[derrydaughter]

I made this post on the Supporting Each Other on your Weight Loss Journey Thread last night. I am so enthusiastic about it that I felt the need to start a new thread with it today.
So, I copy it here and invite you all to inspire yourselves and share those non scale victories. I really feel victorious when I think of what I could weigh instead of where I am.
Here it is... sorry it's long but it's worth the read I think.

I have something of a proclamation to make. Firstly, I have to say I started off bummed out at dinnertime this evening. My daughter (18) and I were both kind of bummed. My son (21) has decided he needs to drop a few pounds lately, so he joined a gym. In two weeks he's lost about 10 pounds, yet last night he was heaping butter in huge globs over top of pasta while we two were using lite margarine spread very sparingly. We were portion controlling and he said, "can I have what is left?" and went over and put the rest of the pasta on his plate while we ate our veggies and our chicken, being careful to take off the skin and not over do anything.
So, this evening, I sit there kind of bummed out and say, "How come he tries for a few weeks and drops 10 pounds when I have put so much effort, maybe even 1,000 times more effort than he has, and then I lose nothing, zip. With all of my weight loss efforts over a period of years, I am just "maintaining". My daughter is doing about the same, though her efforts come and go. When she really tries, she loses, but she is 18 and I am 54 - it is just so darned hard at this age, post-menopausal.
We all know women lose differently from men, it's just a fact. Even when you go to WW meetings the guys get more points than us women and they seem to do a better job losing. It stinks, but it's that way it is, period.
So, at dinner this evening, I finally smiled and looked at my daughter. I told her that I was suddenly very pleased with myself. I may still be 20 pounds overweight and I may still be basically maintaining my weight, but I gave some thought to all the effort and time I have put into this. Yes, for years, I've been trying. For years, the weight is still not off and I'm still not down where I want to be. That magic potion just has not been found for me. Yet, I steadfastly count those points or calories. I haul my reluctant derriere onto that treadmill and I try again and again.
I had this "light bulb" moment.... it's something I had to get on line and share with you all. What if, all the hundreds and thousands of times in the last few years I said "the **** with it" and ate whatever I wanted and didn't care? Well, I'm hovering around 160 and I'm really not gaining. If I had not done all of this for myself, what would I weight? In all honesty, I know I would weight about 250+ easily. I'm only 5'2" tall. I look more like I weigh about 140 now instead of 160 anyway as I am "trim" in terms of a person who does get on that treadmill and does do something other than sit now and then. So, what if I did in fact take all those bites and eat all the desserts, fried foods, chocolate, extra helpings, bacon, butter, etc. that I desire? Well, I'd would be on my way to a heart attack, or would have had one by now. I can celebrate that I am NOT 250 pounds, I am a bit plump but I am not in dangerously obese territory! That is such good news.
The heck with the people like my son who barely put any effort into it and lose weight really quickly. I can be happy for him, but I can also jump for joy that I am still only at 160 and not 250! If I let myself go, I would be obese and I would maybe be one of those fat people who needs a cane and has to shop in the plus size department all the time. I might even have to park in the handicapped spaces as I wouldn't be able to walk that far. I'd have three or four chins and my voice would be husky. I'd probably be spending money on blood pressure medication and I know people would be giving me those "looks" of disgust. (we all know people do that, sadly). I might even be a candidate for gastric bypass - all because I didn't control myself and take care all this time. But, the great news is that I am not 250, I am 160 and I continue to try even if it only maintains that weight, I still try. I do!
So,yeah for not getting those looks! Yeah for fitting into size 10 instead of 3X! I may not be at the 140 I'd like to be, but yeah for me as I have at least kept myself from being what I know I would become.
So, for tonight, I am happy. I don't care about another person with another body, I care that I have actually been a great success to STAY where I am, which is still about 11 or 12 pounds from where I began this journey.
I'm still wearing jeans that fit me about 10 years ago and I am mistaken for being about 10 years younger than I truly am. So, the goal is not met but the big picture is that I could be so much worse off. I shall keep trying and even if I still maintain the existing weight for the next decade, I'm still doing a truly great thing for myself! Woo hoo!!!!! I'm not 250 - 300 pounds as I know I could be (I have 3 relatives in that category and know it's in my genes), I am keep it under control. It's encouraging to actually realize what I could be if I have not been as good as I have been. It could be just awful and I have kept that wolf away from my door for a very long time!
I hope I made sense.
So, what positive things do you see about yourself? Share please!
Let's keep this thread going with some great non scale victories. I do feel truly victorious, do you?

[Rock Chalk Chick]

I'm very happy for you that you have found a good place and can be proud of what you have accomplished and the lifestyle you have set up.

At the same time, I think your posting is a little harsh, in that you're not considering the number of people here who you're describing as the most impossibly ugly, unpleasant person who "didn't control themselves."

We're all on this journey together, but some of us have a different starting point than others. I've learned to watch myself about downplaying those who have "only" 20 pounds to lose, and realize that sometimes your efforts are harder than mine. Given that, I'd like you re-read your "success" from the point of view of one of us "fat people who has to shop in the plus size section." Consider if you were reading this as someone who IS dealing with high blood pressure and other health problems due to her weight.

I feel very grateful every day that I don't (yet) have health problems or other complications due to my weight. And I don't feel you should feel badly about feeling successful that you have fended off weight gain that may have been a likelihood if you lived your life in another way. I just think you should consider your audience on a weight-loss website in which a lot of us ARE wearing 3X clothing or struggling to lose 100 pounds, rather than gloating about how "successful" you feel that you're not in our poor, pathetic, fat shoes.


Edited to say:
I'm sorry, this came across fairly harsh and PO'd. I don't want to remove it entirely because I do feel strongly about what I've said, but I do want to apologize for how I phrased it.

I do feel impressed/envious that you have taken the view of "I've been eating healthy for years, and have prevented myself from getting obese" rather than the discouragement that we all get once in a while (I've been doing this forever and haven't made any progress!). My main concern is that you phrased it in such a way that it really sounds like fat-bashing against those of us who have a long way to go. Instead of celebrating what you've accomplished (hey, I've been eating healthy for so long it just feels normal), you've used a lot of very unpleasant descriptions that apply to people who share your meetings and share this board.

Your descriptions here are exactly the reason I avoided joining WW for several months - I didn't want to walk in and have all the "skinny" women with only 20 "vanity pounds" to lose thinking "oh gosh, thank GOD I don't look like THAT!!" Can you imagine standing up at a WW meeting and announcing your success "Hey, I was sitting at dinner and had an epiphany! If I hadn't been living as healthy as I have been, I would be 250 pounds and have 3 chins and look... well, I'd look like this woman sitting in the next row! Can you imagine the horror?"

[Rebound]

Rock Chalk Chick, I agree with you.

I used to weigh 150. Two weeks ago I weighed 224, which isn't so far away from 250. The tone of the OP made me feel pretty crappy about myself.

But at least you're not me, huh?

[HoosierHeather]

derry I totally see your point. And I think for all of us, no matter what we weigh right now, if we were not on a path of at least TRYING to lose weight and be healthier, we definitely would be heavier and more sick. If I weren't trying and just say f- it all, I'd not weigh 218. I'd maybe weigh 275 or more. And maybe a woman who is at 300 pounds and trying would be creeping up toward 350 rather than down into the 200s.... it's all perspective.

That being said, it does come off as condescending, the comments about obese people. Especially here, where we're all at different stages in our journey.

[Hello Nurse]

I didn't find the post offensive, FWIW. I got the feeling that the OP was only judging herself. I know I am my own worst critic and on bad days I call myself ugly, gross, fatso, etc (I am working on it). I would never judge anyone else so harshly, though. For some reason I only compare myself to people smaller than me. I don't look at someone larger and say, well at least I;m not her. Maybe the OP was just looking at it from this perspective. At any rate, I doubt she intended to offend anyone.

[derrydaughter]

Man, I was such a happy camper until reading that.
I was in no way bashing anyone, just happy that I did something great for myself after all.
Whatever....
I'm leaving for a weekend away and will contemplate answering further when I am back.
I don't think the majority of people would take my post in that personal or sensitive way, I will not remove my thread.
I'm still glad that I have done this for myself. But, I guess I have to be passive aggressive enough to say thanks for bursting my bubble.

[derrydaughter]

Just one more thing, I wanted people to post and celebrate their personal non scale victories here. Maybe someone actually will do that?

[Jane]

If any of you would like to start a new thread for NSVs, I'll be happy to Sticky it for you!