My doctor called me in yesterday to talk about both my weight and my pending appointment with the plastic surgeon.
She has told me twice in the last three months to STOP losing and to eat more and that I look tired and drained and not well. She told me a month ago that if I'm worried about my stomach to let the plastic surgeon take care of it but to STOP losing.
This time, after reviewing blood work and my overall state of health she tells me she's horribly worried about mortality issues with me HAVING the abdominoplasty. Because of my heart, because of the Raynaud's Syndrome and that I crashed so hard in recovery last time, because of my blood pressure being SO low. Because I infected so badly every other time and with the lateral incisions the risk of infection is even worse with this surgery, as well as the risk of gangrene.
But... I'm still 188 give or take depending on the time of month. My metabolic response is still agonizingly slow which is why I have to be so brutally deficient in my food intake to lose at all. I'm so very happy to be where I am cause its so much smaller than I ever thought I'd get to.
On the other hand, its still 188!!!!!
I feel like I'm putting my life on the line no matter what I do and psychologically I'm having an impossible time getting to where I can just 'live' with this belly as it is. I can handle the thighs, the arms and everything else. Just not this huge, hanging belly.
Any thoughts that might help me get my head to some more positive space one way or another would be VERY much appreciated.
I realize I've not had WLS, so please take my opinion for what it is - just an opinion. If your doctor is suggesting that you're not eating enough, that you're putting yourself at risk right now, you should either get a second opinion, or trust in her and start taking the steps she suggests.
I understand not wanting to 'live' with your belly the way it is. I understand not wanting to stop trying to lose weight. That'd mean (for now) your journey is over and you have to move on to a new phase that you're probably not quite comfortable with yet. But, on the other hand, you've lost an incredible amount of weight. Every single pound you've lost is a symbol of your strength and your beauty.
Just because you stop now and give your body a chance to recover doesn't mean you won't ever lose another pound. It doesn't mean you won't ever get rid of the belly. It means you're doing what's best for your body RIGHT NOW. A lot of wise women have said that healthy weight loss begins a day at a time. Let this be a day of healing.
At 49, time doesn't feel too friendly right now brandnewme.
I just want this to be done. I don't want this to be an issue in my life for the next million years. I promised myself that this time round, I'd stop when I got to where I needed to be.
ok? here goes... i know that 188 SEEMS like a big number - but it might not be. the abdominoplasty could remove as much as 15 pounds... maybe more. and then let's count the excess skin on your arms and legs and wherever else - maybe 10 pounds? so we're talking about maybe as much as 25 pounds of skin - and i doubt that it's less than 15. so that would mean that your actual weight could be as low as 163!!!!!! and that means you're actually a lot closer to your dream weight than you realise.
so, without the surgery, as you're looking at your 'goal,' think about subtracing the weight of the skin - and you might be looking at a dangeroulsy low weight for YOU. after all, what's the point in being 150 if you have 20 pounds of skin, andyou're anemic, or you have kidney problems or whatever? which would you prefer - 190 [including the 20 pounds of skin - which means you'll really weigh 170] and raring to go with lots of energy or 150 and too weak and sick to move?
i'm thinking you need to listen to your doctor here. you and i both know that the weight issue will be with us for the rest of our lives... and we need to be healthy to deal with it...
breathe - calm down... ya gotta get through this in one piece, both psychologically and physically...
That's what I've been telling myself for the past couple of weeks. Would you believe I even put a set of scales on a table edge and rested most of my belly on it to see how much it weighed?
I'm trying to give my head a shake really. Like if I were living with some other kind of physical challenge like being in a wheelchair, or losing a limb, or being blind... I'd just have to deal with it. Its this THING that if you CAN chop it off, cut it out, starve it away you SHOULD.
(Remember, I've already been quite candid about how anorexic my thinking has become. Not just the way I eat being anorexic-like, the way I think.)
I'm still stunned the doctor has actually told me to stop! I mean that's a first in life let me tell you!
So yesterday she said she had a patient she referred to another surgeon who had the surgery but still had a huge BMI. He died. A month after the surgery when they couldn't get on top of the infection.
Its not like I'm worried about being able to maintain. I know I can do that. Or at least I think I can. I'm not on the metformin any more and I'm no way going back on it cause it made me so sick. But that WAS a factor in my maintaining before I dove into anorexic mode again as I was struggling to get off it.
I gotta tell you, 188 doesn't seem like such a huge number to me. Jiffypoo's math makes a lot of sense.
Have you figured your lean body mass lately? I found a way to calculate mine a couple of weeks ago (although I don't know how accurate this method is) and it was a true eye opener. According to this method, my lean body mass is about 150 pounds, which is over what most weight charts say my total weight should be. I've always thought I should weigh around 150, instead of the 130 the charts say, so this was kind of a shocker. My point is, you may not be as fat as you seem to think.
I have a big, yucky belly too and it just sucks, but if I were in your position I'd probably take a step back and re-evaluate my priorities. Health or looks? I hope I'd opt for health.
So, I hope you're still breathing and trying to get your head around this. You are such in intelligent, helpful and caring woman. Who cares if you don't have the belly of a 20 year old?
I guess in my mind I think about where I was when it all started and somehow I have this idea I should get down to 135. And so with the skin that's maybe 150 to 160. Which means I'm still 38 pounds off.
or...
If I remember that I'm now 49 and not 15 and allow for a weight of 150 with 20 pounds of skin (realistically) then that puts me up to 170 and I'm still 18 pounds off.
That 18 pounds would seem a whole lot easier to deal with if the belly was gone. I don't know why I'm having so much trouble with letting this go or even if I HAVE to let it go. And that seems insane to me. There is not one single person who feels comfortable with me having this surgery because of my other issues.
So, I've decided that I'm going to keep with the way I'm eating and up it just ever so slightly until I see the plastic surgeon on the 5th of April. I'll wait to hear what he says since they say he's highly skilled and well respected. I already have the coverage for this approved so somebody must think its possible for me to survive it and that it isn't frivolous since a medical committe had to approve it.
Then I'll decide where I'm at.
Meanwhile, I'm trying to process all of this. I've been on auto-pilot with the only thing on my mind being more weight loss. I have to change gear soon one way or another. I just don't want to do anything prematurely.
Again, thanks all of you. I'm listening and it helps more than I can say. I need your perspective as people who live it on the inside.
I'm struggling and need help
