday, but I guess I just wasn't active enough. I even tracked! And I am up 1.8 this week. I am devastated about it. Really feel like I am hitting a wall.

Yesterday I think I finally figured out what the **** my deal is. I am scared. The things on my mind:

Fear of loosing so much weight and looking like a saggy piece of ****.
Fear of loosing the layers that have protected me (all mental).
Fear of not being happy when it's gone.
Cannot get to the gym like I'd like to.
Chandler getting out of school and messing up the routine I/we am in.
Lincoln needing to learn to potty train so he can go to school next year and thus give me 2 hrs alone twice a week.

And I think the first thing that is blocking me (mentally) is getting into the 200's. I mean that's a HUGE step! To step on the scale and see 299... And then to hit 298 and be at 10%. I think I have been mentally sabotaging myself because I am nervous about hitting that step. I mean really 30 lb is awesome and all, but the first real hurdle was getting to the 200's. And now that I am knocking on the door, I can't ****ing get through the door.

I am so frustrated!!!! I just want to do this. I HAVE to do this, not only for myself, but for my family! And I feel like I am letting them down. I know the kids have *no* clue what I am doing and why (although Chandler created a recipe for a Banana Split shake and it was "only 14 calories, Mom!"-Honey, I wish). But I just need to figure this out. I am tempted to call my old therapist and ask for help. I know a lot of this is self esteem related and fear. I am ready to loose it, and I can't let my head screw it up.

So this week, I am only going to step on the scale at WW (Today & Friday). Not doing it at home! My goal is to track (I did ok last week-5 days), and to loose .5 lb. That's what my leader suggested at my meeting today. Don't get hung up on the numbers. So there it is. Thanks for reading this novel.

It's true - don't stress the scale! Easier said than done, I know,but it's what we have to do.

I had a 1.4# gain this week at weigh in but it was just a fluctuation because by Monday I was back down to my pre-gain weight. It's going to happen more than once, and we all just have to learn how to cope.

Seeing your therapist again may not be a bad idea. After all, all the weight loss in the world can't fix what's going on in your head. WW is the tool for physical wellness, and therapy may be the best tool for emotional wellness.

I posted over on the other board, too, but just wanted to extend some more

Thank you! I called my therapist and her number is disconnected. Boo. I think I am going to call my primary doc and see if I can talk to her about changing from Zoloft. I've been on it 6 weeks, and the weight loss dropped off big time when I started. I know that is a possible cause to slow weight loss.

Lovely, thanks for the double support!

I am on medications that slow weight loss also, so I know what you're talking about!

CRAP about your therapists number being disconnected!! Maybe you can google his/her name to see if they come up. Maybe it was a simple thing of moving offices or you transposed a number or something. If that doesn't work, see if your insurance requires referrals. If they do, get your primary doctor to make a referral and if they don't require it, call some therapists in the area to see if they accept your insurance!

I did google it. I spent an hour doing it, tomorrow I am going to drive to her office and see if she's still there... No I am not stalking, she was just that good. I even looked her up on the State of Oregon's social worker board to double check the phone number.