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I feel like a lapband failure.

#1

swtgila , 05-23-2010 10:19 AM

Not a happy girl here. I admit it. There are days I wish I hadn't had the lapband surgery. I grow increasingly frustrated with it. My surgery was 2 years ago. I lost most of the weight in the first 3 months, then none, and now have gone back up about 10 lbs. I only lost 40 lbs total. I have so many things that get stuck. I am in that mushy foods syndrome. I don't know how many cc's I have in my band. It is a large band, the one that is like 10-11. I had like 3 fills. I think I have around 6 or 7 cc's in my band. My doc didn't wanna put more in last time I went b/c he said I was tight enough. I should work on portion control.

Well, this girl doesn't like portion control. Never did! LOl I guess the whole problem lies in that one concept. Yes, there is a lot of head hunger involved. Visually I want to see a big plate of food. I want to be able to eat what my husband has on his plate. And, b/c I get stuck so much on solid food, I lean towards mushies much of the time, which we all know you can eat more of and don't keep you filled up. They are also very high calorie usually. And high carb. I just about won't go out to eat with ppl I don't know well because they invariably want to chat and I can't do that or I will swallow too quickly and get stuck, then can't even have my meal I just paid a small fortune for. I work out of my car all day and can't find things healthy to eat for meals that I have the time to chew between appts. ARGHHHHH!!!! Right now I wouldn't recommend the band to anyone!

I haven't been back to the doc in more than a year. I don't wanna go. I feel like I will get chewed out for not losing more and I just don't wanna hear it. I recently got a letter from them to call or schedule an appt b/c they need to follow or update me. I am considering making an appt, and asking to take some of the fill out so I can eat normal. I mean, I can't even eat a healthy choice at subway. I can't eat a grilled chicken breast unless it is lathered in some kind of sauce. I don't eat meat much at all.

I just don't know what to do anymore and am very frustrated. I try not to let anyone know I had WLS surgery b/c they wouldn't believe it. There are times I think I could do better if all the saline were taking out and I just tried to follow a diet plan like WW or South Beach. Then I begin to fear I'd go back to cheeseburgers and fries and there I'd be. I can't eat then now. Can't even begin to eat a ff. Get's stuck eveytime. Sometimes I can eat the meat in a cheeseburger if it is at night and lathered in mayo, ketchup and mustard. Ya know, almost mushy. I get sick of that too.

I feel like such a failure. So, with my self esteem sinking lower, (instead of higher due to banding)...I just wanna eat, eat, eat!

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#2

jiffypop , 05-23-2010 10:45 AM

WOW, Swt - i'm almost speechless. but let's do first things first.

welcome to our little corner of the world! i saw your note in the lapband thread, asking about where everyone chats. well, you've taken the first step with this thread.

we're not a formal group - by design. we encourage everyone who's had ANY form of surgery to jump in with any and all advice. bottom line, although we may have had different surgeries, we're all dealing with the same issues, and we help each other.

But, we don't favor one surgery over another - it's an individual choice, and the various surgeries offer different risks and benefits for everyone.

OK, having said that - the great thing about the lapband is that it's something that YOU control - and you can start over every single day.

My biggest suggestion for you - and other people will chime in later - is to work on NOT feeling like a failure. as long as you feel that this is out of your control, i can guarantee that it WILL be out of your control.

we're here for you, darlin! welcome aboard!!!

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#3

swtgila , 05-23-2010 10:52 AM

Thanks Jiffy! Boy, you said that right. I don't feel in control whatsoever! Not at all, not ever. Interesting advice. I will have to chew on that for awhile and come back. I don't know how to take control. If I could eat all things WW or let's see South Beach or some plan like that, where food lists are already suggested and you just follow them, then I could feel in control as long as I was following the plan. Right now, there isn't a plan I feel I could follow. But you have given me something to think about. I'll get back to ya on that later. ;-)

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#4

stellarwbz , 05-23-2010 10:58 AM

Speaking on behalf of my mom, I think that there are days that she regrets the surgery too. She gets food stuck all the time and then has to go excuse herself because she has to throw up. That cannot be good for you. All I ever see her eat is crackers or yogurt. Her hair has been thinning because she doesn't get enough protien in her diet.

Don't feel like a failure. It's not your fault.
Do you like beans? My mom eats a lot of pintos and cheese from taco bell for protien and they actually taste good. They also only have 3 WW points.

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#5

Natalia , 05-23-2010 12:32 PM

hi! I don't usually come here as I know very little about lap bands of gb for that matter but I noticed your thread title and had to look

It looks like there are a few issues. I hear you on the head hunger, I managed to pork on 13lb in a month and that wasn't my poor stomach!
Have you looked at some emotional eating books? Some are kind of hokey but one has really helped me, it's called Breaking Free from Emotional Eating by Geneen Roth. Her other books didn't look so helpful; I just lurked at the bookstore for awhile to see what would be the right "fit" for me. I can tell you that it has totally changed the way I eat, the way I notice and enjoy food. I'm not following all her principles though. I don't thinkl she's a sugar addict and so she recommends eating whatever you want, until you're satisfied. The idea is that if you eat what you don't want, you will never get satisfied and eventually you'll go back to what you were craving anyway or binge. So I am combining it with South Beach and making sure I listen for a few minuites to see what (OP) I really *want* to eat. Its one principle of many that've made a difference in my mentality and has helped with night eating.

The other thing-mushy foods. There are tons of OP foods that are easy to swallow. How about chili? So good for you and it really sticks to your ribs. and only 220 cals . What about cottage cheese mixed with ff sf yogurt and splenda and a few nuts ? I have that everyday for breakfast.
-ricotta creme dessert?
-PB cup dessert
-low residue cooked vegetables?
-hummus?
-hardboiled eggs with a T of mayo, smushed up?
All the above are totally OP on the Beach, and for Phase 1 at that!!

Take care
Tara

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#6

swtgila , 05-23-2010 04:37 PM

Well thank ya lay-dees! I am feeling a bit better and postive already. Sometimes you do need just a little understanding and support. I will need more, but I feel like trying again at least.

I haven't given the beach a hard enough look since my surgery. I used to like that diet and have the cookbook. I also got married in Feb., so for the first time, I have to plan meals for myself and a man who is a MAN...meaning he likes his meat and potatoes ya know. I am about to sit down and make out a grocery list and do some meal plans for us this week. I'm gonna pull out my beach cookbook and start there after reading this. I never lost a lot on the beach when I tried it about 5 summers ago, but I felt so much better getting off all those carbs and sugar. I remember that the most.

And I could use a little of that <---

But I don't know if it would do too much good really. I think there is so much more to this addiction than will power. I will check out that book you mentioned Natalia. Anything is worth the effort at this point if it helped someone else with the head hunger.

ANother issue I feel I fight is hunger in the morning. I always had that fight. I am always hungriest in the morning. Until I get satisfied, I am walking around obsessing about food till at least lunch. Just some yogurt or cottage cheese won't do it for me in the a.m. And yet, we are the tightest in the am on the lapband. It is harder to eat solid food in the am. I remember when I first got my band, and those first weeks of recovery and a swollen stomach, I was so happy to be able to just drink an EAS shake in the morning and be fine till noon even later. I felt such release not to have to fight with food ideas for the am being that I am driving for awhile most mornings.

But I appreciate all the imput and will making a plan to get back control. everyone!

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#7

Leenie , 05-24-2010 01:50 PM

Debbie I know exactly what you are going through. I've lost weight and put some back on. I have to say I love my band, if I didn't have it I would be well over 300 lbs by now. One thing we have to remember is the band is not going to cure us, its only there to help us (same w/any surgery), so pretty much we have to play by the rules of diet, exercise and yes. ... the dreaded portion control Losing weight is not easy no matter how you do it.

What I've been trying to do lately is make better choices in what I am eating... I'm sure you know that junk food goes down a lot easier then whole clean foods (healthy). I can eat an entire huge plate of food if I sit at the table long enough, so I've been using a smaller plate (its all mental for me) and filling that up instead.

I've also been working on my vocabulary. I've been incorporating in the word NO more and more. When I see something that I know I shouldn't have I will close my eyes for 5 seconds and keep repeating to myself NO !!! NO!! NO!! It hasn't been perfect but it's been helping.

I have to agree with your doctor, 7 cc's for a 10 cc band is a good fill. Last thing you want to be is to tight. Sounds like he is thinking about your safety...which is a good thing. I know what you mean about going back to your doctor for a visit... its so hard when you've gained but you have to know that you are not the only one and isn't that what he is there for? to help us

What sort of plan does your doctor want you to follow? My doc says eat proteins first, veggies and then if I "had" to, carbs. He is very big on lean meats, veggies and fruits... good carbs last. As much as that doesn't sound appealing to me (since I love carbs) he is right.

I'm glad your hear with us.... this is the best group of wls ladies you'll ever meet.

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#8

Natalia , 05-24-2010 03:37 PM

Hi again,

If you liked and felt satisfied on a protein shake for breakfast, why not go back to that
how about eggs
sorry LOL my question mark isn`t working it makes this symbol �
I think ds2 was `typing`again
Have what makes you satisfied in the am; if you are not you will just keep foraging for more food (or want to)

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#9

swtgila , 05-24-2010 09:48 PM

Yay! so happy to read the new comments and thanks! Um, let me clarify...the shakes were wonderful in the am and satisfying but only at first. Only just after surgery when my stomach was still small from the liquid diet I had been on for close to a month (when we speak of the 2 weeks b4 and 2 weeks after). They don't satisfy for long now. I like them. And they are wonderful at soothing the morning crazies of "I am so stinking hungry, what can I eat that won't get stuck and also satisfy this hunger". I think my stomach has stretched back out and I can hold a whole plate full of food too if I sit at the table long enough. I have switched to smaller plates. That helps. I do eat junk most of the time and you are right, it goes down easier. Funny how I can eat a whole bag of cheese curls, and not the little one. Oh, and also eat candy bars and cookies all day. I get into pity party mode and just eat bad stuff all day.

No, I don't follow that plan of protein first, then veggies, then good carbs. I start with bad carbs and keep at it all day. I just don't try anymore b/c it is too time consuming and hard. I admit, I work a full time job (very stressful) and a part time one as well, not as stressful. But when I come home at night, I just wanna eat, eat, eat. And I snack on junk all day rather than eating a meal a lot of times. Most of my meals (daytime) are taken in the car. That presents it's own issues. I drive thru a lot b/c I don't have or take the time in the am to prepare a cooler full of drinks and food for the day. B/c of the band, I make very bad choices and drive thru places that I eat high calorie stuff just b/c it is easier to get down in say...the 15 to 20 min.s I have. Taco Bell burritos go down pretty easy. Or Wendy's nuggets as long as I have plenty of honey mustard to dip them in. I do get the chili sometimes, but get bored with it. I know it is a better choice.

In a few days, I will be off work for some time (or at least from the full time job) and will try and focus on eating healthier b/c I can be at home to prepare meals, and take my time. I appreciate all the support I am getting here. I really do!!! :-) I want to do better and feel better. As they say, "Something's gotta give"!

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#10

jiffypop , 05-25-2010 09:59 AM

Wow - you've just listed an entire year's worth of habits to change!!!!!

START SMALL. START MANAGEABLE. start with something you KNOW you can do.

think about texture [crunchy, smooth], taste [salt vs sweet], colors. we need variety

oh BTW, if you freeze water bottles, they make GREAT cold packs for your cooler pack! i also make pitchers of plain iced tea, pour it into large plastic cups, and freeze. when i take them out, i wrap a little plastic baggy and rubber band around the top.

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#11

swtgila , 05-25-2010 10:23 AM

Jiffy, I did know about freezing water bottles, but I forget. I get overwhelmed like now and forget a lot of good ideas I know. I like the tea idea. It is my preferred beverage. I will use that one. I also like the foods you sent my in your pm. I could so do that. I have hope! I feel hopeful! YAY!!!! Thanks so much!!!

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#12

child35 , 06-02-2010 09:11 AM

Hello there!
I also have band and also feel like a failure, so you are not the only one if that helps! I have 11 ml band and only 4 ml in it because my doc does not want to fill it. He said it is enough. I don’t feed any restriction and I gain weight all the time, except the first month when I did loose about 15 pounds. Now I am 9 months after and got almost all of them back.

I felt depressed, furious and whatever you can name it and now I feel like I dont want to see him ever again. I know that will not happen so after my business trip I will visit him at the end of the month and try to get 2 ml more and after that 2 ml more. He told me last time that I am a failure and that he regrets taking me in to the program (*******) but I am preparing myself to talk to him and I think I will tell him whatever is on mine mind :-) I dont have an alternative because there is no one who does that kind of staff in my town but I think I will get true this. He suggested that I do a sleev or some other methods but I dont want to because I dont think I did whatever I could with the lap band.

So ...today I have started to take control of my food intake and my life. I did eat a soup, its a great thing to fill you up, try it! Strawberries and stuff like that. I will get trogh the day.

I have realized that no one could call me failure if I dont let him. And I will not be stupid to call myself failure anymore. Please dont do that!

Cheers!

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#13

jiffypop , 06-02-2010 02:22 PM

wow, child. frankly, it sounds to me as if your doc doesn't have as much experience with the band as maybe he should have. is there any chance of finding another doc? a tricky thing to do, though, as quite a few surgeons won't touch another surgeon's patients.

you're not a failure - but your doc, well, maybe that's another story!

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#14

Leenie , 06-02-2010 05:14 PM

Wholey Schmoley !!! Child35, your doctor does not know what he is doing. Is there any way you can switch to a new one? First of all 4 cc's in an 11 cc band is not even scratching the surface for restriction... you poor dear. I am sorry he is treating you like this. If anyone is the failure it is him !!!!

Woahhhhhhhhhh !!!!! I just can't get over this

.

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#15

swtgila , 06-03-2010 11:13 AM

ditto Jiffy pop and Leenie. He sounds awful. I'd at least look for a new doc. But you are right in saying that other doctors don't wanna touch someone else's patient. I have seen that.

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