hi LWL,

Thanks again for allthe support. I need it badly. I still simply cannot take in that my husband is not there for me anymore, even though he is still living in the house. I am glad for this forum, for you give me the opportunity to grieve. I have to restrain myself when at home with the children around and I find it difficult to grieve also when I am home alone. I fear that allowing myself to grieve at such moments will let me fall into a black hole. But even then..the house is filled with items that we bought together or that remember me of a moment together.

I am still hanging in here and will try to check in every morning as usual.

rabbit

:faint: Kick him out! ;) If he's leaving then leave already! It's just too harsh on you sticking around! :grouphug:

I got my orange belt. I got a 3 which is rubbish, it's "just" a pass! :tantrum: :cry: but I'm consoled by the well hard lady who said that she's always got 3s for her gradings, so :p to the instructors! I'm discussing fast-track black belt tomorrow, so I guess we'll see what's going to happen then. At least I have another belt which is good, even if I was POed last night!

Oooh, I've been posing in the mirror. I have big bulgy shoulders when I pose in my mighty mouse pose! :rofl: My upper back is looking well toned and I noticed a quad this morning when I got out of bed! :faint: Overall my legs are still looking rubbish! :tantrum: Why can't they look as good as my arms??? :mad:

:goodvibes:

rabbit - I agree with 2F: tell him if he does not want to be a part of this marriage he does not have the right to live in the home. It was his choice not to honor his commitment so he has to leave. Give him a time line. "When things get together" does not help you or the children. I would be generous and say "the end of the month" but most of my friends would say "by Sat". I have been through this with a girlfriend and it is important for you to gain strength or he will take advantage of the situation and your concern over your children's fears. Remember, the best thing for your children is to get to the other side and a living arrangement that makes them feel secure and loved - stress and emotional tumoil does not make for a happy home. My friend's husband stayed in the house for close to a year after he made his "decision" and it has recked havoc on at least the 5 members of the household, plus assorted friends and relatives of both parties. You should also get yourself surrounded by some good girlfriends and wine and cakes and have that good cry with those who love you and can take care of you for a few hours. Remember, there is a reason you put the oxygen mask on yourself first when the plane is going down. Hang in there - we are with you.

2F - hey congrats on the belt. Who cares what the number is, you got it. Remember ,they call the guy who graduated at the bootm of his medical school clas "doctor".

Tiki - good job on realizing what you can and cannot do and prioritizing your life. So you go into maintenance for a few weeks and work on the cheerleading and enjoy this time with your daughter. Give yourself a break - she will never be this age again. Soon she will hate your guts and think you are evil incarnate. Enjoy this while it lasts. Maintaining is not a defeat - it gives you a good time to assess and see what works and doesn't work. I think my "maintenance breaks" have helped me appraoch my weight loss and future and really drove home that this is a lifestyle change and not a temporary "on-off" button situation. This is all part of your training.

Have a good day ladies - I have my Pilates session this morning and the lumbar pucnture this afternoon. I am feeling good physically and emotionally this morning - time will tell what is going on, but I am going forward.

rabbit - I agree with Ellen, get cake! ;) Mmmmmmm cake! :doh: I'm really looking forward to my birthday (January) So I can pig out on cake... I'm planning which kind already! :rofl:

Been to see a little boy with cerebral palsy today, he was such a cutie! I have to make him a chair. :D

Someone is gluing stuff in the workshops downstairs, it's a really strong solvent type glue. I'm getting a bit hyper from it! :hyper:

Ellen - I hope your lumbar puncture goes ok, just thinking about it is making me feel funny! :faint:

:goodvibes: from Mighty Mouse ;)

I'm flying in and out to say hullo. Food is not going well. I am going to crack and buy a US cup measure so I can use fitday at least once to see what's going on. (We use weights more than volume, and our cups are different in size.) Exercise is poor. I think I'm having a viral relapse so I'm taking it very, very gently.

rabbit - your husband is being very unfair indeed. He should move out. You and the children need space. Big hugs to you (and I agree with Pat that cyberspace lets us down at times like this - you need real, physical hugs.)

2F - an orange belt is pretty good (was it this summer's colour?) and a good springboard for fast-tracking to black belt (always in fashion). Oh yes! You only saw one quad?? Shouldn't there be four somewhere?? Ha, ha.

Ellen - very good luck with the lumbar puncture. I am so glad you feel you are going forward.

Tiki - very wise decision to prioritise.

Life can be so very challenging at times. One step at a time, everyone, and be kind to yourselves.

Love, Silverbirch

:yikes: A US cup is different from a UK cup! :faint: I DID NOT KNOW THAT! Is it smaller or larger? I'm worried now! :lol:

Ellen, boy I wish I had you around when I went through my divorce. Your advise is right on the mark, my X stayed in the house 1 month before he left but it actually worked out good for me because I had time to take control of things that he typically handled (i.e. the budget). He had planned on leaving so he had really let everything he wasn't going to take with him get behind and the 30 days really helped me turn that little game plan around.

2F -- love your Mickey Mouse, doesn't being able to pickout muscle definition make you feel soooo successful? If it weren't for my batwings I would LOVE my arms, the muscles are really shaping up pretty nicely and the muscle has certainly helped my wings even if it didn't make them go away 100%. :strong:

Rabbit -- Reread Ellen's post, she knows of what she speaks, I wish I could express myself half as well. Your emotions are going to be a roller coaster for a while but you are already over that 1st big dropoff and now it's just a matter of riding it out the rough part while you get things smoothed out and back in control. One of these days you really will be thankful that he left and it actually will happen sooner then you think.

Today was leg day for me and so far I'm eating on plan but the tough part of the day isn't upon me yet. I should be fine this eveing because I had trouble sleeping last night so tonight I probably won't be able to stay awake much past supper. I normally am up around 4:00 am, which I love because I enjoy the mornings so much BUT that means by 8:00 pm my but is sleeping on the couch if I'm not already in the bedroom. :tired:

TTFN,

Ellen- I love your posts. I'm glad you're feeling better and hope all goes well this after noon.

Tiki- Ellen is absolutely right! Maintenance is nothing to sneer at, as you and I both know. Enjoy what you've accomplished so far, use your body, and enjoy being involved in your kids' lives while they still want you involved. My son lets me know daily how much he loathes me, except when he wants something and I'm holding the Visa card. Notice there's no little laughing smilie there.

Rabbit- I agree with the others. He should get out. That's what he says he wants, so point him toward the door. Having lived through divorce as a child, from my experience the incertainty and irrational hope is much worse than dealing with the actual reality for the children. Having him "there" but not really there as part of the family makes it much harder for everyone except him. He's already made up his mind and moved on. Neither you or your children can start to look at your new lives until he's out from under the same roof. {{{{{hugs}}}}} Want us to all come across the pond and kick butt?

2F- Yup- your cups are Imperial Cups :o Ours aren't so regal.

I've always been a proponent of perceived exertion, but am thinking of buying a heart rate monitor. Does anyone have any recommendations? I've been going to a spin class once or twice a week and I don't think I'm perceiving my exertion quite as much as I'm supposed to be exerting :lol:

Today was shoulders and cardio. Luckily I did it this morning, because when I was leaving the gym, my feet got caught in a circle of wire in the parking lot and I fell flat on my face. I don't think I have any real damage, but I'm kind of scraped up and will have a glorious bruise on my knee. :( I couldn't even figure out what the :censored: the wire was from!

Mel

Mel - OUCH! And I'm sure your pride/dignity was injured as well. :lol: I usually fall on the ice about once a winter, and the first thing I do (well, after I'm sure I'm not bleeding badly, etc.) is look around to see if anyone saw me.

Rabbit - lots of good advice here. Here's some more cyber-hugs for you. {{{HUGS}}}

Ellen - good to hear you so chipper this morning.

2F - congrats on your new belt. Orange is a lovely color. :)

Raining here this morning, and on the way to work the road was slippery as the rain was ever-so-close to freezing :eek: But it's payday, so all is not bad.

Oh, yeah, this is LWL. Made it to the gym last night for a good hard UBWO - and I'm feeling nicely sore! Also some :tread: work - not great, but it gets the job done.

De-lurking to say we use the Imperial system here in Canada too. The difference between cups is only 13 mililiters - not enough to make that much of a difference. Here is a wine making site with a conversion chart.

Hugs for rabbit, 'cause it sounds like you could really use them.

You are all such an inspiration to me. I read you almost daily.

hi LWL,

Thank you so much for your support. Ellen, Mel, the part about not living with irrational hope for both me and the childeren is spot on. I have to keep that in mind very much. Still hanging in here, and I really want to keep posting. Your support is important to me. I am crying again at my computer. Thanks a lot,

rabbit

Hey Jude! Thanks for the imperial/other cup info. Now you delurked why don't you come and join us? You'd be very welcome!

I still don't have any measuring cups of any kind so I'm off to look today. 2F, it seems as though you can relax (a bit).

rabbit - you were early today! It was good to see you. Are you managing to get outside at all? Now the rain has stopped here it seems like a good day for a walk or a bike ride. That's my outline plan - and I plan to do it! Oh, and 2F and I can get on the Eurostar (or the ferry) whenever you want.

Mel - please stop getting injured! Although it's been a while now, hasn't it?

Wish me luck with food today. I'm overdoing it and so I'm turning to food rather than sleep or doing nothing. Utterly senseless.

Silverbirch, get yee to a bed and have a nap! There's no excuse for eating when you're tired unless it's a sugar free Red Bull Mmmmmmm chemicals! :lol:

I'm wet today! :doh: Been to the dentist :D I've got lovely gnashers now! Well not quite, I'm going to get a filling next week to replace the one that fell out on Sunday!

Feeling optimistic about today! When I get down to it, I might just get on with some work!!

Oh yeah, almost forgot, I did my day 2 split last night! Hooohah! My upper back is looking really really toned, what with my bulging shoulders and all! :lol: I'm gonna take some POSING pictures this weekend! hahahahahaha!

Wilco. It's just been getting worse. Over and out.

2F -- Please post those pics!

Today is going to be a no gym day and clean up day if I can get up and do it...... I'll run later and it's raining but the running group goes rain or shine :faint:!