Cross-posting in Beck and Surgery Forums...
Here I am on another diet site, trying to find the hope and inspiration that I so desperately need...
here goes...
I'll do my best to describe the twist, turns, and complications of my 31 years of battling with my mind and body, but as I'm sure it is for all of you, please know that there's no way in
that I can do it justice.
Childhood: Grew up always in the 90some %ile for height and weight, but probably within a healthy BMI. I was very athletic, swimming competitively as well as playing soccer and basketball. My mother was always significantly overweight, and was very concerned about me not going down the same road. Size at age 12: about a ladies 12
Teen years: I started sneaking food around age 12, either when I got home from school or in the middle of the night. Usually sweets, which were available in my house but somewhat restricted & hidden. (I always thought they were hidden so that I wouldn't eat them, although in retrospect I think it was more because my mother wanted to make sure they were there for her.) Usual teenage angsty experiences, I would say. Diagnosed with depression in 10th grade. Maintained my year round involvement in sports, which probably kept a lot of the calories I was consuming at bay. Still graduated high school at about 180 lbs. and a size 18. Thought I was ENORMOUS at this point, mind you.
College: Enjoyed the first semester of college socially and academically. Met my boyfriend halfway though my first year in college. He was 6' and about 250 lbs, felt so comfortable with him. Gained the freshman 50 (yes, that's 50, not 15) and was screamed at by mother when I came home.
Continued to gain weight steadily throughout college, and gave up on any physical activity whatsoever. First attempts at dieting included basic calorie counting and Sugar Busters, very limited success. Started having trouble even walking to class. Weight at graduation: about 280, size 26.
20s: Moved in with the boyfriend after college and began working as a Special Education Teacher. Bought a house, got married. Tried to eat more healthfully and began jogging. Reached my lowest adult weight of 225, and helped my husband get down to 170. He became extremely concerned with health and weight and food, and began watching what I ate and when I exercised. (Similar to mom, hmmm...
) All the negativity landed me in the mental hospital twice, with an eventual diagnosis of (atypical depressive-type) Bi-polar Disorder. Regained all the weight and then some. Tried Weight Watchers, Medifast, etc. eventually ballooning to a highest weight of 362.
30s: Separated and divorced from the ex. Made the decision to have Roux-en-Y Gastric Bypass on 8/4/2009. Lowest weight since surgery: 259. Curent weight: 300
and disgusted with myself that I have not made effective use of the tool that my doctors gave me.
So that's where I'm at now. It's hard to admit, but really a low-point for me.
I am in therapy and have started the Beck Diet Solution... actually attended a workshop in Philadelphia at the Beck Institute this weekend with Dr. Judith Beck. I'm feeling hopeful that just at CBT has been helpful with my mental health issues, it will also help me manage my food and weight.
My goal is to use this forum to check in daily, find inspiration and information, and keep myself accountable.
Thanks for listening,
--Kristin
Intro
